somberjoon

[somberjoon]

yeah, oops, I got a job offer suddenly and have been working way too much, I'm ngl. I'm so sorry, yall.

stories updates will be posted soon !! I need to finish up and edit metanoia and make sure I still like the ch 💀

[somberjoon]

syzygy is just not doing it for me right now, cuz the theme is not connecting with my rotting brain at the moment so next metanoia ch is underway!

[somberjoon]

heyyyy, i apologize for the lack of updating on anything! this term is killong me, but im almost done!! i honestly just wanna finish these last couple of weeks and then focus on these stories for the summer, but i also wanna try and just get something out asap. i will try either way !!

[somberjoon]

finishing spring term has been hell, so i apologize for the delays. i will work on making sure i have an update this weekend !

[somberjoon]

oh they're so precious. they're sickly sweet and it makes me ill and i love them.

IN YOUR CARE

BTS X READER A/B/O AU

CHAPTER 6 (6.8k words)

For more information about this story, find it here

Seokjin's POV

Nothing could've prepared me for what I'd find as soon as I make it back to the car.

I briefly explained to Yoongi and Namjoon what happened earlier without going too much into details for Y/N's sake, it was mainly about how it would be important for us to show her a whole lot of love, understanding and most especially patience, something that she needs desperately.

Namjoon looked like he understood the context, but Yoongi still said that he would explain the situation on the way to his place and we parted ways on that note so that I wouldn't leave her alone for too long. I wanted to apologize for how I reacted since it was more aggressive than what I am used to from myself.

That wasn't how I should treat my baby, no matter the cause, and I feel awful about it. She deserved better from me, a lot better. I need to apologize to her once I'm back - or that was the plan anyway, since my heart stops beating once I make it closer to the car only to see it empty.

In a moment of panic as I try to find her in the immediate surroundings - did she run away? Yoongi and Namjoon would've noticed, no? - I don't notice the clothes right away, neatly folded on her seat where they wouldn't get dirty, or the massive mass of black fur resting on the back seats.

It's her scent that guides my eyes to where she is, and when I find her rolled-up form through the window, the other on the side of the road with the shutter closed - both windows at the back have one in case of an emergency shifting along with a blanket - I all but freeze as this was the last thing I was expecting to see.

Her shifting to her wolf form had not even crossed my mind and all I can think about is how I fucked up for that to happen now.

Her big brown eyes glance at me from under a big paw before looking away with a loud whimper and my heart breaks instantly, it falls to the ground where it is left for dead, unwanted. I caused that, didn't I? Because I was too much earlier?

I most likely was, but her words made me feel so angry at first that I just had to pull over. I simply couldn't keep driving without causing some sort of accident, and then it'd felt like we'd failed her, Yoongi and I, hadn't we said enough to assure her that she'd done nothing wrong?

She had been a victim from the very beginning and I thought she knew that, but then I had to hear that she was in fact blaming herself for being oblivious to a truth that she had been trained to not see, as if that was her fault.

My mind eventually cleared enough to let me see that talking to her about it wasn't going to go anywhere, she was right in the middle of processing trauma and here I was getting angry because she wasn't healing fast enough to my liking.

I always tell Yoongi to take it slow and easy, and yet here I was, doing the exact opposite to my sweet baby.

My leaving her alone for a moment was only my way of giving her some space to recover from the stress I imposed upon her, but it was not my intention to come back to her pitiful, curled-up form in the back of the car with her huge paws hiding her face because she can't bear to look at me.

I'm seeing her wolf for the first time, and it has to be because she sought comfort after I made her feel terrible. With a lump in my throat, I sit behind the wheel before wearing my seatbelt, fully aware that right now, there's absolutely nothing I can do for her.

Trying to comfort her with either words or caresses would make her feel even more stressed and that's not what I want, so all I can do is hope that by the time we make it to Namjoon's place, she'll be in a better state to accept my touch again.

I do send a quick text to Yoongi to let him know about her having shifted, and while he doesn't sound very happy about it when his only response is "Fucking hell, Jin", I know that he'll be more apt to help her than I am right now.

I don't know how long we drive the remaining distance for, all I know is that to have her upset scent so strong in my nose the whole time is a real nightmare, and that my pheromones are so heavy and thick in the vehicle that I have to open a window just to keep breathing normally.

I wish I could hug her tightly and let her know that I'm sorry, that I love her and that I will never behave like I did ever again. It's so easy to forget sometimes that while she is an alpha, while her scent is that of a confident and strong girl, she is in fact very sensitive and soft.

It's like having an omega stuck in the body of an alpha with her and I can't understand why the Moon Goddess would have allowed such a mistake, why she would make her life so difficult to live.

Should I expect to meet an omega mate with the behaviour of an alpha one day? Will we somehow learn that they swapped bodies by mistake? That their second genders went to the wrong wolf when it was time to present?

I was such a damned fool for getting mad. Such a fool.

By the time we make it to the huge building with the fancy fountain like Namjoon had told us, my heart is acting like a dying mantra going unheard for too long, its pleas and prayers getting slower by the minute.

It physically hurts to not be able to react to my instincts, my skin like fire as my wolf paces back and forth continually. I know I deserve this but at the same time, the selfish part of my soul just wants to seek her soothing touch to get rid of this pain, as if that could fix everything in an instant.

I follow behind Namjoon's car when the gates open, and the silence that looms over my head on the path to the private parking lot is only broken by the occasional snores of Y/N's wolf, the only comfort I can get out of this right now because to have her asleep means that my presence didn't make her feel unsafe.

Once our two cars parked side by side, Yoongi immediately opens his door and jumps to his feet before hurrying around the back of our car to her side, and I turn in my seat after getting rid of my seatbelt to better see as he opens the door to have a closer look at her.

His salty sea isn't peaceful like usual, it is tensed, grey, sour and bitter, and I accept how he doesn't allow a single glance my way to instead fully focus on her - it's the right thing to do and as the pack alpha, I wouldn't want any less from him.

He snakes his hands beneath her chin to lift her big head slightly upwards and then begins to massage her cheeks with his thumbs to get her to wake up softly, a few kisses peppered onto her nose and forehead that seem to work just as well as when she's in her human form.

Her droopy eyes slowly open before wavering a little as she tries very hard to wake up, and when Yoongi coos in adoration at the sight of her adorable softness, her tail begins to thump lightly against the leather seat, which is a very good thing to see, thank goodness.

"We made it to Namjoon's home, sweetheart, how about we go see where he lives, hm? Do you want to see what his place looks like?" he asks her with a gentle voice, and her eyes blink for a moment before she's nodding her heavy head, and to see the way she tries to climb onto his chest and in his arms next hurts my heart in a whole different way.

What I wouldn't give to be able to hold her wolf in my arms right now.

Namjoon suddenly opens my door to invite me out before I fully wither on my seat, a small smile on his face when I look up at him with a sad frown, and I swear I almost tear up when he reaches out to me with a warm hand, almost.

"Yoongi explained everything to me on the way. She's going to be okay, Seokjin. You're all learning how to coexist as a new pack with different backgrounds behind you. Mistakes are bound to happen in the process, that doesn't mean you're a bad pack alpha, he said so himself" he muses while pulling me up to my feet smoothly.

He doesn't seem to struggle as he does, which would have shocked me more was I not so worried. I bite on my tongue to keep in the tears that try to make an exit, but a choked and wavering hum lets him know that I am not doing too well right now.

Unable to let go of my hand when my scent is less coffee and more distressed, he adjusts his bag over his shoulder before closing my door, and then he's pulling me in close so that I can at least bask in his own scent of pumpkins with his body heat wrapped around me.

We remain like this as we wait for Yoongi to be done with getting Y/N out of the car, and I do see a paw push against his face when he tries to get the heavy wolf to hug around his neck to better pick her up, which makes the two alphas grunt in unison before trying again - wouldn't it be easier to have her walk at this point?

"I just hope she can forgive my behaviour, Namjoon. I don't want to fail as her pack alpha, she and Yoongi trusted me with this role and I want to be good to my pack, this... this isn't the legacy I want to leave behind" I finally utter, disappointed with my performance from earlier, but he rubs my back gently before bringing his gaze back to Yoongi when the car's door finally closes.

He's holding Y/N's wolf in his arms like she's a gigantic cuddly bear, her arms over his shoulders with her head tucked against his own while his arms support her large bottom, and she looks so much bigger like this, but it's like seeing a child in a body too large for her.

"Have faith and give her some time to rest. She's going through a hard time but she's not stupid, she knows that she's being dearly loved and that's what matters the most. She will understand that you were not mad at her, but at the situation. Everything will be fine".

The beta says that with such conviction that I can only believe him, and I nod my head before following his pace when he begins to make us walk towards Yoongi and Y/N. The two of them glance in my direction, and the pout on my face must be pretty pitiful because it takes but a second for Yoongi to lose his frown.

He had plans for how he wanted us to see each others' wolves, plans that included cuddles and a lot of love, but it's not fair of him to be mad when he knows that I didn't do this on purpose. If we had switched positions, he probably would've done worse than I did and what then?

He sighs at that thought and rubs her back softly. Her words must have been very bad for me to react the way I did - my usual peaceful nature didn't keep me from getting mad at her and that says a lot, he judged his pack alpha too fast.

"Let's get inside for now, there's no point staying out here where everyone can hear and see us" Namjoon decides when silence reigns over our heads for a beat too long, and we all nod before following him to the large doors leading inside the building with drooped heads.

He holds one of the two doors open for Yoongi since his hands are busy holding our mate, then squeezes my hand as I walk past him next. "We'll take the elevator. I live on the fifth floor and I don't want anyone getting hurt in the stairs. Keep going, it's on the left".

Thankful that Namjoon thought about safety, Yoongi nods before following his directives until he finds it, and he presses on the up button with his elbow while Y/N's eyes discreetly glance in my direction every few seconds, like she's trying to determine whether I'm still mad or not.

I almost reach out to hold her face in my hands a few times, but always decide against it because I don't know what I'm allowed yet. It's our first time seeing her wolf, so I don't know its preferences yet, or what Y/N is willing to allow despite her not being in full control at the moment.

Her wolf wanting my attention doesn't mean that Y/N wants it, or am I simply afraid of a possible rejection? I don't know anymore, I just don't want to make things worse.

It's Yoongi who ultimately decides for me when he sidesteps until he's standing next to me with her big fluffy paw right by my shoulder. His windy salty sea smells like he's getting annoyed by my hesitation, and I fully understand why he'd feel that way. It bothers me too.

I make eye-contact with the wolf as the elevator's doors open, and she allows herself a shy lick to my cheek before facing the other way, causing my heart to burst with love and relief all at once. Does this mean she forgives me?

Yoongi doesn't say a word as he enters the small space first, but he does sneak a few glances to see how the two of us interact once side by side once more while Namjoon smiles after pressing on the right floor's button, his back against the wall to observe how we behave with one another as a pack.

This is new for him after all. He likes that he can see what our pack is like at the moment, and he likes to imagine what it might be like with him by our side from now on. How will it change as the days go by, as we make memories with one another? He's excited to find out, and so he watches with fascination as we simply exist within the boundaries of his life.

Y/N's grunts eventually begin to fill the closed room as we start going up to reach the beta's floor, and I bite on my bottom lip before daring another look at her, which shows her already staring at me with her dark, round eyes.

She grunts again, then licks my cheek a second time before turning her head the other way like she did earlier, her tail thumping against Yoongi's hips with the strength of her amusement. Is she trying to tease me right now?

"She's a playful one, isn't she?" Namjoon muses with a small grin on his face, something that seems obvious to him with the sight currently playing out in front of him. He wouldn't know how unusual this is for us, seeing as he didn't see her state during the last two weeks.

His comment catches me off guard, it really does, because I don't know if she's the kind of alpha to be playful or not. Or I didn't, until now. This is so new, both to Yoongi and I, that we don't know how to react just yet.

How often was she allowed to have fun in the past that it's coming out only when she's in this form? The pressure of her responsibilities and the expectations of the people around her must have been crushing, I wish I could've done a better job to make her feel safer at home.

Yoongi and I don't reply, our mind having gone in a similar direction and leaving us to feel quite disturbed by it, and though Namjoon seems to be able to read us like we're books he knows by heart already, he doesn't say anything either, instead leaving us to our thoughts.

It gives him an idea of where we stand as a new pack, and it's making him understand that there's still a lot to be done before any of us can fall into a functioning and healthy routine, starting with helping Y/N to process her trauma and separate her worth from it, as Yoongi had named earlier on the road.

The doors open with a ding and the beta leads the way down a large marbled hallway until we reach a door decorated with an art piece that looks custom-made for him, stained glass that depicts a wolf running in an endless field of flowers. It's really pretty.

He enters the pin code, then pushes the door open until it reveals a modern interior that appears to be filled with even more arts of all kind. It's like his work-museum wasn't enough, and he decided to have a home-museum as well.

"Please come in, make yourselves at home" he muses with a deep, grounding voice as he enters inside after mindlessly removing his shoes in the entrance. He walks to the kitchen, then grabs glasses while Yoongi and I follow in his steps, door closing after a push of my mate's hips.

Yoongi puts Y/N down on the floor to give her more freedom, and her paws make a muffled noise as she begins to sniff her way around, from the shoes rack to the living room, and then down a hallway where every doors appear opened. Hopefully she won't break something with that size of hers.

"You have a very nice home, Namjoon" I comment as I join him in the luxurious kitchen, it doesn't look like it serves very often, to be honest. Yoongi's right behind me and accepts the glass of water he's handed while I get the other one.

The beta looks around us at my compliment, eyes shining with the same pride that filled him at the museum.

"Thank you, Seokjin. I discover so many art pieces with my job that I find myself always bringing more back home. I'm already lacking space for the new ones I found recently, I had to put them in storage. Don't worry about Y/N, I saw her going into the hallway" he states when he finds us glancing there again. "She can make herself at home, and the same goes for the two of you".

I sigh softly, eyes constantly glancing over to where she went despite his reassurances. I'm not worried about her doing something bad, I just wish I could stay by her side. Her wolf showed signs that she forgave me, but I need to hear it from Y/N too, otherwise, I will not be able to relax.

"Go and have a look, Jin" Yoongi eventually utters with a rub of his hand over my shoulder blades, unable to endure this tensed ambiance anymore, and teamed up with Namjoon's encouraging smile, my feet move of their own volition as I walk the same path she took a moment ago.

Her scent guides me to the room at the end of the hall, and upon closer inspection, I find out that it's Namjoon's bedroom, the large imposing bed beneath the tall arched window looking like the perfect place for a big wolf to take a nap.

Her face is the only thing peeking out of the thick blanket covering her body, and when I hear the purr that sounds like a snore echoing softly to my ears, I find myself wishing so dearly to join her for a sweet cuddling time.

I slowly walk over to the bed where I sit besides her before running a gentle hand through her fur. Her rosemary is back to its normal vibrant aroma, though it's also decorated with Yoongi's salty sea and Namjoon's pumpkin spices due to her rolling in his blankets before settling in her current spot.

All that's missing is my own scent. My lips pucker out a bit as I feel my eyes turn watery, which I wipe with the back of my free hand, unaware that her eyes have opened just in time to see the wetness shine down my cheek.

Her low whine startles me, and the next thing I know, she's pushing herself out of the blanket to cuddle up to me, her big head forcing itself beneath my chin and making a pressure there to get me higher up on the bed.

I scoot up awkwardly with her insistence, only to let out a breathless gasp when she drops her weight over my torso in one jump so she can have her face right in front of mine. Her eyes are clear and sharp as she takes me in, the night shade of her fur giving her an elegant look that reminds me so easily of her alluring human appearance.

Then... she does nothing. She only stares, and stares, and stares.

Realizing that she's offering me a chance to speak my mind, I carefully raise both hands to hold her pretty head, fingers cupping her tilted ears for a massage that might hopefully gain me some cuddle points before the day ends.

"I'm sorry about earlier, baby" I finally let out what I wanted to say ever since I found her shifted form. "I got mad at you when you needed kindness and love and I hurt you. I scared you, made you feel a type of way that I never wanted you to experience because of me".

She blinks slowly and I continue, despair easing out of me with every words I speak in the form of tears. "I lacked the patience that I promised you and I feel terrible about it. You're in pain and struggling to heal, and it hurts me that I can't do more for you. I want to help, my sweetest doll, but I really don't know how anymore".

She doesn't react right away, but the intelligence in her eyes shows me that she heard and understood everything I said, so I give her all the time she needs to figure out what she wants to do while I keep caressing the base of her ears.

I can tell that Yoongi and Namjoon are standing on the other side of the door and listening in, their soft breathing not going unheard despite the distance, though it doesn't bother me. It rather feels like moral support, and I'll take anything they give at this point.

