sneezeshame

[sneezeshame]

Contagion Filth. Lil bit Dom/Subby. A + B.

Listen guys this is kind of gross haha so if you don't like intentional contagion probably don't read it. This part is about A but obviously B is going to get sick too, I just need to write another part for that!

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"Hey" A sniffles and faces B.

"Hi honey"

"I *SNFff* I caught a cold"

"Come here darling" B gestures to their lap, inviting A to sit there.

Once A is seated comfortably B gently cups their face and looks at their sniffly nose, starting to turn a little bit pink at the edges. B gives their nose a little kiss and A sniffles again in response.

"And is this going to be your cold or our cold?" B asks.

A smiles gently and confirms "Our cold"

"So you know what you need to do?" B asks.

"Yeah, when I need to sneeze I need to sneeze on you or at you. Or if you're not close by I have to sneeze into the air or on some of your things"

"Exactly my love." B gently kisses A's lips and feels a little bit of the clear snot dripping down from their nose. A continues sniffling. It wouldn't be long before they would need to sneeze.

B loved catching A's colds and vice versa. Rather than inducing A's sneezes there was something about letting the sneezes come naturally. That way it was all of A's poor noses fault they would end up sneezing too.

A's breath started to hitch.. "I'm.. huh.. going to sne.. sne.. uhEEIISSSCHOO" B watched as A's nostrils flared and felt a light mist after the explosion from their sniffly nose.

"Bless you gorgeous. That's it, I want you to sneeze for me like that"

"*SNFFGH did you like it? Could you feel it?"

"I did baby, I felt your wet sneeze on my face. I love you." B gave A's face some light kisses"

A's head tilted back a little, nostrils twitching and flaring again as they sneezed a double "huhEIISHTCHIEW.......hehIIISSSSHHH ugh"

The second sneeze the wettest so far. Giving B's face a nice bit of spray with their germs.

"Bless you my love. This cold is giving you some nice sneezes already. Thanks for sharing them with me, you're a good baby."

B was out of the house stocking up on some tissues and other supplies for this sneezy cold they were going to share.

While B was out A took a shower and sneezed "EEIIIKSSSSHEW" in the bathroom afterwards spraying their mirror. Perhaps it would be still visible to B when they came home later. Then afterwards in their bedroom A felt another tickle, they had time to grab B's water bottle from the nightstand, unscrew it and let out a "HAHIIIISSSSSHHHHCHOO". They screwed the lid back on. That sneeze was pretty big and messy they were left with a couple strings of snot coming down from each nostril. They really needed to blow their nose now. They got some tissues and blew enough to clean themselves up and ease the congestion. They left the used tissues on B's side of the bed after rather than in the bin. As is the cycle with a head cold they could already feel their nose getting stuffy again and their sensitive nose was already starting to tickle they sneezed "EEIIIKSSSSHEW" onto B's pillow. They knew B would be happy to hear about this later.

B came home and not long after A felt a sneeze coming. They quickly got up and tried to make it as close to B as possible before sneezing. They made it to the living room where B was but not close enough to actually sneeze on them.. so they sneezed "HAHTIIIISSSSSHHHHCHOO" across the room. B watched the small cloud of spray lingering in the air in awe as it began to fade away some droplets lingering on the coffee table.

"Bless you baby, that was a big sneezie, c'mere" they bring A onto their lap again and used their t-shirt to clean some snot dripping from A's nose. "That was a nice welcome home" they add and kiss A's cheek. "Did I miss any more sneezies?"

"I sdneezed in the bathroom, ond our mirror. Thend I sdneezed ond your water bottle ahnd your pillow *SNDF SNFF*"

"Oh baby, you're doing everything you can to give me your cold"

"Sharing is caring *Snf*"

"Here let's blow your nose, you're getting all stuffy my love" B holds a tissue to A's nose and they give a soft but productive blow.

"Better?" B asks kindly

"Yeah, much. It won't last for long though... honestly my head is starting to hurt from all the congestion" A replies a little bit dejectedly.

