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[solosojourner76]

That intoxicating encounter...

We ventured outside of Waikiki for a change.To a punk rock concert in Chinatown. It was a great time. A few people were introduced to me, including one that I would later find out his name was Jeff. He had an unremarkable look about him, so I didn’t pay him any mind. Half way thru the evening, we find ourselves singing along to a song that only 90′s kids could know. Being close in age, we started to chat. He offered me a beer. Than at some point when I leaned into him to hear him better. And I was STRUCK by how amazing he smelled, his natural scent. I kid you not, at the exact same moment that I noticed, he said “you smell good!” as if the univere brought us together. I said that I wasn’t wearing anything. He said, “naw, it’s your a natural smell.” Somehow he went from unremarkable-looking to unbelievably attractive. I didn’t care that he was 2 inches shorter than me, nor the Asian types that never appeal to me. Suddenly, there was something so cool-looking about him. Turns out he’s a lifeguard at the North Shore. My girlfriend Vicky was watching it all unfold, she later describe the whole intense scene as “fwoomp!!” Motioning a minor explosion with her hands. We flirted heavily, then we went out to his truck. When his friends were looking for him, Vicky offered to call me. When I answered, she asked if Jeff is with me. She laughed hysterically when I asked him, “what’s your name again?” We were saying sexy things in our 2nd languages, he in Japanese, and I in Spanish. I asked him if he wanted to come to my place because I have my own apartment near Waikiki. He unfortunately had to drive back tonight to get to work at 5:30 am. I couldn’t get enough of whiffing him. It was simply intoxicating. He asked if I’d like to go to a movie some time. I accepted. I was impressed, he didn’t just want to get together for a booty call. We must’ve made an incredible a connection, as was my feeling. He asked me if I wanted to step into his truck. I declined, I said that I wouldn’t think that’s respectable of me. Somehow I got him to take his shirt off. I was instantly in love. It was funny how as many times that I leaned into him, he never tried to kiss me. Strange. So, we parted ways. In my Uber home, I texted him,  “I can still smell you, mmm.” Then he asked what I’m doing tomorrow. I said nothing, no plans and I don’t work. By the time he texted me back I was already in bed and silenced my phone. Good thing because I wasn’t thrilled with his reply from last night. He asked that if he could manage to get the day off, could he come by my place. wtf, what happened to the movie? lol, to be fair, I was definitely giving him that overture with the “mmm, I can still smell you.” So the next morning I expressed that I was sorry that I didn’t notice the reply, and that I hope to see him sometime. He didn’t reply, and I found out that evening that he has a girlfriend. *sigh*... i don’t regret experiencing that. I came to know that chemistry between individuals isn’t just a notion or an idea of connection, I discovered with Jeff that it’s a very real, tangible thing. Oh well, he lives over an hour away on the North Shore. And the rush, the intensity, the experience was worth it, and just like that, I was over it.  

[solosojourner76]

I don’t even know where to begin... my very painful break-up in mid March began this new journey in my life. Revamping my lifestyle, reinventing myself with a fab new job, and shedding that toxic ex once and for all. With my new life here in Waikiki came a circle of new friends. Unfortunately, it involves almost daily heavy drinking. That’s just the culture here. I justified it in the beginning as drowning my sorrows, that’ll I’ll ease up once the pain goes away. I won’t cal it a physical dependency yet, but the whole social aspect of it is why it revolves around it. It has been a whirlwind of a past several months for sure. But I have a feeling it’ll have to start forcibly winding down... ya see, the morning after the holiday, I woke up with a dark patch on my nose. I couldn’t remember having hit my face during the previous day’s festivities. Then again, the night was a bit of blur. But it’s not sore, so it can’t be a bruise. Nor acne. feels completely normal. My own online research points to possible alcohol toxicity or the development of alcohol intolerance, further pointing to liver damage. I’m stressing over this possibility. The dark spot on my nose is a bit more faded today, could it be due to the abstinence of alcohol yesterday? Tmrw I meet with my GP, I hope to get some tests done that will rule out the alcohol factor. It will kill me to know that I have to cut out alcohol for the rest of my life. But if I am developing liver damage, if I stop now, the liver might correct itself. Making a deal with God, please don’t let it be so, If you give me that, I promise I’ll cut back dramatically. 

[solosojourner76]

mildly explosive 4th of July weekend, both figuratively & fireworks