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[solivagous]

Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Bon Iver

Back at it again with the life update.

        I miss home. I miss my dogs and I can’t believe that I’m saying this since I grew up independent and always alone, but I miss my family.

       To make it short, I’m home sick. 

I feel so lonely even though I like being alone. I’m stressed because of the load of work from school and pressured by the fact that I’m not doing well at all, in everything. I wanna go home to my family, but seeing my mother’s face and realizing how much of a disappointment I’m gonna be with whatever I’m doing with my life right now, man, that’s enough to stop me no matter how lonely it could get. 

Oh well, it sucks but no matter what happen, I’m not gonna give up.It’s better to fail trying than not to try at all. I’m done with being scared of failures. My past self would rather give up and start from scratch. It was not a bad move except for the fact that she gives up after failing once and does not try to save things that could be save. To hell with that, I will do everything I can to save this sem. 

@self: Think of the people who supports you and loves you, think of your happy pills at home. And don’t forget to think of yourself who’s not giving up on you. 

[solivagous]

Hello. I’m back. Not because I want to share some beautiful event in my life or because something good happened. I’m back because I’m tired fighting a battle that I cannot win. I’m so tired I just want to curl up in my bed, do nothing, cry until I can’t anymore. I started my semester right, full of hope. The semester hasn’t ended yet but here I am already a fucking mess that I can’t seem to fix. And now I realized that it was all a facade. A facade to cover something so ugly so it will not push her loved ones away. 

I thought I was done with my past self who was such a failure but what a fucking surprise, I’m still the same, wearing a mask just to deceive everyone or rather myself that everything is alright.

[solivagous]

Why do you choose to shoot film over digital? 

People often ask me this question every time they discover that I’d rather shoot film over digital and my answer is the same with what the photographers below said when asked the same question. So there you go.

I fell in love. Once you do, there’s just no going back. And just like that, I love how with film, you can never go back and correct your mistakes—might it be exposure, ASA/ISO, or the shutter speed. Once you’ve taken something, that’s it. So even before you shoot anything, you have to calculate your every move. 

--  Redge Hawang (20)

I like the process of having to plan and think about your shots carefully because of a film roll’s limit, and then having to wait for your photographs to be developed before you can see them. It’s always like opening presents.

--  Inah Maravilla (20)

I like the look and feel of a developed film photo, as well as the waiting process. It takes time before you get to see your photos, but that’s the exciting part.

--  Eric Bico (21)

See more 

[solivagous]

i thank the universe for taking everything it has taken and giving to me  everything it is giving

--- balance

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

[solivagous]

School has just only started 3 days ago but I’m already tired of it.

[solivagous]

“I knew it would be worth it, I could be better if I tried, then he got tired of waiting and I watched my chance go by.” - Lang Leav

[solivagous]

“Things that are bad always taste nice.”

(I’m not allowed to drink coffee that’s why.)

I decided to sleep late tonight just to take pictures of myself because why the fuck not? Kidding! The truth is I have a proposal to do (school thingy) and I don’t know, I felt like doing it tonight, though I don’t think I can finish it tonight since I’m already sleepy while typing this. Anyway, school is stressing me out since it’s midterm fucking week this week and there are loads of school stuff to do and I really don’t feel like doing them. Uh huh, good luck to me! :-)

[solivagous]

I don't know which one sucks, architecture or my school. 

Maybe it's just me?

 I'm so sleepy but I still wanna write something. I don't know, I just wanna rant right now since I really can't talk to someone about this. School is stressing me out. Architecture is stressing me out. I don't wanna regret choosing architecture but with what's been happening these past few days, I don't know, I don't know anymore.

 I feel like I want a break right now but somehow not. I'm so confuse as fuck that I wanna punch someone in the face to relieve my stress. I love architecture, seriously. The feeling after finishing a plate that you seriously put an effort to is exhilarating. You know, like fuck, you can do many as you want at that moment. But I feel like I don't have a motivation to do more right now but I don't think that's the case. I'm thinking that maybe architecture is not for me, or lets say I don't really have the patience and talent for architecture. 

 I just hope I find my answer soon and I hope I'll do the right thing about it.

[solivagous]

Coffees and mornings are two of the things that helps me to move along in this fucked up world. 

                Waking up early really do suck sometimes. What? Of course, I also love sleeping. Anyway, well yeah, it really sucks. But there is something with mornings that calms me, makes me think that there is something out there worth struggling for. Makes me hope for more. Makes me think positive. And with what's been happening these past few days and all, I really need that. I even do my researches and school stuff in early morning. It's just that these past few days, every time I get home, all I want to do is curl up in bed and read. I even don't want to get up to get food. That's how much commuting and school stressed me out. That's how much lazy I am at night. So yeah, mornings with coffees are one the best things that happened to me.

Someday, I hope that my mornings would not be just always in my bed with my laptop but somewhere where there would be an awesome fucking view and not just by myself but with my favorite person in this world. 

 With coffees and mornings, I guess this world wasn't so bad at all.

[solivagous]

Another surreal experience yesterday thanks to The Maine and All Time Low.

[solivagous]

[solivagous]

      “Take me away, make me feel better.”

To be honest, I don’t really deserve this trip to Baguio since I’ve been slacking off with school stuff because they’re annoying as hell. Joke. Lol, who the fuck am I kidding, it was the truth. So why would I let this chance of escaping this hellhole even just for a while, to pass?

I regret not pursuing the chance to study there. So much. When we were on our way home, I was thinking that it would be really nice to study there but damn, now I can’t.

[solivagous]

 “THE LONGEST RIDE”

“As your father used to say, we shared the longest ride together, this thing called life, and mine has been filled with joy because of you.”

Watching the longest ride made me realize that the longest ride we could have would be the so called thing life. So despite the hardships and struggles I would face, might as well enjoy it while I can.

July was pretty kind of uneventful except the twentyonepilot’s concert of course. Some days feel so long that all I want to do is go home, watch a movie and drink coffee but oh well, we couldn’t have that, could we? With the school stuff and all. Oh and being acidic will not stop me from drinking my coffee, all right?

[solivagous]

“The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.” - Haruki Murakami

[solivagous]

Everytime I go to a concert of my favorite bands, everything feels like a dream and everything is such a blur.

[solivagous]

Life Update ~

I went to see Twenty One Pilots. Fudge yes!

As you can see with my shots I was kinda far behind the pit and I won’t deny it, I’m kinda small. Haha but to hell with that! I’m still thankful that I got the chance to see one of my fav bands. It’s only been 3 days and I already miss them so much. 

[solivagous]

The weather today and halsey got me like...