snowmuttgetsweird

[snowmuttgetsweird]

Bad day. Very depressed. Still continually falling behind on art, board game industry is imploding so idk how long I'll be employed, roommate is talking about moving again, can't escape debt no matter what I do or how hard I work, and even the things I look forward to normally just keep disappointing me either going badly or not the way I expected.

Feels like no matter what I do, everything turns to shit.

Thinking bad thoughts and feeling sick.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

04.22.2025, almost midnight

Got a fancy keyboard. It folds up.

I typed a lot, I'm just gonna summarize.

Addendum: I typed a lot again so I'm summarizing for real this time.

Dear diary,

I think I'm a boring, sad, vapid person, I think I'm pretending to feel things instead of actually feeling them, all my friends leave me eventually, and I'm worried it's gonna happen again soon.

I don't know how to talk to people and just make friends, which feels like it should be the easiest thing in the world, but idk.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

04.19.2025, like 1AM technically Easter

Just kinda chilling in bed.

Today was a hard day. Not really for any one reason in particular, I just had one of those days where the reality of my situation caught up with me and I just kinda... Remembered/Noticed/Became aware of how tired and overworked and stressed out I am All Of The Time. It happens now and again.

Sometimes it just dawns on me how, like, I'm literally always working. I wake up, make some coffee and/or breakfast, start looking at finances, talking to clients, drawing if there's actually time to do so before my work shift, then off to the day job, then home, and depending on when I get off, either more drawing for the evening or immediately skipping into cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and then bed.

A lot of my time is pretty regularly, like... Spoken for. Like I have standing appointments with other people in my life, and depending on how I respond, my day can either get a lot better or a lot worse, and a hearty "yes" is not always the correct answer.

Sometimes it feels better and more correct to just keep busy non-stop. If I step away from working for a moment, I suddenly feel how tired I am, but if I keep going hard enough that I can stay distracted I don't notice and I'm fine.

When I DO get time off- like genuine time to myself, no plans, no work, no other obligations, actually taking a day off whether planned or impromptu (and impromptu is usually bad- like too sad or tired to get out of bed and just bouncing between youtube videos for several hours bad), I usually find I have no idea what to do with myself. Like... I don't have money- that all goes to rent, or has to be saved because I have debts to pay and bills coming up- so I can't really do much. I usually end up just binging something on Netflix for a while. The Witcher is pretty good. I have a lot of movies to catch up on, too- stuff my coworkers have recommended to me, etc. Anyway, I end up just doing that the entire day, and then by the end I usually get the feeling I just... Wasted all that time. Like, maybe I only really took half the day off and now I feel like I don't have the time to really dig into X game I've been wanting to play, or maybe I just don't have the energy for it to begin with, or maybe I'm tired enough that I can't focus on X book I've been trying to read, or maybe I just feel Guilty that I have work I probably SHOULD be doing instead of sitting around doing Nothing. Like, I can't even enjoy time off anymore.

It shouldn't be this hard to just... Feel happy and relax.

I actually like working, and I actually like my work, I just wish it didn't occupy ALL of my time- but if I'm making the time, I don't have the money, and if I'm working hard enough to have the money, I don't have the time. It's... Very frustrating. I dunno how some people seemingly draw ALL the time- both taking commissions and also doing personal work. Sometimes I FEEL like I wanna draw for myself and then realize I don't know what I want to draw without a prompt anymore. Creativity has abandoned me. Ideas are fed into me by other people and I shit them out as drawings, but that's about all I can manage.

So yeah, today has been hard. Same pattern as above- wake up, draw (spending too much time on a piece I earned a whole $30 for, ergo disappointing myself greatly and setting the tone for the rest of the day), go to work already feeling exhausted and miserable, come home at like 11 PM, cook dinner for three, clean the kitchen, and then here I am at like... *checks time* 2 AM, screaming into the void.

Cooking dinner was nice actually. Made some smothered pork chops, and sweet potatoes to order (one with butter, salt, and pepper, one with butter and cinnamon, one for myself with butter, salt, and pepper), and some zucchini noodles out of a steamer bag. Kept my earbuds in and listened to sad music the whole time (and while cleaning the kitchen after). The noodles sucked, but the rest was good. I like cooking- kinda feels like an extension of making art. Organized chaos. It's something I can do alone, I'm providing people with nutritious, filling, and comforting meals. Even if I'm doing it exhausted after a hard day, I still enjoy it at least some. People usually appreciate it- and I like feeling appreciated.

