somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Current Progress

BOOKS

C # In Depth (3rd Ed)

Current Chapter: 12

Chapters Left: 7, 13-16

Head First Design Patterns

Current Chapter: 3

Chapters Left: 4-13 Appendix

Eloquent Javascript

To Do

Android Programming - Big Nerd Ranch

Current Chapter: 2

Chapters Left: 3-36

ASP.NET MVC Core

Current Chapter: 6 (review 1-5)

Chapters Left: 7-31

Elements of Programming Interviews

Current Chapter: 5

To Do: Subsequent Chapters

TIMETABLE

30 Dec, 2018

- Head First Design Patterns

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

June?

Hi June. What is even going on anymore? I don’t want to discuss details because I hate having to list all the shit that happened in painstaking detail. It’s really nothing personal. That kind of stuff just bores me...

Emotional State:

I think I just need to accept that I love not being happy. It’s kind of the default state now I guess, but you can’t entirely blame me for that. What should I really be happy about? I can’t really find joy in people or things. I think I’m too disillusioned by all the bs, you know? Sometimes I still do care but it’s for shitty reasons just cuz you end up liking a person or something and that’s not something too sustainable. Most ppl are not beaten down enough to truly love but it’s a fine balance. You get beaten down too much and you don’t want to talk to anyone. Beaten down people tend to look like shit and who really likes that? What does that even really mean? I don’t know. At least unbeaten down people perform really amazingly. Thanks for the entertainment baby. It was a nice distraction while it lasted.  Maybe I’m just too freaking tired and hungry...ok, let’s just go with that... Cut:

Unsure why I’m even bothering. It’s really fucking easy to lose weight. All you have to do is starve yourself. Under 160 now but does it even really matter? Of course it does homie, how else are you gonna buy that early grave? I swear, when I die, I’ll probably rise from my grave screaming my fucking head off if you have bitches and assholes crying over my remains. Fuck off and go feed me to the dogs or something. Or better yet, toss me in the damn ocean. It’s the least you can do. Wasn’t it bad enough that I had to put up with this crap in life, now you want me to live through your fake as fuck bs after I’m dead too? You terrible assholes. Respect a dead man’s wishes and fuck off...I think I gotta chill. I’m not dead yet. Gaming and Entertainment:

Gaming can go fuck itself. I don’t even enjoy games. Grave of the Fireflies is sad as hell. Thanks for making me cry after many years. Fuck you dude...

Money:

Yay poverty :). Last Thoughts:

What do I even want? I honestly don’t know. What does anyone want? I’d be lying if I said I want happiness. What is happiness even? Makes no sense. I think I just want to not have to do anything anymore. I think secretly I’ve always wanted that. I’m uber(®) lazy and maybe that’s why I’ve always never wanted to associate with people or even have children and all of that other bs. The world doesn’t need more people like me and people like me would (do, in fact) really just suffer here. I don’t really care about making a difference, making the world a better place, becoming rich and famous and all that jazz. Shit is too much fucking effort for no real gain (cuz you fucking die bruh). Why even bother? Who the fuck cares what some ultimately meaningless speck of dust in the middle of nowheresville in the universe thinks about you? People are fucking insane...or maybe I am. Either way, I think I’m gonna fucking sleep. Thankfully the bastards haven’t taken that yet, but they’ll sure as fuck keep trying. Or maybe I’m just a paranoid asshole who needs to shut the fuck up; and on that note...

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Does the End Have an End?

Does it? I don’t know. I want it to though. I don’t want any of this anymore. I want my mediocre life devoid of any joy. Save money like a fiend and then die. I will never suffer for money, but I don’t want anything. I want my life of scarcity; where I trust no one and die alone in the end. I don’t want to continue your life and live for someone else. I don’t even want to live for myself...I don’t even know if I want to live. I don’t care about money, success, prestige, love, joy or anything anymore. I haven’t lost anything, or gained anything. Sometimes all you find out is that you don’t know anything about anything. I’m not really alive nor am I dead. There is nothing to learn about anything anymore. You’ve already learned all the important stuff and who cares about living those lessons? Just please leave me. Demonize me. Hate me etc etc. I’m a terrible person. I don’t want any of your money or property. I don’t want any of your help. I want to choose my own starvation. I don’t care about your society. I don’t care about you. I don’t care about me. I just want to live like an empty husk for the rest of my days. Just have nothing to ever look forward. I’ve always found it sad how misery can’t kill you with the same effectiveness that deprivation can...I’m not going to say I even know what I want to do. I don’t want to buy a house. You can all go fuck off. If I know when death calls me I’ll probably fucking piss on any money I have and fucking burn it or just give it all away to some charity.

I fucking hate money, this world, and its inhabitants. I never signed up for any of this crap. “I don’t want to see you fail.” I do. I don’t fucking care. I just want it to be over. Just take me away and burn me in hell. There’s no rest for the weary anyways and the cursed are cursed forever and in another world if there is one...Do I believe? What does it even matter anymore? If delusions give you some sort of joy, go ahead and maintain them but don’t urge me to do the same. In the end, I’ll probably have everything and nothing or nothing and everything. Just give me nothing and nothing and help me leave this world as helpless and naked as the day I was born. It’s sad when others die, but who fucking cares if I die. I’m selfish. Your sadness doesn’t concern me. You can wallow in misery for the rest of your days for all I care. I never fucking asked you to bring me here, the least you can fucking do is let me leave on my terms.

And no. Fuck off. I don’t love you or any of the rest. I’m not going to live as a slave to the whimsies and emotions of some random immature fuckers. Please evolution filter me out as one of your innumerable losers and fuck you very much for the world you’ve created. All I can do is pray for the kindred and hope they’re never birthed to endure, in many cases lives infinitely worse than my own. I am blessed, supposedly, but I don’t want to be. Thank you for not existing. The greed, drudgery, and arrogance that characterizes this world is something I pray you never have to experience...so maybe yeah...in that sense I’m still a theist. I don’t freaking know...

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Damn that’s savage

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

GOD ANNOUNCES MEN 2

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Pay the man

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

An Australian soldier looks over at a destroyed Panzer II (1941, colorized)

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[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

[Src]

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

Friedrich Nietzsche is my bro.

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.

Friedrich Nietzche (via wickedandtheblind-blog)

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Blessed Are the forgetful for they get the better even of their blunders.

Friedrich Nietzche (via suckmydiction)

[somebooody-killl-meeeee-pleaseee]

Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?

Friedrich Nietzsche (via burninggravity)