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[soleilocverse]

Ray and Ness Sick Days Commentary

AHSKDHA ik the point was literally that these vibes are so different but I was writing the mac and cheese making scene then went back to Ch. 21 to parallel the bedtime routine and got whiplash in the change in mood

I think from an author's perspective, I wanted to emphasize the childish way that Ness speaks because it's such a step back from the current state of main fic that these little details are being brought to the forefront of my mind and also Ray's. and Also in the offchance that anybody comes Not from mainfic, it's a little easier to tell that this is a Toddler and not like. a Child. Hence we get all the pronunciation dashes on the bigger words.

LOL i have a scene later on where Ness does that "spits wad of chewed up food out" and Soleil is indeed like, H NESS, PLEASE. but at the time, i implied that it was something Ness thought was fine so i think it's really funny to imagine him doing it off screen from Soleil with the others bc he knows soleil isn't going to be happy about it but the others r chill with it. (actually i'm sure athena was the one to first get him to do it. like, it was almost certainly during soleil's heat since that's when he's mostly been Not with soleil so i can imagine she saw he was about to puke or something, from overeating or anxiety, and she just sticks out her hand with a napkin to get him to spit and then. doesn't mention it to soleil bc it's a one-off thing and she doesn't want to stress him more at the time.)

I also think it's fun to see Ness be kiddish and goofy @ roar-ing like a dinosaur (but it's only a Little yell)

Soleil doesn't have a blow dryer in the suite (yet lol) but i think he's mastered the art of avoiding getting his tail wet in the shower. ness is a bit of a different story but i think he's mastered the art of getting ness's tail Mostly Mostly dry bc the thought of trying to sleep w/ the wet spot is. sensory nightmare.

I think I may have mentioned I try and pick something that has meaning in the chapter for the title and I picked Dinosaur Nuggets for this one partially bc i liked the ring of it and i think they were super cute. but then realized ray Does just show his love through food and so i think it was a good choice for something that's meaningful/representative of them both

I also. just titled it Sick Days bc i wanted to do smth? referencing the weight of ness in ray's lap and in his life, smth like impossibly light and profoundly heavy but then i didn't like the way that sounded and i will. sit here and not post bc i'm too caught up on the title (ALWAYS,,, the last step in my writing process bc i always FORGET,,, ABOUT THEM SDFHKDSJHFKHFKDJH) so i just titled it w/ how i was referring to it in my head/on the doc, Ray and Ness sick days

ALSO WAIT, "this u?"

i. could not resist drawing them

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 21 Commentary

Wrote this ch over. Many a moon. But while finishing it up had a strep throat scare While 3 days away from a big test that I can only take once a year and i was. Very Stressed.

"Can you bring me,” he names the first thing he can think of just to get Ray to move, “a bottle of water, please. And then can you please just come get Ness?” 

(I keep accidentally deleting these draft notes aaa) but I think it's cool to see Soleil being Actively manipulative? He did it too when he asked Ray for stuff but he's v aware of how to change his demeanor to get what he wants/appease people. Like, it's always been along the lines of being submissive in some way but there are different ways of playing that (in this case, by submitting to ray's desire to bring something to him, even if he doesn't think he needs anything, he can move things along.) and he is aware that the others want him to be able to ask for things Plus they defer to him when it's Ness in mind

so while he tends not to ask for things partially bc he genuinely doesn't want to be a burden/ask for too much/owe them for it/etc, there's also the constantly analyzing part of him that knows if he doesn't ask for much, when he Really wants to ask for something, even if it's something he thinks the others might be hesitant about (but not Too hesitant. he wants to play Into their feelings, not try and oppose them) then he's much more likely to get it. like. having ray take ness and leave soleil in the suite while barely giving him time to think about it

"Hi, baby" croon

Was re-reading and got walloped noticing that I'd written Soleil going "hi, baby" over the phone in the same kind of croon that he has when he goes "hi, baby" when Ness wakes up for him in the basement and i,,,, it wasn't intentional, it's just a thing he Does and i think it's going to keep popping up. Just that, swell of relief and a teeny bit of desperation coming out in that croon.

i keep wanting to write ness in a high chair and then i have to go No booster seat, u know why, bc i think it'd be insanely cute for him to play w/ things on a tray table or to see him kick his little feet but he's not quite That tiny

Cyrill's texting

I had to go back and edit over Cyrill's texting so much bc i was like. babes. this is just You (specifically, i wrote "totes" in my author notes and then went back and saw him type totes twice and was like.......hm don't like that HKDSJHSK), so, i've decided cyrill uses a lot more shortened words like tgt/ofc. he doesn't tend to type out the "you" "are" etc and uses a lot of emojis. i think actually, he would be an Atrocious texter when it comes to katie bc he thinks it's funny when he shortens words so much it's just consonants or just straight up only uses emojis and makes her figure out what he's trying to say (which she tends to do!!)

Soft versions because my brain is too fried to get into that headspace rn: "🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒😩😩🤧😫😫 let me out" when he gets sick or "💗🐶😷🤒😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭, he’s so upset about it too 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔" when soleil gets sick (i think this will also mutate into soleil just Being the pink heart eventually but for clarity's sake it's pink haired dog 😭)

He only manages a couple and spends the rest of the time running his finger pad up and down the sleeve, feeling the little bumps of the crackers and not really hearing the crackling of the plastic.

idk the sensory of mindlessly running his finger up and down the bumps got me here and then i had to parallel it w/ ness's spine

He has the oddly calm thought that “this is it.” If Ness dies, this is it for him, forever. There won't be anything left.

