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imagine seth meyers teaching andy samberg how to jerk off and they're both the ages that they are now it's just that andy got hit by a plane and got really bad amnesia from it + lost a third of his dick so now it's only 10.5 inches long and he has to get used to his body again but the thing is that andy keeps forgetting after seth teaches him to jerk off which means that seth has to teach andy how to jerk off every day all over again. one day andy comes to him looking eerily calm, not crying, dick soft, and seth asks him how he's doing and andy tells him "i got really hard before and i was really horny but i found out how to deal with it." and seth, tearfully, stands up from where he's sitting at his now-obsolete desktop computer (he's playing chess against the computer and losing) and gives andy a long hug. seth begins to cry into his shoulder and andy asks him what's wrong. seth pulls himself away from the hug and looks down to his crotch. andy looks down too. seth's dick is hard. they look back up and stare into each other's eyes, both in tears now. andy cups seth's face with his hand and says "i think i know what to do about this..." seth places his hand over andy's and says, his voice cracking, "i always knew you would, someday." on the tree outside the window, bill hader puts his binoculars down and wipes the tears from his eyes. now andy is hard too. "you want me to tell you how i do it?" andy asks him. seth leans over and kisses andy passionately yet tenderly on the mouth, and andy kisses back. andy takes seth's hand and they walk to the bedroom and it's as if they were walking into the sunset together even though it's 12:46am. bill hader falls off the tree and breaks his shin. the rest is history...

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imagine colin jost fell down a well and no one looked for him with any real sense of urgency

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imagine if chevy chase got beaten with a meat cleaver over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over And over An

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imagine John Mulaney

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imagine seth meyers making a side comment/joke about having a kink for people shrinking on late night and andy samberg starts mysteriously getting shorter

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imagine youre fred armisens child and he tells you hes transitioning to be a woman but the song she uses to come out with is now im your mom by david byrne

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imagine if clifford happened to you in real life with real martin short thatd ve really bereally really really scary

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imagine being in a romantic relationship with molly shannon

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imagine coming out to tina fey and she immediately asks if she can write a thinly veiled very homophobic sketch about you and you agree but then at the table read you can see shes starting to look really uncomfortable and she keeps looking over at amy poehler nervously and then at the end before anyone can say anything she stands up and really loudly goes "im sorry everyone. i cant do this anymore. im a lesbian. im sorry for writing all those homophobic jokes in 30 rock i think that was just my internalized homophobia coming out" and she runs out of the room and amy runs -after her and you follow them into the hallway and see them making out

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Imagine having disappointing shower sex with Beck Bennet

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imagine david spade transitioning i feel like someones actually sent this one before

Anonymous, I actually believe you are the only person who has ever said this!

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IMAGINE youre in the waiting room for a doctors appointment when kenan Thompson walks in and after checking in he sits down in the empty seat right next to yours, even though the waiting room is almost empty and theres plenty of other seats available. "hi," he says, "im kenan Thompson". you already knew who he was, but now itd be kind of awkward to say that so for some reason you pretend you dont know him. then he keeps talking to you, particularly about his various medical issues and living with GERD and the various medications hes tried and all the doctors hes had to talk to and how none of them really seemed to help, and how nothing has ever really helped and its making him pretty miserable and he just feels really sick all the time you know? like it hurts. heartburn really hurts. you dont know what to say so you offer him a tums from your purse and he laughs and says "no im okay but thanks. wow youre really nice huh?" yeah i guess so, you reply awkwardly. yourew starting to feel kind of uncomfortable but he just keeps talking andhonestly hes very polite and seems very friendly so you dont really want to cut him off. maybe this is like a release for him? maybe this is like therapy for him like he just needed to get some stuff off his chest. its fine right. "i just dont know how much longer i can keep working when i feel like this," kenan tells you, a pained look on his face. "its making every day a nightmare. it feels like my chest is on fire. and i feel so so sicki to my stomach, you know? it makes my whole head feel sick. my whole body. i just want to throw up, so i gag, but i can't." you still dont know what to say. you ask where he works and he smiles mischeviously, a strange look in his eyes, and says, "oh, you know. just around." you think thats a really weird response, but ok. after a bit longer, the nurse finally comes out and calls your name, and you get up maybe a bit too quickly to follow her and kenan grabs you by the arm to stop you, and he winks and says "hey, ill call you, ok?" youre pretty sure you didn't give him your number but the nurse is waiting so you just smile thinly and nod and then the doors close and Kenan's gone. the rest of the appointment goes by smoothly, and youre relieved to see hes no longer in the waiting room when you come back out.

before you go home, you do a couple of errands and pick up ingredients for dinner and when you come home, a few of your neighbors are hanging around outside the apartment building murmuring to each other, but they dont pay any attention to you so you dont pay any attention to them. you go upstairs to your apartment. you put the groceries in the fridge, take a shower, and then after youre dressed you get back up and you go out to the kitchen to start making dinner. you turn on the tv to watch while youre cooking. youve on,y just started getting everything back out of the fridge when you hear a reporer on the tv very loudly and clearly say: SNL ALUM KENAN THOMPSON KILLED IN STANDOFF WITH NEW YORK POLICE. THOMPSON WAS THE LEAD SUSPECT IN THE SERIES OF BRUTAL MURDERS TERRORIZING THE EAST COAST. your jaw drops, youre barely listening as she goes on with more details. a picture of him appears on the tv. he looks the same as he did a few hours ago, smiling kindly but with that odd look in his eyes again, like he knew something nobody else did. a wave of nausea hits you and you run off to the bathroom and throw up, coughing. you dont make dinner that night. you just go to bed, tossing and turning all night. the next day, every snl cast member you can think of is posting IN MEMORIAM for kenan on their twitters and blueskies and facebooks, which you guess makes sense, but you still feel kind of weird looking at it. you cant believe you met him just a few hours before he died. you really have to wonder what he was doing there. was he really a murderer? was he trying to find potential victims there? did he think you would be an easy target? or was he really just being friendly, and it was all just some big, horrible mistake? all these thoughts are making your head spin. you dont know who to talk to about this. if you told someone, would they even believe you? you dont know what to do.

