sommiar

[sommiar]

★ 【凫一】 「 アルトリア・キャスター 」 ✔ republished w/permission ☆ follow btt’s fanart twitch stream!

[sommiar]

everything changes, and nothing stays the same.

Artoria has always quite good at pretending to not see what is going on. she is not her older sister; the gap in maturity between them is obvious, especially when it comes to matters that remain unspoken. she does her best to maintain a smile even when her insides are screaming in agony, and if her sadness threatens to become visible, she puts double the effort, until no one can tell how her heart wants to cry. it is a curse, as well as a gift.

her heart will never be fully bare, but the mention of sweets brings a more sincere touch to her little smile. her eyes soften up, and it is like a breeze of spring takes her melancholy away. “I’d like that. There is a small café I like to visit.” she still needs to do something before the search begins, or it is given up after. village girl or not, she had been taught some manners. “What's your name?”

her smile wasn't like lots of others that he saw — it didn't feel full. it was more like she was sad, but still smiling, so it confused him. maybe she was disappointed, so he wanted to help change that, if he could.

ϟ we could look for it together. things change but other things stay the same. that bracelet could still be here — so we can find it and you can see it again. ϟ chances were it was a tall order, and he understood how easy it was to think that a chance that might be passed was definitely gone so dodge some disappointment. but it could be waiting for her, and the home she could give it.

so it was worth trying, it might make her smile fuller and help her feel better. ϟ if we can't find it, we can go get some sweets to make up for it. ϟ

[sommiar]

Ector flashes through her mind, and suddenly, Artoria is the village girl again — for a half-remembered dream, long gone before the morning lark sings tomorrow. she cannot help it; not when it hits too close to something that will never return. “... Huh. You are a kind person, aren’t you?”

⠀⠀⠀⠀"It wasn't exactly subtle, ya know." It didn't really need a detective to put the pieces together— but bullying her too hard over it would just be overkill. "If that's what ya want, then just ask for it— I'd only judge you... a little bit." Maybe a lot.

[sommiar]

when did she come back? the question brings her to a pause, halting any thoughts that had been wandering before. she has no idea, honestly. everything has felt identical except for a few differences here and there, and still, the growing sense of unease since she woke up in her room has not left her. it is deep in her bones, a visceral ache, a voice telling her mockingly with a playful tilt she is ignoring everything on purpose.

her imagination has always been cruel, it still has nothing to compare with reality.

“A few days ago?” the hesitation is half-genuine, instinctive in the old habit of never letting anyone read what goes underneath the surface. it is gone when Lily brings up her hat, her eyes immediately moving around to search for it. “Ah! It did... Did you see where it went?”

Lily was no stranger to departures and the manners in which they varied. when eyes strikingly similar to her own meet their shining reflection, the young knight found herself momentarily transfixed. Knowing well the likelihood of the figure being her imagination low, to see her again suddenly after the stretch of time since last, Lily's body stumbled to react as normal until jolted by the girl's voice.

"—Caster. When did you come back?" Acutely aware of how her mouth hung open, she was quick to rectify the look and that aided in reconnecting wires still strewn, eyes darting about the scene. "Your hat— it went floating off, we should find it before someone tramples it".

[sommiar]

ah. the implication hangs in the air in a manner she is intimately familiar with, and the shame is palpable in her bones. she wants to protest, to cover for the village girl but she has never been good at denying what happened in her heart. “Ahahaha… Is it that obvious?”

⠀⠀⠀⠀"Hungry enough, eh?" He's giving her a look of suspicion for the next pause, as if he's evaluating her whether she likes it or not. ... Especially if not. "... Were you hungry enough for a tower cake, all for yourself? ... Is that what you want right now?"

[sommiar]

“Hmph!” she does not like the current situation but contrary to how her small huff sounded, she knew she had to be careful. “It’s fine, I still have some of my reserves.” but she knows those will run out if she’s greedy. and greed has always punished her.

[sommiar]

Artoria's first reaction is not refusal, and it is not disgust. it’s sadness that she struggles her lips to not fall down, leaving her with an expression that girl had been painfully used to, as if she tried to smile but the sorrow in her eyes was too genuine to muster anything but sympathy.

in a moment like this, she understood why Morgan had abandoned her mission, why Oberon had been repulsed from birth, why she had to be born to put an end to what had been left incomplete.

her role is to treat each history with the same equal indifference, but if she had burned herself into a sword, she knows her heart would have disappeared. Artoria had been right in that the planet lacked any inherent sense of warmth, if everything had gone according to plan what would have emerged would’ve been a weapon. and weapons have no need for emotions or mercy, they are meant to clean up the mess brought on their doorstep.

“The Stars’ rarely care about such things,” she repeats what Ritsuka told her years ago. it all been much simpler, when their positions were still fresh from the many truths that came soon after. “Ignorance is a bliss... for neither of you is blind.” who is it for this hiding? is it for anyone but their own heart?

" I know that." she saw it every time he looked at her in those quiet, private moments or when sharing a fleeting glance during the busy hours of the cafe. before, it was welcomed. now, it burns. " I think he knows something is up. Maybe he has a suspicion that I finally found out what it was that he was hiding from me. " the reason why he kept avoiding her that day on the Storm Border, always fleeing before she could turn the corner. she just found out too late.

how ironic. in some ways, Saber was right with her suspicions but for all the wrong reasons.