Food is at least a little easier to quantify than art I think- or something like that. Art is something people glance at while scrolling, Like to add to the spank bank for later, and then move on without thinking much. Food you have to chew on for a bit; it leaves an impression at first bite, as you chew, as you swallow, leaves a flavor and a sensation in its wake, a sense of anticipation for the next bite, and a satisfied feeling of fullness when you clean your plate. Art- at least mine- feels much less... Digested. I guess because I don't get a lot of comments. When food tastes great, people say so, but when they like your art they give a Like without really SAYING anything at all. When I post art it's like I'm asking everyone who sees it "how's the food taste?" and the audience saying "fine" and then moving on in silence. It's nothing. It's unsatisfying. It's not really appreciated- only further expressed by my abysmal follower count and general lack of engagement.

I like the night time too. I'm exhausted and very much ready for bed, but that's my only obligation at this time of night- myself and my own comfort. Otherwise, I can just relax, watch videos, listen to music, type up my inane bullshit that no one will ever really read, let alone care about. That's kinda the shitty part though- I've read that people like me who feel cheated out of time for themselves by the obligations of their day-to-day lives often "reclaim" their time by giving up sleep, because it's the only other part of their day they can "reasonably" steal time from without directly harming the activities or people of their daylight hours. It's not really true, obviously- by staying up later and waking up at the same time, I'm probably going to be tired, and it'll affect my work and my mood, but idk what else to do really. I mean, I'm at least going to go to bed right after I'm done with this. I planned on making this the last thing I do tonight.

That said... Idk I guess I don't really have much else to say.

I desperately need a new book. I was thinking about impulse-buying something to read- anything really- but I have debts to pay, so that would be irresponsible. Decided against it.

Considered buying some weed gummies or something on my way home, but same thing. Debts. Plus weed's not exactly conducive to productivity, even if it's fun and relaxing and kinda... Lubricates me against the abrasive, enclosing walls of my life.

I miss having a nice bottle of whisky or scotch to nurse. When I had more disposable income, I'd have a bottle of Johnny Walker that I'd pick at for months. Like, two fingers a glass a couple times a week in the evening while enjoying a book or a show shortly before bed. It was nice.

I think I'm starting to talk in circles a little, so it must be time to sleep.

Good night world.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

03.29.2025, late morning

Quick tumblr thing. I'm behind on my Daily Sketches and PMCs so I don't want to dawdle too long.

We're getting into smoothie season again. I stopped working out a while ago, but I've still got a big tub of protein powder, so I've been trying some things out. Bought some bananas, let 'em ripen, then cut 'em up into eighths, froze them, and slipped 'em in the freezer in a couple ziplock bags. I use roughly half a banana, maybe a quarter cup of greek yogurt, a scoop of protein powder, and 3-5 Brazil nuts per smoothie, and the rest is jazz. If I'm feeling a little tired I can do cocoa powder and instant espresso- otherwise I've actually been trying to cut back on caffeine a little. I also got some frozen avocado to help introduce more healthy fats- you don't really taste it in smoothies, but it helps make them creamy and rich. Once I clear out some space in the freezer, I'm gonna try to get some more frozen fruits and veggies to use. Probably mostly berries and spinach. Maybe a beet powder or something. Would be nice to get some bee pollen, but I just can't seem to find it anywhere here.

Sometimes protein shakes are kinda rough on your stomach, but I find that if I have a piece of toast too, I'm usually fine.

That said, I should start working out again. I only stopped because, like usual, I ended up eventually having a really bad couple days and just didn't have the drive to keep it up, and it just completely broke my will to keep trying. Wish I had a fit friend who actually wanted to go to the gym with me to encourage me and help me out- make it a little clearer what I ought to be doing to reach my goals. Otherwise I'm kinda just flailing and seeing what happens, and especially if I don't see any results within a couple weeks, I feel like all my time and effort is wasted.

Oh well. Toast is ready so I better scarf that and get drawing. If nothing else, at least these smoothies give me a light breakfast. As often as I do it, I hate overeating and feeling full.

Never stop grinding amirite?

