sofiaricoo

[sofiaricoo]

[sofiaricoo]

nadie puede salvarte sino

tú mismo

y mereces salvarte.

no es una guerra fácil de ganar pero si algo merece la pena ganar, es esto.

piénsalo.

piensa en salvarte a ti mismo.

tu parte espiritual.

la parte de tus entrañas.

tu parte mágica y ebria.

sálvala.

no te unas a los muertos de espíritu.

[sofiaricoo]

I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn't have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn't make for an interesting person. I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.

[sofiaricoo]

don't you ever look at me and tell me that my trauma made me strong. it didn't. it made me scared. it made me small. it made me sit still when I should have ran and run when I should have been held.

trauma didn't shape me. it shattered me.

and left me to pick up the pieces with hands that were already bleeding. don't romanticize my survival. don't paint my panic like it's poetry. don't call my silence resilience just because it rhymed.

my trauma didn't make me strong. I'm the one that got back up. I stitched myself back together in the dark. without instructions and without applause.

I made myself soft and that was the hardest part. because trauma teaches you to flinch. to harden to bite your tongue until it bleeds. I taught myself to speak, to breathe, to stay. I taught myself that shaking isn't the same thing as breaking, and crying is not a weakness. and that gentleness is a kind of power that they never warned me about.

so no. my trauma didn't make me anything but scared. I made me and I did it without permission, without a map without knowing if I'd ever feel whole again. still I got up, not because of what hurt me, but in spite of it not.

because I had to, because I wanted to, I wanted to live. and now l do on my own terms. in my skin, in my strength, in my softness.

trauma doesn't get. trauma doesn't get the recognition for that.

[sofiaricoo]

You just use the future to escape the present.

[sofiaricoo]

About to give up on life

[sofiaricoo]

"He who has a why, can bear almost any how."

- Nietzsche

[sofiaricoo]

"Pero yo ya no soy yo, ni mi casa es ya mi casa."

Federico Garcia Lorca.

[sofiaricoo]

Sadness feels like suicide.

Anger feels like murder.

Distance feels like abandonment.

Joy feels weird and unknown.

[sofiaricoo]

I feel weird. Knowing my body is slowly killing itself but I still have to go to work and function like a 'normal' person. Life keeps going, even when you're sick. It's weird.

[sofiaricoo]

Mientras yo exista, siempre serás amado

[sofiaricoo]

Por mi parte no sé nada con certeza, pero la vista de las estrellas me hace soñar.

[sofiaricoo]

mi corazón se está partiendo a pedazos

[sofiaricoo]

Sensación de estar perdiendo mucha sangre por alguna herida que no ubico.

[sofiaricoo]

"The sky was so bright and starry that when you looked at it the first question that came into your mind was whether it was really possible that all sorts of bad tempered and unstable people could live under such a glorious sky."

- Fyodor Dostoevsky, White Nights.

[sofiaricoo]

"Ya no quiero conocer a alguien más.

Contigo ha terminado la búsqueda, te elijo con la tranquilidad de que también... Te escogeré mañana."

- Alejandra Pizarnik

[sofiaricoo]

Hay estados que nunca hubiésemos soñado siquiera. El de ahora, por ejemplo. Es un estado de espera vacía. De angustia desprendida. De sutil melancolía árida. Un estado que no sirve para producir o gozar Belleza. Ni para bendecir sentido alguno ni para nada. Es algo ineficaz y resignado que no piensa en la muerte pero tampoco en la vida. Que le da lo mismo las apariciones alternadas del sol que los huesos helados.