Her head flees my grasp and her wet nose softly nudges against my cheeks to get the tears. Once satisfied, she rests her head besides mine and nuzzles against my hair with the sweet vibration of her purrs going straight for my heart.

She's trying to soothe me the only way she can, and that spurs me to hug her tightly like I know we both need, half of her body still over me, heavy and comforting. The softness of her fur has a way of consoling my touch-starved skin, and I wish we could stay like this forever.

"We'll get through this, baby. No matter how hard the path ahead may be, and if we have to get outside help, then we will. There's no shame to be had in getting help when needed. I for one believe that I'll need some guidance in order to offer you the right support" I murmur against her cheek, and she nods slowly before crawling closer into my embrace.

Yoongi's quiet steps bring him by our side, and I raise a sheepish gaze to meet his. Is he still mad at me? He signs softly as he sits down, one hand over Y/N's back while the other grazes my cheek as he pushes some short strands of hair out of my face.

"We could all do with guidance. Talking to someone about how we feel and getting educative feedback would be good for all of us" he adds to support my claim, and though we both feel her rosemary turn unsure about what was said, she nods again, always so trusting when it comes to us.

Namjoon's body loses its tightness at the sight of his mates finally talking this through in his bed, his scent cradling us in its embrace, a detail that he likes more than he would have ever thought. He clears his throat before his mind goes into daydreaming of the future.

"I know someone who's claimed to be one of the greatest therapists around the area. He's a very skilled omega who specialises in wolf trauma, should I give you his number? I never met him myself, but I got to have a few sessions with him over the phone in the past and he's a good man".

So quickly do Yoongi and I tense at the mention of him being an omega wolf.

"I don't think getting an omega as her therapist is such a good idea, Namjoon" I mumble from where I'm lied down beneath our girl. I can't see the beta, but I sure am giving him quite the sight, I'm at least positive on that.

Namjoon's lips purse lightly. "I understand why you would think that, Seokjin, but I strongly believe that meeting a good omega could, on the opposite, be of help to her. Not all of them are bad, it's only a shame that she got to meet all the toxic ones. Hoseok is very kind and has a soothing quality to him that I think could be quite positive for her".

I stare at Yoongi, brows furrowed in a concern that he echoes. I get where he's coming from with his belief, and hearing what he said, I do want to believe that it could benefit her. I just don't know how she'd feel about getting help from a second gender that harmed her all her life this quickly.

She was already hesitant about getting therapy to begin with due to her belief that, as an alpha, she needs to be perfect in all and every spheres of her life.

When her wolf suddenly tries to escape my hold, I open my arms with confusion and watch as she runs into the beta's walk-in closet in a straight line, looking like she has a goal to accomplish now that our conversation reached a point of uncertainty.

Yoongi helps me into a seated position while Namjoon chuckles as he joins her in the neatly organized room where he keeps all his clothes, shoes and accessories. It's something that Yoongi and I have talked about getting in our future home, as we're in urgent need of more space for all of us.

"Want something to wear, hun?" he asks her, which gets confirmed when she grunts softly, a harmless sound that fills my soul with life.

"I thought so. I got this here, it'll be a bit long on you but it should fit, if you want. You're too short for my jeans and joggers, but I have these shorts that should be fine. Do you need underwear? Ah... this is a silly question, forgive me. Let's see what I have first".

My eyes widen as Y/N's clothes resting on the passenger's seat flash back in my mind. I completely forgot to grab them before getting out of the car and inside the building. It can't have been comfortable for her to undress in the vehicle before shifting, she must have felt so helpless, my poor baby.

She makes a sound, and Namjoon hums.

"Well, it probably won't be the most fitted for you, but this is the closest to your size I've got as they're too small for me. I can give you a tank top to put underneath, I'm afraid I don't keep bras around. If it's not enough... I have this hoodie here, the material is thicker. It'll be hot but that's why I have air conditioning, right?".

An amused snort leaves her then, and Namjoon chuckles too. "Socks are here, you can choose the pair you want. If you need anything else, feel free to have a look around and take what you want, I don't mind. What's mine is also yours".

The beta walks out of the closet once sure that he's covered everything, then closes the door behind him after turning on the light for her. He smiles at us next, and a human noise from the other side lets us know that she shifted back to her other form.

"Thank you for sharing your clothes with me, Namjoon. No one thought to grab mine from the car before leaving earlier- I'm not mad about it, though, really. Your clothes smell nice, they'll do the job well" she says, making sure to reassure me about the forgetfulness, she knows it wasn't on purpose.

"I'm glad to hear it" Namjoon hums softly, looking pleased to have one of his alphas wearing his clothes so soon, Yoongi and I can see it in the way he's preaning in front of us like the cutest beta we've ever seen. He's a big softie.

It doesn't take too long for her to get dressed, and when she walks out of the closet in her new outfit, hair slightly disheveled but still flowing so beautifully around her face, my entire body tilts her way, already needing her back in my arms.

The t-shirt Namjoon gave her is so big that it looks like a dress on her, and she went for the hoodie after all, needing that extra layer to cover her chest. The shorts underneath end a little over her knees, and she chose white socks to keep her toes warm.

Seeing her this way makes me wonder why I never made her wear my clothes before. This will have to change, and the burst of pheromones that fills the room is proof enough that two alphas are more than agreeing with that observation.

Her bashful eyes fall on me then, and she hesitantly climbs back on the bed before letting herself plop down in my arms with the help of my inviting pheromones. The comfort this brings me is immense, and I breathe in deeply as she melts in my embrace, face tucked in my neck where she belongs. I softly move her so she sits in my lap, legs on either side of my hips, wanting her closer than ever.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Seokjin" she eventually murmurs, sounding ashamed of herself. "I didn't mean to speak badly about myself and make you mad, it's just... the words left my mouth before I could stop them and then it was too late to take them back, I didn't mean to disappoint you".

"Oh, doll" I sigh against her temple. All of this could have been avoided if only I'd done a better job at dealing with my surge of anger. It was never my intention to hear any kind of apology from her, especially not when I was the one in the wrong.

"It wasn't your fault, not even close to it. You didn't do anything wrong, Y/N. I'm sorry for getting mad at you, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I promise I'll do better from now on, this will never happen again".

She snakes her arms around my waist before squeezing tightly, and it feels like she's hugging my heart itself while freeing it from the tormenting vines all at once. I never want to get angry at her like I did ever again.

"I'll get therapy" she finally utters, though weakly. "I don't like that I'm making things harder for everyone, so I'll meet that Hoseok. If Namjoon says he'd be good for me, then I'll believe him. I'm not getting anywhere on my own, I can see that now".

I press a strong kiss to her head, feeling so thankful that she's willing to be brave and give this a try. Yoongi ruffles her hair softly, and I even get a kiss on my forehead, which I really needed from him. I was afraid he would've been too disappointed to show me affection today.

"I'll give him a call tomorrow and see if we could set out to meet him soon, how's that?" he says, words that have her peeking up at him with a pout. She bravely nods her head before hiding back in my neck, and he kisses her shoulder before gazing at the ever patient Namjoon.

"I'll give you his number later, his business card is in the car so I'll walk you out when you want to leave" the beta answers the unspoken question, then motions for the door. "How about we sit in the living room now? It'll be less crowded than on my bed, not that I mind the sight".

Your POV

I blink softly at Namjoon's offer, just now noticing that he's still standing against the wall while the rest of us are on his bed.

He's been kept aside from our trio since the very beginning, hasn't he? That makes me feel really bad all of a sudden, I didn't mean to keep all the attention on myself like this. What's more, I've shown him a very weak alpha since earlier, haven't I? How embarrassing.

"I think that's a very good idea, the living room would be better" I let out shyly as I try to sit out of Seokjin's embrace, which he allows with a pursed smile.

"I'm sorry for using your bedroom without your permission, Namjoon. My wolf went for the most comforting place as soon as Yoongi put me down, the scent was too hard to resist" I admit with a blush that the beta would eat up this instant if only he could.

He instead offers me a hand, then pulls me into his chest without so much as a warning when I accept it.

He grins with satisfaction upon seeing my red face from so close, and he leans down to peck my cheeks with a pleased rumble seeping out of him, especially with the way my scent fluffs up, rosemary perfumed everywhere around him with the aroma of vanilla in its clutches.

"Never apologize for something like that, hun. I will be one happy wolf when I get to sleep in my new mates' scents tonight" he croons near my ear, our heartbeats loud between us, pumpkin spices smelling like they were made into heart-shaped pies all over the place.

"That's a relief" I murmur before adding, face still pressed against his huge torso, "I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for showing you this... this side of me today when we just met. The fact that I'm an alpha who doesn't really... act like it sometimes. I wish I'd shown you the better me".

He pulls back slightly to stare at me with a serious look on his face, confusion in his dragon eyes. "What makes you think that you should apologize to me for something as precious as this side of you? What could possibly make me feel like an apology is needed?".

I bite on the inside of my cheek as I meet his gaze, does he really not mind that I'm not like Seokjin and Yoongi? They've been very accepting of my unusualness, but I would've expected that a beta would be a little... I don't know, caught off guard?

I know for a fact that omegas would never be able to rely on me if they saw me like this.

Namjoon slides his hand over my hair, down my nape and then back over my cheek, teeth biting on his tongue before he sighs deeply. His eyes look right into my own, needing to make sure I'm listening to him before he speaks his mind.

"Y/N, you might be an alpha, but first and foremost, you are my mate. I don't care about the norms that society appoints to second genders, not everyone is able to handle what they were made for and that is perfectly fine" he begins with a profoundness in his tone.

"You should never feel like your worth depends on whether you can prove yourself worthy in the eyes of the world or not. Especially not in front of me, Seokjin or Yoongi, or anyone else for that matter. Alphas are so much more than what they're made to be at school".

Is Namjoon an angel? Because this feels like the kind of thing an angel would've said.

Our two other alphas join us as he finishes talking, and I look up as Yoongi presses himself against my back, locking me between him and Namjoon. "If one of our mates ever looks down on you because you are not what they expected of an alpha, then they have no right to be part of this happy and loving pack".

"And there will be no exceptions" Seokjin states matter-of-factly. "Whether they are omega, beta or alpha, I will not allow anyone to disrespect any of the wolves under my care. This I make my utmost responsibility".

My pack alpha leans down to kiss my lips softly, hands cupping my cheeks so I can stare him in the eyes. "You make sure to be happy and comfortable, sweet doll. Don't worry about anything else, we'll take care of the rest".

My eyes slowly fill with unshed tears, and the three men smile softly.

"See, we're all thinking the same" Namjoon muses with a smile that reveals two beautiful dimples. "So I don't want to hear another apology for something having anything to do with you being yourself. Do we have a deal?".

"Guys" I utter tearfully, lips pursed to hold in my tears. "W-we do have a deal. No apologizing for being myself".

Pleased pheromones make me relax between the three of them, rumbles of purrs stealing the last concerns from my mind. Namjoon's beta pheromones aren't as strong as the alphas, but they're soft and comforting, just like Woozi's.

"Come, let's talk in the living room. I'm not a good cook, but if you could allow me to keep you here for dinner, that would make me very happy. I know a good place nearby that does the best everything. They have just about anything you could want, and they do express delivery".

With my three mates leading me out of the bedroom and to the better lighted area of the unit, Yoongi makes a curious sound. "If Y/N and Jin are fine with it, I am too. It would be a shame to part ways so soon, especially since we don't know when we can see each other again".

"That's what I'm saying. My work is going to keep me busy for the next couple days, and I'm sure you are busy as well. The weekend is still a ways to go, but we could make plans to meet again then. We could do something fun, like going to the beach, maybe".

"Oh! Yoongi, the beach in our hometown! We should bring Y/N and Namjoon!" Seokjin exclaims, suddenly looking as if he might start jumping on his toes if given the chance. He looks so excited at the thought of going back there and it's an endearing sight.

"That's fine with me, we haven't gone there in years" Yoongi says with a loving smile. "It's pretty far from here though, we'd need to rent a hotel room and stay the night. Should we get a suite with two queen beds? Would sharing a bed with us make you uncomfortable, Namjoon?".

"Do I look like I would reject an occasion to spend the night with my mates? I would love to share a bed with you. Let me cover the expenses since the outing was my idea to begin with. We could go using the same car".

"Well... fine, we'll take care of the meals for the road, then".

"What about me?".

"You stay close, babygirl, that's all we need from you".

NEXT

[somberjoon]

hi im a new reader of yours ! I was reading metanoia and about to go onto another chapter but the links are no longer working, I suppose its because you recently changed your username? :)

hi !! i totally forgot this would be an issue, so i apologize about that :[ but if you read thru the chapters from the most recent ch 10 they are all updated !

i will update syzygy and the rest of the metanoia chs by tomo :]

[somberjoon]

username change!!

direjoon -> somberjoon

i have works on ao3 and twt under direjoon but they're mlm, i'd rather not mix the two so i needed a change. i will update how my account looks as well once i'm done drawing my pfp :]

[somberjoon]

METANOIA [10]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 6.1k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety , crying and loss of a grasp on what to do , SA without major details !! Please look out for * at the start and beginning of the conversation she has with Namjoon. It is not detailed in a way that would tell exactly what he does, but it's more of a panicked description of what she felt. Lots of mentions of suffocating feelings and her skin being touched and hurt and feeling gross, but nothing more than that. Please go into this understanding that this conversation with nj is put in a way that I resonate with / would prefer in my experience, so it obviously won't be preferred by everyone! Please take care of your mental health, and skip that section if you are not up to reading of these themes. Blood mentioned, knife and stabbing mentioned but not detailed.

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7 , ch.8 , ch.9 , ch.10 ...

Y/N

To wake up refreshed, warm, and content seems totally cliche. It’s unreal and shouldn’t be Y/N’s reality after everything she’s been worrying about. She faces the window where the early morning sun is rising to greet her. She remembers the night before, turning in the bed to find Taehyung in the same spot he was before, but this time his head is propped up and sniffing towards the door. She must’ve awoken to something outside her door if Taehyung is also paying attention to it. 

“What is it?” She asks, her voice still groggy from not being used. One of his low energy ‘chuffs’ tells her exactly what she needs to know, already recognizing how he feels about Namjoon in her space. 

“Is it only him in the house?” His head lifts to give an too-human head shake that takes her aback only slightly. 

“Who else?” She asks, wondering how he’ll respond. Taehyung stretches towards her nose first. The light touch of his snout digs into her stomach, his head lying atop her lap to make sure she understands. Her stomach. Food?

“Seokjin?” Another ‘chuff’ leaves him and closes his eyes to try and push himself into her lap farther. She sits up and crosses her legs to accommodate the weight he pushes onto her. She can’t help but smile at the sweet gestures of his cheetah. He wants her to scratch here and there, which she does with no issue. It doesn’t take long for a loud purr to rumble through him and into her own skin where he lies. A light knock at the door doesn’t bother Taehyung, so she waits for a voice. 

“Y/N?” Namjoon. She pulls herself out from under Taehyung’s weight, earning a disappointed chuff as he sprawls out in the now empty space. She slips on her slippers and hurries to unlock the door to find a tired Namjoon still in his PJs. 

“Hey. Sorry, was I loud?” 

“No, not at all, just wanted to make sure Taehyung wasn’t bugging you.” He leans in to look at Taehyung and Y/N only hears that same annoyed chuff. She lets a puff of a laugh out at him. 

“He’s fine.” She assures, staring far too long at his soft morning features. It should be odd seeing him in this new way, but all she feels is content mush. He looks well-rested and carefree. Safe- just as she felt last night. She doesn’t care to control her dopey smile aimed up at him. 

“That’s good.” He looks down at her with his own soft smile, “You want some breakfast? Seokjin and I are the only ones here at the moment.” 

“Yeah, are you-?” 

“I’m gonna eat right now as well.” He answers with a nod. “Let’s hurry before it gets cold.”

The house outside of the room she slept in smells wonderful. It always seems to- whether it’s from scented candles or colognes and clean home, or just the lingering scent of every homey meal. She’s hesitant to step into the kitchen with her bruises and scratches so on display, but she makes an effort to stay in stride with Namjoon, placing herself behind him slightly just so they’re not the first thing Seokjin notices. Luckily, she rounds the kitchen island and sets down on one of the stools next to Namjoon without Seokjin turning around. 

“Good morning.” Seokjin greets them, still chopping away at something Y/N can’t see. 

“Good morning.” The two say at the same time, causing them to share an intense look for just a moment. They melt into matching smiles that Seokjin turns to find. 