[snowmuttgetsweird]

02.27.25, like 2 am

eepy = =

[snowmuttgetsweird]

02.18.2025, evening

Man, I hate being so terrible at Street Fighter.

I don't think I'm really good at anything. I feel like I'm the kind of friend people keep around because I make them look prettier by comparison, but it's with literally everything. I'm just... Aggressively mid or worse in every single way.

I'm not funny, I'm not smart, I'm not attractive, I'm not athletic. No talent, no creativity, no imagination. My brain is broken.

I dunno. I just suck at anything and everything I care about. Just once I'd like to genuinely feel the confidence to say "yeah, I'm really good at this."

I'm embarrassed to tell anyone I'm an "artist." I just draw furry porn I can't actually show anyone outside of the fandom and don't have time for anything else- and when I DO have time, I don't know what to draw because I don't feel anything. I have nothing to say, nothing to express, except that I'm miserable and hate myself. I'm just a machine. Insert money, get mid art- and people go for it because I'm cheaper than the artists they ACTUALLY want to commission.

I thought I would be over this shit by now. I thought I would have gotten my shit together and felt better. I wanted stability by 30. Now I'm 35 and celebrating that I didn't owe more on my taxes than I set aside for the first time in, like, three years. That's so fucking depressing. No medical, no dental, no vision. I'm just failure and disappointment incarnate.

Idk. I have to do these stupid daily sketches. At least someone's getting something out of me.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

02.17.2025, noon

Gonna try to keep this one short and sweet cause I've got stuff to do.

Basically just worry that I'm stagnating as an artist and as a person.

I noticed a bunch of people that I wasn't following on BlueSky already and went and followed a handful of them last night, but like... Was kinda surprised I didn't even notice their absence until so late.

It just goes to reinforce how easy it is to be lost in the flood of information we receive every day, and it makes it that much scarier to think of just how much you have to do and how much you need to stand out to really, like, "make it."

I just think about how cool all these other artists I follow are- cooler, better, more skilled, more creative, more imaginative, more successful, etc- and I just think "am I ever gonna have that? Is that something I can achieve, or was this pre-ordained?"

Like, I know people work hard for what they have, but sometimes I look at the kinds of things that get tens of thousands of likes and reposts and think "what's ACTUALLY making this more popular than anything I might have drawn? some of these are literal doodles on a napkin and yet they're pulling numbers I could only dream of. What am I doing wrong?"

It makes me worry that I must just not be growing anymore. I have nothing interesting to show or say. I think now and again "I could be doing so many cooler things if I wasn't so bogged down by this infinite workload" but even when I DO take the time to just sit down and draw for myself, nothing really comes of it- like I usually never finish it, or I never even really get an idea off the ground because I'm limited by my own lack of skill, and I could take the time to study, but it feels like there's no time- not that there literally is no time, but that panicked feeling of, like, "I have to make a decision right now and if I make the wrong one it will kill me."

Idk, I'm gonna cut it off now. I gotta move some laundry to the dryer, get a daily sketch going, finish this coffee before it gets too cold, and try to knock out a Patreon Mini Commission before I gotta go to work. I'm so behind.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

02.11.2025, evening

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I suck at Street Fighter. Feels bad.

Looking forward to Digimon tomorrow. Folks tend to show up so late though that I get, like, A match before everyone's like "okay let's go eat!" and I'm like... I literally get to play like once a week. I work two jobs and I suck at everything else I try to do just let me have this one thing please. Not to mention this is the first time in my entire TCG career that I've ever had genuinely competitive decks and they're both SO competitive that they're liable to get hit by Bandai's almighty banhammer any day now, so it'd be nice to be able to use them while I'm still allowed to.

Speaking of jobs, money is going... Okay. Better than okay I guess, this is the first time I've ever, like, "succeeded" at taxes and didn't end up owing money I don't have. These Daily Sketches I've been doing help a lot at getting extra revenue, but I SHOULD be taking on more than that- I've just been taking on extra responsibilities at my day job and my schedule has been extra fucky because of it, which has been making drawing hard to find time for. It's one of those things that I want to dedicate, like, an entire day to- not two or three hours of drawing interrupted by 4-8 hours of day job followed by another 2-3 hours of drawing and then also making dinner. A lot of my shifts are like... 1 PM to 5 PM. They're short, but RIGHT in the middle of the day, so if I want to actually still get any art done those days I have to either wake up way earlier or stay up way later or it just feels like there's no time to actually get anything DONE.