"Oh love, you're really starting to feel under the weather now huh. Don't worry, I bought some medicine and we'll order some nice soup for dinner. I'll make you some tea right now too. You won't feel bad for long, promise" B leans in and give them a gentle kiss before going to prepare the tea.

A needs to sneeze again and doesn't want to get off the couch, they sneeze openly towards the coffee table "hehtIIISSSSHHHIEW" where the tv remote and B's phone were.

B came back with the tea and let A rest their head in their lap until their dinner arrived, B played with their hair and helped them to blow their poor runny nose every so often. The room punctuated with A's wet sniffles and a little bit of background noise from the TV which neither was really paying attention too.

Not too long after they were having their soup. It felt good on A's throat which hurt a little bit and helped with their blocked nose a little too. The warm steam was tickling their nose a bit and B noticed they had out down their spoon and had that distant look right before they closed their eyes and snapped forward with a sneeze "TIIISSSSHHHIEW" aimed towards their bowls of soup and teacups.

"Bless you, my love" B gently rubbed their back.

A was silent, because they were building up to another sneeze "EETIIIKSSSSHEW" spraying their soup once again.

"Bless you love"

"Ugh thandks *SnNgFF*"

They finished eating their soup, B turned on that they were eating soup sprayed by their sickie's germs.

"Shall we go to bed my love?" B asked

"Yeah, I'mb tired."

"I bet you are, poor baby."

They got into bed, B gave A some cold medicine and rubbed their chest and back with vaporub. Ready to sleep A layed their head down on B's chest and made a little whiny noise. B rubs their back reassuringly. "HEAATTtSSSHHOO" A sneezes onto B's chest and they feel the mist of fine droplets settle onto their bare skin some reaching as far as their neck and chin.

"Bless you honey" B kisses their lips which were nice and moist after the sneeze. A's breath gets shaky and they explode with another "hahTTIIIISSSSSSHHHU" into B's neck.

"Bless you again darling" they grab a tissue and clean up around A's drippy nose before giving it a kiss. "My poor sneezy baby."

"Ugh, just want to sleep now but my ndose won't let me" A whined and pouted.

"You'll sleep soon my love, your body must be exhausted fighting off this big bad cold. Just lay here on me, don't move. I'll take care of your nose"

A's breathing changed and B knew in an instant what was coming, they gently covered A's nose and mouth with one hand and caught the "APTTIIIIISSHEW".

"Bless you, beautiful" B grabbed a few tissues and secured them around A's nose. "Now blow for me."

A followed B's instructions and B felt the way their nose vibrated as A tried their hardest to clear their nose. This just started to make their nose tickle and they sneezed a "HAPTTtSSSSHHOO" into the tissues.

"Bless you, poor little thing all the cold germs inside your nose are getting it all irritated." B discarded the tissue into their bed and A let out an uncovered "HAHTIIIISSSSSHHHHCHOO" and another "hehIIISSSSHHH" onto B's face

"That's it baby sneeze it out, get it all out. It's meant to be shared, share it with me"

"I can breathe a bit better now." A said.

"I'm so glad baby, now get some sleep" B kissed their forehead.

"Okay, love you"

"I love you too"

[sneezeshame]

when someone is sick and they're warning people about it. 😍🥵👀 just a few prime examples:

"ugh, trust mbe, you don't wandt this."

"you bmight wanna step bagk. I thigk I'b c-contagious... heh-!"

"keeb your distance. I'b really - hih...hah'ISSHiue! ...sigk."

"I don't wand to get you sigk."

"don't combe near mbe unless you want to be in for a world of bmisery."

"huh’GGSSHH’IUE! ugh. enter at your own risk."

"I wouldn't sidt there if I were y-you - ha'iggSHH’iue!"