HI, i want you to know that this entire scene came to me into a dream and these lines absolutely blasted the fuck out of me.

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 20 Commentary

"Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you, too.” Soleil looks at him in confusion for a moment before he hesitantly agrees and then leaves to get Ness.

Soleil "what could I possibly need" Etain as if he is not about to absolutely crumble under all this pressure he's putting on himself. Even when Ray spells it out in clearer terms he is absolutely hyperfocused on the physical sickness aspect and only for Ness's sake

He gives Ray a transparently desperate look so Ray tables it for now, not willing to stress him out further while he’s eating.

Was soooo thinking about how ur not supposed to stress your pets out in their eating areas

Lots of kitchen appliances as bg or the Only noise going on lately.

"N—I'm awake! I'm awake, thank you." He yelps and Ray watches his hands as they shoot out to grab his plate and pull it closer to him. “I’m very grateful that you made us pancakes. Thank you, Ray.” He gives a hysteria-tinged smile.

[DJ voice] two steps back now y'all. woohoo for being careful not to say "no," fear of food being taken away, thanking (twice), expressing his gratitude, and a nervous Name drop. he is not doing well (i think it should've come through in fic but the lack of sleep is Not doing wonders for him. and it's not Just lack of sleep but a lack of sleep and then worrying him self into the ground while he's awake) tho!! small mercies, he does not apologize here. And then poor Ness is equally caught up in the vibes, if Soleil is worried, should he be worried too? And Soleil has to continue balancing not stressing Ness out while being Super Stressed which is doubly not great for admitting to himself/others that smth is wrong

"Did you know that they’re not supposed to live in bowls that tiny?” He says after a long moment. Ray looks at Soleil’s hands too, irritated and peeling as they are. “I did,” he says, “Athena told me once when we went to the store together.” Goldfish too. When they would go to the pet store for Athena’s cat, they would try and see how many dead fish they could spot in the stacks of palm-sized plastic containers. Some dark high-schooler curiosity that he thinks wouldn't sit well with Soleil and that makes him uneasy in the back of his mind, thinking of pretty, dead things in small, cramped quarters. It makes him feel uneasy looking at how vacant Soleil is now.

I like the lyricism of this bit. Hence it gets title rights despite the morbidness. But i also like Soleil having a fish motif and while the comparison of him living in a dark, enclosed space is v literal, I'm also thinking about the mental aspects and his history of having nobody else to rely on (Rose withstanding but even that was only so much), so ofc it's hard for him to even Think he could rely on ray here even if he Wasn't doing his best to isolate as much as possible. (And then isolating from a sickness point And from a return to his former way of living as like a safety crutch/ingrained pattern thing. v messy!)

Then he seems to shrug off his heavy mood with an ease that speaks of practice. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that he’s pulling on another layer. He doesn’t know which is worse.

This too! I liked the wording of it and Ray watching right in front of his eyes as Soleil transforms so fully just for Ness.

“I’d like to help more. You seem really tired. And stressed. And distressed.” He presses as softly as he can. “I’m worried.” Soleil blinks at him and Ray’s hoping he’s not imagining some of the clarity.

This and this whole convo, Ray is trying SO HARD! and soleil just DOES NOT GET IT. in the long-run he has SO little practice at taking care of himself, esp when it's "time to put on blinders and disregard my emotional and physical health to make sure ness is alright" mode. he genuinely does Not even notice how much worse he is doing right now, rather than willfully ignoring it. (like, w/ making breakfast for the others, trying to pay for a perceived mistake w/ a service, at least then he realized he was slipping back into old habits, and he did Not like it)

And props to Ray for getting Soleil to promise to talk to Penny / promising to loop Cyrill in. I think he would've gone to athena first bc they've known each other for so long, like that's his best friend, but athena is sleeping </3 I Did actually try writing an alternate ending where Ray tells Cyrill exactly what's up but then Ray's reasoning in the final ver comes true, Cyrill gets all worried and fretful and then he gets restless bc he can't go to Soleil in person (but he would reach out over text, and i genuinely think it would stress soleil out to have Two people being like, hey we noticed these behaviors and they're concerning which he would twist into oh no i am doing something Wrong. but he would Continue doing them bc he's much more stressed about ness so >> not great for anybody). i added in cyrill texting soleil like, in ao3 editor that's how late that change was but i think it's a nice compromise. main point here is that ray /is/ in fact ready to ask other people for help. he's p go with the flow overall (which can be a problem sometimes) but it means if the flow is saying find outside help, he'll go do that p quickly.