Part of it is my fault, obviously. I've been working too hard on the Daily Sketches- they should be like, an hour TOPS, and instead sometimes I'm working up to 3 hours on them trying to make them look just a LITTLE more polished- clean up that line a little, add just a little more dimension here, a bit more texture there, etc. These little nitpicks just add up and add up and add up and before I know it I'm earning, like, 10 bucks an hour. I gotta commit harder to just getting them done quick and dirty, like they were originally always supposed to be. Like... Okay, PMCs got out of hand (paw?) Chris, but with the Daily Sketches you're giving yourself permission to just slop things up and drop the quality because the price point is DIRT cheap, so there's some compromise... But then the Daily Sketches just very quickly became the same quality as the PMCs, which have largely become the same quality as, like, a full color commission. It's so hard to manage. It's so hard not to ALWAYS do my best- try my hardest- do the most. It's EXHAUSTING but it feels MORE exhausting to get myself to stop, like I'm actively exerting myself to hold something back- but the fact is NO ONE COMMISSIONS ME for the big things. They only want the cheap stuff because we're all broke and depressed.

I wonder what it would be like to actually be able to draw for myself? Or to pay someone else to draw for me? Or receive gift art? I've never received gift art before.

I don't really feel like a part of the community- like, I don't really feel like I have "friends" in the fandom. I feel like a machine along the wall of the community that people insert change in to print horse cocks and armpits while ignoring the "low morale" warnings on the screen or delivering platitudes as they walk away. Like, it feels like they're nice, and they're my "friends" only insofar as I provide a service for them and so they want to stay amicable. Like, the only way we CAN interface is through the lens of a business transaction.

I like drawing for the sake of drawing, but by the fact that I primarily draw FURRY ART, I dunno, I kinda assumed that after all this time I'd somehow be more... Ingrained in this fandom somehow. Known, to some degree. Recognized. Cared about. But it's not like I have the kind of income I'd need to go to a furcon or something, and even then it's not like there's anyone who knows me or cares enough about me to want to meet me, so, like... Why would I go in the first place? Who would I go for? Me? Furry's a community, it's something you experience AS a community. If the community doesn't care about you, then why go?

Idk. I'm tired. I've gotta draw. Bills to pay, vicious cycles to feed.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

01.29.25, mornin'

Good-ish year so far. Beyond the obvious things happening in the world that I can't really control, I personally am doing pretty okay.

Taxes officially paid as of TODAY and for the first time since I moved to WA, it didn't completely wipe me out or force me to scramble for an extra wad of money to make up the difference. In fact, I effectively got a "refund" in that I set aside slightly more money than I needed. I don't do the quarterly thing- I'm told the benefits aren't really worth the extra effort- so I just set aside 30% of everything I made through art last year and it seems to have paid off!

Daily Sketches have been going well. Forces me to engage with art on a daily basis, which helps me remember the OTHER art things I need to do. I'm still catching up on stuff a little more slowly than I'd like, but thanks to Daily Sketches, I can say that at least I am consistently making money every day, and it makes my finances a little more predictable.

I got my Gallant X Antibody's and my second MedievalGallantmon. If you don't know, every Wednesday and some Saturdays I play the Digimon TCG. I somehow managed to bellyflop into being meta- I built Purple Hybrid on a whim and it turned out to be a top tier meta threat, and I've ALWAYS played Gallant (my first deck!), but this is the first time it's actually been competitively viable. It's a little annoying seeing other random folks that never played Gallant before suddenly playing the deck now that it's objectively good, but I'm still happy I have a genuine reason to play a deck that I love.

I think that's enough for now. I need to go make coffee real fast and get on today's Daily Sketch ASAP. Since I work 1-5 Wednesdays and then spend the rest of the evening out with friends doing Digimon and usually going out for dinner, I'd really rather get the Daily Sketch out of the way early so I don't have to do it at like, 11 at night lol.

Tchuss

[snowmuttgetsweird]

01/21/2025, early afternoon

Good things are happening to me lately. I'm cautiously optimistic.

I've been getting pretty good pulls from my Digimon TCG packs lately. Not a lot I actually WANT, but value I can trade for stuff I DO want. I got an SP Piedmon I almost wanna keep, but I'd swap it for two Gallantmon X Antibody in a heartbeat.