“A sleepy pup and a sleepy cub- my favorite customers.” Seokjin pokes at them, setting matching bowls in front of each of them. “Chicken porridge, lean meats for Y/N’s stomach and extra of it for strength.” He finalizes with a smile, obviously proud of himself. He should be proud, it smells delicious, and the green onions sprinkled on top make the presentation look so pretty. 

“Thank you, Seokjin.” Y/N shyly thanks. Unlike last time, Y/N is ready to dig in. It must be how good Seokjin’s food always is- or maybe she realizes it’s because she actually feels safe in their home, at least in the presence of the three at home at the moment. She takes a few hungry bites before saying anything, content with filling her desires of just eating in comfortable silence. 

“It’s very good.” She hums, looking up at a content Seokjin. He looks even more satisfied, seemingly only waiting for her opinion to continue his morning. He rounds the corner of the Island, greeting Namjoon with silent gestures that she decides to give them complete privacy for- focusing only on her food. Seokjin leaves after that, mumbling something about Jungkook and giving Y/N a little wave. 

“Did you sleep well?” Namjoon asks after a few moments of eating in silence. 

“Really well. I don’t even think I dreamed. It was- peaceful.” Y/N admits now that they’re alone. 

“I’m glad to hear that. I know Taehyung doesn’t take his presence in your room lightly. He was mostly there to guard you more than anything. He can sense it more in his cheetah form, like smelling out your emotions.” Namjoon explains. 

Her thoughts get the best of her- still set on wanting and yearning to meet her cheetah. 

“Is it like that for all animals, or just him so far?” 

“Do I think you’ll be able to do it, you mean? No clue. But, all of us have our own little thing in our animal forms. Taehyung can sense when we feel certain ways, without us wanting to admit it. Seokjin somehow knows when something bad happens, his fox always waiting patiently  and then- poof, someone cuts themself on accident or sprains their ankle on the treadmill and he’s right there.”

“Wow.” She can’t help but listen in awe. 

“Hoseok’s tiger is a guardian, as well as my wolf- but I’m a lot more…active.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“It’s the reason I wouldn’t want to shift for a while if you decide to stay with us, at least not if you’re uncomfortable with what I do. I just get really- protective. Unnecessarily protective. I’ll want to groom and nag and be glued to anyone  I feel needs it most. He would definitely pick you at the moment, and it would be more overwhelming than anything.”

“That’s very sweet, though. That they have you two in the pack as protection, I bet it makes everyone feel safe.” Y/N tries her best to make their protectiveness be a positive to him, not an overbearing thing he thinks it may be. 

“I hope so.” His smile is aimed at her but she feels as though he’s thinking about his pack, not including her at all. 

“Anyways,” he continues. “Yoongi is also protective but his panther is a lot more…cuddly.” 

“Really?” It’s a little surprising having his personality a contrasting thing despite Namjoon saying he’s not the talkative type. She can’t say she’s any different though, more set on touch and active attention rather than talking all the time. Maybe she can become closer to him. 

“Oh yeah, he’s like that in human form too though.” He gives her a smirk before continuing. “Jimin is very active in his wolf form, he wants to get everyone into trouble and be a pest honestly. But, he knows how to have fun, even if it is overbearing sometimes, he’s not pushy- he’s just…wanting. He wants to do so many things and he’ll drag anyone along to join him. Finally, Jungkook. He’s actually not one that has displayed anything major. He’s still trying to get used to everything, but he’s a lot more confident in his bunny form. He’ll not speak all day but the second he’s a bunny he’s all over you, wanting the attention he didn’t want in human form. That’s normal by the way.” Y/N turns to give him a questioning look.

“The confidence in your animal form. You’ll find that whatever you don’t allow yourself to do in human form, your animal form will absolutely get what it wants if the other is okay with it. It’s normal and shouldn’t be anything to be embarrassed about.” 

She understands him and feels as though there is something he’s not specifically saying. But he is saying something. Something she can’t quite pinpoint, though. 

“I would never judge. Taehyung was really sweet, and was taking care of me. It felt…nice.” She admits. “Really nice. It’s all really nice. It feels too good to be true.” 

Namjoon seems to hold his breath at the statement, waiting and waiting for Y/N to say the unsaid. It’s morning, they’ve eaten and they’re very well rested. It’s all pointing to her wanting and hoping she can stay here and have a safe place to live. But, she still needs to tell him. 

“I still want you to know. I thought about it a little more and- I’d want someone to know anyways. Even if I took advantage without making sure the pack leader knew what I did, I’d want someone that I trusted to know. Just so I had a place with someone where I don’t have to worry about this thing haunting me and everything I do.” 

“Let’s finish up and we can go wherever you’d like. You can still wait if you’d like-” 

“I really need you to know, Namjoon.” He gives her a long, observing look. Maybe he’s really savoring this last normal moment they’ll have before she pulls the rug from underneath him. Maybe she’s doing the exact same thing, looking over this pretty, just awoken Namjoon that’s comfortable in her presence. It’ll probably be the last time she gets to see it. 

“Okay.” He finally whispers. 

*

The guest room she used is now empty, Taehyung nowhere in sight. ‘He’s probably in the sunroom.’ Namjoon told her without having to ask him. She doesn’t question it, content with only telling Namjoon right now. 

“I don’t know where to start.” She says after some time of quiet thought. Namjoon sits on the edge of the bed near the spot Taehyung settled the night before. 

“Can I ask something? It may help.” Namjoon confesses. She only looks at him with awkward question. “That night you seemed fine, and then- you weren’t. I was very hesitant with leaving you home alone, and I really regret it, honestly. I just- I guess I think that’s when something happened.” 

His confession causes her heart to ache in remembrance. That was exactly when it started, but honestly- she could go farther back in time. 

“There’s this man. He’s Richard’s coworker.” Namjoon shifts uncomfortably in her peripheral vision, but she’s too focused on her thoughts to pay attention. She shifts and paces, biting at her nails as she recalls everything. “I met him that first night Maria was out of town over the weekend, and he- he called me ‘exotic’. He-” She stops, not wanting to give those specifics yet. “He made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t see him after that so I thought that would be the last of it.”

There’s no ‘right’ way to tell him the rest. She just needs and wants to do it. 

“The night I was here, with Maria gone, I was glad to be out of the house. I didn’t want to chance having dinner without Richard with his coworker there. It was pretty late, and I thought Richard would have already had him over, eaten, and had gone to bed. Richard had texted me and I checked it in the car. His coworker needed to stop by and grab some tools from the unlocked garage.” 

She thinks and thinks, her breathing picking up. She wants to calm slightly before she goes on. 

“I was hoping- praying- that he had already come and gone since the text was a little old.”

“Y/N…” Her breathing picks up despite her recent stop. Namjoon notices, but tries not to interrupt her. His plea is soft, asking more than anything. 

“I really wanted you to stay. I was so scared. Something inside of me knew. It’s like, my cheetah knew I needed you.” She honestly confesses. “I stayed by that door before heading to my room. I was stuck there, my cheetah wouldn’t let me settle. But, I ignored her.” 

“Y/N.”

“When I heard his truck, I thought- I thought it was Richard. I memorized the sound of their cars. It sounded just like Richard’s. I was so relieved, so happy to have someone slightly familiar there. But, he didn’t come into the house, and it confused me. His truck was shut off and he’d been in the garage for so long. I thought he was putting tools away, maybe- I don’t know.” Her eyes start to water at the stupidity she feels recalling those thoughts. Why else would he be in there for so long. If only it was Richard in that garage.

“I was so desperate to see him and feel at ease. I heard the garage open finally, but he didn’t turn on the lights. So, I met him in the kitchen, asking for him, searching.” She has to stop and breathe, her voice becoming louder and her words more unstable. “I didn’t see anyone, but…I felt him. His hands. His body. He was on me before I could even blink. He held my mouth shut.-”

Y/N That Night

Panic sets in immediately. She thrashes against the hold, desperately trying to get away from the grimey hands- one keeping her quiet, one keeping her arms at her sides. She doesn’t know how, but she gets loose.

She fights. 

She yells and pushes herself away, trying to scramble for purchase on anything. Why would Richard do this? He must be drunk- this can’t be what she thinks it is. He doesn’t give up, reaching for any body part he can get to as she trips over his waving arms. She pulls and pushes away from him, her voice a loud plea that she can’t even understand herself. She can only hear him, him and his scrambling body trying to get to her. 

She finds herself pushed into a counter as she finally stands. The counter- she can grab something. Grab something. Grab Something. As her hands roam blindly, the man is on her again, his nails being used to dig and dig into different parts of her. He pushes her down once again just as she grabs onto something with a handle. She’s able to twist so her back lands on the ground underneath him instead of face planting. The handled utensil clatters to the ground and a wail of irritation falls from her mouth. 

He just tries to pry at her, touching her here and there with hands that aim to hurt her. Nothing is gentle about his touches. But neither are hers. She pushes and pries his hands from her face, her body, her arms. 

“Stop. Please- Stop!” She begs. He’s so much stronger, though. He sits up, his knees bracketing her torso in place as he pushes her arms to the ground. She just about goes limp, her legs the only thing free enough to keep fighting for her. Her hand stretches out onto the floor, hoping something is within reach. As she loses the will to try, his hands move down as she tires, feeling her body underneath him. Her wet eyes wouldn’t even be able to see in the light- but within the dark she still searches and finally-

The knife. 

He’s choppy and not attentive, as if he thinks she’s just giving in to him after a short while of fighting. She still can’t see him, can’t aim or direct this properly. She has one chance. 

-

Y/N Present Day

“I struck true. I don’t know what I hit, but the second my adrenaline got the knife sunken into him I pushed and pushed and he just fell to the ground. I- I thought it was Richard and he was limp- I was more worried that I killed my guardian. I was fucking terrified.”

“I turned on the light after some time. I had just felt the blood on me, I felt his hands still all over me- it took me a while to finally decide to see him.” She lets out a shaky sigh. “It was his coworker, of course.”

“Is he?” 

“They said he’s in critical condition.”

With telling him comes the feeling of those hands upon her, his body pressing into her. It’s the worst part every time she recalls it. She doesn’t remember what she said or how hard she yelled. It’s the feeling of him that stuck. The worst part stuck. Her tail wraps so tightly around her it feels suffocating. But it’s just not enough right now. She can’t get the feeling to go away. 

“Y/N.” His voice is steady but kind. “Is there anything I can do to help you right now?”

Just as he was in the hospital, just as he knows whenever she needs literally anything, he knows when to ask. She can't give in just yet, that's not all that haunts her. 

"He was so easy to hurt, Namjoon. It was so easy to get him so close to death. What if I- what if I hurt someone else?" She whispers the last question.

"You're not dangerous Y/N. He is. People like him deserve to be hurt. People that hurt people deserve to be hurt." Namjoon tries to explain and explain as Y/N tries her hardest to see it that way. 

"I would never think of hurting you guys." Y/N whispers to him. 

"I believe you'd never hurt us. You are not the one that did anything bad. You protected yourself, you did exactly what you needed to do." Namjoon urges a bit. 

"I'm just so scared that I could hurt someone. I don't want to hurt anyone. Not like they've done to me, I can't let that happen to you guys. And if everyone else in the pack doesn't know I did that- and I live here- I feel like I'm betraying them."

Namjoon gives a heavy sigh at all her confessions. She understands it’s not towards her, but she can’t help but feel split open and raw at the sight of him assessing her and thinking about the consequences she’ll have to face. 

“We all have secrets. We’ve all kept secrets from each other. Each one of us has a complicated history of regrets and shameful acts. Yours isn’t shameful- at all- but I want you to know that we aren’t perfect. None of them would judge you for this. None of us would feel unsafe with you here. I would feel much better if you were here.” She watches as his finger points directly in front of him at the ground to emphasize his wants. 

Her cheetah seems to take him literally, urging her forwards. She halts, though, not understanding why she would need to quell something like that within her. The last time she disobeyed her cheetah she ended up hurt. Really hurt. Maybe she is questioning it too much. Maybe her cheetah is trying to truly help her more than she realizes. 

She takes a few steps forward, watching as Namjoon waits for her. 

“I want to be here. I want to feel safe and- I want to stop feeling him on me.” She explains with her stilly misty eyes and shaky breaths. “I don’t want to rely on others all the time, least of all someone that pretty much got stuck with me. But I want to rely on you. I want to be with you all the time, and I want to find comfort in you whenever I need it. Because you comfort me.” She’s now right in front of him. 

“I don’t want to feel him on me anymore. I hate it so much, Namjoon.” 

Namjoon’s hands reach up for her, clenching in the air with questions and unsure placement. 

“What do you need from me?” He whispers. 

“Can you hold me?” She whispers back, just for him. Can you make him go away? Can you hold me together so I don’t fall apart? 

“Of course. Always.”

*

“So, Your contract already states that this decision will nullify the opportunity for rehoming services, but we still have a few papers for you to sign just to show this was finalized with your consent.” Mila shuffles through a few manilla folders in one of her drawers, finally pulling out a set of papers. 

“This one states the home you’ve picked is one that you’ve found on your own and is not under the organization. Meaning, it isn’t the organization’s fault if you chose this home haphazardly, and you have to find your next home on your own as well.” She slides the other paper on top of that one, “And this one is your consent form, saying that you are the one that is choosing this home that is not under the organization.” 

Y/N looks over to Namjoon with one more playful question in her eye just before she presses the pen to the paper. Namjoon can’t help but watch her with a content smile, playing along with her giddy emotions. 

After Namjoon held her with no qualms, no questions, it didn’t take long for the adrenaline in Y/N’s body to dissipate into mush and playful giggles. Namjoon made sure she was fine and then gave into whatever she wanted at that moment. She knows she needs to work on how she handles her ups and downs, and how she copes with everything. But Namjoon calms her so well, makes her feel so safe, he’s not too much for her right now- she’s afraid to make it a full-session of her talking about it. That would be too much too fast. 

She signs both papers confidently. 

“Perfect. Also, I wanted to apologize that your last doctor wasn’t well-equipped to handle hybrid patients. We updated the list we have to exclude her as well as went over all the ones we hadn’t checked up on in a while. We’ll cover all the doctor fees still and will be for any other medical, mental, or herbal health you seek out. Namjoon suggested his doctor’s office if you’d like to give that one a go.”

“I’ve tried a few out, this one I’ve been using for a couple years, though.” Namjoon explains. “The whole pack goes there.”

“If it’s trustworthy that’s fine.” Y/N gives her approval. 

“Okay, I’ll fill those papers out and send them to the healthcare team by tomorrow so that you can make your first appointment as soon as possible.”

“Thank you so much, Mila.” Y/N genuinely tells her. “I appreciate the work you put into everything, and I really appreciate that you’ve been caring through- everything.” 

“I want you to be safe, Y/N, I’ll make sure I can provide you with all the options you have no matter what, and I’ll always give you honest advice.” Mila gives her a smile she hasn’t seen before, making her feel shy under the attention, but Namjoon helps end the meeting with the attention on him. 

-

Y/N didn’t realize their day would end here after she watched Namjoon finish the minimal work he had for the day. A couple hours of meetings later, Namjoon is hauling her into the car with a borrowed jacket and clothes that fit her horribly. 

“The budget you get for clothing, essentials, and all that are your own to spend. But, I wanted to celebrate your decision a little bit.” 

“Namjoon.” Y/N warns. 

“It’s not that bad, I promise. But, you will need a new phone ASAP and you will need new clothes and stuff sooner than later just to help get you settled.”

“I don’t find this celebratory.” Y/N moans into the air, her head leaning against the headrest of the car’s seat. 

“Oh, that’s more because it’s extra time you get to spend with me.” Namjoon says with absolutely no sarcasm. He buckles himself in and doesn’t give a second glance to her. 

“You’ll be the death of me Kim Namjoon.”

“Don’t die on me yet, that ruins the fun.” He coos. 

-

It shouldn’t be anything special- Namjoon doting on Y/N like an experienced pack leader, suggesting this and that and making sure she’s on their phone plan even. Shopping for socks and toothbrushes isn’t something fun at all. It’s far from special or romantic but it’s- domestic. Domestic in a way that makes Y/N speechless until Namjoon turns to ask her a question with his gaze on her, obviously not having asked the question just once. She can’t pay attention to anything when his hand brushes against her with silent comfort. The touch doesn’t make her recoil or think of anything else but the butterflies in her stomach. She doesn’t understand why people call them butterflies, though. They feel thunderous, like dragons more than anything. 

“Are you hungry?” Namjoon is stopped in front of her, looking down at her with concern. “Are you alright? You seem a little out of it, I’m sorry if I rushed this, I just didn’t want you to be overwhelmed when the guys got home and needed my attention suddenly.”

“I’m fine, just a little tired.” She speaks the first thing she can think of. Her cheeks pink, causing her to dip her head so he hopefully doesn’t notice. 

“I just have one more stop, is that okay?”