[feel free to add your own! 🙏]

[sneezeshame]

someone, in both desperation and optimism, using one of those nasal sprays you’re meant to use if you feel like you could be about to get a cold to try and nip it in the bud, after waking up with a suspiciously sore throat.

totally unaware that their poor partner, only a few hours prior and already in the throes of the opening stage of a streaming head cold, had tried to close the stable doors after the horse had already bolted and done the same.

aka: stuck that same nozzle into their already quite snotty, cold-afflicted nose, leaving it teeming with day one/two, peak contagious, germs all over it.

….that their still relatively healthy partner had just inserted right up into their own nose 🥲

[sneezeshame]

Cold sneezes

[sneezeshame]

that very first round of a cold where they wake up with a headache and sore throat that doesn't go away and they feel tired in a way that coffee can't cure and a little hungover and just unwell, like they need to go lay down for a bit to head it off. maybe they're a little pale and their eyes are a little droopy. a couple sniffles and a sneeze or two. just starting to feel a little under the weather

[sneezeshame]

fellows. sometimes i think about self publishing a book of snz erotica. like putting it on amazon dot com with jeffery bezos. sometimes i think about it

[sneezeshame]

[sneezeshame]

CW: contagion

An intimidating cold.

By that I mean a cold so nasty that it is a visible menace to anyone that crosses paths with the afflicted person, simply because it looks so horribly symptomatic and contagious. A cold so terrible that you could see the person suffering from it from behind a window and feel like you could still catch it.

That something? 😏

[sneezeshame]

someone bundled in their pajamas under blankets in bed in the dark, the curtains drawn tight, tissues scattered everywhere, humidifier on full blast and a fat ice pack pressed to their forehead, breathing heavily through their chapped lips. the light from their phone lights up their pale face, purple-ringed eyes, and red nostrils; they've just called into work, and now they're leaving a voicemail for their partner. "babe, snnnxxTT. Don'dd cobe ober donighd, snnnXXt. Ib so, guhhh, so sigg. SNNXTTTXt, uughhhh. Feel horrible, snsnnXXTT. If you gould gadcel our didder reserbadions, guhhhh, thadd be gr...eeaCHHOOO! eeAHHHCHhOO! Uchhh, snnxnxxtTT snnxtT, thadd be gread, thags. Bye."

[sneezeshame]

My go-to horny thought

You're boarding a plane. It's chilly--the last flight must have asked everyone to open the vents, and they all stream clouds of cold, foggy air. It's an evening flight and everyone is quiet.

You put your bags up, glancing at the person sitting in the window seat, then settle in. You hear them blowing their nose, a thick gurgle that tells you immediately you're going to come down with a whopper of a cold, just by breathing near this poor person.

And sure enough, you see out of the corner of your eye their head jerk forward. They stifle, but then can't stop a messy sneeze that they catch in their hands.

They put their headphones on and their hoodie up, tucking their face into the collar. Every ten minutes or so they sneeze or blow their nose, sometimes breaking into raspy, itchy sounding coughs. They doze, and sometimes their eyes flutter then slam shut again as a sneeze takes them by surprise. The air, already feeling thick and wet, feels like germ soup.

Your heart aches. If you knew them you'd let them curl against you, nose leaking on your neck.

[sneezeshame]

when someone is sick and they're warning people about it. 😍🥵👀 just a few prime examples:

"ugh, trust mbe, you don't wandt this."

"you bmight wanna step bagk. I thigk I'b c-contagious... heh-!"

"keeb your distance. I'b really - hih...hah'ISSHiue! ...sigk."

"I don't wand to get you sigk."

"don't combe near mbe unless you want to be in for a world of bmisery."

"huh’GGSSHH’IUE! ugh. enter at your own risk."

"I wouldn't sidt there if I were y-you - ha'iggSHH’iue!"

