someidletuesday1020

[someidletuesday1020]

This is fiction

My love died with you

We all have our poison

That escape we need to unleash our dopamine

I find it so hard to relax

The tax of life if just too much

We are all destined to accept the corruption

The wrongdoings of those above us

No one cares about us

I just wanted you to care about me

The things that I’ve been through

How hard I’ve had it

Why doesn’t anyone care

It’s not my fault that I’m closed

That I tense up at the slightest touch

I’m sorry

At the same time

It makes me not see the world through other’s eyes

I’m broken

Really I am

Shattered

My family is full of broken branches

How can the branches thrive

The trunk has been dead for years

We’ve all just been hanging on

Waiting for the slightest breeze

To finally break us

I’m sorry

[someidletuesday1020]

I talked to a 90 year old today at work

About life

About all the presidents she’s lived through

I asked her

Which one was your favorite?

She didn’t have an answer

Said she doesn’t really care for politics

I said

“They are all paid actors”

I asked her if she remembers it being this hot

When she was young

She told me “o yea”

Said she remembers

Walking down the street in the summer heat

And a man on a bike asked her

“Dont you wish you could bottle up this heat

And save it for the winter?”

This entire conversation happened while I was holding pressure on her radial artery.

Her life

Literally in my hands.

What is all this even for?

[someidletuesday1020]

None of this matters

We are all going to die

Just try to be better

Than whatever came before

[someidletuesday1020]

Amanda;

When I first met you I knew you were the person I had been searching for all along.

You are the goofiest, most loving and selfless person I have ever met. I love the way you put others before yourself, even when it means missing out on the drinking and socializing at our parties. You love seeing other people happy, and I love that about you.

You make love so easy.

I never worry with you because I feel so safe.

As your husband I promise to always fight our disagreements with love.

To do the dishes after each delicious meal you make.

To be there for you always and forever.

To never worry you about where I am or who I’m with.

To kiss you and tell you I love you whenever I leave the house.

I promise to never leave the baby wipes open after I use them.

To continue singing little songs about you and your Portuguese ways.

To support you in any way that I can, with whatever you want to do.

To stay by your side on your best and your worst days.

To remind myself daily that what we have is the deepest most enjoyable thing in my life.

To always look forward to coming home to you.

I promise you my heart, Amanda.

I’m a kite and you are my line. Without you I’d become untethered and I would float away. Without me you would just drop right to the ground. We will fight sometimes, but we will fight with love. We will be on the same team even in the middle of a fight. There will be no fear, no danger, we will be safe. We will never be perfect, but we will always be kind. And we will love each other hard. I love you today just as much as I did in the beginning, and I will continue that love for the rest of our lives.

[someidletuesday1020]

We are

Carbon

Fiber pieces holding our bodies together

Tether me to you

I want to talk a walk

Talk about our lives and our future

Suture my skin to yours

I never want to leave your side

Stay here and tell me

Everything that involves the word "we"

Please

Be real

[someidletuesday1020]

You’re the first person to make me feel like I can just be with Usually I’ll sit with someone and think “If only you could change, then” We can be together; Just you and me I’m happy when I see you But not sad when you leave Because I know,  You’ll always come back And it will go right back to before Loving you will never be a chore Drag me to every store with you, I’m ready Fuck going steady we’ve reached this peak in record time Or so we thought, The clouds above are hiding the rest That’s right love, the best is yet to come. 

[someidletuesday1020]

What do I know?

I know we are lost souls Pouring our hearts into a dying world Look around

[someidletuesday1020]

I can’t help but feel pessimistic  About the future and what will happen Everyone has gotten so selfish

[someidletuesday1020]

Selfishness and ish

We have swayed off a path of good

Feeding our brains trying to tame this gnawing feeling

What are any of us doing here?

What is our purpose

Live each day trying to surface in an ocean of suffocation

Relying on those few individuals selfless enough to share their oxygen

We are all going to die eventually, right?

But I love you enough to share a few moments of life with

Here

Breathe with me

Take this mouthpiece and suck just a few extra breaths

Help me refocus

Bury the negatives and succeed in living this moment right here

I'm right here waiting

Praying you won't leave

[someidletuesday1020]

All it takes is a spark

To light a fire so fierce it destroys a person

Sit and listen to the stories told

Of past mistakes and selfishness

We are all growing every single day

Playing with words trying to find a purpose

Sometimes I think that voice never goes away

We just choose not to listen

Now, I'm listening

Let me hear what you have to say

Let me dive deep into this conversation