“Of course.” He turns to walk with her again, making sure to keep in time with Y/N as she wants to walk slower to prolong her time with him before-

‘He has a pack’, she thinks. He has a family and people that need his time and attention much more than you do, more than you deserve to have it. 

You could be pack. I’m not. You could be, I want to be. 

Dread washes over her at the realization, and suddenly her limbs feel heavy, her skin not something that’s her own. Butterflies and dragons are long gone. She follows alongside him, this time with more space in between them. How could her cheetah want that, how could she think she has any place such as that in their home. Y/N needs to stay in her place to be able to keep her spot there, she needs to be a guest. A good one. What would they think of her if she tried to wiggle into their lives for good?

“Go ahead and look around, I’ll just be a few minutes.” Namjoon cuts her out of her thoughts, now standing in front of an electronics store. She listens, fascinated with all the little things in display cases that let her head ponder in wonder instead of that dread. Maybe she’s been staring at something for far longer than she realizes, or maybe he took less time than he’d thought- Namjoon is already ready to go with a sleek black bag added into the pile of bags. 

“Let’s go home and eat, yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Home. 

-

Y/N is surprised to find she isn’t as nervous to see the pack this time around. She’s much more nervous with the fact that she still doesn’t know her place around them. Without Namjoon or Taehyung doting on her, what is the relationship supposed to be comprised of?

“Hyung!” Jungkook runs up to Namjoon who enters in front of Y/N, she hides behind him, her head down and hoping her bruises and cuts aren’t something they want to focus on. Jungkook clings to Namjoon, obviously having missed his wolf after not seeing each other all day. ‘I missed you.’ Y/N can hear the younger whisper as she hastily puts on her slippers. It all seems to weigh on her more now that she can hear them, smell them, and put excited or content expressions onto the pack’s faces. 

“Y/N,” Jungkook draws her attention away from the floor, her surprised expression matching his own. “It’s nice to see you again.” He shyly admits- his bunny ears dropping to cover his pinking ears. 

“It’s nice to see you as well, Jungkook. Thank you for, um, letting me be here.” She slips in before he can turn away. She needs to tell them, all in her own ways at the right time, whenever they offer her the time. She wouldn’t want to intrude on their unknown schedules. 

“It’s safe here.” He says quieter, as if he knew she wanted to hear why he allowed her to be there, in his home. She gives him a shy smiling nod. 

“Y/N, if you’re hungry, we are all going to eat right now.” Seokjin pulls both of their attention to him. Jungkook moving out of her way allows her to finally see the open living room and all the eyes setting on her. She immediately looks down again, not wanting to see their reactions to her. 

“I, uh, I-”

“She said she was pretty tired, hyung, I’ll get her settled and grab her some to eat up in her room.” Namjoon jumps in to help her.

“No worries. Have a good night.” Seokjin says with a smile in his voice. 

“Goodnight.” Y/N says in their direction, not knowing what else to say. 

She can’t help but feel a bit defeated at her failed attempt to be normal. She was less nervous before walking in. But, the second she realized that only Seokjin had seen her that morning, she immediately deflated into an anxious ball. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers at Namjoon as they enter her room. 

“What for?” He genuinely asks. 

“That you had to save me, and that I didn’t greet them properly, or- I don’t know.” She wants to tell him more, but after the realization earlier, she has to put some type of distance between them. She can’t just give into her cheetah now that she knows what she wants. 

“You don’t have to worry about any of that. They know you need time, and I know you are trying. You are strong for doing all of this and even stronger for letting me know how you feel.” Namjoon explains, separating the things in the bag he dragged in for her. 

“I’ll do that. You should go have dinner with them.” She urges a little, still slightly timid from her earlier interactions. He pauses, not immediately responding to her or giving in. But he soon faces her with a smile. 

“Just take the tags off and then we can wash everything before you wear them. And I’ll bring you food before settling in with them.” Namjoon almost rushes out after instructing her. 

Suddenly, every layer she has on is itchy and suffocating. She strips off the oversized clothes Namjoon found for her, immediately heading for the shower to try and melt off the gross feeling coating her skin- she chooses a pair of new sleepwear she doesn’t care to have cleaned beforehand.. The water isn’t overwhelmingly hot, but a temperature that numbs her well. It’s nice not feeling anything, being scrubbed clean and warm. Afterwards, she’s dressed and leaving the bathroom to find the tray of food Namjoon promised, set on the side table near the space she sleeps. 

‘I’ll wish you goodnight after everyone’s settled.’ A note near the bowl of porridge similar to this morning’s sits. A side of veggies and cooked tofu sit on a plate next to it, accompanied by a chilled glass of water. She doesn’t deserve the attentive gestures. Not when she knows deep down how she really feels about this home. 

She takes to brushing her own hair and wrapping it up into a bun similar to how Namjoon did for her. She eats quickly, listening for the sound of five or six sets of footsteps to make their way to a bedroom down the hall. Then, she’s slipping out of her room with slippered feet, careful not to drop the tray with empty dishes. The coast seems clear, a way for her to clean up after herself without bothering anyone or getting in their way during their nightly routine. The kitchen light above the stove is one of the only things that lights up her path. It’s enough to get her to the sink, setting everything on the counter before slowly opening the hot water. 

A light clicks on above her, causing her to squint up at the entrance she came in from. 

“I didn’t realize you’d finished up, I’m sorry for getting to your room too late.” Namjoon. 

“It’s okay. I can finish up by myself.” She starts her work on the dishes, following the steps she remembered Namjoon and Hoseok took to clean the dishes. She basically ignores Namjoon as he rounds the island to meet her at the sink, watching intently as she washes and rinses, setting them aside to dry once she’s done. He’s too close, practically breathing down her neck with something primal and new she hasn’t felt from him before. 

Just as she’s finished washing and rinsing, Namjoon nudges her a little to the side. She doesn’t budge as easily, though, set on finishing her task. Namjoon gives an unfamiliar huff, and takes to gripping underneath her shoulders. Suddenly, her feet are off the ground and she’s set down butt first onto the counter near the sink. Namjoon wordlessly dries at the dishes she just washed. Her bewildered expression goes ignored. A scoff leaves her at the happenings. 

“Aren’t you gentlemanly?” She bites out. He doesn’t answer, in fact, he seems to not care at all for answering. It’s not until he’s finished and the dishes are put away that Namjoon finally gives her attention. His hands land on either side of her legs, bracketing her in on the counter. 

“I told you I’d take care of you.” Is all he huffs up at her. It’s an unfamiliar look for him- but not entirely uncomfortable or foreign feeling. 

“I can do simple things. I told you I’m not living here to be a cub you can dress up and buy things for as you fancy.” 

“I want to do everything. Right now, while you’re not feeling well, I want to do it.” He gives with another huff. 

“I don’t want to be a bother, especially during the time you should be with your pack.”

“You are-” He stops himself, cutting off what he was going to say to calm himself a bit. “I told you I’d care for you. I need to, Y/N.” He sounds pained in some way, his gaze not on her face anymore. Y/N remembers their conversation from before. His wolf. 

“Namjoon,” She tries to pull his attention up. He grumbles with an animalistic sound she hasn’t heard yet. She tries harder, finally allowing herself to touch him once again. Her palm gently pushes up on his chin to catch his gaze. “Is your wolf wanting this? Or are you?”

“My wolf is me, Y/N. We are not separate things, but two parts of one whole. Just as your cheetah will want and not want, and it will be connected to you with more intent than you realize.” It’s as if he knows. She shrinks under his words, a dry gulp being heard from her in the silence. 

“You really don’t mind caring for me like this? Like I’m something that needs- deserves- all this extra stuff?” 

“Even if our fates were different- I know I’d always want to care for you. Let me, just so my wolf can be satisfied a while longer, okay?” 

“Okay.” She whispers into the space- or lack thereof. He doesn’t back away, instead staying there to make sure something in him is quelled. 

“Okay.” He whispers back. “Let’s get you to bed, it’s cold out here.” He stretches out his arms for her, his want to carry her obvious and unforgiving this time- unlike this morning when he didn’t show his obvious want to soothe her. She could feel him against her once again. A feeling she’s growing to want more and more of. You would think that the constant small touches and the one-off hugs would put an end to her want. But, really, it just makes her yearn for more. It’s dangerous and bound to get her hurt. 

She clings to him still. Her arms tight around his neck, his arms tight around her back, her legs tight around his waist. 

“Don’t drop me.” She whispers, a little nervous once he starts up the stairs. 

“I won’t.”

[somberjoon]

ch will be posted tomo! apologies for the delay, i had midterms this week and have one written one due tonight so im😔😔

[somberjoon]

metanoia update moved to next weekend! apologies :[[

[somberjoon]

i put in my themes in my carrd a bunch of dark stuff and i have yet to fulfill that because i was trying out different things but,,,my heart always leads me back to gross, dark, themes- so i am working on one that will be long BUT only 2 parts. (im hoping. i wont post until im finished but ill post snippets sometimes) :]

[somberjoon]

coming up with cute scenarios is so hard cuz ive never been offered a cute scenario so these cute scenes are always shitty and only make sense to me. like ofc i want tangerines while im sitting outside in the sunny breeze while reading,,,and ur gonna peel them 4 me too 🫶🏼

[somberjoon]

SYZYGY [2]

✩ pairing: alpha namjoon x chubby fem!omega reader

✩ genre: wonderous , soulmates , strangers to "friends" to lovers , fluff , romance🔞 , life lessons , slice-of-life , brief angsty situations , happy ending

✩ word count: 4.9k

✩ chapter warnings: cussing , cover art does not depict fmc features, mention and feeling of throwing up but no throw up !

✩ summary: Namjoon would say that he truly lives the normal life. As an alpha, he works the job he wants, he goes out when he has time, and he has never received a single late-fee on payments. He's living the mundane life- until an unknown omega literally drops into his life. Where did she come from? Why him?

✩ cover: me

ch.1, ch.2 ...

Namjoon

“This fish must have a really good hiding spot, I haven’t been able to find it since yesterday.” Y/N kneels in front of his nightstand where a small decorative bowl of water and plants sit in a bed of rocks. 

Namjoon has been trying to work all morning. (Trying to answer all of Y/N’s questions while he also listens to the track over and over again while trying to make edits on it while Y/N is lingering around his desk like a lost puppy.)

“There’s no fish, it’s just a moss ball.” 

“A ball of moss? I guess that’s a pet, just like a potted plant would be. Why did you decide to get one?”

“They’re cute.” Namjoon gives a genuine answer and a shrug. 

“Very cute.” She agrees with a whisper almost too quiet for him to hear with one un-covered ear. 

The room quiets down for a moment of familiar peace, only for Y/N to flop back onto Namjoon’s bed with a heavy sigh. This change in his routine isn’t annoying or unwanted, but the sudden change is proving to be harder to get used to than he thought it’d be. He really can’t risk taking a last-minute day off of this project, and even then he always has projects. He can’t be mad people like his work, so- 

“Do you want me to see if one of my friends would take you out to do something today?” He turns to ask, meeting an excited looking Y/N whose head pops up immediately at the prospect. Her scent sweetens beautifully- he’ll definitely have to make her happy or excited more often. 

Jimin is easy to convince, especially when Namjoon tells him he’ll pay him for a day’s worth of work. He doesn’t even have to pay the kid to skip work for a day, but he thought it’d only be right- especially since Y/N can take his card, allowing them both to just have a budget for the day. 

The only catch- he didn’t tell Jimin what he’d be doing. 

“Wait, she’s that omega from last night!” Jimin is more excited than anything at first, probably hoping Namjoon has been lying about how lonely he’s been. 

“Her name is Y/N-” She gives an excited wave to Jimin, “and you are going to take her out and do something with her today.” 

“Something?” 

“Anything she desires or you see fit, because I can’t put off work and she doesn’t want to be inside right now.” Namjoon tries to explain as simply as possible. 

“Wait..” Jimin can’t help but let out an awkward laugh, obviously not fully understanding the situation. “I’m sorry, could I get a proper introduction from her instead of you talking about her like she’s a dog.” Jimin’s quip sounds light-hearted but it smacks Namjoon in the face. 

“I’m Y/N, I’m Namjoon’s gifted omega from The Goddess.” She gives him another small wave. “I’m excited to meet one of Namjoon’s friends. What was your name again?” 

Jimin gives an annoyed look to Namjoon. He knows that look all too well. Namjoon is avoidant and focused only on his life, especially during work hours. He doesn’t like to multitask, and will always focus on his work over anything else. 

“You have an omega gifted from The Goddess, a literal gift for you, and-” 

Namjoon must be looking at him in a certain way to get Jimin to stop talking. He knows how awful he looks, and he definitely isn’t proud of it, but he really couldn’t put off work for anything. He barely got time to visit his parents when his grandmother passed away- this definitely wouldn’t be reason enough. He’s helpless and hopeless in the same moment, a shell of what an alpha should be. The least he could give her is an experience with an alpha that is pleasant and soft until he has time to focus on her. 

“I’m Jimin, it’s nice to meet you Y/N.” Jimin coolly shifts his attention to Y/N with his memorable smile. “Are you hungry? Should we get some food first?” 

“Yes! Whatever’s your favorite is fine.” She meets him at the door, turning only to give Namjoon a soft smile that he doesn’t deserve. “I’m going with Jimin, I’m letting you know per our rules.” She can’t contain her excitement while looking at him, her heavenly sweet scent pooling out to make his heart ache and clench uncomfortably at the realization that she’ll be gone without him- happy and experiencing new things. He steps forward  to meet her as she finishes putting on her new shoes. 

“Here, use my card for whatever you do today.” He slips the card to Jimin to keep in his wallet, then looks back down to her. “Be careful please.” He looks at her with intent then to Jimin with a trusting nod. 

“I will. I’ll make sure to stay with Jimin.” She knows what to say to comfort him despite just having met. What should he do? How should he meet her halfway right now?

He instinctively reaches out for her hand, she lets him have it with no question. With her hand he wraps her around his own wrist, directing himself towards her neck. She understands his gesture immediately, bringing him up to rub his scent into the soft skin of her neck- her jaw, her cheek. 

“Thank you, Namjoon.” She whispers up at him, awe glittering in her eyes. All he can do to keep himself calm is not open his damn mouth, giving her a small smile and nod. It felt right, that’s all that matters. It’s not a big deal that he just scented an omega for the first time. 

-

With everything moving very fast in his book, Namjoon has finally decided to do some long awaited research. 

It’s quite easy to find blog posts and ‘asks’ on sites that are trying to reach out to others that share the same experience of ‘being gifted’. He reads through all of them, trying to understand why it all feels like it’s absolutely meant to be, instead of feeling forced and strange in unpleasant ways. 

‘I was gifted an alpha, one that I think is far too perfect for me- what do I do?’ 

Many hit far too close to home, and he takes even more time rereading those and their replies. 

‘I was gifted an omega and know of no one else, personally, that has had the same experience. I understand we connect just as I would with any omega that was to be my mate, but why is it so overwhelming and intense emotionally. It feels like I’ve known them forever.’

He scrolls through the replies, stopping to take all the information he can find into consideration. He starts with the top commenter, a reply that has over 5k thumbs up. 

‘Sadly, The Goddess and her ways are not scientifically researched and we cannot run tests on anything associated with Her. But, please know you’re not alone when you describe your experience. I have taught gender studies for the past 15 years and have gotten a question similar to this a few times- as well as read many writings containing interviews of mates containing a gift, doctors who have come into contact with those in the mated pairs, and even random users on social media such as you. I will always tell them the same thing. Do what feels right. Our second genders will always want to protect and claim when we find the one for us, that is no difference in this case. And even more special in these instances, you are to be a perfect match, making your scents and chemistry far more heavy and attracted to one another. I always recommend lots of communication and time to be put into these pairs, as your gift is learning so, so much and you now have a sort of responsibility to them. Our second genders make caring and dedication an easier adjustment, but these could go against your once beliefs, so I would say just make sure to take things at a pace that, again, feels right. Forcing space or uncomfortable time in between what is supposed to be a literal gift from The Goddess hurts you and your mate. Please read further if you are still confused, I’ll add some recommendations down below when I’ve compiled a list!’

Before he scrolls through the list of reading recommendations, he checks the replies to that specific comment. If there is someone talking about different instances, he can find some that want to talk about their experience under that post. He’s lucky, and finds a variety. Some say they waited until their partner’s rute or heat, while those gifted with a beta waited until their own mating cycles. That would give him time, he thinks. Others said the pull towards their partner was far too strong, making them immediately obsessed with each other in ways that they’ve never experienced before. 

As he scrolls and scrolls his phone ringing stuns him out of his focus. Seokjin is calling, which means-

“Yeah, hyung.” 