I topped my Digimon locals last Saturday playing Purple Hybrid. Granted, my locals isn't especially competitive, but it was still an unexpected and pleasant surprise.

My $30 Daily Sketch commissions have been going well. Forcing myself to engage with art daily has been rewarding in a number of ways- besides a little extra income, it helps me keep better track of the OTHER art things I need to do.

I got a raise at my day job and I'm pretty consistently praised for the work I put in when it matters. The corporate overlord above my store has been making some questionable unilateral decisions lately, especially with regards to Prismatic Evolutions, but otherwise my day job is relatively low-stress and rewarding.

Best of all probably, I just filed my taxes, and setting aside 30% of everything I earned seemed to be the right move: I ended up with a good chunk ABOVE what I needed, so I actually somehow managed a little bit of a savings.

Besides that, life is fine. When I take a moment to think about it, I think I can actually say I'm happy. Comfortable, at the very least, but maybe actually happy.

I bought a planner for 2025. I've been slipping on using it a little lately, but I still try to make notes in it and check it periodically. Even if I don't look at it as much, the act of writing stuff down helps me to remember things- little stuff like "I need to buy these groceries this week" or "there's a new Digimon set coming out this month" or "a friend's birthday is coming up and I should expect to plan around that." It has a habit tracker. I don't really have a lot of daily habits to keep track of, but I try to use it anyway because it's a tool I have, so I just use it to try to remember stuff like brushing my teeth twice a day (I separate the daily boxes diagonally and mark an "x" for morning and an "x" for evening), or doing my daily sketches.

More than anything, it's just about making an effort. It's really easy for things to just slip with ADHD, and then they're gone forever- but I'm trying.

This could be a good year for me. Despite the obvious issues in the country and in the world that I largely have no control over- with regards purely to my own personal happiness and the things I actually have power over, I think this could be a good year.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

1/14/2025, mid-afternoon

Wow, damn, so that Umbrella Academy Season 4 ending huh?

That sure sucked.

Overall thoughts on the show in its entirety (asterisk I forgot a lot of it tbh)

Five and Klaus are the best characters overall. They're the most eccentric, off-the-wall, and fun to watch. Five consistently being the only competent person in the room is fun. Klaus I struggled with a bit at first due to changes to his character, but I think he was given the most room to grow and evolve. Weird the way they backpedal him so much in season 4.

Diego stopped being interesting after season 1- my favorite part of him was his attachment to Mom in the absence of a meaningful father-son relationship and his stutter, which feels like a character trait that went largely forgotten after that season. The "evolution" of his powers from being "I hold my breath real good" to "I manipulate the trajectory of objects in flight" is pretty interesting insofar as it being WAY easier to include in a television format than shoehorning in opportunities for him to demonstrate infinite O2. I liked his rivalry with Luther- I also didn't mind that he was a goofball behind closed doors but felt the need to act performatively machismo and compete with Luther in public.

Why'd they do my boy Luther like that? He's a completely different character. I honestly liked the plotline of him being this sorta tryhard golden boy that was then more or less abandoned on the moon with very little real purpose like a puppy that doesn't understand why it was kicked and then not knowing how to process the feelings surrounding that, but literally everything else about him was terrible. I dunno if they thought their idea was better, or if there were budget constraints, or if they just were too scared to straight up just put his head on an alien gorilla body thinking they had to make him more digestible or sexy or something, but in doing so they completely removed his appeal.

Allison feels like a consistently shitty and selfish person pretty much all throughout the show. I don't really care for her in general. I was happy to see them sorta bring back her sorta "detective arc" and I feel like changing her power from low-level reality warping to mind control was a fear response, especially considering that in the source material she's almost immediately hamstringed by having her throat cut, basically removing her ability to even use her power any longer. That de-powering, especially after having used it selfishly to build up her career and her entire life, was enough of a story for her, and then the rest of her plot should have just been accounting for and repairing the damage she had done over time. Instead it doesn't feel like she really grows- or at the very least she keeps backpedaling and having to learn the same lesson over and over again. The fourth season is so bad overall that when they finally do show her trying to live her life more honestly, it doesn't really mean anything. She's too busy feeling sorry for herself.