When he brings the plate up for Cyrill, it’s comforting to hear the expected and ridiculous, “haha, balls,” Cyrill gives as he uses one finger to push one of the chocolates into the other.

man did this chapter need some levity. and i think it's fun when the other POV charas are a little in the dark about smth that's just popped up

i had to change the ending line from "the point is moot" to "it's a moot point" bc the second Is like, the way u say it but also consider, i like the way the first sounds better. i think i do actually say like, the point is moot somewhere else in fic but idt that was a final chapter line so lower stakes AHDKJASDH i know i put the warnings for a reason and I always hope they're useful cause I'll be re-reading to check for grammar/typos/to make sure i've actually Completed the chapter and not left a transition missing, or to fill this commentary or my consistencies doc out, AKA i'll be doing a lot of re-reading and every now and then i'll have to do my own breathing exercises midway through like, oh man why tf am i so anxious, AS IF i'm not reading from the POV of a highly anxious character who came straight from my brain AHKDJAHKL this arc was SOOOOO not good for my anxiety at points AHSDKJSADHKAJHDJKASK, i've been writing this sickfic arc since last year (specifically what is currently ch 22 since december and FINALLY,,,, TENTATIVELY FINISHED THIS MONTH HOLY HELL) and there have been plenty opportunities for me or someone i live with or someone i interacted closely with to be sick and @@ man. great for yay :) fic research :)), less great for not feeding into my anxiety oops. i'm not sure what the etiquette for compulsion tagging is but I thought it better to list them in the ending tags bc then people can gauge "oh yeah that's one of my triggers maybe i ought to steer clear for a sec" rather than wading into the fic and getting smacked with, ooh hahaa cool i do that :), and then i feel like there's a big difference between the POV chara doing it and then an outside chara seeing it so i wanted to clarify that. squints. next chapter will be much more from Soleil's POV so more emphasis on the thoughts/internal processes rather than the outside perspective of him acting on his compulsions

[soleilocverse]

Scent Test

ASHDKJAH I was looking for something and realized I never posted my fic research of me going to Bath and Body Works and genuinely sniffing every candle they had out so: here are my notes w/ typos and all :) I sorted them roughly (bc on the spot) from Best to NO primarily thinking about what soleil would like but inevitably influenced by my own tastes

scents I found Strong got an * in front, no-gos got an x (increasing number of x's based just how much i was like ❌❌❌❌❌❌ on first impression)

findings: - soleil would like the mellow-er scents over the super strong ones which is fine bc cyrill wouldn't have brought any of those anyway - would go Bonkers over the ones that smell like fresh laundry or the others' creamers or other little day-by-day surrounding scents. - he also likes bake-y and fruit-y scents. and lavender!! i don't really like lavender so it was surprising the first time i sniffed one and brain was like :00000000 he would go for it, and then by the end I was like HE WOULD GO FOR IT - meanwhile he dislikes floral-y or perfume-y scents and strong woods-y or cologne-y scents as they would be triggers for him - and then ofc, the names and scents of candles i wind up using in fic :)

this was. a four page document btw so be aware when you hit read more. at the end of this fic research I personally walked away with a hot cocoa and sugared lemon zest candle btw ^^ i'm ngl the hot cocoa was 80% bc it reminded me of ness

Hi [here is my initial visit ^^ and i said hi to orient myself bc i did Not have a game plan going in]

Best

- the linen and lavender is v mellow but he would LOVE this. It's got like a subtle spiciness and reminds him of dryer sheets

-The bubbly rose is surprisingly sweet, and v mellow. Smells fruitier than champagne toast I think it's the cranberry

But the champagne toast is even More mellow

-the hot cocoa and cream smells good :) the Choco is v up in ur face but not overpowering

-*Merry Cookie

-*Spiced gingerbread smells like merry cookie but w/more spice lol

-*sugared lemon zest is v strong and v sweet and zesty

-*limoncello is somehow More strong and just as good, much more straight up Sugar Candy (Soleil would prefer the sugar zest)

-* the sundrenched linen smells v laundry-y, I think Soleil would like the smell but it's also v strong 

-*Spiced citrus Grove is really strong but it's really nice, I think it would subconsciously remind Soleil of both Cyrill and athena

-crunchy English toffee smells like toffee :) v sweet and not Strong but getting there

-Cinnamon caramel swirl

-straeberry pound cake smells v sweets and if U really inhale u can smell like, a super ripe strawberry that's sat and gotten super juicy, oops Soleil would like that a lot

-peach belline really peach sweet w a hint of zest (the sweet orange ig)

-the white pumpkin smells spicy but has a nice warm tone to it, probs the caramel

-Winter candy apple v sweet and mellow

-the champagne apple and honey is lightly sweet and mellow

-the raspberry mimosa is v sweet

-same w/ midnight blue citrus w/ the mango, v nice and mellow

-the lavender vanilla is v underwhelming so I think Soleil might like it, esp bc like lavender and soothing qualities or so he's heard

-raspberry thumbprint is v There if u know what ur looking for, has a good mix of the two but it's kinda weird bc they're So mixed? Idk

-vanilla bean

-punpkin pecan waffles has a warm effect to it (probs the maple syrup but otherwise is too difficult to parse)

--

Acceptable

-vanulla bean noel isn't v strong (the lotion is stronger)

The after scent on it is v warm likecaraml scents

-*Crushed candy smells more like candy than the twisted peppermint

-peppermint sugar cookie has a??? Kind of mellow scent to it? Like smth from bath time? It might be the creamy butter??

-tis the season has a v appley kind of scent that mixes well with the spice and it's quite mellow (Soleil would like this one a lot)

-straeberry snowflakes faintly sweet and faintly like, creamy ig (w/ the whipped cream)

-the cinnamon spiced vanilla is not as good as merry cookie but it's not bad (not as in ur face)

-wildberry ube is fruity and sweet but it has a lingering after scent

-laundry day straight up smells like a laundromat Including the like, heat of them but Soleil would Not be familiar with that and would prefer linen and lavender

-iced winter balsam smells v lemony (eucalyptus)at first but then the pine and balsam come in except they kind of linger after that

-winter pear forest smells brightly of pears w/ some woodsy undertones. If u like. Inhale really hard the pear picks up

-cocoa roasted chestnuts is v acceptable but I can't tell what it is lol?