“Why did I just learn from Jimin that you have a gifted omega? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me.”

“It’s been…stressful trying to adjust.” A moment of silence has Namjoon checking the phone screen to see if his hyung hung up on him. Yep, he’s still on the line. And yes, he will be getting an earful. 

“You have your fated mate and you’re stressed? You- What are you doing having your omega spend time with another alpha while you’re at home working?”

“She wants to explore and try new things and I’m always holed up in here, hyung.” Namjoon says with more irritation than he wants to admit is adding up. “I can’t risk losing my job.”

“You are the company’s top producer, they could cut you some slack and give you time off while you deal with life-changing events.”

“No, no they won’t. I’m stuck in a contract that makes it impossible to have a sudden time-off. Everything I plan is at least 5 months in advance.”

“I’m going to tell you something right now that will pertain to multiple things in your life, maybe even all of them. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Namjoon sighs into the phone, staring at his computer where five emails just sent today are waiting for his response. 

“You’re talented and successful in ways that many could only dream of, but if it’s not working at this company, you need to try something else. If you need time to adjust to something and your work is heavily against you progressing in life, then you need to try something else. If you’re not happy, try something else. You understand?” 

It takes him by surprise every time Seokjin gets all fatherly on him. He’s never offered the same to Seokjin, but he also knows that his hyung would never want advice from a sour, work-obsessed, plan-crazy kid that doesn’t know how to have serious romantic relationships or even healthy relationships with anything in life. 

“I understand.” 

“Whatever you need help with, just let me know. Send over your contract and I’ll read it  over by this weekend. And Namjoon?”

“Yeah?” 

“Do you like her?” 

The question catches him off guard. Of course he does, she’s perfect. 

“Yes.”

“Act like it. Talk to her about more than just mundane life things, ask her questions, learn everything you can about her and please, dear Goddess, allow her to know you.”

“Yes, hyung.”

-

Jimin

“What is this place?” Y/N’s hands and nose are plastered to the passenger side window, looking out at the large rides and glittering lights that can be seen even in the afternoon. 

“My favorite place, an amusement park.” 

“What a fitting name, I’m very amused.” 

Jimin can’t help but be absolutely floored by the comment. She’s too precious, far more precious than him- and that says a lot. He parks in the large, annoying lot of the park and looks over to her to gauge if this is something she actually wants to do. 

“Good, because we’ll eat here and then ride some rides, sound good?” 

“Yes, please.” She immediately unbuckles and pops her door open to begin the long walk to the gates. 

After paying for two day passes and starting another journey to Jimin’s favorite food stall, he watches as Y/N takes in everything as if she’s going to be reciting every last ballon color spotted to Namjoon once we’re done. 

“So, this is your favorite place?” She suddenly looks to him to ask. 

“Uh, yeah, I came here a lot growing up and I still like getting my favorite snack and riding a couple rides like once a month.” He answers honestly. 

“How fun!” She again turns to continue eyeing whatever as they walk. Jimin is far too curious to keep quiet about their living arrangements, and how exactly Namjoon is coping with everything. He goes to ask, when Y/N gasps and meets a kid about seven feet in front of them and points at the ice cream cone in his hand. The swirls of the cone are a pastel blue that perfectly compliment the obvious vanilla white of the rest of the ice cream. The top of the cone is already lapped at, but it really does look good. 

“Where did you get that?” She asks, looking between the boy and their parent that holds their hand.

“‘Patty’s’, it’s just around the corner, big blue sign.” Their parent answers with a smile before continuing on with her small child also smiling up at Y/N.

“I really want to try that.” She turns to Jimin, more so asking than suggesting. How could anyone say no to her?

“You’re in luck, that’s where we were heading anyways.” Jimin sing-songs, leading the way to the small establishment. “Let’s eat first though, so we don’t get sick.” 

Jimin orders for them, Y/N content on sitting at their table to save the spot and look out the large windows at all the passersby. He doesn’t wait long, happily tapping away at his crossed arms as he leans against one of the walls. He brings the tray filled with goodies to the table, Y/N beaming up at him and then to the tray he's holding. 

"Wow, they all look so good. What is everything?"

"I think you'll find that Joon-hyung and I have similar taste- greasy, fattening, yummy foods. This is a corn dog, the least exciting. It's like a little kid's favorite food, easily palatable. These are spicy, sweet dipped chicken strips. Literally the perfect food- seasoned fries on the side. And the best for last, strawberry shortcake funnel cakes."

She eyes the food hungrily, trying to decide what to taste first. The look on her face is pure expecting excitement- he doesn’t understand how his hyung could pass up the chance to see her try new things again and again and again. She has a fresh new outlook on everything, and is excited to do everything. Even he can understand why she was gifted to him- but, would it even matter if he's too scared to allow himself to see the way she does? 

"Go ahead, try in the order I suggested. We'll half-sies everything so we don't get too full."

It's extremely easy for them both to finish. Y/N eats well and makes everything look like it tastes better than it does. He's happy to have someone that enjoys his favorites as well. After promising her an ice cream after their fun, they head off to their next destination. 

"Okay, now we walk to digest a bit and then, we ride."

"Eee! How exciting! What are they like?" She asks, looking up at the tall roller coaster nearest to them.

"Thrilling, scary, exciting. There are smaller ones and then, of course, the big ones. We'll start small just in case you don't like the adrenaline."

"Okay!"

-

Namjoon

It's already seven in the evening and Namjoon is actually done with his work early. He can't help but immediately hate his empty apartment, deciding to keep himself busy by preparing a late dinner. A large pan of pasta later, Namjoon gets tired of waiting and instead just calls Jimin. Luckily, his friend picks up immediately.

“Where are you guys at?” Namjoon asks, trying to hide his concern. 

“She won’t get off the damn swings hyung. We left the amusement park and, because I forgot to get her the ice cream I promised, we stopped at a small ice cream shop just for her to find a children’s park. I’ve been watching her swing for the past 15 minutes.” 

“Just tell her it’s late.”

“Again, she’s not a dog or a child, she just wants to have fun, I can’t say no to her.” Jimin explains.

‘I feel sick.’ Namjoon suddenly hears being yelled in the distance. 

“Shit, I think she’s gonna be sick, I gotta go.”

“No, don’t hang up-” The line clicks to show it’s disconnected. ‘Fuck’ he mumbles to himself before grabbing his keys and an extra jacket before leaving as quickly as possible. 

He doesn’t know where they are, but he can guess. Leaving the amusement park, there are about 15 dessert shops in the vicinity, and only one ice cream shop is close enough to a playground to be the right one. He finds Jimin’s car parked in front of the shop he guessed correctly, quickly unbuckling and bringing along his jacket to head to the park. 

“You’re going to be fine, just bend forward, put your head as close to your knees as you can. Oh- I smell hyung.” He hears them before he spots them, but quickly makes his way towards the voice to find Y/N sitting on the swing, now stationary and leaning forwards as far as possible. He quickly closes their distance, just about ignoring Jimin to kneel in front of Y/N. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asks as softly as possible, his instincts kicking in to assess her in ways that don’t even make sense in this situation. He’s holding onto her ankles and squeezing up her calves as if she hurt her legs, inspecting. Then he feels her arms, immediately putting the jacket around her as she is cold to the touch. 

“Mm-okay.” She mumbles to him, “I jus’ need a second.”

“Okay.” He stands, a glare pointed at Jimin without thinking twice about who he needs to point his anger and adrenaline towards. Jimin immediately puts his hands up. 

“Do not get scary alpha on me after I did what you told me to do. I made sure she didn’t get sick earlier, this time around she was just too fast for me to keep up with her.” He defends himself, causing Namjoon to calm down just the slightest. He gets a grip on himself, knowing he shouldn’t be mad at Jimin. He helped him and unknowingly showed him that he shouldn’t have let Y/N do this without him. He let her have fun and allowed her to try new things. He’s extremely thankful- he just needs to get a tighter grip onto his alpha. 

“I’m sorry. And thank you for spending time with her while I was busy. I will- I’m trying to change my work situation, so-”

“Well that’s good- just, just open up to her about things, yeah? And let some of this alpha out once in a while to fucking cool it a little.”

“Yeah, okay.” He will admit, he didn’t even think about how he’d act the second he got there. But he didn’t think he’d immediately point fingers and push some kind of blame onto the person he asked for help. “You can head home. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.” 

Namjoon sticks out his hand to wait for Jimin to plop his credit card into his hand. Jimin does so with a sad smirk, obviously thinking his hyung would forget something so crucial in the moment. 

“It’s okay. She’s sweet and she sees things differently, it was nice to feel excited about things again.” Jimin gives him a smile and a pronounced clap on his shoulder as he walks past Namjoon and in the direction of his car. “Can you get home safe?” He points a finger to Y/N. 

“Yeah don’t worry. Text me when you get home.”

“Same to you.”

Namjoon waits for Jimin to get to his car before turning back to Y/N, finding her in the exact same position. He again kneels in front of her, assessing her scrunched up face. He relies only on his instincts, letting his alpha take over more than he’s ever allowed. 

“Come here, I’ll carry you.” 

“What if I throw up on you?” Namjoon rolls his eyes with a smile, his alpha yearning to touch and soothe after their time apart. 

“I don’t care about throw up, I care about getting you home to be warm and safe. Plus, I have medicine at home to help your stomach.”

“Goddess it hurts.” Namjoon can’t help but be endeared by her in this state, soft and needy. 

“Come on.” He urges again, standing up to offer both of his hands to her. She looks up and immediately holds onto him, standing and putting the jacket on with a shivering sound. 

“Now, hold on tight.” It’s the only warning he gives before bending down and hoisting her up by the thighs. She gives a small noise but immediately seems to understand and wraps her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck. Her face digs into his neck without a second thought, causing Namjoon to stutter his steps. He corrects himself and heads for the car, happy to have her around him and snuggling into his warm skin. 

He misses the warmth immediately upon setting her into the passenger seat, and buckling her in so she doesn’t have to move a muscle. The ride is silent, allowing Y/N to rest and warm up with the heater on. Again, he hurries to her side of the car upon their arrival to the apartment. He picks her up again, this time she’s prepared and snuggling into him with comfortability- his neck immediately opens for her as if she’s always been there to carve a space for herself. On their way up to the apartment, his alpha is calmed down enough to talk more comfortably. 

“Did you have fun today?” He asks into her shoulder. 

“Mmhmm.” Her hum is felt in his skin, shooting down his spine to slather goosebumps onto his skin. 

“That’s good.” He breathes out. 

It’s silent again until he’s unlocking the apartment door with one hand holding onto her. She’s clinging onto him just as much as he is to her, so it’s easy enough. He shuts and locks the door, only letting Y/N down once they’re back in his bedroom. He sets her onto the bed. 

“Wait, I have outside clothes on.” She worries.

“Don’t worry, let me grab some medicine, stay there.” 

Though he promises to only return with medicine, he stops in the bathroom, starting up a warm bath and setting a towel out onto the counter before proceeding back to his room. 

“Here, you can just chew it, and then you can have a warm bath to help with the ache and to warm you up, yeah?”

“That sounds so good, Namjoon, thank you.” She takes the pink tablet from his hand, immediately popping it in and chewing it before heading for the bathroom. He clings onto the way she says his name, wishing briefly that he didn’t keep things casual for now- Goddess he wants to hear her call him her alpha once again.

“Call me if you need anything.” He says instead, turning to the bed to strip off the blanket he sat her on, making sure it was his own blanket when setting her down. He finds another blanket in his closet, replacing it and grabbing Y/N’s top blanket to throw in the dryer. He then stops at the kitchen, putting water into his electric water heater. He grabs one coffee mug, setting a tea bag into the cup and turning to his cooked dinner to put it away into tupperware for the next day. 

Once the tea is done, he brings the hot mug into his room to sit on her side of the bed. He sets out that same pair of sleep shirts he cleaned for her earlier that day and grabs another random shirt for her to slip on. He changes his own clothes, paying attention to the sound of a draining tub. Perfect timing. He turns to meet Y/N, her perfectly sweet scent, and her very bare arms and legs. He didn’t exactly think about that. 

“I’m sorry, go ahead and get changed, I’ll be in the living room.” He says without a second thought, heading out and plopping down onto the couch with a sigh. He’ll plan that better next time to make sure she’s as comfortable as possible. It doesn’t take long before she’s calling him in and he hurries to grab the blanket he warmed for her. 

“Here, so you can be even warmer.”  Y/N holds onto the blanket like he’s gifted her  something far more magnificent. Nothing he does will ever deserve this response, but he soaks it up anyways. 

“Thank you.”

“And there’s warm tea on your nightstand. Do you want anything else? Do you want something light to eat?”

“No. No this is perfect. I’m already feeling better thanks to you. But-” She looks down at the blanket she’s holding, seeming to figure out how to ask something. Namjoon waits, wanting her to take her time with whatever she needs. 

“Could I hug you? Is that something you wouldn’t be ready for?” Namjoon finds the question precious in timing. He had just suggested she cling to him earlier, allowing her to find comfort in him. He also appreciates her taking his feelings into consideration anyways. He can’t say he’s been obvious in his wants anyways- it’s been a constant push and pull in this short time, wanting to give in and not just to make sure he’s pure in all his feelings. 

Without answering verbally, Namjoon allows his alpha to take what he wants now that he has the consent from Y/N. He pulls her in with both of his arms, warm blanket squished between them and adding to the warmth that blooms in his chest. 

“I missed you.” She mumbles a sigh into his chest. 

“I missed you too.” He responds honestly. His sappy feelings and the come down from letting his alpha have more of a role in their relationship has him wanting to be more honest than ever. He can also thank Seokjin for that.

“Can I suggest another rule?” Namjoon asks, the two still clinging to each other. 

“Mmhmn.”

“Please let me know when you want something from me. I’m not used to being intimate in- anyway really. This is new to me, but I want to work to be better for you and to learn as much as I can. So, just let me know if there’s something I can do for you.”

Y/N pulls back to stare up at Namjoon with her arms still securely on his waist. Her soft features and emotional eyes search him for something he can’t figure out. 

“I appreciate everything you give me. I know that giving yourself to someone is hard in any case. You’re still a good alpha no matter what. I feel safe with you, and I want to learn everything about you. I just want us both to be comfortable- so please let me know if you need something from me as well. It’s 100/100, not 50/50.” 

Namjoon can’t help but bring his hand up to cup Y/N’s cheek, her eyes still glittering up at him. A soft smile pulls at her lips that draws Namjoon’s attention immediately. If he was far more reckless, or far more comfortable taking without devotion, Namjoon would kiss her there and then. But, he’d never think about giving her less than she deserves. Only by accident will he, and only before this moment will he. 

“You’re so pretty…and you’re far too good for me.” he whispers as his thumb caresses the skin of her cheek in gentle circles. She goes to open her mouth, probably to counter his statement. He speaks first. “I’ll learn to be good for you. I promise.” The statement has Y/N inhaling a shaky breath and keeps her silent for far longer than Namjoon realizes.  If he could, he'd sit and take in her lovely scent all night and all day, relishing in the feeling of happy omega and the fact that he's the one that did that. But, he knows it's already late and he has kept her from sleep for too long.

“Let’s get you to bed.” 

Despite the day and their confessions, their night is the same as the one before. Namjoon can’t let one day with fresh promises be this turning point that just allows him to be rewarded the gift that is Y/N in full. He must earn her in ways that he still needs to prove to her and himself. They will get there. They will get to a point where both Namjoon and Y/N take and give with practiced passion and love. Because that’s what she deserves.

[somberjoon]

reading about fated, sappy love that cares in unapologetic ways and is immediately open and refreshing makes me feel feral. like you'd think i'd be content and happy. no, i need sedation.

HORNS, BLOOD AND TAIL

SUPERNATURAL! BTS X DRAGON/VAMPIRE! READER SUPERNATURAL/SOULMATES AU

Summary: Being a half-breed with vampire and dragon blood is a rare thing in this world, and it comes with its share of struggles. Moving out of home is a little scary, but apparently, the place where I'm going is already waiting for my arrival. We both hadn't expected what would happen upon our meeting, though.

Chapter 5 (4.8k words)

Masterlist

“I flower you too… from sunrise to sunset, and for every stars that light up the sky. Those flowers will forever bloom for this precious bond that is ours, that’s my eternal promise to you” Yoongi repeats dreamily as I hide my red face under my arms.

“That sounded so poetic… do you perhaps write poems, Y/N?” he asks while nudging my side as we sit side by side on the couch, and he can’t help but to coo when I shyly nod my head while hiding further into the cushion with my arms around my head.

I shouldn’t have said that earlier. I didn’t know they would tease me so much for it, but my heart felt so full that the words came out of their own free will. Such an embarrassing thing to do!

