someplaceformyhead - Tumblr blog

someplaceformyhead · 2 years

Text

TW. s/a

I don't know if anyone will ever see this. I guess there is still a part of me that feels wrong and afraid to call this person out in a more aggressive manner.

I have been made aware that this individual is growing online as a creator or attempting to. I am afraid of the impact this could have on the safety of young impressionable people who idolize him. I'm worried about the young girls this gives him contact with.

Flameziz as he is known online, is a predator. With victims, to my knowledge spanning at least 10+ years, 2 of which I have spoken to personally, 3 who I have not interacted with myself, and myself included. Behaviour such as grooming, sexual harassment, sexual abuse.

He is exploitative and several of his victims were underage when the interactions/ abuse occurred he targets vulnerable young people with low self esteem and low support who are easily manipulated.

Multiple police reports have been filed to my knowledge one being my own and one prior. However it seems the authorities can't do much unless you have things like video or audio evidence.

I couldn't even admit to myself that it was abuse until after I had been separated for some time and all I had was texts with him acknowledging and not denying crossing my physical boundaries while I slept. I know he has marked me as a non credible source by telling people that I abused him in the ways he abused me. By cutting off old friends who didn't validate his perspective who call out his behaviour he maintains a circle of people who are either unaware or don't believe he is an abuser.

I have had all contact blocked for 2 years now. I really want him to stay the fuck away from me and the people I care about that he has hurt. I wish It felt like I could actually do more to prevent further harm I guess this is sort of an attempt to put something out there.

I don't even know what else to add here. Recent news has been incredibly triggering. I'm sick of people like this getting away with the harm they cause to others, I worry for anyone who idolizes him. I sincerely hope that he is able to get help and change but I don't have faith due to the consistent patterns of behaviour and the rejection of accountability. I wanted to believe in him so badly for years and all it did was contribute to my own abuse at his hand.

I really hope that he has changed. Or changes. I hope that there will be some accountability if his behaviour stays the same, and I hope that there can be closure for myself and others who have suffered as a result of his behaviour.

I wish there were more ways to prevent dangerous people from creating online environments that put people at risk of further harm from men like him.

I'm so fucking tired.

#Flameziz #Flamezizz

0 notes

someplaceformyhead · 2 years

Text

guilty because i put up a boundary. guilty because i enforced it. i want to eat my own fist. hate the whole of it.

i tell my therapist that i don't really feel like i need boundaries. i say i am comfortable with most things; i'll figure it out as i go along. she says: that's a fawn response. i laugh about it, because it's either laugh about it or do something about it.

the thing is that once i like someone, i'll forgive them for anything. they don't even have to apologize for it. they could step over each of my desires and take all my teeth. it might take me a little while, but i'd get over it. i'd say: oh, she was having a hard day, and didn't realize i was serious about my safety. i'd say: he's always had anger issues, i feel bad that he hasn't been responding well to therapy. i'd say: you know, it kind of isn't fair of me to expect them to know i don't want to get hurt, i should have been more clear and repeated what i wanted.

i tell other people i'm easy-going. sometimes i get called good natured or happy-go-lucky. i am not able to list traits that i like about myself without mentioning how i help other people. i let people desiccate me and then i say - well, as long as they're happy.

i have been a bad person, is the thing. when i was really sick. and honestly sometimes even when i was doing better. i've hurt other people, and i don't want other people to hurt the way i did. i only have friends because others have forgiven me for the wrong i have done. i only have gotten this far because someone else gave me patience, and kindness, and help.

so it's not fair of me to set a boundary, ever. plus, if i set one and it is broken - that just hurts. and when someone crosses that line i drew, i have to take an action in response. i have to kick someone out of my life (as if i have so many other options) or i have to confront them about it (as if that doesn't make me cry) or. if i take the easy route: i have to simply accept that it happened and internalize it and move on; let it go without a fight.

i can't control, after all, how other people react to my boundaries. they probably are unfair boundaries anyway. it's easier if i just control how i react to the pain - if i just ignore it, and hope it goes away. no need to blow this out of proportion. no need to make a fuss. this way all the hurt stays inside of me, and doesn't slip out and get into anyone. this way is better, right.

who cares what it does to me.

2K notes · View notes

someplaceformyhead · 3 years

Photo