softnderanged

[softnderanged]

Make a man of me chapter 2 out soon!

[softnderanged]

fanfiction is just another 9 to 5 job

[softnderanged]

Make a man of me

“I know baby, i know.” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. This isn’t who he is, he would never do this with someone he just met, he’ll distance himself..right?

summery: In a world of violence and survival Joel miller gives you the care that the world lacks

WARNINGS: heavy age gap (20ish years) , reclaiming childhood trauma, reader is mute, vague descriptions of reader but you can imagine her as yourself (wavy hair, freckles, doe eyed), readers horrible with feelings, joel is horrible with feelings, reader is a virgin, p in v activities, daddy kink, hard yet soft joel, caretaker joel, actually fatherly joel, outbreak, prn with plot, SLOWBURN. (more tags in the future)

a/n: heyy this is my first post annnddd also my first writing i have a hard time finding joel miller fics that suit my taste soooo here we are any feedback would be appreciated!🎀

Part 1: A soft friend

maybe i grew up when i didn’t want to, maybe i grew up because i had to.

It’s what you told yourself every-time you doubted your strength, your ability to overcome, adapt. You grew up in the quiet of a second floor of a city apartment, scared, underweight, and silent. It was the first thing you were taught by your mother just after you had learned how to read.

scribbles filled your ears as she wrote into the dirt of the coffee table that laid in-front of you. “Searching for food. will be back.” Looking back up at her she gave you a questing nod, you shook your head in agreement, already feeling the pit in your stomach forming as you watched her leave from the worn and weathered couch of a bed and out the fire escape that acted as your front door. You waited what felt like days on end, you knew she wasn’t coming back home and there was nothing you could have done to stop her from from going. Your mother was a stoic woman, knife at her side at all times, rough and rigged from surviving the initial outbreak as a young girl. But she loved you, you could feel it in the way she tenderly finger brushed through your hair and gently braided your wavy strands to keep you maintained, or how she always fed you first when she found the little food she did. You missed her more than anything, she wanted better for you yet all the strength you had suddenly vanished. half a month had passed, though you swear it’d only been an hour but the empty bottles of water and rations from your mothers emergency stock splayed all around the couch you laid in said other wise. there was nothing else, it was time to get a move on yet your feet dragged on the floor, feeling so heavy until you didnt even realize you had reached the door.

“I have to survive.” is all you could think as your little hand grabbed at the handle, you barely recognized yourself as a child way back then anyways.

The present isn’t much different, it’d been around 6-7 years after you’d went about surviving by yourself, it was hard to keep track of time. You had kept in the City area and mapped out the entire surrounding city, you knew it like the back of your hand. The scarcity in everyday items was steadily growing ever so more, and right now what you needed the most was Tylenol for your horrible, almost chronic headaches and some ammo for the P365 handgun you had picked off of a cocky patrol man that strayed off further than he could handle. It’d become routine for you to go through and check the routes you drew out in the old and worn map that you obtained from some sort of news stand, sometimes straying to explore, like now, currently standing in the shade of an alley way you looked around the area squinting your eyes for any landmarks you recognized. None, until your eyes landed on what looked to be an old pharmacy across the street, bingo!

Carefully placing the fragile map back into your torn grey backpack that definitely needed some love. You set off towards the worn and abandoned building, making sure to watch for any sudden movement before darting across and into the narrow space between the pharmacy and another building. Not wanting to be seen from the street you looked for a way in, spotting a small smashed in window above a garbage bin and deciding that was going to be your entrance. “fuck.” you thought as you climbed up onto the overgrown Garbage bin and use all your strength to pull yourself to sit on the window sill and land feet first through the shattered opening, feeling yourself wince at the sharp pain of tiny shards dug into the palm of your hand— scaling was never your strong suit.

Debris mixed with glass crushed under the foot of your boots as you landed and immediately took in your surrounding as you took careful steps to skim over the few isles for supplies, realizing you jumped into the back of the prescription pick up. If not for your mother induced mutism no one would—

—CRACK—

Before you knew it you ducked down behind the pharmaceutical counter, grabbing at where your gun lay in your holster. You questioned if this was even worth it, you could leave and go without your needs. Weighing your options, you decided if there was too much to handle you would book it the same way you came in. Listening, you gripped your pistol and slipped in and out of the isles of the pharmacy, slowly making your way to where the sound had come from. you paused— a voice came into coherent range.

Holding your breath, you peeked around the corner,, there was a man on his knees wearing what looked like militia wear pinning another man by the neck on the floor. “I knew checking this area would be worth it, it was a stupid fucking mistake on your part getting into other peoples shit.” The militia man’s grip tightened as the taller and bulkier one of the two thrashed against him, filling your ears with the sound of struggle and grunts as his left hand fisted around the other mans wrist and the other,, throwing heavy punches that didn’t seem to make a difference, the scene made your wide eyes twitch at every blow. Steadying your quiet but uneven breaths, you prepared yourself to leave. You weren’t staying around to see the end, but there was a quiet thought that flooded your mind.

This man is going to die.

Surviving on your own made you frayed at the edges, you survived for yourself and death was nothing new but you couldn’t shake this, couldn’t shake the nauseating feeling it gave you thinking about what would happen if you left the two men to their business. Convincing yourself you were doing this for yourself, you let out an internal groan as you reached in your pocket and flipped out the switchblade you kept on you and snuck along a few more isles, being careful for glass shards that laid sparse all across the tile floor until you had view of the back of the armored man.