“You should have seen her as we were walking back from the park. Crimson was paler than her” Jimin continues to tease as he walks over before sitting on the rug in front of us, a contented sigh past his lips as he leans back on his hands to gaze at us.

“Go ahead, keep mocking me like this. I won’t ever speak such words ever again” I complain while looking up at them with a pout, which earns me a head pat and an arm around my shoulders to pull me into a warm waist.

“We’ll stop teasing you, sweetheart, we just find your reactions cute. We won’t do it again, right, Jimin-ah?” Yoongi asks the later with a quirked eyebrow that means ‘say no and I will not give you cuddles for an entire week’.

Not one to take Yoongi’s threats lightly, the vampire quickly nods his head at me. “No more teasing” he says, only to add cautiously, “for today. I can only promise for today. Please”.

Fair enough. Jimin seems like the type who would die if he can’t tease his mates for too long.

I make a sound, appreciative of his effort to appease me right now, then inhale the wonderful smell that’s filling their house from the oven. Bread is cooling off on the counter, and there are a few different pastries currently baking with their delicious aromas perfuming the house.

“Are you hungry?” Yoongi asks, somehow always noticing everything about me with his attentive eyes. I stare at the loaf of bread, then swallow when saliva pools heavily on my tongue. I would be a very bad liar if I were to say no right now, so I nod my head and they both chuckle.

“Let’s try the bread first while I have a look at what we could have for lunch. We have leftover rice from yesterday, so I could make fried rice with some meat and our homemade kimchi, what do you think?” the dragon offers as he stands from the couch, a hand offered to me so I can keep him company in the kitchen.

He said he wanted us close and he wasn’t lying. Yoongi has not left my side ever since we arrived a dozen minutes ago, and Jimin happily kissed his cheeks - then mine - before heading to their bedroom to wear something more cozy and soft.

He’s got a look that currently screams cuddles to me, and if I get to leave this place without melting in their arms at least once, I’ll honestly be very confused. Is it a weird thing to say? Maybe I’m getting too ahead of myself.

I accept Yoongi’s hand, heart swooning when he pulls me up easily, and he doesn’t let go until we reach the kitchen where he leaves me at a safe distance from the oven so he can have a look inside to inspect the pastries.

“I’ll cut the bread in thin slices, should we have it with butter?” Jimin asks in a chirp as he jumps past me to reach the sharp knives on the counter space besides the fridge, and Yoongi shrugs at the same time as I do.

“Anything to suit your taste, Jimin-ah. Cut me some veggies when you’re done, I’ll get started with the meat. Mind looking at the sauces we have in the fridge, sweetheart? You’d be an angel if you could find me one that you can have”.

Blushing happens so quickly whenever they speak to me like this, it should be embarrassing and yet I find myself liking it. I do as he asked, eyes searching around until I find all of the different bottles, after which I begin reading through the ingredients one at a time.

“These are fine, Yoongi. There’s really just this one that I can’t have because it has peanuts it it” I let out after a couple of minutes, lips unconsciously parting when Jimin brings something up to my mouth with a “aaahhh”.

I chew on the soft texture while Yoongi acknowledges my conclusion with a hum, and when I swallow, another piece of food is brought up to my lips, which is when I finally realize that this is the bread that made me so hungry since earlier.

My eyes light up, and Jimin grins as he eats the last piece of the slice. “So? What do you think? Isn’t our dragon such a good baker?”.

That has Yoongi eyeing us both from over his shoulder, face looking nervous when I’ve yet to say anything about it. It’s not because I have nothing to say, but rather because I don’t know how to verbalize how good this bread recipe is.

“You made this, Yoongi?” is all my mind can make up at the moment. “It’s- wow. Can I have more?”.

Jimin giggles before handing me an entire slice so I can eat it all on my own, and as I heartily bite into the soft fluffy bread, Yoongi releases a sigh of relief. He was really worried that I wouldn’t like it for a minute.

“Is it good?” he asks with a small smile that grows at my happy hum. This is all he wanted for me, something pleasing to eat, so he’s very satisfied with his first baking experiment. That recipe will be printed out and kept on the fridge.

“Don’t eat too much if you want it to last you a few mornings” he eventually chides when he hears me beg for another slice, and though regretfully, Jimin also agrees that it would be for the best before putting the loaf aside and into a tupperware so I can easily bring it home later.

“You need to be hungry for lunch, hun” the vampire coos at my pout. “Besides, there’s more in the oven that we have yet to try, we can have them for dessert, hm? Can you be a good girl and wait for lunch with us?”.

I nod twice, puppy eyes on them, and endearment fills their chest.

“The veggies, Jimin-ah, please”.

“Right, I’m on it. Have a seat, princess, it won’t take too long”.

I do as told without much fighting, dining table chair pulled over so I can watch them cook together with an ease that I’ve not seen often in others. Mom and dad don’t do so well being in the kitchen at the same time. Dad’s a terrible cook so she always gets angry at him when he does something wrong.

I guess I took from him on that aspect.

“Yeah, that size is fine, but do them a little thinner if you can. Put everything in the pan once you’re done, I’ll get the rice”.

Hoseok’s POV

“Joonie, quick, our taxi is waiting for us!” I say as I usher him to his feet so we can gather everything we own and make sure we do not forget anything. It’s our first day in Crimson Bay and I want everything to fit into the schedule as much as possible.

He grumbles a little but listens either way, a kiss pressed onto my lips before he grabs the luggage from my hands to reach the vehicle on the side of the street facing the docks.

I stare at his back for a long second, a loving sigh past my lips before I hurry behind him so I can be of help as he and the driver try to fit what’s left of our bags on the back seats of the car. It’ll be cramped for me, but we don’t have any other choice if we want to make it to our new house.

Moving here wasn’t particularly the plan, honestly. Seeing pictures of this town had made me comment something jokingly along the lines of “Joonie, wouldn’t it be great if we could live by the water? Look at that house, it’s for sale. I bet we could get it if we wanted”.

It wasn’t meant to be more than a casual comment, as I usually make them, but then Namjoon had taken a look at the screen, only to search up the house on his computer afterwards. The next thing I knew, we were looking at the rooms and wondering what use they could have.

“We could have an office each, a workout room, and one of them could be a little library for all our books. You could have a little reading nook over there, with a lamp and a comfortable couch” Namjoon had said with a spark in his eyes.

I knew then and there that he was already sold to the idea of moving there. We started looking at our expenses, at the house’s price, and all of a sudden, we were making an offer that would be accepted no longer than three hours later. That was last week, and now we’re here, in Crimson Bay, ready to move in.

Were we impulsive? Certainly, I’ve never done something quite as hasty as this before, but nothing has ever felt as right either, so it’s got to count for something. This spontaneous life change ought to be good for us, since we were getting tired of our previous home and city.

“Have a seat at the front, Hobi, I’ll sit in the back” my dear dragon demands while pushing some bags aside so he can fit inside the car, and before I can counter and say that I’ll have an easier time fitting in there, he closes the door with a happy grin, leaving me with the passenger’s seat as my only option.

This man… he needs to learn to choose his own comfort before mine, he won’t lose any lover points just because I get the uncomfortable seat for once.

Well, there’s no changing his mind, I know that much. Sitting inside at the same time as the driver does, I wear my seatbelt while Namjoon hands him the address to our house, and the drive begins in a silence that cannot cover the stress that floats over my head like a rain shower.

I try to focus on the scenery, mind using some visual points as landmarks for future references, but it’ll be easier to do when we can visit at our own pace some other day. Today will be busy enough as it is since we need to be there for when our furniture will be shipped over.

It was a bit of a wild guess to have everything happen in the same day when we had ten hours of traveling to do, but I’m confident we can make it happen. We’ve arrived in Crimson Bay before the given hour, and that’s good enough for me.

As the car goes up the hill where our new house is - we’ve never seen it in person even once, how crazy is that? - I notice that Namjoon is starting to fidget a little in the back seat.

His black horns are shining under the bright sunlight as he moves his face closer to the window, the tip of his nose nearly pressed against the glass and his eyes staring out at every houses like he’s trying to find something.

Or someone, I realize. Could it be?

“Joonie?” I speak up softly when he frowns at one house in particular, and his glance at me says everything I needed to know. We have a mate nearby, don’t we?

The car takes that time to slow down and turn into the next driveway, and I stare at the building that we’re now to call home. It looks really pretty and in good state, and the lawn is clean too, freshly cut with the garden and trees in good health. It’s a relief to know we weren’t lied to after all.

I pay for the drive while Namjoon starts pulling everything out of the car at high speed, his attention always pulled towards the house next to ours. I can see that he wants nothing more than to head over there and knock on the door, but we need to get our stuff first.

The driver helps us to bring everything to the front porch, he’s not much of a talker but he’s very helpful, there’s no denying that. He wishes us a good day before leaving, and Namjoon doesn’t waste anymore time when he grabs my hand before pulling us over to the neighbour’s house.

“Dragon mana, it’s soft and fragile, but it’s there, calling out to me” he blurts out on the way, hence confirming my thoughts. We have a mate in Crimson Bay, and we managed to buy the house right next to them.

Before we can make it to the door, it opens in one quick swing, and a young woman with messy hair steps out, eyelids still a bit heavy from a previous nap.

Her gaze surveys the horizon before finally settling on us, and my heart catches in my throat with a rapid pulse at her stunning beauty. The sunlight on her skin looks as if it painted her itself, with strokes of gold and a whole lot of love.

Her pointy little horns have a red and blue hue swirling around the light purple appendages, so different and delicate compared to Namjoon’s thicker and curved horns, and her pointy canines softly poke into her bottom lip due to a recent feed that the red-ish glow in her eyes validates.

That should strike me as abnormal, but my brain has no time for thoughts when her scent wafts over to me, causing me to inhale deeply with a sense of belonging that feels like home.

Roses, their fragrance spreads all over the place with an embrace that envelopes not only my body, but also my soul. There’s… chocolate in it too, heart-shaped chocolates pushed into the center of each flowers, and they bloom magnificently for us. Such a delicious scent she has.

We remain there, staring at one another in silence for goodness knows how long, until Namjoon finally closes the distance until he stands right in front of her, towering from all his height over this little beauty that already owns half of my heart.

I join them, not willing to be left out for even one second, soul relishing in the shyness that paints her face in the prettiest of colours.

“Seeing you has so easily explained why we’re here today” Namjoon murmurs as he raises a hand to softly caress her cheek, and her fluffed up scent makes my chest feel so full that it could burst at any time now.

Her big eyes flutter at him before falling on me, and I need to resist the urge to touch her too. We can’t crowd her space so quickly, that would be impolite. Namjoon lets go of her face, seemingly coming to the same conclusion as me, and she releases a soft breath.

“I’m sorry if we surprised you, we’re moving in next door today” I explain with a sweet voice that shows I’m already in love, I can hear it dripping from every words I speak myself, and I would be embarrassed if I wasn’t so taken by her already.

Her eyes shine brightly as she glances between the two of us shyly, she’s giving such prey energy that it makes me want to cradle her close this instant so that nothing ever happens to her.

“This big dragon here is Namjoon, and I’m Hoseok, a vampire. You are a dragon, that we can see, but…” I gently press a finger against the tip of one of her canines, and she sucks in a breath, as if just now aware that it’s visible to the both of us.

“Are you a hybrid?” I ask her softly, worry already beginning to gnaw in the pit of my stomach, because if it’s true, then we have ourselves a very fragile mate indeed.

She hides her fangs behind a pout, it being the only way she can cover them without piercing her skin, and she sheepishly nods her head, which has Namjoon’s and my own heart falling at our feet. A bouncing ball that has lost its bounce, that’s how I feel.

“That’s right… but I promise there’s no need for concern, I’m doing well” she quickly blurts out a reassurance first, knowing very well how concerning that must be for us. It’s our first time meeting a half-breed, but we’re old enough to have heard a few heartbreaking stories about them.

“And, erm. My name is Y/N. I’ve been living here for a week now, so I’m still new around here. We have two other mates and… they’re also our neighbours. It’s the house before mine, but they’re not home right now”.

We all glance towards the building she points at, though we can barely see it from here because of the curved angle of our street. So we have three new mates, then? That’s not what I thought our first day here would be like, but I’m certainly not complaining.

“Jimin is a vampire and Yoongi’s a dragon, they’re very kind. I guess we’re not meant to have wolves in the bond” she wonders the end aloud before staring back at us with a smile, now that the initial shock has melted away.

“Can I help with bringing your stuff inside? I have nothing to do anyway, Jimin’s not coming back before an hour or two and Yoongi will be done with work at around five”.

“Of course” I speak faster than Namjoon can, knowing that he would deny her request otherwise. He shoots me a stare while I smile at her, an arm offered to guide her to our new home. She said that she’s doing well and to not worry, so let’s not treat her like a liar.

“Having some company while we unpack would be wonderful. We’re still awaiting our furniture, though, so the house is still empty. I hope you won’t mind”.

She sweetly links her arm with mine, and we begin our walk with Namjoon behind us, his grumpy frown on the mountain of heavy bags and luggage we left on the porch. I understand his unease about having her help us, but I also know that we should know better than to hold her back.

Her condition is one that we don’t know much about other than that too many hybrids have died young, but she doesn’t look that frail, and besides, she has a healthy complexion right now, that’s more than enough for me at the moment.

I agree that the heavy bags are too much, though. As a man… I cannot let this pretty lady carry them for us.

“So, you said you moved here about a week ago” I ask her once we reach the front door. I enter the code on the tactile lock before turning the knob when it makes a sound, and I push it open for the very first time.

“Yeah… it’s a long story but made short… a seer told my mother when I was young that coming here once I turned thirty would keep me healthy. Maybe she said so because she knew I’d meet my mates in Crimson Bay” she says that as if she only now made the links, and I hum as I inspect the house’s interior.

We’ll need to open some windows because of the stale air and the floor will need a good wash, but otherwise, it’s really not that bad. A little dirty, but nothing some cleaning can’t take care of in a day or two.

“Why did you and Namjoon move here, Hoseok?” she asks next as our burly mate pushes past us with the heaviest luggage first - he exhales roughly while putting it down and it echoes against the empty walls. Seeing that, Y/N also reaches the pile, eager to be of help.

I see Namjoon sharply turn around to stare at her with his breath held, only to release it when she grabs something light. I almost chuckle at the sight, but decide against it, knowing that his brain is on high alert right now.

He’d do everything himself if it was up to him, which it isn’t. Is our other dragon mate the same? Yoongi, was it?

“It was actually on a whim” I answer her question smoothly as I walk besides her with my arms full of differently sized bags. She helps me to put everything down on the floor while Namjoon goes back outside to continue with his task, content to just listen as we talk.

“I saw pictures of Crimson Bay last week, and they came with a link attached to this house, for some reason. So we looked at it, and we couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was there for us, that maybe starting anew here could be our next step in life. It all happened so fast, such big decisions made in the span of a few days”.

She lets out a small laugh, and I smile at her with a growing sensation of adoration in the pit of my stomach.

“It’s similar to my story. My family and I found the pictures last month, but we waited until after my birthday to have me move here. It was… very hard for them to let me go” she reveals softly, before grunting a little at the heavier bag she decided to carry in her arms.

That is, until Namjoon gently takes it from her once he notices.

“Leave the heavy ones to me, please” he murmurs with a pat to her head, and her face flushes slightly before she grabs the last smaller one. I grab the rest, happy to see that it didn’t take us long thanks to her, or maybe it’s because our dragon was intent on getting it done before she could get hurt.

“Why didn’t they come with you?” I ask her upon closing the front door, a quick survey of the living room showing me a few windows that will need a good scrub later. I walk around and open all of them, thankful for the nice weather outside.

Having nowhere to sit right now, she leans against the wall next to the kitchen, hands in her pockets.

“Because my fate isn’t theirs. I have to be here, but not them. This is my journey, my path to… I don’t know where it’ll lead me, actually. My family focused solely on the part that led us to believe I would be healthier here, but I rather like the independence that comes with it. I thought it would be scary, but it’s actually not. And the air, the sights… I really like Crimson Bay, much more than the city”.

I glance at her as she speaks, finding on her face a real relief at her new situation.

She likes the independence… did she have none back at home? That’s all I can think about as I open the last window while Namjoon does the same in every other rooms. It’s very dusty, we can see it in the air now, every little particles floating around us gathering like clouds.

The sight alone is suffocating, those windows will be open all night for sure.

“Crimson Bay is very beautiful, that’s true. Maybe the seer said your health would improve here because there’s not as much air pollution, the way the people live life feels different, too. Less stressful, there’s no one rushing anywhere, it’s peaceful”.

She makes a sound, then nods her head, her purple horns almost shining thanks to the reflection of the outside light. She’s beautiful, more so than any sights available in the world.