Why'd they do my boy Ben like that? I miss season 1 Ben.

Viktor (formerly Vanya) was not handled all that well after season 1 I don't think. I feel like I'd have to rewatch seasons 1 and 2 to really remember exactly how that went, but it feels like he's almost focused on too much in some cases- like he stops being a "problem" insofar as being a vehicle for the apocalypse, but is still kinda treated with this reverence that doesn't really suit him, like... I dunno, it feels like he's really important, and then immediately falls to the wayside, but EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE he steps forward and becomes The Main Character, like they're never willing to just fully tie off his own personal story. IDK it's weird.

So much about the show is just terrible honestly. Season three was bad, four was worse, one was good, two was fine.

I'll prolly put the first two seasons on as background noise while I draw or something and revisit this again later.

P.S. the whole "marigolds" thing was stupid. They didn't need an origin story. Also pretty much everything Umbrella Academy wants to do by being a weird broken family in a weird universe, Doom Patrol does better and with way fewer reservations about BEING weird.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

12/6/24, witching hour

About to put my Snorlax to bed. I have Pokemon Sleep- if you wanna add me, feel free, I've got room for a few more: 6817 7349 5163

I've been sick the last couple days. I was sick just, like, last week too, but I got over it pretty quick and was just coughing, but then the cough got worse so either I never stopped being sick in the first place or being sick and returning to work too fast with a compromised immune system re-sicked me right away. Either way, I've felt like shit the last few days and didn't have a voice the last two, so I had to call out of work and get someone to cover my shifts. Hate that, would really have liked to have those hours. Starting to feel a bit better today, hoping after a good night's sleep I'll be right as rain and ready to work tomorrow.

Otherwise I've been drawing, reading, playing some mobile games, replaying Hollow Knight in small doses, and catching up on some movies and shows. Finally saw Logan, which was pretty good and made me cry (wish all the Marvel movies could have real emotional impact instead of back-to-back one-liners occasionally interrupted by CGI action sequences), then watched Deadpool and Wolverine, which was just okay by comparison (see above).

I was walking by the book store a few weeks back and noticed Absolution, Jeff Vandermeer's new book in the Southern Reach series, was out on hardback. I had completely forgotten about it. Ran in to (hopefully) grab the paperback real fast but it's not out yet apparently. Waited a few days but I started getting anxious without a book to read after having finished my previous book (The Archive Undying, little Pathfinder novel I think called Prince of Wolves, and What Dreams May Come), and ended up scooping Gideon the Ninth on a coworker's recommendation.

REALLY fantastic read. I absolutely fell in love with Gideon the Ninth, I've already read and finished Harrow the Ninth since, and I'm now waiting for a copy of Nona the Ninth to ship in from another location at my local discount book shop. Hadn't been so prepared and excited to move on to a sequel since I played Bravely Default for the first time- during which time I purchased Bravely Second BEFORE EVEN FINISHING THE FIRST GAME and immediately jumped into it the second I was finished with the first. Sadly, I hear Bravely Default 2 is a train wreck. Shame.

Harrow I didn't love as much as I loved Gideon. It may have been a purposeful and thematic thing, but it felt like a lot of the characters had very little agency and the story just kinda happened at them. Having just recently come off of The Archive Undying though, I really appreciate the use of second person perspective, and I greatly appreciate the extra look into Harrowhark's life and mental state. Ianthe is an absolute delight the moment she walks in the room too, every time. The way they play off each other is incredibly fun in their antagonism. That said, the second book overall, while still great, feels like a big ol exposition dump and feels like it answers a lot more questions than it asks, unlike Gideon, which doesn't really make me as excited for the next book because there's less for me to chew on and extrapolate. We'll see where Nona the Ninth goes.

