somehatsukois

[somehatsukois]

You can’t negotiate attraction. Lying on your bed, you’re trying to make me kiss you but it’s not working you’re looking confused by my inaction.

I don’t get it, why would I match with you and do the dance that’s small talk. You’re cute, tall and you’ve got your own quirks. The weird voice you give that seal plushie, a hat that says masculinity is toxic. I should’ve been excited to go to your house and not do laps around your neighborhood trying to make it all click.

I’m just not into you like that, I have to remember that’s okay. I told you that fact in my own way. Too much of a coward to say it with a straight face. I can’t negotiate attraction, if I don’t want to kiss you the first time I meet you there isn’t gonna be any traction,

With us, I could say we could be friends and you’d be cool to chill,

but it’ll just end up like her and I’ll realize that nothing ever will, eventuate from a relationship where both parties want different things, it ain’t like we’re after wedding rings, but I know you want some action that I can’t deliver, I’m such an asshole I didn’t even take you out to dinner. I didn’t even want to impress you, don’t care if you left me on read, don’t check your stories like a stalker in the making trying to search for another thread.

Why the fuck would she call me like that she knew I was drunk? She’s becoming this mystery that I’ll never debunk. Coz she’s too simple the answer is the same as you and I. She’s not interested in me at all, she just wants to talk to any guy, for any reason I just fill the requirement, but 2 minutes later she puts me in retirement. Leaving me on read having me post stories and stuff wanting her to see my best side, I’ve spoken more to you in 10 days than her a month yet I’d be willing to let that all slide, for a chance to see her and soak her in, feel that feeling that’d keeps drawing me in, further and further yet it’s absolutely nothing of merit and nothing some substantial. It’s never gonna even become something actual.

I told you you can’t negotiate attraction and I need to leave it at that. I like you or I don’t and it’s always gonna a fact.

[somehatsukois]

I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS LOVE OR IF I WANT ANY PART OF IT

I’m not sure.

I haven’t met you.

It doesn’t seem like I’ll ever meet you. All these chances just seem to pass through. You’ve been leaving me on read and then texting me out of the blue.

Every time I try and get an answer out of you it’s so pointless. You’ll ignore me and then send me a photo lacking any purpose.

‘What Do You Mean?’ on loop the other day. I need to get back to those more upbeat tracks this isn’t nothing like ‘The Way’.

This can’t be love though, it can’t hurt like this. Van Halen tells me why not? Coz it just feels like a diss. You haven’t got time for me, it’s like you know that I’m so lonely. So cooped up in the four walls of my house and my job trying to get you to know me. And me you, you’re fascinating in all the wrong ways, mysteries better left unsolved in some dreary maze.

Coz that’s all this’ll be, I’m after something that moves me and decent’s what’s been passing. I see you, your familiar face and start asking, these questions about myself and these questions about you. Didn’t all my great loves start with this insecurity in them? Why not you too? I can gaslight myself to a tee, there was that girl back in December had me thinking we were meant to be. Just because we had the same interests and she knew what she was after. I accepted the first few red flags thinking I could avoid some kind of a disaster. It all came crashing down on date number three. I don’t wanna spend time under this shitty excuse for a Christmas tree, just to take some stupid insta photos for people to see. It’s not real, it’s fake and that territory has been tread before, we went and had an argument in the cocktail bar and I knew I wouldn’t want to see her anymore. Surrounded by happier couples, smiling, laughing looking they had no troubles. This only date number three and issues were already to form bubbles, on the surface of this half shallow fantasy. So we said goodbye there and you sailed right on out of my head. It’d been 3 weeks of you floating there every time I went to bed.

Back to you though, back to the reason for this thread.

That damn display image of you floating in the ocean, you’re swimming laps in my mind.

I haven’t even seen you in real life, that guy you dotakyanned doesn’t even know you, you’re right.

I don’t know a thing about you either, I keep grasping for something solid and you’re giving me nothing to hold onto no lifeline, no rope. There’s just these big gaps between our talking, me asking you out and you walking, away from the chat to just pop up 8 hours later, I’m clinging back onto hope.

I thought that’s it, then the day before I turned 29 you called me mid essay. I was writing something polite to tell you how I felt, how I didnt want it to get messy. I wanted out of from this thing that hadn’t even taken shape, I know me and my imagination, let me jump off the ride before it’s too late. Let me keep you romanticised and out of sight, out of mind. You can’t be the love I’m trying to find.

You’re bored and confusing, I’m lonely and confused. You’ll stop replying one day and I’ll end up feeling used… Up like my phone battery, 5 hours on the phone, a waste of my time and yours, I’ve been doing alright on my own. So I’m off with this shit and I’m off with you. I think about telling you this stuff straight but it’ll just pass right through.