somelovefrommetoyou

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Cooper Stone,

I found the page you post your presentations for class. It's lame but hearing your voice for the first time six months after the constant lamenting of never seeing you again shocked me to my core.

I don't even want you anymore. I know it's just the possibility of comfort you held in front of me. Maybe it was just me because we never really knew each other. I wanted to hide and I didn't want the truth of your character to be more obvious than it was. But, we never really had a conversation that was indicative of that there was anything more.

I hate that I miss you. I know it's just hormonal imprinting and withdrawal but, sometimes in the foggy anger there is a moment of clarity.

I wish we had a chance to see each other one last time. Just to sleep in the same bed so I can wake up next to you just one time.

I miss the easiness of comfort and I just can't seem to find someone with the care or kindness you showed me. I'll never understand why you didn't just choose to sleep with me when you were so obviously not interested in a serious relationship. Maybe for your own peace of mind or some personal boundary you never told me about.

At this point, I will never know.

JSS

[somelovefrommetoyou]

To my beloved Cooper Stone,

I don’t think I’ve written about you here. Maybe it’s just the way life goes and I get less inclined to make my thoughts coherent. The only way out is through.

It’s the anniversary effect happening right now. At least that’s how I explain this insane urge to miss you. There is a certainty in me that you never look back because for most of it the only consistent thing you showed was disinterest. Never in person, I loved you in-person. But maybe it was simply a perfect white lie that ran dry.

All I know is that there is no going back. It’s almost the length of our nothingness at this point and I feel so drawn to you. I’m convinced I just want the safety and reassurance you offered me but, realistically you did not offer much. I was just so excited the boy I liked, liked me back.

Realistically everything was planned. I wanted to give dating an honest chance before I started working again. I just understood if I went back into the industry I don’t know if I can leave again with the privilege of still having what I’ve always dreamed of as a first relationship. And you were genuinely everything I could have wished for and dreamed of if you just actually liked me. But you don’t and honestly, it was stupid of me to believe in this with the pretenses of how we started. That’s my bad I just couldn’t walk away.

Honestly I was still casually with the guy I fucked in a graveyard on Friday the 13th. We ended things like a week before I guess. Never ended up going to a rave together. So that’s when we went on that pathetic strawberry picking date. Shoot me dead the next time you see me.

I know my bitterness is rooted in the fact I can’t have you. And the fact you’re closely in relations with that disgusting predatory cunt Brianna and her friend, my rapist. Granted you didn’t know and when I insanely told you afterwards I’m sure that had no effect but to just paint me was some crazy ex-‘‘girlfriend’’. In my defense, I think sexual predation and assault are valid things to be upset by so honestly I should just be grateful.

Part of me wants you to learn your lesson and experience my warnings. But I couldn’t wish that to you. I do hope you want to kill yourself every time you think of me but that’s different. I’m just some girl you hooked up with in college now and you just another random tall blond.

I just hope you feel my anger and pain in loosing you. Because with how pathetically things ended it makes me wonder why you ever gave a fuck about keeping the lie up in the first place. Why did you call me your favorite person? Never want to be away from you that long again my ass. You fucking price of shit liar. And I knew all along. I was just shocked at how long you kept it up.

If you were always going to end things over text I don’t understand why you did just do it before it got serious enough to call me your favorite person. What type of fucking bullshit is that?

Am I supposed to believe you genuinely didn’t have time for me when all I asked for was a nine letter daily text minimum and coffee on Sunday mornings? Just say you don’t like me. Some stupid bullshit that chalks up to really knowing me and not liking what you see. I told you from the beginning who I was. I never lied about it.

I’m glad I know you won’t get a chance if you come back. But I did really love you. From what you let me see at least, you just felt like you lacked life experience but, maybe that’s just what I want to see.

Go fuck yourself.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Joel Taylor,

I’m sorry I lied to you that night in the canyons. I did feel something.

JSS

[somelovefrommetoyou]

I wish you would let me love you.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Ian Knight,

I got my hopes up for you. I wish we never met.

jss

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Jett

I guess you did have the self respect to leave it at that.

Best of luck with everything

jss

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Hey I know we haven’t spoken and I doubt we will in the future. I need you to know you’ve drastically shifted my perspective on companionship. I don’t mean to impede on any of your current relationships with this message. It was a conversation we had about children and marriage that very drastically shifted my perspective on. And I can’t help but to think about it when I consider someone now. I should not have slept with you due to my own circumstances but, you’re hard to say no too. You’re so incredibly smart and I wish I had the chance to understand you better. Instead I just don’t hate cuddling anymore. You’re graduating soon so congratulations. I’m sure your career successes have continued and I wish you the best.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Joel 1:11 Orchard Hills Courtyard

[somelovefrommetoyou]

sure you weren’t interested in me but you still saw me as perfect in my own and now that’s all i need as solace.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Do you ever look at my profile?

[somelovefrommetoyou]

you’re a writer and I’m a library

[somelovefrommetoyou]

I just wish I could talk to you again.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

breaking the 111 on our playlist only for the song I added to stop at 1:11

[somelovefrommetoyou]

I hope more than hope that we get another chance

[somelovefrommetoyou]

I just hope you still think of me

[somelovefrommetoyou]

the urge to become the great story ever told to hide a pain but to lose reality