“You’re right, that makes sense. Stress isn’t good for my heart, so my family tried very hard to keep me from having to worry about anything. Here… Jimin and Yoongi are always by my side, but it’s different. Not controlling, just… safe”.

Hearing that makes me like them already. I normally would invite them to eat over for dinner, but the house isn’t in a state for receiving guests just yet. Maybe we could eat out somewhere, so we can get to know each other.

Y/N suddenly begins to cough, too much dust getting in her lungs, and Namjoon nearly trips on his feet as he comes running to open the front door again.

“The air inside isn’t good right now, stay close to the door” he says while guiding her to the porch with a secure arm over her shoulders, his nostrils flaring in nerves. He treats her as if she’s so fragile, a little paper doll, but the blush on her cheeks reassures me.

If it made her uncomfortable for even just one second, I would be stepping in.

“Why don’t you two go on a walk or something? The day is bright and warm and it would be a waste to spend it inside, just carry some water with you in case of dehydration. I’ll stay for when the moving truck gets here” I offer, wanting nothing more than for them to get acquainted with each other.

I feel like I’ll be doing all the talking otherwise, and that’s not what I want for them.

Y/N and Namjoon look at each other, and small smiles are shared before they nod at me. “I have water bottles in the fridge at home, I’ll get two” she chirps before running off to her place, which is to our left. I’ll have to get used to the fact that we’re neighbours. What a twist of fate that is.

“She’s adorable” Namjoon blurts out from the entrance, already feeling in his entire soul that he would do anything and everything for her. Enamored would be a better word, he is utterly enamored with her already.

“She truly is” I muse softly. “And we have two more mates, she said. I hope we can meet them soon”.

“Right, that’s true”.

I watch with a pleased sigh as he comes back inside to reach my side, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me close so he can press another kiss onto my nose, then lips. I melt in his warmth, his scent of firewood always so calming to my senses.

It’s the aromatic smell of burning wood that spreads in the breeze at the end of a long day, but so much more loving and full of life. He pulls back so our noses bump onto one another, eyes shut, and we let ourselves enjoy this moment, one that feeds the soul and tends the heart.

“Thank you, Hobah, for finding this place. You led us straight to them” he murmurs against my lips, and I hum, eyes creasing as I press a kiss to his soft lips myself.

“Fate led us here, not me, but you’re welcome, Joonie. Now go spend some time with our sweet girl and don’t treat her like she could break with one wrong breath. She’s an adult, so clearly she’s overcome the worst of her hybrid condition, otherwise she wouldn’t be running about right now”.

His brows furrow slightly, lips pursed, but he nods nonetheless, a little sheepish as he glances at me with a pout. “Yeah, I’ll be careful. It’s just… you know how hard it is for me to not overdo it when it comes to my mates”.

“Oh, trust me, I know” I tease my man before pushing him gently towards the door. “Get going, now, she’s waiting for you outside. I’ll call you when the truck gets here, but I think I’ll be able to manage it on my own. You’ll come back to a messy, but otherwise furnished house”.

“As long as there’s a bed to cuddle you into the night, that’s all I need” he says with a grin before waving at Y/N from where she is outside, and I watch as he runs the last distance between them while I close the door behind him.

I put my hands on my waist once left alone, a determined huff pushed out before I get started with the cleaning. “It’s just you and I, house, so prepare yourself for a deep cleaning. Today is assuredly the last day you’ll be making my young mate cough”.

NEXT

[somberjoon]

edited this ch to include shoes! can't believe i edited out the obvious need for shoes, but I incorporated it differently to fit what I already have, so if you don't care then honestly it doesn't even matter lol. ch.2 will be posted tomo :]

SYZYGY [1]

✩ pairing: alpha namjoon x chubby fem!omega reader

✩ genre: wonderous , soulmates , strangers to "friends" to lovers , fluff , romance🔞 , life lessons , slice-of-life , brief angsty situations , happy ending

✩ word count: 6.4k

✩ chapter warnings: cussing , cover art does not depict fmc features, drinking / mention of bar hopping , Namjoon is drunk upon meeting FMC but there is nothing that happens! , lots of inside feelies and thought processes

✩ summary: Namjoon would say that he truly lives the normal life. As an alpha, he works the job he wants, he goes out when he has time, and he has never received a single late-fee on payments. He's living the mundane life- until an unknown omega literally drops into his life. Where did she come from? Why him?

✩ cover: me

“It is your time, precious one.” 

“What if- what if I’m scared?” 

“You have no reason to be fearful.” 

“I was born to do this- he is just a man, an alpha that I know nothing of- what if we are not compatible like you say we will be?” 

“Do you find me inconsistent in the success of my pairings, precious one?”

“No, I am just afraid I will not live up to your expectations now that I am to be on my own.” 

“Oh, my dear, that is the reason you were matched.” 

“What?”

“Please, trust me once more and trust yourself always from now on.”

“Of course.”

“It is she that loves all thy flaws.”

“It is she that loves all thy flaws.”

Namjoon

It’s another small bar that plays shitty remixes. The only good things about these places are the owners with their intimate service and the perfectly made drinks. 

“What song is this?” Namjoon just about screams into Jimin’s ear. Another remix plays, probably by a newer pop star that he has yet to familiarize himself with. 

“I don’t know or care! It’s your turn!” Jimin points at the messy stack of cards in the middle of the small table. Namjoon gives a lazy eye roll and intently looks at the cards in his hands once again. 

“Do you have a five?” He turns to Seokjin to scream into his ear. 

“Hah! Go fish, bitch.” Namjoon begrudgingly pulled another card from the only neat stack on the table. 

“Can we pick something else?” Namjoon yells between the two, hoping to God that they heard him and will take pity on him. 

This is the one night in a whole month that he has had time to go out and forget about his job. The first shitty bar was just what he needed. Drinks were made with alcohol that was poured with a heavy hand and the music was chosen perfectly. You always have to start with the loud, dance club settings when you bar hop. Then, by the end of the night, you’re sitting at a chill bar that provides board games for its patrons and puts the correct amount of alcohol into drinks. Plus, if you have the right vibes, you can score some free samples. By now, the owners have given them a few too many and all three of them should definitely leave soon. 

“I have a better idea!” Jimin yells. Instead of the others responding, they just wait for Jimin to say what’s next on the agenda. He’s basically been running the whole night, deciding where they go next and what the feel is after each one. He’s the pro. 

“Let’s go home.” 

“Thank god.” Namjoon mumbles to himself. Immediately starting to put their cards away in a mess of backwards and upside down stacks. It was Seokjin’s turn to pay for the tab, so he’s up and heading for the main bartender in a hurry. Apparently they’ve all had enough for the night. By now it’s not just fun noiseless thinking and laughing about ‘the good old days’, it’s tired mumbling and sighing at the hit of cool air that greets them outside of the bar. 

“Ugh, Joon, you should just let us crash at your place. I really can’t imagine the price of a cab right now.” 

“I don’t care, I just wan' be horizontal as soon as possible.” Namjoon mumbles at them, already leading the way to his studio apartment. 

"You're such a fuckin' nerd." Seokjin giggles to himself, making Jimin join in."

"Because I use 'horizontal'? Ya'll can fight over the fuckin' couch cuz' you're not sleepin' withme in my big, sof' bed." 

That just eggs them on more, leaving Namjoon to lead the way as they stumble along behind him.

-

“Uh…Namjoon?”

Seokjin’s unsure voice asks behind Namjoon as he clicks his apartment door’s locks into place. His limbs seem to lag as he tries to peel his shoes and jacket off. 

“What?”

“I thought you said you didn’t go out last night.”

“Bro, I didn’t.” Namjoon adds a whiny ending in his answer. Both Seokjin and Jimin have been asking if he went out without them- the whole night he’s had to convince them he stayed in on a Friday night to work.

“Then, why is there an omega in your living room?”

“There’s not an ‘mega in my liv-” Namjoon finally pries his shoes off and turns to find a female standing just next to his couch. Her scent hits him like a bag of bricks- it’s fucking everywhere, like she scented ever piece of fabric in the house and pushed out some more just for extra measure. 

“Alpha!” Her bright eyes land on his still adjusting eyes. He’s trying his best to piece together why the fuck this is happening. He must be really fucking drunk. They must all be. There wouldn’t be a random omega in his home. He hasn’t touched another person in months thanks to the workload he has. 

“Namjoon? She’s talking to you.” Jimin pipes up, trying to cover his nose with his jacket sleeve. He can’t think the smell is bad can he? Namjoon thinks her scent is nice, really good, perfect even- but as his eyes turn to Jimin and Seokjin he can see their discomfort. 

“You’re talking to me?” Namjoon asks stupidly. He can’t, for the life of him, get ahold of a single thought. There’s no reason for her to be here talking to him. 

“Yes. I’ve been waiting for you.” She says surely. “She sent me to you.” She ends with a giddy smile. 

“Namjoon if you’ve got some weird roleplay going on please let us leave.” Seokjin says finally, pushing Namjoon into his apartment more to dispel the situation and- apparently- leave the stunned, drunk alpha alone with this unknown omega. 

“Who are you?” He asks, studying her to try and figure out if this was an omega he forgot he had a thing with before. Namjoon can’t imagine her as anyone he’s been with before- he’d surely remember a face like her’s, a scent so perfect. 

“Y/N. I’m your gift!” She says with certainty, never letting her smile leave as she waits for him to react to her. Instead, he just feels extremely light headed. With a few slowed-blinks, Namjoon collapses to the ground with a few thuds. 

-

"Please don't die. Please, please don't have drunk too much and die before I could do anything."

Namjoon wakes to a pounding in his head that seems to be speaking to him as well. A foreign voice worries around him. It isn't until a touch to his forehead that has him bolting up from a lying position to come face to face with a woman that he definitely thought he dreamt up.

"Oh, thank The Goddess! I thought you drank too much." Namjoon tries to push himself away from the woman, going as far back to his headboard as he can get. 

"I definitely drank too much, 'cuz who the fuck are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd remember." He watches confused as she seems to straighten the hoodie she has on- a hoodie he realizes is definitely his- and prepares herself for an introduction. 

"I'm Y/N, your personal omega match." She gives him a grinning greeting that shows her confidence and content in a situation he sure as hell isn't familiar with.

"What- what does that mean?" Namjoon tries to rub the hangover from his eyes, an ache being soothed only when a constant pressure is held to his temples. He listens to her as he continues his ministrations.

"The Goddess raises us, teaches us how to be perfect for our matches. No matter the combination, no matter the gender identity- there's always a match for someone. But, the chosen match only goes through if the one we are matched to deserves it. Our safety is her number one priority."

He takes in this headache of an explanation, trying his best to piece together why the hell he was chosen. He's trying to figure out if this is really happening to him- if this is real, despite him knowing of those that had been 'gifted' an alpha, beta, or omega. 

"I can help you with the pain, I was taught how to alleviate hangover symptoms."

"No, no it's fine, don't touch me." Her face falls at what he says upon opening his eyes. The look of devastation on her face worries him, itching to figure out why what he said had made her so unsettled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"I have been touching you. I brought you to the bed and made sure you didn't sleep with your jeans on. And I've been switching out the cool rags all night to check if you were still sweating. I definitely should have asked."

The scent he was so used to he forgot about it, is now mixed with a burnt equivalent. 

“It’s alright. I was- yeah I don’t remember much. So, thank you for helping me.” 

“Of course! I love helping, I could make you soup if you’d like. I- I don’t know what you like yet but if you let me know what you need right now I can figure it out.” 

Namjoon gives pause at the sheer want that’s on her face, the softness in her scent now. He’s never had another person in his home making him things and wanting to take care of him besides Seokjin and Jimin. Those two will try to help him out whenever he even voices a discomfort, but this stranger is sat kneeling on his bed, tending to him as if he means something to her. He doesn’t know how this works exactly, where she comes from and why she’s so comfortable with him without knowing anything about him. He can’t just take advantage of her either. He’ll learn. 

-

Even as Namjoon prepares a soup he would most definitely not have put the effort into making any other time he was drunk, Y/N is looking over his shoulder and watching what he does every step of the way. Just as his dog at his parents house used to do, she’s right on his heels, trying to memorize the steps. Even worse, her scent is giddy-ingly releasing as if she’s not in control of it. Luckily, he finishes it without spilling or burning himself, setting the bowls on his only place to properly eat in his apartment- a small peninsula in his kitchen that extends to fit four people. He sits to find one Y/N having already gotten him water and found acetaminophen to set next to his bowl. 

“So, you were busy while you were waiting for me, huh?” Namjoon quips more than anything. He gestures to the air around them, the scent. His dry humor doesn’t seem to hit the spot, though.

“I’m sorry about that as well. I was so excited to see a home, your home, and your space. And- I know it’s important to not interfere but it just- came out.” She cringes at herself, her eyes finally leaving him to focus on her bowl of food. Namjoon finds himself hiding his smile in his bite of food, savoring the flavor that he hasn’t had in a while. His amusement doesn’t last long with his overthinking. The first bite of her soup is at her lips before he asks. 

“Did it smell bad? Is my scent not- ya’ know? Not good?” 

“No! Not at all. Your scent is- well- really good to put it simply. At first I was just so excited my own scent was pushing out, but then- I smelled you. It was addicting, and I found I was just curious about what our scents are like together. I’m sorry I disturbed your space.”

“It’s okay-”

“You don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better.” She states. 

“I’m not. You’ll come to learn I’m very verbal about my wants and disinterests- so I’m telling the truth when I say that your scent is ‘really good’ as well.” Namjoon makes a point to jab at her earlier description, finally bringing another smile to her face. 

“Okay, I’ll remember that. And I’m glad you like it.” She shyly admits. 

“Now that we know that, though, let’s just try not to push it out as much until we get to know each other better- just so we don’t act on instincts too haphazardly.” Namjoon politely suggests. He’d never put someone’s scent over consent and their verbal wants and needs- but if they are truly matched by The Goddess, then he knows that an interest will develop and then scents cloud instincts and will make them both do things they may regret. 

Looking at Y/N now, he can imagine it. He can imagine her being the omega he’d do anything for. Right now, his imagination is only based on what The Goddess has given him, though. That’s the problem. He needs to know her inside and out, not just her sweet, warm scent. The softness of her hair- long, warm brown curls that cascade down to her hips- needs to be a feeling that he could recall into his fingers at any moment. He would need to be able to lick his lips and taste her on them. She’d need to be ingrained into him, just as much as he makes sure he’s the same for her. They are the only two that will know each other as intimately as he wishes. Until then, he will care for her as he’s supposed to, and they will get to know each other- as friends. 

“Okay, I can do that.”

“And I’m guessing you had no clothes?” 

“I didn’t know they’d drop me here naked, I just grabbed the first things I found comfortable.” Again, she seems to be more embarrassed of herself in that realization, but she pushes on. “I can get a job. The Goddess taught me how to have good communication and hard work.” 

He didn’t think of that. Should she work? Does she want to work?

“For now, let’s just see how things workout, and if you wish to work, I’ll help you with the process. If you enjoy being here without one, or find out you hate it, then no big deal- I earn enough. Let’s get you some clothes today, though, some things that are better suited for your skin, yeah?” Her eyes light up immediately, her eyes never leaving Namjoon in the dark about how she feels. He likes that already. 

“I can go outside today?” 

“Y/N, you can go outside whenever you want-” He catches her ready to interrupt but he can already guess what she’ll ask. “We’ll talk about scenting another time. But, I am not going to tell you what you can and can’t do. I’m assuming you want to stay here-” A few satisfied nods from her is the answer. “Then we’ll have some basic rules. We tell each other where we’re going, or if we want to go out and do something- just so we know and just so we’re both as safe as possible. We don’t invade each other’s privacy ever- when doors are shut we always knock and when we’re curious about something we ask. We tell each other how we feel if we are having issues or when one wishes to communicate a change in the rules. We are two separate people who have our own needs, and we both need to respect that. I think those are most important, but- do you want to add or change anything?” 

“I appreciate how thorough you are, but where do I sleep?” 

-

"How about this? It's soft and similar to the one you're wearing." 

"Hmmm, I don't know if this is what I want to wear daily, though." 

"How about we just get some basics you immediately like and then we'll get more later on when you figure out what you like in broader areas."

The main issue with shopping for a once-celestial-being is that clothing was never a unique-based choice for them. Everything was uniform and based only on what that person chose to cover. 

"I like simple things, but I just want some more color." 

Namjoon scans the racks of the clothing, but only the sections with more colors. Even then, all of the clothing in the women's section is different. Cuts and flares are different or nonexistent. He finally just looks up to ask a question, but finds Y/N with two arms full of choices. 

"There's just so much and I've never tried them before…can I just try stuff on?" 