-cedar and suede is v underwhelming so acceptable

-holiday just smells really spicy, so does cinnamon stick

-frosted coconut snowball is nice but hard to parse

-sugared pomegranate smells nice but it's afterscent is kinda :/

-balsam and bergamot inoffensive 

-luminous and a thousand wishes kinda hm. Not enough to like not enough to dislike

--

No-gos

-*bright Christmas morning is v fruity sweet and would be nice if it wasn't so strong

-pistachio toasted vanilla has that v nutty lingering scent

-frosted cranberry has an undertone that's kinda strong and not v fruity

-palo Santo and sage is mostly underwhelming but has a lingering scent

-xSpiced apple toddy

-x Birchwood orchard

-x vanilla Birchwood and idek what it's trying to smell like

-The sugared snickerdoodle smells more like wax than anything else? Maybe i got a dud

-Golden Berry Mistletoe is v hard to parse, but it smells like it would be in a bathroom

-christmas cider just smells like Spicy?

-*So does the sweet cinnamon pumpking but that one's super overwhelming

-Fireside

-Falling flurries hard to parse

-mahogany teakwood intense

-woodlands

-idk what winterberry ice is trying to smell like but no

-idk what coffee and whiskey is but I don't like it

-black cherry merlot, also it reminds me of the chiropractor for some reason

-gingham hard to parse and has a strangely like ??? Planty great [idk what this means past me] kind of underscent

-*eucalyptus mint bc too strong (also idt Soleil likes mint), I think eucalyptus spearmint is like the same thing but either way. Same vibes. Also the second didn't mix as well??

-*under the Christmas tree v piney or. Woody ig lol

-eucalyptus snowfall smells like eucalyptus so

-Frozen lake smells too much like Irish spring

-winter smells spicy and woodsy

-xxFlannel smells too much like cologne

-xx same w/ Woodlands tho that has a more woody smell 

-xx mahogany balsam

-xx same for veviter glow

-xxwhite gardenia too perfumey, reminds him of his mom

-xx rose water ivy for same reason

-*xx cactus blossom for same reason

-xx Japanese cherry blossom for the same reason And it was kinda nauseating

*Xx tree farm vvvv woodsy and v strong

-xxxxxx vanilla patchouli was just Nauseating. I also dk what patchouli is tho

-*xxx holy shit the peppermint hot chocolate is So Strong

Xxx idk wtf leather and brandy Actually smells like cause it's neither of those and it's not good

Pt 2 [i went back. not realizing candle day candles were limited time only and wanting to scope some of those out]

-Hot pink cocoa really does smell like ruby chocolate but it's also erring towards too strong

- the caramel frappuchino smells Exactly as advertised, Soleil would love this bc it reminds him of mornings

-i did not like cozy cashmere at first bc it's kinda perfumey but then caught the lavender and vanilla which Soleil would like, even w/ the sandalwood bc the sw is not Too strong

--

-Brioche French toast is really sweet and the maple syrup is really up there

- bordering on dislike the afternoon rainfall is way too sweet for what it advertised, I think it's the aloe which I always get in my bubble tea lol

--

-linen sheets is way too strong and cologne like

-*xx leaves is way too strong and spicy, was expecting it so smell clear and crisp or smth

-xx cuddle weather is spicy again, why is everything so fucking spicy

*Xxxxx vanilla birch the birch is So Strong

-* Palo Santo reminds me of just straight rubber

[soleilocverse]

Ch 19 Commentary

"Cyrill takes it gently and rubs his thumbs over the two fleshy bumps at the bottom of his palm, not scenting yet."

u have NO IDEA. how much i wanted to call the bottom part of soleil's palm the "ball of his hand" but google was like ? ??? ? ?HUH? that has always been referred to as the "ball of ur hand" in my head so imagine my >> when i was like. wait. is that a thing (thinking it might not be a thing. which it is not dHFSKJDF)

“Have a seat and I’ll let you know in just a sec~”

This line makes me so happy for some reason? Just like, Cyrill's penchant for showing off overriding any thought he might have for it worrying Soleil? Cyrill really Does like showing off and I feel he hasn't had as much of a chance to do so but now that everyone's getting more comfortable w/ each other, he's letting himself do that more. Also i think he's just getting a little pent-up which makes him want to act out more, and part of acting out is being a bit of a show-off.

this for sure relates to him saying he's "scented with a cutie" and immediately wishing he hadn't, bc he doesn't want to overwhelm soleil/make him uncomfortable but it's a lot harder to Not be so loose/flippant when they're getting more comfortable around each other. (i've hopefully left it ambiguous enough as to what soleil Is feeling about that slip. it's not just cyrill's POV, i think soleil is just straight up having unclear feelings about that interaction)

Ray breaks his concentration because he emerges from where he’s been in his office and unlocks the door from the inside first and exits through.

