snillumila - Tumblr blog

[snillumila]

It has felt like wanting something is bad, my whole life.

To want is to be too much.

[snillumila]

It will be okay if nothing works out as planned. What is a plan anyways? Everything I’ve ever tried to plan before never went “as planned”. No expectations or hopes = positive outcome (any outcome will fit).

So no expectations or hopes here.

[snillumila]

[snillumila]

Instagram is not good for my mental health!

I love seeing everyone doing their thing but I find myself over analyzing everything about myself in the face of it all

[snillumila]

[snillumila]

[snillumila]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRAYjywp/?k=1

[snillumila]

I have felt over run by my jobs for five years. I have no work life balance. I have abandoned my hobbies and it shows. I am very sad when I look deep into my heart, and I have absolutely no way of knowing how to fix it. I’m trying but it doesn’t seem fruitful to be honest. I feel extremely negative.

[snillumila]

I just need to print out my entire tumble before it disappears and I lose my entire written/photographed life!

[snillumila]

😞

I feel a little bit empty inside

[snillumila]

Finally filed my taxes tonight.

I have been working for 14 years straight.

And I mean, I’ve never stopped working once since I was 15. There hasn’t been a day in my life that I wasn’t working a job. And for the most par, I have worked more than 4 days a week since then. There’s never been a time in my life when I haven’t worked nearly full time. In high school. Through college (often two jobs) and even the first three years teaching I often had a second job.

And I’ve never made more than $25,000 a year until this year where I expect to make around $35,000 by the time taxes come around again.

I can’t believe I’ve been working so hard and for so long and this is where I’ve gotten.

It makes me sick to my stomach and extremely depressed.

I really wish it mattered that you are loyal and hard working. But it just doesn’t.

[snillumila]

I wish I was a man 🤷🏻‍♀️ would be so much easier

[snillumila]

I would rather do anything than go to work right now

[snillumila]

I’m a fucking slave!

I hate working so god damn much holy ducking shit holy FUCK somebody PLEASE for the love of god get me the fuck out of this

[snillumila]

Why can’t you just get paid for being a good person? Like fuck. Fuck! Why do you have to give all of your time and energy to get paid... just enough to get by, but it barely even mattering because you spent all of the time making just that bare minimum working instead of enjoying it? I’m so confused about money and I’ll never stop and you can’t make me stop! Because it’s impossible to rationalize it. There’s no rationalization. I dare you to try.

“Just be happy!” ABOUT WHAT!

I mean come on.

Also how in fuck’s fucking name are you supposed to “get better at art” or “DO ANYTHING”? EVER!? When you are so tired from working and have so many plans all the time with friends and also need to clean your house which is just literally constantly needing to be cleaned. CONSTANTLY.

I spend every single one of my days off cleaning the house. I really do that. I actually do that.

[snillumila]

Had a dream I was pregnant and felt so at peace? Just logging for record keeping of these types of dreams.