Realizing you had the advantage, you ran up and jumped on the mans back desperately stabbing into his neck as a choked out scream left his mouth and hands coiling back to claw at your arm that held him secure under his jaw. The room fell silent as you ripped out your now sticky with blood switchblade from the lifeless body of the now dead man, your breath slowed as you looked at the grump you just saved. getting a closer look he was disheveled as fuck. He looked around 40 but still extremely built and strong but not over done, wearing what looks like a muted dark green not fully buttoned button down, with one or two missing and a worn and well loved brown leather winter jacket over top. His jeans thick and straight cut, surprisingly with no rips or tears minus the washed out hint of green and brown on his knees.

His eyes slowly trailed up your body to meet yours, his hand cupping at his neck to sooth the ache. The sound of trucks came creeping in. “We need to go. Now.” He said, quickly getting up and leaning on a side door before pushing it wide to stick his head out.

“Alright go on out now, s’fine.”

Nodding you stepped out and held the door with all your strength while he made himself fit out the opening. You ran and hid with him for what felt like forever, your legs long gone sore and everything, but god, you wouldn’t imagine what his legs were feeling right now hes pretty fucking old. Eventually you both made it to a hide out of his, he pulled out a key and unlocked the door holding it open for you as you walked in. The place was fairly clean considering the world you lived in, it didn’t look like a permanent place, just a hide out with a sofa and supplies. Was he not from here? Why is he here? What does he want? God what did you get yourself wrapped into.

The man stared at your deep in thought face while he leaned on the peeling wall of the room. “So..you from aroun’ here?” You turned to him and nodded, his eyes followed as you looked down to rub at your palms. “Let me take care of that f’ya, least i could do. just take a seat.” You didn’t even know this man let alone trust him at all, on-top of that you can handle yourself, you weren’t going to stay and that was final.

…

And you sat, Gaddam it. “Your hand.” He says, hesitantly you raise it up for him as he wipes at it with a wet rag. He’s gentle, too gentle like he’s afraid you’ll shatter as he wraps a bandage around both of your palms. “Not much of a talker are ya, the names Joel, Joel Miller.” Your eyes followed him up as he got back on his feet, knees popping.

“Assumin’ you got no where to go and no one with you ill give you some options, you can come with me or stay. headin’ to a place called Jackson, bout’ a week trip over only reason i came here was to scope out loot, your decision.”

Your mind raced, he really is a stranger but you have absolutely no one here, it was a risk you weren’t sure on taking, it couldnt hurt to go along right? if things went south you can book it, you didnt have to trust him to follow behind. By the time you came to your decision the door had shut behind him, getting up you turned the handle and set off.

“Glad to see you made your choices.” You couldn’t see his face but the lack of tension in his body as he walked made you feel a little more at ease.

It’d been about a day since you started Traveling with him, now in a shopping district scavenging around for what you could find in a clothing store. The fancy dresses of the time made your eyes hurt at how unpractical they were. “Time t’get a move on, we got another store to go through before we’re out.” Motioning you to follow him through a door, It was a back hallway that connected each of the buildings, the last store being the toy shop.

Joel held the door for you as you stepped in, small trinkets and plushies of all sizes filled the area but one caught your attention. A soft brown teddy bear with beady black eyes and decent size to use both your hands to hug.

Picking it up struck a chord, a chord you couldn’t describe but it hurt, maybe it was the lack of being able to be a child, to have the luxury of toys, or live a life of having no worries of going to sleep hungry, maybe its everything. Joel noticed immediately how your body trembled holding the bear that looked like its purpose was to be in your arms. Taking slow steps he walked towards you until he was the closest he’s been to you.

“you alright?” he said, snapping you out of it and turning to look up at him.

you wanted to hold it in, you haven’t felt like this in forever, you don’t know him and this was just so embarrassing but you just couldn’t hold it in.

Like a overflowed dam cracking, it all came out, tears pouring, you couldn’t do anything but look down to save at-least a part of your dignity. You could hear him let out a soft “oh..” before he held your face to look at him, thumb swiping at a tear like it was question if this was okay, there was a look on his face, like seeing you cry broke a part of him, it wasn’t pity, it was care. There was no going back so you leaned into him craving any sort of security and comfort. Joel took that opportunity to take the bear out of your hands and pick you up with his left arm, quietly shushing you while his right cradled your head into his neck, not caring about the puddle of tears that would stain his jacket as he made his way to the book section of the store that had a white worn down rocking chair, his knees cracked as he balanced the chair before sitting down and laying back with you in his arms.

“I know baby girl m’sorry the worlds unfair, you’re doing the best you can, don’t need to act all tough right now.”

His words melted into every crevice of you, it was so calming, nothing like you’ve ever experienced, his heart beat, the small gentle circles he’s been scratching on your back, his scent of pine and faint smell of sweet vanilla, the soothing rocking, his warmth, so warm. The tears slowly subsided and you could feel your eyes drift shut from how exhausted your tears made you, sniffles dying down.

Once joel noticed you fell asleep he tucked the bear under you arm.

“I know baby, i know.” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. This isn’t who he is, he would never do this with someone he just met, he’ll distance himself..right?