Aaa, it's not like, a Long-term solution bc it's just not possible that someone's going to be home every time + able to get to the door when someone else is coming home but, trying to spare Soleil that panic right after a Fresh reminder of how much the dead bolt upsets him, makes me soft. (tho maybe it's not the Most effective method either since he didn't actually tell soleil he was going to do it. so the two of them each sat there with some brainpower dedicated to waiting for the others to get home. i have more thoughts on this/their relationship/the way they interact (or don't interact) with each other but they r stewing still and not yet words.)

"'Is there anything else I can help with?' He asks and sits up straight when Cyrill turns towards him."

This interaction is pinging me so hard. I think it's that he's p much completely at ease, he's not asking out of anxiety or bc he thinks he Should be helping

And then - "He sits up primly, with his hands in his lap, when he’s done.

'Anything else?' He asks with a tilt of his head and a swish of his tail. He quickly quiets his tail."

i'm ngl i think it would make cyrill slightly insane @ soleil sitting up straight, waiting for direction, and smelling so sweet and pleased. also I am going insane bc genuinely, soleil just wants to be pleasing and liked and to be safe (and those three are currently all bundled together). and i'm thinking about the pyramid of needs now, i think this section gets me so good bc soleil would Also like to be told he's done a good job/Feel like he's done a good job and he has so rarely had the opportunity for either, esp not for smth he actually Enjoys. so his ease and soft eagerness here makes me want to crawl up some walls. I think it's also funny that he then immediately brushes off cyrill's thanks. "Oh, it was nothing." Not to you it wasn't!! And not to him either!!

“Yes.” He forces himself to say even though his throat is tight. “Yes, I—”

Originally, this line was "Yes, I want that." and then he looks down to his lap but then upon reread, brain was like WOAH that's so forward of him idk about all that just yet, even tho he's riding the high of this successful candle making. and then it was a "yes, I—i'd like that" but then it was so succinct/abrupt in terms of the Structure and still slightly too forward but then i realized, like. he's genuinely choked up by emotion anyway. he can force himself to say the first Yes because he wants to make sure cyrill hears his answer (and he's good at forcing out answers, Yes's especially) but the rest of it is all uncharted territory and i was like, ah yeah, ig he just Doesn't say the rest of that and it Does actually work for his chara.

SNEEZES, me realizing cyrill and soleil paralleling each other here-->cyrill saying he Wants wrt doing puzzles/naps etc again, and hoping soleil can hear just how much in his voice. soleil being unable to Say he wants but hoping cyrill can see it in his face. lies down, they r so,,, earnest and dear to me and trying so hard, lies down again

CLIFFHANGER? ahskf idt it's Quite dramatic enough to be called a cliffy but :3 esp compared to my usual tendency to wrap things up softly

this ch was broken off of last bc it was getting too long and while this ch was genuinely a bunch of plot-relevant padding/set up (setting up soleil being able to let someone else watch over ness, esp while he himself is napping. what i just pointed out @ wanting to feel like he's done a good job, another set-up for going out somewhere together) i was also like. i need to pack in the fluff bc we r about to take a trip back to angst town. here comes one of those two (three.....four?) steps back moments in the "healing is not linear" vibe

Ness quickly bustles over to pull down the blanket that hangs over that side of the couch and to lay it over Soleil, uncomfortably using him as a prop and pressing all his weight through one arm straight onto Soleil’s ribs so he can reach it.

Forgot I wanted to talk about this bit bc!! Like, I was just thinking about how bony and heavy and not-body-conscious toddlers can be and like! Ness is getting used to being able to do all of that, like in ch 17 where he throws himself into Soleil's lap in the park (and that doesn't end so well), his default is changing from worrying about pressing on bruises/really Hurting his mother or even considering that to be a possibility which is great! That's absolutely the better scenario in Soleil's eyes, even if it means now he's stressed about a more squirmy, wriggly, energetic Ness (but that stress will lessen over time too ^^ as his default changes from worrying that Ness will be Too Much). And i think ness will also slowly work out these new boundaries look like ^^

[soleilocverse]

Gel Clings/Window Stickies

Here's pics of some of the gel clings I bought as fic research! The halloween ones were first and would you believe me :) if i said they were on my window until the beginning of this month (march) and then. i sat on this post for 3 weeks DHSKFJH

Fic research notes below:

I got all of these from target btw!! some of them in the seasonal section, some of them in that dollar section. okay so things i have learned:

BUGS. will stick in these. i thought my room was a bug free zone until i woke up to like three of those little tiny (idet they're fruit flies) stuck to the surfaces.

Follow up point. IF. u try and wipe those bugs out normally, and they're not fresh, they will crumble into little bug dust and get all sorts of stuck in your gel cling. so either catch them early (you won't. ness might if he's checking them every day but these things become bg noise for me) or carefully pluck them out with your fingers wrapped in a paper towel or smth. or resign yourself to bug dust <3

they Will rip if you are too rough with them

FOLLOW UP POINT, they rip much easier when they've been sitting in the sun for five months and u decide now's the time to switch them out :)

sitting in the sun makes them soft and hot and floppy!! they feel thinner and more delicate than the fresh ones

sitting in the sun for five months also gives them a distinct scent that, if i was feeling generous, i would describe as "sun-warmed." and if i was feeling Not generous, i would describe as "melted plastic" aDHSKJDS

they don't actually catch as much hair/dust as i would've expected?