[feel free to add your own! 🙏]

[sneezeshame]

the weather wizard is coming down with something. everyone can tell; the sky starts to look a bit cloudy despite the official forecast from the tower being clear skies. it gets cloudier as the day goes on, and eventually a new notice comes in the evening, issued to the kingdom, confirming what they already know-- they aren't feeling very well, it might be a touch of a cold, and the skies will be cloudy with possibly some rain over the next few days, as opposed to the scheduled three days of clear weather and preplanned light rain on thursday. they apologize for the inconvienience.

meanwhile in the tower, the wizard feels weighed down, like their head is full of sand. their throat hurts. the only way to handle getting sick is trying to control the symptoms, so the weather is impacted as little as possible. they get in their pajamas and crawl into bed, sniffling, embarassed; they always try very hard not to get sick, and they aren't sure how this bug slipped through their defences. their partner consoles them; everyone catches a cold sometimes, and people understand that. a lot of viruses have been getting passed around in the kingdom lately, and they've been working harder than normal to keep the normal rainy season weather away. the only thing they can do is get some rest.

but the night is rougher than they expected. it's normal for them to cause a couple rainstorms when they're upset or ill, but they wake up in the middle of the night with their throat hurting badly, shivering, the first sneeze of the cold tickling in their nostrils. when they sneeze, lightning strikes and thunder rumbles, so they try to stifle them; but the reflex at all makes the clouds come in denser. their head aches.

the wizard tries to sleep, but they have to juggle the symptoms and end up sleeping poorly. in the morning no sunlight comes in the window; the whole kingdom is cloudy, and they're in the bathroom taking cold medicine, trying to keep off the rain that seems inevitable. indeed it is; their nose is getting stuffy, and it's getting harder to hold back the sneezes. their partner takes their temperature, and to their suprise they're running a little fever. a stream of hot tea and soup follows them going back to bed with a second blanket, propping their head up on pillows to help keep the incoming congestion at bay. the worse they feel, the worse the weather will be, and so they need to keep themselves as comfortable as possible; unfortunately, the stress of catching a cold and sending unpredictable weather on the whole kingdom already has them upset. they take pride in having good control over the weather, but anyone with eyes can see that whatever is happening in the tower, they're feeling worse than they'd hoped.

about lunchtime, later than usual, another forecast goes out: this cold is worse than they originally anticipated, and there might be some storms coming. they don't know when or how bad. they apologize profusely.

meanwhile, they're starting to stuff up. they keep a tissue box and cold medicine close by. their fever isn't changing, but their throat throbs. they never get sick. they're breathing through their mouth by dinnertime.

"How're you feeling?" asks their partner, setting soup on their nightstand.

"Why dodd you jusd loog oudside," says the wizard miserably.

"I can do that already," their partner says. "I'm asking how you're doing, not how the weather is."

"I-- huuETCHOO!" they sneeze. thunder rumbles; a few drops of rain fall. "Drying do geep the raid frob fallig. Snnxxt."

"That still doesn't answer my question," says their partner.

"I'b sigg," they say, irritated. their voice is sounding a little hoarse. they sneeze again; thunder again in the distance; the clouds are grey and heady with everything they're holding back.

"You should just let it fall," their partner says. "They've been pampered with perfect weather for months. a little unpredictability won't hurt anyone."

the weather lets up a little when they sleep, but unfortunately that's getting harder to do. they can't breathe through their nose anymore, their head and throat both hurt, they have chills from the fever, and they just feel lousy, lousier than they usually do when they get sick. they take more cold medicine at 1am and lay there with purple-ringed eyes, sniffling, feeling themselves get worse.

a little before sunrise, the rain starts falling. they're huddled in blankets with their box of tissues in an armchair in the tower, their feet in hot water, trying to breathe. their voice is a rasp and it hurts to talk, so their partner issues the weather report: this cold is worse than they expected, and they're managing their symptoms as best as they can, but there are going to be some bad and unpredictable storms the next few days, as well as clouds and rain.

and the rain does come. the steam from the hot water unstuffs the wizard slightly, but it restuffs and hour later while they're laying in bed, sneezing and shivering, their face pale and their nose red. they're able to take a nap over lunchtime, and even though they're snoring loudly around the congestion and swelling in the tower, the rain almost goes away; but their sleep is troubled, and when they take back up with the feeling of their sinuses pounding on their face and their tonsils and larynx throbbing, they realize their partner was right: storms are coming.