Besides that I guess my offhand distraction has been Pokemon Pocket TCG. As you know, I love trading card games. Pocket is an excellent little time sink to scratch the TCG itch when I can't get anyone to sit down and play Digimon with me. I can open packs, I can build decks, I can play whenever and wherever I want. The events give you plenty of time to complete and acquire everything, and you don't have to spend a single cent to do so (outside of a handful of cosmetics). If I have any complaints it's that I hate coin flips, which is a problem in Pokemon in general. They're a little too feast or famine for my tastes, especially cards like Misty and Aerodactyl that can turn the tides so severely that they frequently make the game unwinnable. The only saving grace for coin flips in Pocket is that the games are so quick and streamlined that you don't really get the sunk cost effect as a full TCG- that disappointing feeling of having worked so hard and built your board so perfectly, and then losing it all to sheer luck. Anyway, overall great experience. Very fun, pretty casual, not all that sweaty, and looking forward to future sets to release- I'm already stockpiling hourglasses to rip a bunch of packs right off the bat as soon as a new set comes out. :)

Uhh I think that's it. I can't begin to describe how excited I am to get Nona the Ninth- I bought Gideon, I borrowed Harrow (I'll scoop a paperback of this later), and I'm getting Nona from a local discount bookshop- and I'm vibrating waiting for Absolution, which I forgot was even a thing. The whole rest of my set is paperback so I feel like Absolution has to be too, and so I wait. :')

Gonna try to sleep now I think. Snorlax beckons and I'm hunting Sneasel. :)

[snowmuttgetsweird]

11/26/24, afternoon

Just a couple notes cause I haven't really posted here recently:

I'm on BlueSky and it's gonna be my primary art platform from here on out, and I'll probably keep personal anecdotes to Tumblr. Twitter will be phased out slowly and eventually I'll probably drop it completely.

The Locked Tomb series is fucking incredible. I'm two days into Harrow the Ninth and I'm almost done- I can hardly put it down.

I wanna draw. Like, I WANT to draw, I just need the right combination of time and energy, and I just don't have the time right now cause I'm behind on stuff.

Bright side I'm getting a raise at my day job in January. Woot.

Hair Bender is very good coffee. Draw now. Be good kids.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

10/27/24, witching hour

Just about midnight.

Last couple Digimon events have been kinda good to me.

Last week we had our Halloween event. We decided to run a Pauper event instead of the Yellow/Green only theme Bandai had set, so we were only allowed to use Common and Uncommon cards. I built a Journey to the West control deck using an ST19 Puppet bottom-end for card advantage with a BT15 Cannondramon and BT13 JumboGamemon top-end for control. It worked really well and I placed first.

Today (yesterday technically) we had our Special Release Booster 2.0 release event (basically part one of the combined BT18+19 sets), and I ended up topping that too with the least game losses across three rounds. I pulled just okay as far as value went, but I pulled pretty well in terms of what cards were just good to have for sealed, and tbh I think it's a really interesting sealed environment. AncientVolcanomon, Zanbamon, and AncientKazemon in particular were all goated pulls. I also snagged an AA Millenniummon, which put in work- especially since Zanbamon always reliably digivolved for free.

Got a lot of good stuff from my friends who picked up boxes too. I've got almost all the fish and purple hybrid stuff. I'm gonna be on the lookout for Composite stuff too.

Looking forward to Sunday morning. Dedicated day off.

Nighto.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

8/11/24, morning

Damn, rice bucket's got hands.

This is actually my second time doing a rice bucket workout but wow it gets in deep. Like, I do wrist curls sometimes, but I can tell the rice bucket is using EVERY muscle in my forearms. Crazy pump.

A lot of the exercises want you to dig into the rice, and hearing that goal your brain automatically says "ah, yes, I will now engage my shoulders and lean over to leverage gravity in my favor and bear down upon this bucket with my full weight" but really you want to try to disengage your shoulders and back as much as possible and try to make sure you're very passively leaning your weight forward just enough that your hands and forearms are still what's really doing the work.

Will definitely be doing this more, very satisfying. Wonder if it'll actually help with tennis elbow and carpal tunnel and such. Here's hoping.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

8/9/24, morning

Roommate comes home today I'm so relieeeeeved

It's boring and lonely without him. Just feels like a massive bleak void in my life when he's not here. I'm bored he's not here, I'm lonely, I'm anxious I can't see him, and I get stir-crazy and lost and don't really know how to conduct myself. I would just be standing around thinking about what I should do and then end up doing push-ups or something just to work out some nervous energy.

In the meantime I picked up a handful of groceries yesterday to make sure I can make a nice brunch for him when he arrives, including a couple 5lb bags of rice. I washed out an empty 30lb bucket of cat litter cause it already has a lid and a handle and it seems to work just fine as a rice bucket- not for food storage but as a workout device.