BOO, i hate putting together the ones like the taco where there's multiple parts. they're kind of annoying to line up (this was seconded by someone else irl)

they sure will just make these things whatever. "love you 'slow much'" is v funny and i think the sloths are cute but babes what does that have to do with valentine's :sob: same for all the foods. i put the taco and pizza together with a heart between them tho like they're a couple

LOL i actually did have ones that said trick or treat but they were ugly and i dropped them on the floor behind a stack of boxes and forgot it existed until after i took this photo. so point being. sometimes u buy the set just for one or two cute things in it. (i can't remember if it was the pumpkins or the BOO; that pic includes 3 mish-mashed sets)

IF i had space for it, there is no way i would've taken down the halloween ones so now all i can think of is ness and crew slowly filling up their window w/ all these miscellaneous holiday gel clings until it's filled up (bc. idt any of them could bear saying no to Ness one's he's started it this way, and soleil would take his cue from the others)

actually (and this is why i do fic research) thinking more about those implications and, ahh,, atm at least, i think soleil would genuinely be the first to break and clear up the window (some). athena would be too enamored with ness filling up all this space on his own even if it bothers her a bit, cyrill would genuinely think it looks hilarious and send pics to his family gc every time new clings go up, and ray would be too unbothered to care either way, esp when his partners aren't super bothered. but soleil has the most practice saying no to ness/re-routing him into smth else, and he Would like to be able to look outside again, actually.

[soleilocverse]

Floating Comment Box

I rb'd a post a little while ago about the AO3 floating comment box extension and I've realized I rb'd the wrong one 🙈.

This <3 is the floating comment box I know and love https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/395902-ao3-floating-comment-box I think I misremembered following a tutorial and so saw that one and thought it must've been that + it didn't even occur to me that there would be two of this p niche thing. But wanted to link the correct one bc she carries me so hard <333

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 18 Commentary

“Ness would like these,” he says once he’s swallowed his bite, eyes clearing up and his smile gaining some real substance. -- I think that this is very true. And Soleil is happy at the prospect of Ness getting to try them and enjoying them. I think there's also a bunch of Other stuff going on in this line.

Like, Soleil casually holding up the scenario/item/or whatever at hand like a paint swatch to see how it will fit in with Ness is his default state. Putting Ness before himself is ingrained 100%.

And so is pivoting either consciously or unconsciously to thinking about Ness's happiness/health/etc in times of stress. It's much easier, and he has much more practice, and in his opinion it's much more productive to shelve any issue he's having in order to focus on Ness.

And bringing up Ness in this manner takes the attention off of him and puts it onto Ness like a conversation ender; I think this is a subconscious thing though in the way of shelving his issues internally and less trying to avoid some more complicated convo with Ray

And a big thing: Soleil v clearly likes them ^^ Soleil Also mostly avoids saying when he likes things. But ness liking something? Well that's much more acceptable. (And if he gets to enjoy something along the way, like waffle strips or >> going outside, then that would be nice too)

As far as I can tell, unless I've forgotten >>, but doing a quick ctrl+f there is only One instance where he directly tells one of the others something that he currently likes. the other times it's about something that he's liked before, or it's to another chara or w/ them as a buffer

[from ch.12] there's this where Soleil's talking to Emily: “Uh, I,” Soleil looks over at him and Ray kind of makes a go-on, his brow furrows, “I like to bake and read.” Ray tilts his head, he hasn’t seen Soleil read anything but they also haven’t offered anything for him to read, that’s something they’ll have to fix."

there's emily as buffer but he still feels the need to check Ray's reaction before he can vocalize something he likes.

and from ch.17 there's this: "'I know I like the salted caramel and pumpkin spice from your creamers.' Which is new information to Ray."

- yeah!! bc soleil doesn't say the things he likes :). i think it's great that 2x now Ray has been Witness to soleil saying smth he likes and didn't know about, bc it wasn't intentional but v on par. it's not hard to catch some of the things soleil likes through observation: going outside (most of the time), hot chocolate, lasagna, arts and craft-y things. and trying to then ply him with more of those things without him having to ask works to an extent. But it's a reminder that there are so many things soleil continues to hold close to his chest (sometimes consciously, sometimes not).

he can say it so clearly here 1) after months of getting to know the others where any time he's said he's liked something they've only encouraged more of it, 2) because he's providing context for emily (she is a buffer in this situation) 3) and bc (as the deciding factor) he's not talking about the creamers themselves, which he won't have any of either way, but their Scents. he'll talk around saying he likes something by saying it's nice or tastes/feels good or otherwise talk about a Quality that makes him like the thing, but usually doesn't Directly say he likes something.

And the One instance i was thinking of is in ch.15 here: "'I like—spending time with you too.' He says, hoping that maybe she won’t hear it over the sound of the water" There's the pause bc he nearly aborts the sentence and even when he follows through he's worried about announcing it too loudly. Anyway :) looking forward to expanding on that some more in fic :)) esp parallel w/ the others who r very open (and very secure :)) about what they like

“I don’t know if… 'hurting me' is maybe too..." and in his talk w/ Penny where he has quotes around 'distressed' 'proud' 'hurting me' 'of course' [he can stop something that's hurting him] and ‘appreciate me regardless of what I can do for them.’