they start at around dinnertime, when the wizard's fever reaches 101. the clouds darken angrily, and the rain starts to come down hard as the wizard fights the third night of what's turning out to be a massive head cold. they can't sleep, they feel too sick, and so they take pillows and blankets from their bed to the couch in the living room, watching tv and avoiding the weather channels.

the rain comes down beating against the windows that night, but their partner doesn't need to know the weather to know how sick they are. their fever rises to 102 in the early hours of the morning and stays, officially the sickest they've been in years, and they convince them to shuffle back to bed and try to get some more upset sleep. they've started to get a cough, chesty and tight, that causes the wind to stir and rush past their windows.

in the morning, the king sends his well wishes and a doctor their partner requested, who confirms, after taking their temperature, examining their throat and nose, and looking both outside and at the pile of used tissues on the bed that they've caught either a horrible cold or a miserable flu. sleeping medicine and cough syrup is all he can provide other than waiting it out; fluids, rest.

their partner sends out another weather forecast: the wizard is down with something bad, possibly the flu, and it isn't very managable. severe thunderstorms are possible, as well as high winds.

the wizard lays in a feverish daze, their body aching, their head swimming with heaviness, their sinuses pounding. they're propped up staring into the thick drapery around their four poster bed, which has been pulled tight all day-- light makes their head pound harder. whatever bug was ravishing their system, they really DO feel miserable. they take all the medication they can like clockwork every four to six hours, and yet none of it seems to make a dent. they decline any soup for dinner and lay there with a fat blue ice pack pressed to their forehead and sinuses, pressed there by their partner, listening to the storm outside.

the storm outside is as horrible as their cold. their sniffling and sneezing and coughing is constant, and when it stops, they're so ill that the rain keeps coming down just as hard. when they get into a deep, painful hacking fit, the wind outside howls and moans through the kingdom. when they manage to dose off for a bit, exhausted in bed, the thunder seems more distant, and the rain comes down not as hard-- and then they wake up with a thunderous sneeze and it returns again.

in the middle of the night, they're running a fever of 102.4, and their partner runs a warm bath in the clawfoot bathtub in the adjacent bathroom. after some coaxing they manage to get the wizard to undress and sit blearily on the side of the bed, a thick bathrobe wrapped around them, staring into space with half-opened eyes. they slip their feet into slippers and stand slowly, every joint creaking, trudge to the bathtub with their partner and slide in.

"What do you think? Cold or the flu?" their partner asks, after they've been sitting and breathing in the steam for a while.

"...I duddo..." the wizard croaks. lightning flashes in the window as they sneeze again, and thunder rumbles in the dark clouds. "...baybe the flu... snxxxt, guu-huhh..." the wizard looks blearily at the windows with a cough. "...whadd a bess..."

"You can't help it."

"Snnnnxxxtt. Ughhh..." They cough miserably again, and the wind howls. "Baybe dodd," they say. The storm outside is violent and churning, and the change in pressure alone makes their head feel even more like it might burst.

The morning comes with the rain less violent than it was the night before; their fever broke, and they're back in the four poster bed with the curtains pulled tight, asleep in a cocoon of blankets and quilts, tissues stuffed up their flaming nostrils. as much as they want this to be over with, their partner knows this is how they'll stay probably into the next week, and they do-- the storms ease up but the clouds and rainstorms stay for another week, as they battle a sinus infection and a touch of bronchitis.

Please excuse the cloudy skies, the forecast says. I'm still feeling under the weather from whatever knocked me off my feet last week. I appreciate the patience. Sunny skies ahead, hopefully.