eventually, you decide to make a reddit post on r/LiveFromNewYork. hey all, yyou type, i just heard the news about kenan and i literally saw him a few hours before his death he was talking to me at the doctors office. he would NOT leave me alone. but he seemed really sweet. have any of you ever met him before and what was he like??? i just cant believe this even happened its insane. almost as soon as you click post, youre banned from the subreddit. you stare at your screen, shocked. then you get a message. u/SNLFAN22173894 messages you jsaying: hey. dont talk about that in there. you dont want them to know that you know. what? you reply. who?? what are you talking about? they reply: its not safe. they could be watching. here, meet me at [they give you a random address]. its an old sandwich place i used to go to all the time. nobody will be there. you insist: who the hell are they and why would they be watching us? they reply: obviously they means the SNL cast members. jesus christ. youre still confused, and say: what you think lorne michaels is running a group of secret serial killers? thats kind of antisemetic. they reply: what? no. look just meet me there tomorrow ok? at 8 am. you say: 8 AM? google maps say its going to take me 3 hours to get there. i cant get up at 5 AM for that. you dont get a response. you spend the rest of the day in a daze, unable to get yourself to do much of anything, just thinking about tomorrow. who the hell is messaging you? what the fuck is going on? is lorne michaels evil? is SNL a front for a cult or something? well they are comedians. entertainers have the kind of personalities that would be susceptible to being in cults, you guess. but still. none of this makes any sense at all. unable to find the motivation to make dinner tonight either, you just order a pizza. you go to bed early, dreading waking up at 5 AM the next day. dreading all of it.

the next day, you get up extra early, get dressed, make some toast not even buttered and leave.1 you dont drive normally but you dfo have a car so you take it and start driving to the supposed sandwich shop. thankfully traffic is not so bad since everyones asleep, but its still pretty dark out. the sky is slowly lighting up dark blue as you make your way there. finally, 3 miserable hours later, google maps says YOUR DESTINATION IS ON THE RIGHT, but you turn right and then have to quickly aswerve left agaiun because theres no entrance there, just a chain-link fence and an empty lot. you park on the gravel outside the lot, getting out of your car. not sure what to to do, you go to doublecheck the address the reddit user gave you but suddenly your inbox is empty. theres nobody there. confused, you try to search for their username, but you cant remember the numbers at the end. you jus stand there blankly, looking between the barren, empty land and yiour phone. "hello," a voice says fgrom behind you. you jump, turning around to see an elderly man, hunched over from age, looking up at you. you hadn't even heard him approach. um, hi, you say nervously. do you live around here? "no," he says. "but i know why youre here." you do?? oh thank god. somebody who knows what the fuck is going 1on around here. "youre here t o pay respects to that little boy who died, right?" kenan? "no, no! and dont even say that horrid mans name. no. a little boy used to live here, yes, right here, in a flat above a sandwich shop." suddenly the old man is british. "he was an ordinary boy, who loved to laugh and play and run. and he loved watching tv. and do you know what tv show he loved most?" SNL probably. "yes. every Saturday night, after his parents had put him to bed, he would sneak downstairs and watch SNL with them. he loved it. you know what cast member he-" kenan right? "stop interrupting…but yes. he loved kenan Thompson. more than anyone else. he had aspirations to be on a late night sketch comedy show, just like him one day." okay so what did kenan kill him? "im trying to tell the story, if youd STOP interrupting. yes, kenan Thompson murdered him. god, youre ruining the suspense here. an old man meets you early in the morning trying to tell you a mysterious and haunting story and you just interrupt him? theres supposed to be a flow here. theres edginess here. its still a bit dark, youre in a new place, you dont know whats going on…youre ruining this experience for yourself, you know." youre starting to doubt this man could operate a computer, much less make a reddit account and even less so be able to send you messages on it. so are you the guy who told me to meet him there? yyou ask warily. "what? no. someone told you to meet them there? thats mysterious." so youre NOT u/SNLFAN22whateverthefuck?? his eyes go wide, a horrified look on his face. he backs away slowly. for a long moment, he just stares at you. then, shaking his head, he says quietly, "no, dear. u/SNLFAN22173894…was that little boy." you just staere at each other. "i think you should head on home now," he says. part of you wants to mention early morning traffic would make that impossible now, but you dont. you just nod and say, okay, sure. ill go. you get back in your car. you look out the window to look for the man one last time, to make sure you dont accidentally hit him when youre backing out mostly, but…hes gone. theres nobody there. thereas nothing there anymore. you just head on home and you dont tell anyone about any of this ever again. THE END

I don’t feel like trying to paste all of this to a bunch of different pictures of Kenan Thompson but thank you for your submission!

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imagine Chevy Chase’s full name was “Chevrolet Chase”

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imagine if colin jost was nonbinary

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

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imagine if andy samberg's depiction of his and seth meyers' dick (size) on seth and andy clear the air was accurate

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