The quotes are just all the bits he hasn't had reason to believe, that someone would be proud of him, that he would be appreciated, at all, let alone just for existing, that he could stop something (and so easily at that)

And then w/ 'hurting him' and 'distressed' there's some more of Soleil minimizing or dismissing things that make him uncomfortable or >> distressed. bc making breakfast has certainly been distressing him, but dismissing/minimizing for reasons that you can probably guess and that i'm excited to get more into eventually \o/

"He hovers, doing his best to help, and is directed to cut up the bell peppers. That’s all he’s allowed to do and Ray reminds him that he’ll have plenty of dishes to do later so Soleil just flutters around Ness,"

Soleil has SUCH a hard time just existing in front of others. (Ness excluded.) Pointing at earlier in the chapter where he asks if he could just sit there in the kitchen for a little bit. He always feels like he has to have a Reason to exist in a space, he's cleaning up, he's helping cook, he's watching Ness, it's For Ness. And if not, then he's in the suite or otherwise out of the way.

You know, i have known for literal actual years that i have been typo-ing Mega Bloks as Mega Blocks and i was just going to double down and ignore it but then i just....couldn't anymore SDHKDJSHFKJ

i did not mean to write this much but he lives in my head all of the time so why not. also it's really fun character motivation exploration and i really enjoy writing analysis comments like this on other people's fics so. sometimes i'm like maybe i should save some of this analysis for later when there's more payoff but !! if you're here you're probably invested enough that it won't subtract from your readings

ALSO I. THOUGHT I DELETED THIS BY ACCIDENT and just spent like an hour trying to retype it all so. it's defs all going up now

[soleilocverse]

Tutorial on how to install the floating commenting box on AO3

So for those of us who love live-commenting fics, there exists an amazing script tool created by @ravenel​ and described on this post. Basically the commenting box is floating as you scroll down the text so you can quote/write as you read without incessantly going and returning to/from a text editor.

I made this tutorial on how to install it on either Chrome or Firefox for @missmaxime​ but then I figured I might as well share it here so anyone else who’s interested could use it.

If you’re using another browser than Chrome or Firefox but know how to add extensions on it, then you can still follow part 2 of this tutorial since Tampermonkey is available for other browsers as well.

Keep reading

[soleilocverse]

Ness stocking <3

Just so you have an idea of what I mean w/ the fic research tag!! Here is a mini stocking I saw at Target and was like. Oh fuck I have to get one for Ness that is so cute, Cyrill would be all over that. And then. Out of the like 30 stockings out, there was not a Single N. I think there was genuinely like at least one of every other letter but No N's. I was so DSHKJFDS? ? ? ?

And so we drove half an hour out to another target to try and find one and we did :) So that is. Certainly making its way into the fic in some form.

Posting now bc who KNOWS when I'll get to posting Dec stuff LOL. certainly not by december idt lol

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 17 Commentary

I think it was v fun to write Ray POV cooking a meal vs. Soleil POV cooking a meal! Like :) Soleil's is so drawn-out and over-anxious and detailed /because/ he's over-anxious. he's never certain about if he's done a good job (and is v concerned about that) until he gets outside approval and it Shows. Ray is not nearly as stressed or distressed about the cooking itself and so I hope it was conveyed the different vibes.

Emily is not as privy to Soleil's trauma but she knows something is Up. She's also not close enough to him to ask (either to understand more or offer support) which leads to her often being like, hm. Well, moving on. When smth is obvs Up and she doesn't want to pry or linger. I think she's the type of chara to not like, try and Guess what's up either. I have other charas who might try and extrapolate based on reactions but i genuinely think Emily's like, kay well, he'll tell me or he won't.

soleil has not been the biggest fan of wearing turtlenecks for a While. idt i like? put that in the fic until this point, he just. doesn't wear them if he can help it. soleil has a Thing about saying he doesn't like something if it could be the Wrong opinion or hurt someone else's feelings or get Him hurt or make him look ungrateful etc, and this will :) keep coming up in the fic :)

same w/ Soleil's ankle pain from last chapter. Not only would he not Say anything, his internal narration doesn't make mention of it either, because what would be the point or recognizing it? It's not like anything would change so he should just do his best to work around it.

Though I think he Does consciously clock that he doesn't like the turtlenecks and consciously works around it (like making sure he has enough of his other shirts so he doesn't have to wear them). while w/ his pain, bc he's so used to it, it doesn't consciously register--especially because he's used to always being in pain and before he can think too much about it, he's already resigned to the fact that it's going to hurt for a while bc he stood too much. but eventually it'll go back to hurting a little less. And so he's a little more careful (bc it's not like he /wants/ to be in more pain) but it's a routine and unconscious kind of adjustment, one that doesn't prompt dwelling in his POV chapters.

It was unintentional repeating "in a move" etc during the sex scene but I really liked that they each got their own separate thing.

I do waffle every time about including a sex scene, or if maybe i should add a content (not trigger) warning if there's going to be one that ch. i do try and keep them on the shorter side tho, and i also tend to think that people could just skip it if they didn't want to read?

LOL ALSO, unintentionally :) ray running his hand through each of his partners' hair during the sex scene mirroring earlier

Actually: that is one of the main reasons I'm deciding to keep the smut in the chapter. I'd started drafting up a separate work to put it in but!! I think it's fun that there are parallels in their relationships + behaviors in and out of sex, plus it's an important part of their connection/dynamic and i hope/don't think it's too out of place to include it

i think it's also just. good setup for future plotlines re: sex can be fun and teasing and enjoyable and entirely consensual, double re: soleil's past trauma [will continue to waffle about this]

me setting up to post and realizing one more. that i have forgotten a title for the ch (i have. One ch title planned as of rn, everything else is just OH FUCK, i forgot :) vibes As I'm posting)

[soleilocverse]

Ness Visuals

My itty bitty baby boy!!! I won't post the pic again but the Ness plushie in this blog's icon and on Soleil's visuals is v much meant to be a representation of Ness.

