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[sociomagick]

need that control back

I remember when I was 15. I had my proana sites on xanga. I was doing well in school. I was organized, I was highly analytical, I was motivated. I was clean. The control seemed to bring value and organization into my normally chaotic life. I felt as if I was accomplishing something daily and it inspired me to continue my quest. I let go of this lifestyle and slowly but surely the world around me began to crumble. I need structure and regimen in my daily life so I can actually accomplish something. Otherwise I get lost. I get lost in my ADHD. I have trouble focusing therefore never accomplishing anything. This rigid lifestly eallowed me to harness my abilities and find time for things. Because controling my eating, my calories, my workouts, and my body took TIME. I had to fit my life around that. So here I am. I am actually getting back to the woman I once was. I lost 12.6 pounds. I am cleaning again. I am writing again. I am becoming the woman I once was. I only wish to be more organized. But its been two weeks. I will get there. I want to be thin. I want to be healthy. This medication destroyed my body and my skin. I need my life back. So instead of laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I am acting upon it. I am doing. I am determined to thrive. My goals will become my lifestyle. The first step is to internalize that this is something I am accomplishing. This is something that IS currently in my life. Instead of I wish I was skinny. I am living the life that will give me the skinny results. Instead of I wish I was happy. I am progressing in a way that demands happiness. I wish I was motivated. What am I doing to become more motivated? I havent broken my streak yet and I can tell I will not be doing it. I have a lot of things going on in my life that I would rather not talk about. All of which demand me to be present, motivated, thoughtful, strong, and determined.  So, therefore I am.

[sociomagick]

amazing

F L A T #2 💕🌹

I feel so tiny today! If only my thighs and boobs would disappear… stay safe lovelies 💕

[sociomagick]

need this xx

[sociomagick]

stats

I am here to start fresh. After a lot of trauma and challenges I have gathered myself together in order to regain myself again where I last lost myself. I need to find a better version of that woman. I had motivation through my ED. I was always working out. I always was on top of my school work. I had control. Through my sickness I have gained weight, stopped reading, stopped writing, stopped going to school (not by my choice), and stopped working (not by my choice). I am taking back my health. Taking back my control.  I am thin. I am smart. I am motivated. I am going to succeed. I was happy doing this. I was happy feeling free and light. I was happy working out and getting rid of this weakness. I have become my weakness. I need to find my strength. 

HW- 239 LW- 140 CW- 227.3 GW- 200 GW- 180 GW- 160 GW- 140 GW- 125 Watch me win bitches.