somber-not-sober

[somber-not-sober]

i just pvrged for the first time in 4.5 YEARS and it didnt even really work i’m crashing out a little bit

[somber-not-sober]

i just løgged the literal pinch of sugar i added to my food (to balance acidity).. we really are in it again huh

[somber-not-sober]

wpuld it be absolutely fucking insǎne to bring my scãle with me when i go home for two weeks? bc it has an app and measures a lot of stuff and i dont want a two week gap in the graph and i’m not even sure if we have a working scåle at home atm

[somber-not-sober]

vomit on my wrist blood dripping onto the bathroom floor am i pretty nnow

[somber-not-sober]

guess who started bvrning themselves again 🤑 this is a new low

[somber-not-sober]

guys i LOVE ratatouille!!!! 41 ćǎI for 100g, lowkey the best thing to come out of fr*nce

[somber-not-sober]

me when i have the worst şh urges but its summer and im gonna be around friends and family and i wanna go swimming but then i remember i know an other method besides cvtting that kinda helps with the urges and doesnt leave visible traces

[somber-not-sober]

this is insanely disørdêred but i want to make ratatouille tomorrow but i dont know how to calculate the çaIøries because i can w3ìgh the veggies and stuff and add the amout of water to that and then devide that by how much im having but some of the water will evaporate during cooking so 100ml of the cooked stuff is gonna be more cǎIs than 100ml before its been cooking because its more concentrated and i cant calculate the amout of water that evaporates.. ig ill have to weigh the whole pot once its done but im not sure how to do that logistically

[somber-not-sober]

you actually can lose weight. you can look like the thinspo you stare at. being thin is not some unattainable dream. the only real thing stopping you is you.

[somber-not-sober]

guys im gonna km$, my friend is here and we got mcdonalds and he made me order and eåt more than i planed to because he was a little suspicious and now im 200 over my limit (for the first time since starting this reIapşe) and i couldnt pvrge or bvrn it off because hes here obviously and i feel so horrible but the worst thing is i dont even feel disgusted like i still feel like i have to force the d!sørdẽred thoughts even after 2.5 weeks of this reIapșe, idk. my friends leave tomorrow morning so ill just fast all of tomorrow and stay consistent afterwards

[somber-not-sober]

sometimes the fear of this blog getting t-worded eats me alive. I want my therapist to see my iconic posts about my 3d before that ever happens

[somber-not-sober]

hii guyss, sorry for being inactive the past few days, a friend of mine was visiting me over the weekend and i also did a metabolism weekend (dont come at me, ive seen people say they dont actually do anything for your metabolism but even if they just motivate me to stay consistent then thats still a win in my book).

Lowkey i’m glad these two things overlapped because that friend also has/had an ěd and i really didnt want to tr!gğer her or have her get suspicious. I didnt binge which is good but i also didnt hold back like i had (high ćǎI) snacks just because i wanted to. But we also did a lot of sightseeing and took like 12.000 stěps a day (and yesterday we also went swimming) so i dont think i actually aťe over my maintenance (but i didnt trāck anything so not 100% sure).

I am kinda stressed tho because Tue-Thu two other friends are gonna be here and i’m not that worried about tr!ggèring them but i’m scared of them getting suspicious. I think I’ll just not ēat at work and then i can have a normal dinner with them

[somber-not-sober]

guys im on my period i actually hate everything whyyyyy do i have to go through this I DONT WANT KIDS

[somber-not-sober]

Gosh I wanna make out with someone and then go outside and smoke w them in the middle of the night

[somber-not-sober]

"my child is completely fine"

dawg ur child has memorized the layers of the skin and has no plans of being a med student in the future

[somber-not-sober]

okay guys im taking guesses, how much do you think i will have lost by june 21st (which is when i will finally buy a sćǎIe)?

following rules/conditions/circumstances/whatsever since may 31st:

- limit is 1000 but daily average so far is more like 800, never went over limit

- averaging 6000-8000 stěps a day, no additional exèrç!se

- never binged but i dont really care what i have as long as i stay below my limit, so i had chocolate, subway, pasta etc sometimes (but i also had healthy stuff obvi)

- sw unknown (bc no sçäIe) but its probably pretty high so i think i should loose pretty consistently and quickly and i should also be in the honeymoon phase i think sooo

[somber-not-sober]

@ people diagnosed (!!) with bpd, what do you think about the diagnosis? like is it worth it (to have certainty, receive the right treatment etc) or does it feel more like a burden to you and youd rather not have the official diagnosis anymore? (bc of stigma, confrontation with the fact that it will never go away etc)