These were Ness's first visuals and while he's missing the doggy ears, I really like the color of his hair and the change in expression!! And the eyes on the first are really fun? I like that kind of wavery/sketchy kind of line to show nervousness or worry (or hunger) etc. Also the first pic has an oversized shirt very similar to what I imagine pre-story Ness having to live with.

PLEASE. you have no idea how cute I think these are, ty artist for my life. THE PLUSHIES. I think the first is really good for Ness's hairstyle wrt coloring and length!! And his ears!!!! The second one is a bit closer in length but they're both vv good. The first is one of the pics I send off for commissions 💗 His eyes Are brown, that just wasn't an option on these picrews but omggg I love these so much.

1st Picrew - 2nd Picrew

You have. No idea how much I am foaming at the mouth to introduce overalls into the fic. They have been rotating in my mind for MONTHS. Anyway, I think he'd really like the brown bear shirt. His EXPRESSION!!!! This picrew is soooo cute. And his CHEEKS. His cheeks deserve all the squishing. His tail here is also soooooo cute. This is the other one I send off for comms 😭😭😭😭😭🥰🥰💗💗💗

[soleilocverse]

Ray Visuals

This was Ray's first visual! I like his proportions in this lol, w the chest, shoulder width, and face shape specifically. And his hair! I love his hair on this, it manages to give off spikey but not too spikey and fluffy but not too fluffy at the same time which is fun.

I really, really like this picrew's coloring for him. His skin color is a lot warmer than the first, and his hair and eyes are meant to be black. Actually, sometimes I think Ray's eyes should or Could be just really dark brown and then I'm like. Cyrill and Athena have purple and orange eyes, if you want him to have black then we can go with black. Anyway, I also really like how soft his smile is, too. He's not as Big in this one as he is in the other one but I still think it's a really good visual!!

(I have flipped the image for the sake of making the scar go the same/right way btw).

Under the cut are the original unflip and the first pic w but w/ Ray wearing glasses (for reading)! That has not actually made it into the fic yet but I have hope </3

[soleilocverse]

Athena Visuals

Athena!!!! I am honestly think she's sooooo pretty. I don't think it was intentional that she and Cyrill are inverse color palettes of each other, I think brain just liked the combo of purple and orange so much that it went with it Twice

And I am a huge sucker for a beauty mark under the eye (or. two even). I am also just. A huge sucker for turtlenecks hence so many of my OCs are wearing them, oops. And doubly so for a sleeveless turtleneck. And the center of a venn-diagram of Sleeveless, Crop-Top, (Black) Turtleneck makes me go. so bonkers for no reason that i can trace.

This one makes her look a little younger than usual and I adore the outfit and just how soft her expression is here. And the big olive green coat Spoke to me for her.

Here is a pair picture!! I just think they're cute your honor.

[soleilocverse]

Cyrill Visuals

this picrew is honestly carrying my career as an oc maker <3 the style of it is just so Mwah and i love all the possible options. Cyrill's shiba inu eyebrows are important to me on a spiritual level. And he Does have actual bunny ears but the headband is a good workaround that is often available!! It is Also vital to me that you know that he has So Many freckles and it's hard to capture that in some of the picrews I like.

It is Also important to me that you know now that his name is pronounced like the Si in sit, si-rill. And not cy as in cycle cy-rill.

Cyrill has always struck me as a white shirt kind of guy?? Which is interesting bc generally I just default to turtlenecks. I genuinely think it's bc brain is associating him w/ that bunny boy kind of costume oops.

Here is a default turtleneck pic :) I really like the pose of this picrew?? The like, chest-out sensual slouch is v fun lol. Cyrill also tends to have his hair in a low ponytail But these two r my faves and he happens to have his hair out.

[soleilocverse]

Wanted to paint this dog

[soleilocverse]

Some Soleil visuals

This isn't the first commission I had done of Soleil but it's the one I send to everyone else I comm :D (His tail is tucked under him as usual!) I love how cute and squishy the Ness representation looks here and how content Soleil looks. Hence he is currently the blog's icon <3 It was also I think the first comm where I got him in his fave hoodie ;v;

These were the v first visuals I ever had for Soleil!! From the beginning I imagined his default as being "nervous" and "hesitant." But imagined that he would get to the point that w/ a word or prod from the others he'd be able to let go of a bit of that anxiousness and be reassured. So I like that he's able to smile here but his eyebrows are still a bit drawn. His ears are brown, and I picture his hair as being a bit brighter than pictured here but this picrew has a super special place in my heart.

I think this picrew was so cute and soft! The cardigan gave me Ideas for future chapters, I love how cute his expression is, and am v enamored w/ the light eyelashes the artist styled. He is, ofc, feeding Ness. And I love the color of Soleil's eyes in this! I sometimes have trouble finding ones that suit him since sky blue or more saturated blues are more common options, but I think these are a v good color for him! (The Picrew has been removed as of posting).