Gave it a shot- get very much covered in rice starch, and the workout is definitely exhausting. Theoretically, it helps strengthen all the micro muscles in your forearms to help protect you from carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, etc; really good for keyboard warriors, artists, heavy lifters- pretty much anyone that uses their hands and fingers for a lot of strenuous or continuous activity. If nothing else, it sure does a hell of a job exfoliating my hands lol. Maybe this will finally fix my fucked up cuticles. Prolly gonna start wearing a mask while using the bucket though- I dunno how much dust it kicks up but I'd hate to develop a rice allergy this way.

Pretty disappointed I couldn't pick up that Gallantmon stuff the other day, but really I should have tempered my expectations more. I'm not as hung up on it now- I'll get it eventually, I just hate waiting for it to happen.

Dunno if I mentioned already, but I started taking metamucil too. I'm not a big milk drinker, but overnight oats and protein shakes and cottage cheese have me consuming a lot more dairy than I usually do, and diets with a lot of meat and dairy tend to cause GI issues, so I figured the extra fiber would probably be a good idea while on a high protein diet. The first few days suck- not particularly painful or uncomfortable, but really gassy, which is just kinda embarrassing and annoying to deal with. It passes after the first three or four days though, and I DO notice that I seem to have more consistent BMs, feel less bloated, less gassy, and a bit lighter. My appetite means I'm trying to pack as much protein into as little actual food as possible too given how hard it is to eat as much as I'm expected to, so I'm actually overeating a lot less, which also probably helps.

That said, I haven't been particularly strict on myself about food- more for philosophical reasons than anything. The goal is just to get the protein I need, and nothing else really matters atm. There's no point in eating anything I don't enjoy, and any goal that's completely miserable to achieve is phyrric. As long as I'm getting my protein and I'm lifting to the end of my sets every time while steadily increasing the weight I lift, I WILL build muscle, and those muscles will burn more calories, which will result in weight loss. As long as I stay on top of it at least 3 times a week (ideally more, but 3 is my bare minimum atm) and don't eat a GROSS excess of calories, all I need otherwise is trust, time, discipline, and patience- all things my ADHD-addled brain struggles with, lol.

I haven't been to the gym the last three days. Skipped one day cause I got home especially late and I was wiped, skipped the next cause I was depressed, skipped last night cause a bit of time-blindness had me going out to the grocery store pretty late at night, etc, so this week has been pretty bad for gym-going, but I'm gonna get back on it. Maybe not tonight cause I close at work and my roommate is finally back home- which does mean I'll be cooking dinner for both of us when I get back- but tomorrow I'm getting back into it with a vengeance.

Wish me luck.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

8/7/2024, late evening

Pretty disappointing day overall.

Figures the one day I COULD show up at my local game store to play Digimon and trade for BT17 stuff that I can't afford otherwise, no one else shows up with trades and then I get my obsolete ass beat by their BT17-laden, up-to-date decks.

I just keep thinking about how disappointed I am.

Wednesday's the one day of the week I can do Digimon.

Up till pretty recently, I closed every Wednesday so I didn't really get to participate.

Now that I work a middle shift Wednesday, I can participate.

But wait hold on there's other things now- other reasons I can't go.

Okay that's fine, I still get to go play Digimon more often than I used to at least.

Oh, cool, BT17 stuff is available and it actually has support for the decks I play.

Oh, I can't afford it because I'm constantly broke no matter what I do or how hard I try. Okay that's fine, I don't have much but I'll do my best to trade for it. Looking forward to getting BT17 stuff! It's mostly chaff I want, so it should be easy to get at least a few things.

Oh, hardly anyone showed up and none of them brought trades? Okay that's fine, two people showed up, I can at least play. I NEVER get to play anymore!

Oh, they didn't BRING BT17 stuff to trade, but their decks ARE upgraded with BT17 stuff already, so I get to play my decks that haven't seen any real support in like, 4+ sets and just get beaten into the dirt? Well, alright, fine, can't do anything about that. Time to go home.

Oh, that's right, roommate's out of town, so I get to come home alone, empty-handed and disappointed. Great. Wonderful. I guess there's always next week!

Oh, and I'm still supposed to go to the gym tonight. I guess this is the part where I get too depressed to go and then my habit is ruined and I just stop going and I just stay disappointed in myself forever and wonder why I ever made any effort in the first place.

Was bound to happen eventually.