[sneezeshame]

someone who NEVER leaves the house when they get sick, and their partner doesn't know why until they catch a horrible cold/flu and come to the door wrapped in a bathrobe and a scarf, face pale, breathing through their mouth with a huge, bulging boner straining in their underwear. it turns out that whenever they get really sick with something like this they get uncomfortable, embarrassing erections that comes and go, so the whole time they feel stuffed and plugged from two places instead of one-- they knew they were sick when their sore throat and sneezes were suddenly accompanied by something straining in their pants at work, which turned into something straining down there as they shivered with chills in front of the severe cold and flu medicine and tissues at the grocery store, and something straining down there when they were wrapped in blankets on the couch watching tv with tissues stuffed up their reddening nose. it bulges against their underwear and makes the fabric of their bathrobe tent as they stare into space with purple-ringed eyes and a thermometer in their mouth as it reads a fever, and it tents the blankets when their partner makes them lay back down in bed with an ice pack pressed to their throbbing sinuses. it's embarrassing and uncomfortable and impossible to hide. they try to sleep and can't, no matter how tired they are, until finally, their sinuses pulsing and their voice going fast, wracked with illness, they ask their partner if they could help them out a little with their issue down there, and maybe the orgasm would unplug their impenetrable congestion, too, just enough so they can sleep and try to fight off this terrible bug for a few hours. their partner was wondering if they'd ever ask...

[sneezeshame]

remixed @sneezeshame's cold simulator on ao3 into a generator with some tweaks to be more my type of thing.

sample output:

A moderate cold that lasts for 4 days. Rapid overnight onset, with the first symptom of exhaustion. Congestion: 44%. The worst symptoms (other than sneezing), in descending order, are: explosive headache; obvious aches; drippy headache; and sluggish chills. Nose: bright red. At its highest, their temperature is 101. Their voice is hoarse, and they are mouthbreathing a little, trying to hide it. Sleep: sleeping with constantly dripping nose, sleep quality medium. Line: "I don't feel too good". Passed to the next person by used tissues.

[sneezeshame]

salivating over the idea of someone who’s just been thrown on their ass by a horrible cold that makes it feel like they’re slogging through every movement, the pressure in their head and sinuses is so much they just want to lay down and let it rest on a pile of pillows but instead they’re up blowing and blowing and sniffling and honking, and on day 3 it’s so bad the backs of their eyes and teeth and ears and head are all throbbing when they heave open their eyelids to their alarm and their throat feels like it’s lined with glass and they can’t breathe at all and they finally stay home sick and go back to sleep in their tissue heap with ice packs pressed to their face. their partner leaves them in bed snoring loudly through their cracked lips with a snot bubble inflated out one bright red nostril and a faint sickly crackling sound coming from the other. it’s just so much swelling and congestion. and when they wake up later the sneezing has started and it’s explosive and they’re running a little fever and just want to lay motionless in the dark and breathe through their mouth all day… it’s exactly the disgusting, heavy cold that makes someone have snot bubbles when they sleep, and as it keeps happening their partner knows how sick they are and notices and doesn’t mention it.

[sneezeshame]

"guh… i t-t-hidk i'b sdfff H’itCHiew! N’Gshuu! snddggff eh’KSHuhew! agAIhhdh—AATCHOO! ATCHOO! HUPTCHOO! UPPTSHOO! sndkk... i thi'gk i 'bight be catchig a bid ob a code snddggff.. guh... or maybe the flu.... ahh’TSHUUU! oh, sdfff... i'b all sddff snrkkk... bunged ub and i'b pretty sure i'b rudding a bid ob a feber... snndgggff.. i can'd stob sdifflig... sddff... and s-s-deezig... and by throat burns.. and i'b dizzy... and by head... and by dose-e-e-eH'tshiyOO! oh by dose keeps ruddig... sddff... and ruddig and -i-is... sdfff snrrkk... s-s-sHHEIIKSHHEW! HEH-ESHOOO! so itchy and... sddff... tiggly and i'b makig such a mess... snrrkk... oh, i deed to blow... sdfff.. can you pass be adother tissue please? thagks"