-

Namjoon waits an odd amount of time to see the first outfit that Y/N shows him. It's not a crowded store, nor are the stores around them busy. But, when she walks out with a tight forest green crop top that obviously shows she has no bra on he immediately feels like every eye is on them. He's not one that cares about it, he's definitely a 'free the nipple' kinda' guy. But the very brief sight has him standing up immediately from the waiting chairs and blocking her from the small entrance that people could see through. 

"This one is so soft and I love this color. The skirt is a little weird, though. Does it look okay?" 

Namjoon pulls his glued gaze from her face to travel down her body. A body that he is now seeing in a new light. The clothes fit as if they were made for her- even a small pudge of her stomach sticks out between the top and the skirt to pull his gaze in. The skirt isn't weird, it's a creme colored, long cargo skirt that is probably a new style he's a little unaware of. If anything, it's perfect and is as lovely as she sounds. It matches her, unlike his hoodies and matching sweats- though he has to stop himself from wishing she’d just wear his clothing all the time. He gets to her feet, his oversized socks and the smaller pair of slippers that Jimin usually wears in his apartment are on her feet. It's so cute and so soft that he has to completely ignore it to give her an honest sounding answer.

"It looks really good." He says it with a heady voice, already obsessed with how everything looks on her. "Is it comfortable?" He changes the topic to not have to say more than he needs to.

"Yes! I tried on some jeans but the baggier stuff and skirts are more comfortable right now. I can try those later on. I like the sweats and softer stuff, this one was just one I wanted your opinion on." 

"Okay, grab whatever you'd like and then we can get shoes and bedding." Namjoon turns before she answers, hoping he isn't stinking up the damn shop.

Now that they’ve left the clothing shop, Namjoon feels like he can breathe. Despite Y/N having already chosen what she’d found comfortable, she wanted his opinion on a few more options just so she didn’t get ‘too much’. He really didn’t mind buying everything she liked, but she was insistent on living with only necessities- just as she did before she was ‘dropped’. That’s how she describes it, so he will as well. All her clothing is plain and is like her clothing before, as she described. Tight, simple bands and flowy fabrics that were different shades of and between white and black. Now, she just wants to add color and, apparently, his opinion. 

“Why do I need extra bedding? Is there an omega version of most personal items? It was always pretty equal before- everything was perfect.”

“I think that’s the point of being directly raised by The Goddess, it’s all catered to you. You don’t think that a blanket could be two different things to one person there? Like, perfectly soft and fuzzy to you but silky and cool for another.”

“Oh, I never thought about it that way. We just got necessities there and, to be honest, there wasn’t a need to share.”

“It’s just easier for those here to have their own stores or versions of preferred necessities because of your skin. Clothing and bedding is softer in certain stores, products can be found in a large variety based on needs and wants as well, and depending on your second gender there are just other needs you have- you know that though.” Namjoon really hopes that this won’t be a conversation he has to have when they barely know each other. He couldn’t imagine The Goddess making things as important as heats and ruts to be something unnecessary in Her ‘magical land above’. 

“Yes, I know. I’m already recognizing that face you make. Please don’t be shy with me- I kind of lied about sharing things back then- we shared heats and ruts with each other if we wished. It wasn’t sacred there like it is here- it was just a means for survival and The Goddess knew it was something that was our choice. Here, though, it’s far more special and we are taught that- I’m only yours, and if you'd like, you’ll be mine.” 

She says these things with such confidence and assurance. He can’t just let her be this open without him giving that energy back, but he’s more so just not ready. This time to get to know her is crucial and keeping their personal information separate if wanted is important to him. He also can’t blame her, she just told him that their bodies were shared if wanted based on survival, and they were watched over all the time and provided for without having much of a say. It’s all just another thing to learn- he’ll learn to get used to her nonchalance. 

“When it comes up we’ll talk about that then and figure it out together.” Namjoon assures her, hoping he sounds as reassuring as possible. 

“Okay. Ooh, these are nice!” Y/N points at a specific type of blanket in one section. She touches the samples of comforters that line the wall under each different type on the shelf. He likes these comforters as well, the airy, padded blankets provide warmth but don’t make you sweat in the hotter months. 

“These ones are good during the hotter seasons as well- I think they’d be good.”

“Can I get two? For nesting.” 

This part doesn’t take long at all. Namjoon suggests some things and lets her pick out whatever her heart desires as this is all stuff he’ll be less helpful in. By the end, Namjoon is carrying the two clothing bags, and two regular pillows while Y/N’s usual giddy face doesn’t struggle at all to carry the two comforters and two plushies she thought ‘looked like him’. He tried denying the panda, but the koala wasn’t an awful comparison. (He folded immediately). 

“What’s next?” She asks with excitement on her face.

“We plan dinner and then go to bed.” 

“Oh..okay!” The excitement leaves her, but only for a second. 

She never thinks long about what it is she’s taking in. She’d definitely not one to take things lightly, as she said she’d been memorizing his fucking expressions, so it’s probably just content. She’s content to be here and do whatever he suggests because that’s all she knows. 

“How about we go out to dinner? Is there anything you like?” He watches her think for another slow couple of seconds, and then she’s excited again to talk to him. 

“Whatever is your favorite. I’d like to just try something new.”

“You’re going to be sorely disappointed.” Namjoon gives her a mischievous smile that’s more fond-looking when it’s directed at her. 

-

It’s a seedy pizza spot that is honestly not actually all seedy. Namjoon was never one to judge a place or person on how they look- so, when he stumbled upon this place that seemed to be the only thing open after a late-night recording session, he gave it a shot. It’s shitty on the outside with a dirty, worn down awning that could just be black on purpose and a sign that you can barely read. The inside is far better, luckily. It’s as clean as you could probably get the place without gutting it, and the owner is the one making the pizzas. It’s not very seedy because of that and the fact that the owner won’t share his real name. He named it ‘Mario’s’ only because he likes the games and wanted people to think he knew what the fuck he was doing. So, Namjoon isn’t sure- but the pizza’s fucking amazing. 

Y/N doesn’t look like she should be walking into the establishment. She’s bright-eyed and wanting to take in the world as it is her first time seeing it, technically. He doesn’t know how exactly she lived or what she has seen, but it really seems as if she’s appreciative of even the dust lining the crevices of the flooring. 

“Hey, music man. The usual?” 

“Yeah, but double it, please.” 

“Ooh, pretty lady here.” Despite Namjoon never having a jealous moment in his life before this, he immediately tenses up at the attention he gives her.

“Hi! I’m Y/N.”

“Very sweet, well I’ve seen you in here by yourself too many times- so, I’ll charge you for one order today, ey? Nice date, nice price.” 

“Thanks, man.” Namjoon tries to get the conversation over with, looking over to Y/N to see that she doesn’t mind one bit.

“Is this a date?” She suddenly asks, bouncing off the idea that the owner obviously put into her head.

“Just dinner as friends right now. I’d let you know if it was a date, I’m really possessive.” Namjoon says it a little louder than necessary as he leads her to a booth seat that conceals her from the counter’s view. “Let me pay, I’ll be right back.” 

Namjoon misses the giddy smile that Y/N has at the new information she now holds in getting to know her alpha. They aren’t each other’s yet, but he’s all she knows right now and he’s treating her so well. It seems bound to happen that he’ll become closer to her- her's, in all senses that she finds meaningful. It’ll mean she’s doing well, and that she won’t disappoint The Goddess or Namjoon. 

The wait isn’t long, Namjoon’s favorite part besides the perfect slices of pizza. 

“One pepperoni slice and one cheese. I’m a simple man.” 

“I like simple.” Is all she tells him with a shrug before she greedily eats the cheese slice. She talks as she eats, not caring for the food in her mouth. “Wow, there was nothing like this! We didn’t need to eat, but there were cravings in our time of heat. I usually craved something sweet, and with only the necessities being our priority it was usually fruit. We learned to cook basic things as well- breads, soups, and different kinds of rice.” 

Namjoon feels comfortable talking with a half-full mouth now as well, becoming more and more comfortable with a stranger that he just acquainted himself with this morning. 

“You’re in luck, besides music, I’m a professional take-out order-er.” 

“Mmm,” it seems she takes that information and is already imagining the good food that she doesn’t know exists yet. “I didn’t know you made music- that’s your job?” 

“Yeah, I produce music but I’m mostly at home doing it. Sometimes I’ll go in to help with a recording, but that’s not often. I just get paid to make the beats or change lyrics whenever they need help with that.” 

“That’s really cool. Could I hear something sometime?” She looks so interested, so enthralled by him that he almost chokes up at the attention she’s giving him. He doesn’t feel worthy as an alpha to be someone she’s interested in. He’s never had someone look at him like he has all the answers and can provide for her without a second thought. He knows this is a learning process for them both, but he’s thinking that she’s already set on whatever it is she was made for- while he’s just a man that is still figuring out everything himself. A stable job and a home that he can provide isn’t enough. He isn’t enough yet. 

“You’ll probably hear it all the time when I’m working during the week.” 

“Yay.” She gives him that same smile, now with her lips sealed because of the food in her mouth. Grease stains her lips and he has to push down the want to wipe it from her. Her lips, now that he’s looking, are plump and the pink of them is hiding under a layer of orange grease. Despite that, they’re still kissable, memorable, probably soft and pliant in times of need-

“Here’s a napkin.” 

“Thank you!” She takes it and immediately uses it. 

He has to stop doing that.

-

It’s only once they’re home and have hauled everything up to the apartment that Namjoon realizes it was a horrible idea to share the bed. He wants to be a gentleman and he doesn’t want to just push her away. She’s here for an obvious reason, they were matched- supposedly perfect for each other- and he only feels like a dick pushing her away to sleep on his uncomfortable couch. 

He shows her how to use the washing machine, and as they wait it’s far more awkward than he means for it to be. 

“Have you tried the TV yet?” Namjoon asks as she goes through her bag of clothes to show Namjoon the contents. He mentally smacks himself, he really didn’t have to ask, he could just turn it on and put a random show on to end the night. 

“No, I didn’t want to touch anything I wasn’t familiar with.” She’s nonchalant about it, why can’t he be nonchalant about it?

“Okay, I got these to sleep in, they didn’t have that many options so I hope I can borrow a shirt to sleep in if that’s okay?” She holds up a pair of sleep shorts that has far too little fabric. It’s her choice to wear them- he’s not a fucking teenager, he’ll be fine. 

“And I know it’s most decent, so I did find these to wear…” she has to find the tag and read them. “Sports bras.” She holds up the three-pack proudly to show him. Despite her being the one to show him, he feels invasive, immediately turning away after a quick smiling nod to turn on the TV.

“And then this skirt as well as this smaller one, and a more flowy one. The fabrics are nice- I like how different they are here.” 

“Very pretty.” He says, hoping it was normal enough. 

“Thank you! And then just a few more of those shirts like the green one and a couple hoodies and sweats like yours. We’ll match! Plus these shoes and socks will go with everything I got.” She excitedly looks over her things again and again. She’s so happy with just those, so happy with the simple things and the shitty restaurant that he’d never even think about taking a woman to unless they were much more comfortable together. 

In his thinking, he doesn’t notice Y/N standing in front of him until she’s holding up that pair of sleep shorts for him. He takes them without thinking, looking up from the couch to give her a questioning look. 

“You said we could talk about scenting later. Is scenting my clothes off-limits?” She looks down at him with worry in her eyes and a peak of worry slips through to make him weak in the- everything, really. 

“No, uh, no that’s okay.” It’s a possessive thing he feels when he scents the shorts, looking up at her as he gives them a good rub against his neck and even going the extra measure to make sure his scent is thick and potent. 

“There.” He hands them back, the soft fabric going straight to her nose to take in a whiff. He wants so badly to know how much she enjoys it, if she enjoys it as much as he enjoys her’s. She takes her time, then points to the pile of clothes. 

“Can you do the rest once those are clean?”

“Yeah.” It’s a breathy response, hanging onto the hope that he’ll be able to scent her at some point. Having his scent on her things, on her body, it truly finalizes the fact that she’s here for him. She was made to bless someone- all pretty omega, inside and out, and soft features with a soft body. She was made to bless him, he realizes. Though he doesn’t know if it was meant to be him from the beginning, she was still curated in a way that led them together. He doesn’t deserve it. Not when he’s clunky and unconfident in his abilities to be her alpha. His instincts are kicking in without the confidence to even put them to use. 

“Are you tired?” He asks, noticing her tired eyes and the shorts still lifted to her nose. He gets a nodding answer. Perfectly, maybe by fate even, the dryer chimes its finish, indicating that now both of her new blankets are clean and warm.

“Let’s get the bed ready, however you like it we can change it, yeah?” He’s suddenly antsy in his need to make his room presentable and safe. He’s grabbing both blankets and pillows and is in the bedroom before Y/N even makes it there, still becoming more and more tired after her adventures today. 

While he is just about freaking out over never having made a nest before, Y/N is at his side and pulling one thing at a time from his arms. She places the blankets haphazardly in his eyes, just making a small dip for her to cuddle into. Even in her fog of scent and growing tiredness, she is able to do what she needs for her comfortable nest. He even lingers on the fact that she’s making it on the correct side, probably having already noticed where his scent lingers the most. 

“Okay, we sleep.” she almost gets into the bed before Namjoon is tugging at her (his) hoodie, pulling her back. 

“No outside clothes. You need to be comfortable and clean.” She immediately obeys, pulling her (his) sweats down as he looks up at the ceiling to admire the texture. He remembers she needs one of his shirts so he uses that as an actual excuse, plucking a random one from the hangers to hand to her. He completely turns around for that part, waiting only until he hears her settle into the bed before he turns back to her. He catches her arm sticking out, patting the large space next to her, before disappearing again. 

She’s going to be the death of him, really. A pretty omega nesting in his bed. 

He’s a rod next to her. Stiff and trying to take up as little room as possible. He has work tomorrow and a new responsibility he has to navigate- he can’t just stay up all night and be useless in both ways. 

“Namjoon.” Despite how tired she was, she whispers to him with a lucid voice. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m just- I don’t know- tense? Could I…sleep with your hand?” 

This is more intimate than he thought it’d be. To have her in his bed, wanting his wrist to scent freely and maybe even scent herself. He’s not one to take scenting lightly. To him, it’s special, and should be sacred to the one he is to be with for the rest of his life. He was fine with the clothes, he maybe even thought about it a few times since their shopping trip- but is this too much too fast?

“Nevermind, I’m sorry, I know we didn’t talk about that yet.” She whispers again. 

“Y/N.” It’s silent for a few long seconds. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m not sure if I want to scent right now, but could I- could we just try this once and I can let you know how I feel?” 

“Are you sure? I know I just came to you so abruptly, I don’t want my presence to change your previous boundaries. I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

He really thinks about it, about how he’s felt before with others he’s been interested in. Even with Seokjin and Jimin, he’s never thought about scenting them or even needing to push out his own scent in situations that needed his ‘dominance’ for assistance. It was never something he prioritized, or had a reason for. So, the fact that it’s now wanted and needed, it feels intimate. But, maybe wanting to give this to her is what’s right. If not, and he’s reading this wrong, he’ll let her know. His own rule was to be open and to voice their concerns. 

“It’s okay, here.” He sticks out his arm before he can overthink it more. She takes his hand as if it were a precious jewel, her skin is just as soft as he imagined. Maybe it was even better- but he can’t explain it. All he knows is that his own skin seems to call out for her, yearning for a touch he has just met. A touch that he only knew of a second ago. He grasps onto her hand, rubbing his thumb into the back of it as she directs him to her nose. The brush of her nose is like static, a shock to his system that he’s never felt before. His sensitive scent gland there is immediately releasing his scent in wafts that she only snuggles closer to. 

“It’s so good. Is this okay?” She mumbles, clearly trying to keep a clear head as well. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself, but really he’s just trying to keep cool. “Do you feel better?” 

“Yes, it’s safe and warm. Thank you, Namjoon.” 

With her nose and upper lip pressed to his wrist- with a mumble of his name whispered into his own skin- he lets out a ragged breath, and he himself tries his best to drift to sleep. It isn’t long before he’s actually tiring down, her sweet, warm scenting pushing out to meet him. She could probably scent the nerves. He doesn’t mind how it happens, nor how they’ll wake up at this point. Now, he can rest, knowing a sweet omega is safe in his home.

[somberjoon]

just realized i cut out the shoe section of syzygy,,,,y/n is barefoot or sumn the whole ch???? im so sorry im so dumb. ill edit it back in before i post ch2 this weekend 🤕🤕🤕🤕

[somberjoon]

This metanoia ch feels like a filler but i promise the next one will be a lot longer and will include more. I have it mapped out to work on these next couple of weeks!