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[sometimesarikethtaewrites]

hero: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO???

villain: *choking back tears* uh, yeah, i'm actually trying really hard here man

hero: *now looking uncomfortable* oh

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the reason old memes always come back is because, in order to truly destroy a meme, you must cast it into the fires of mount doom and sadly

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I think one of the funniest things I’ve accidentally taught my parrot is yelling “WHAT?” The best part is that if he says something weird and and someone else says “what???” he usually repeats what he just said. Like just now, I was cooking in the kitchen and he heard me boiling water so he asked “you wanna noodle?” but I couldn’t quite hear him so I yelled “WHAT” and he repeated “you wanna noodle?”

Mostly he just likes yelling it, though.

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Neil Gaiman, the signing ninja :)

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list of cinematic moments of all time (incomplete)

- spiderverse ‘whats up danger’ scene

- shrek 2 i need a hero sequence

- the incredibles; both the ‘bob discovers syndrome’s plan’ and the entire plane sequence bcs i cant pick just one of these

- prince of egypt deliver us

- the part in napoleon dynamite where the guy runs over the tupperware bowl with his car and it shatters

- iron giant  you are who you choose to be

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saw this on twitter and i’m not quite sure about the process here, but figured it could be helpful to anybody who’s homeless and needs the check, so i thought i’d repost it here. if anybody has corrections or things to add, please do! the thread doesn’t contain a lot of information about when you can expect to see this money, unfortunately, so i’m not sure if it’s the fastest or best method for this, and i’m hoping maybe someone else knows of more options.

i’m unfortunately not sure how to do image IDs correctly. however, to summarize, this thread says that anyone who is homeless should go to a tax preparation office, do their 1040 and file an EIP return. if you have a debit card, you can have the stimulus check put on that card. it’s also possible to use a homeless shelter address for this process at the tax preparation office, and to go there to pick it up. tax preparation offices charge a fee, but there is also an IRS program called VITA that can help you file for free, which i link later in this post.

here’s the link to the IRS VITA thing.

the whole thread is here for anyone who wants to get more information from twitter.

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client was running late to a conference call and texted the meeting coordinator “one second, finishing up setting a hog trap.” 

this is my new favorite remote work mishap

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Inspired by this post, a short drabble Immortal Nicky+Archeology student Joe (fluff, no death separating anyone)

His first theory was that Nicky was a vampire. No, Joe is not proud of his line of reasoning, being a man of science who devoted his life to the study of the past, but, among other things,

1) Nicky is pale during winter,

2) He’d never seen Nicky eat garlic, even though Nicky is Italian, and 

3) Twilight was back on Italian tv as it happened every three years right after the Harry Potter marathon, and Joe and Booker had indulged in some terrible cinema while drinking non-alcoholic fruity drinks and eating small cucumber sandwiches. It was a good tradition that had substituted football matches after that time Booker and Joe didn’t speak for two months following a football-related argument. Turns out Twilight could be very persuasive and yes, Joe had asked Nicky point blank if he was a vampire. Blame the Cullens.

Thank God Nicky can be just as embarrassing as him because that conversation plagues Joe every time he tries to fall asleep. His brain will say: “I know we’re trying to sleep, but I really think we should revisit one of your Greatest Hits. What about the Vampire incident?”

And then it will ignore Joe’s cries for mercy and click the play button.

Keep reading

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i came here to win. i came here to become tumblrs next top mutual

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not to tell people what to do but as someone who’s been in fandom since i was like twelve, i promise that the only good fandom experience involves limiting your friend circle to, like, seven people. when you’re in a city, you don’t make friends with every douchebag on the street. stringently vet the people who are allowed to influence you. in an age of people and companies constantly demanding your attention and energy, your happiness will grow best like flowers in a greenhouse in a terrible city; a contained, curated space allows happiness to flourish. keep it small and don’t be sorry to tell people to stay the fuck out of your greenhouse.

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dumbledore: am i recklessly endangering my students?

dumbledore: no, it's the children and minerva who are wrong

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therapists don’t want to tell you this, but the best thing you can do for your mental health is to be a hater

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jk rowling wrote a book in which putting a man in a dress made him silly, ridiculous, and comical

jk rowling wrote a book in which a different man voluntarily wearing a dress was treated as a hilarious joke

jk rowling wrote a book in which women who were villainous were described with ‘masculine’ traits, essentially as looking like trans women

jk rowling wrote a book in which dmab people are treated as ‘impure’ while dfab people are automatically ‘pure’

jk rowling wrote a book in which dmab people are physically barred from entering the girls’ dorms but the reverse isn’t true, because dmab people are apparently always a threat in her worldview

jk rowling wrote these books for children

but tell me how her transmisogyny came out of nowhere?

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Smutty One-Liners

“I dreamed of your legs wrapped around my waist.”

“Don’t act innocent when we both know where your mouth was two minutes ago.”

“We should probably leave, before we start a scandal.”

“Stop looking at me like that or my knees will not hold me any longer.”

“I think you lost your underwear somewhere.”

“My tongue still remembers the way you taste.”

“Is there some space left in that bathtub?”

“The way your eyes get darker when you get aroused, is making me lose my mind.”

“I want to count every one of your freckles with my lips.”

“Jealousy seems to be a great motivator for you.”

“Oh no, there is only one bed, what will we do now?”

“I could make you feel better.”

“Get back down here, we’re not done yet.”

“Later you will definitely need to tell me where you learned this.”

“I know I should care about the reason why you’re naked in my bed, but I will just enjoy it for a moment.”

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