" He just won't bring it up right now." wait and hope, he always says, but she can find nothing to hope for in this wait. and that's if he'll ever catch up to her. " It's been almost nine months since it happened. You know how it works here– what if he never gets those memories? I won't force what happened on him when he hasn't even done anything." yet, goes unsaid.

[sommiar]

there is a sensation she has not felt in years, not this her. not the guardian of the holy sword, but the village girl had acutely refused to allow anyone see her disgust, her contempt towards what awaited her. when it comes to all the feelings that girl gave her, that brought her into existence, Artoria had focused on how much she loved her other self. hearing Ritsuka talk of what she’s intimately familiar gives her a bitter taste in her mouth.

how is anyone supposed to confront what is inevitable? she, no, that girl had attempted to stop another girl’s fate and failed, blaming her older sister for throwing away her duty. even now, Artoria has no idea if she should acknowledge those feelings when she doesn’t want to have grudges.

“He looks at you like you are his destiny,” she musters. that is why she is so angry on Ritsuka’s behalf, because the world asks so much from her without recompense. “Telling him would be the kinder choice… but it would be cruel.”

" I can't." no time is taken to think or even consider what was said. " So much happened. It's so much more than just a sacrifice." and deep down, a part of her hated that it was even necessary. just another of the many sacrifices needed to ensure humanity could be saved. " He's.....the Avengers are gone, Artoria. All of them. They can't exist to help humanity anymore." if she listened close enough, that anger was peeking through.

" Edmond is here but he isn't here with me. Not like before." her soul lacked that smoldering flame that warmed even the darkest shadows. her dreams were peaceful, but empty. " How am I supposed to tell him that he's gone? That he left? "

[sommiar]

does it matter what she thinks? her eyes meet Ritsuka’s with alarming precision, before looking away. the truth is always hard to swallow, and she hasn’t come that far from the one wish she had made after Britain had disappeared: her heart is still too immature to accept every lie. “Will you tell him?” that girl had suspected about her mentor’s identity near the end, but Artoria is who learned it. “Or, will you wait until he learns of his own volition?”

shit. she had forgotten how perceptive caster could be. they were far too alike in a way that almost bordered on uncomfortable, as if staring in a mirror. " It's.....not what you think." a shake of her head followed by a sigh. " A lot happened and I just. Haven't told him yet. Can't tell him yet I should say."

[sommiar]

she opens her mouth before closing it suddenly. the grimace doesn't come, but it is a close call and the next words are followed after a long pause. “Lately?” then, her voice falls into a genuine concerned tone. “Ritsuka?”

yeah, there's practically a glowing neon sign right about the caster's head blinking with the name of a certain avenger. " There's been no conflict between me and the Count lately."

[sommiar]

Artoria has never been good at knowing how to express herself in front of her sister. she has so many things she wants to ask her, but refuses to spill any of her questions because she doesn't want to bring Morgan any pain. the world had already been so unfair, she didn't want to add more to her burden. it's not a kindness she believes will be appreciated, it would be easier if she were less familiar with not expecting the worst.

she doesn't want to hesitate, her hands still grip her staff tightly. it has been so long and her fear is childish. not towards Morgan but at the possibility of not being remembered.

@ashrain

[sommiar]

“Who? Me? I haven’t implied anything at all. Nothing to do with men that like to stay in their smoking corner. Nuh-uh!”

" Experience.....? What are you talking about?" no, this isn't a clueless act, she genuinely doesn't know....at the moment!

[sommiar]

it’s really cold. instinctively, she brings her hands to her mouth — the gloves keep them warm, but the memory of that winter will always stay with her. even now, she can't stop shivering when a fierce wind comes to her direction, as if daring her to confront her weakness. instead, it sends her hat away and when Artoria looks to see where it went, it is like spring has come to greet her.

a familiar face in front of her brings her to a halt, almost not daring to hope. “Lily?”

@caliburn

[sommiar]

“Speaking from experience?” she doesn't mention the Count because she had actually been raised with some manners. only some.

" Things sure are getting rowdy before Valentine's huh? Best to get all the conflict out of the way too, you know."

[sommiar]

she hadn’t expected the honesty, but it makes easier for her to ignore the urge to apologize for giving a wrong conclusion.

it’s not like she refuses to think about it — though, she probably does a little. the appearance of her small helper is not similar, if anything he looked nothing alike the faeries from the autumn forest. and yet, her heart is filled with so much nostalgia for a place that no longer exists. she had never been good at forgetting them, though she supposed if it had been painful for her, then Oberon had had it rougher.

lowering her knees is not that common, she still does her best to not turn her gaze away from the small creature. “Ahaha. It’s nothing like that… I just…” the smile that follows is bashful but genuine. “I saw a bracelet that looked that way but I don’t know if it’s still around. But thank you.”

uh oh. the question led Pikachu to one conclusion pretty quickly. ϟ did you lose it around here? is it important? it must be around here somewhere. ϟ

that was usually were those kinds of questions led. maybe it was a present, one for her from someone else or one she had brought to give. and in a busy place like the market, there was so much danger of it getting knocked or kicked around and damaged or broken. or someone picking it up and taking it away with them altogether!

a panic raced in his heart, not wanting her to lose what she was looking for, and already his head was whipping around from side-to-side frantically to find any sign of it. ϟ don't worry — we'll find it. ϟ his breath was a little sharp, and the words spoken more for his own nerves rather than hers.

[sommiar]

“That’s a good point! Taste is the most important part, it takes a lot of effort to make something that is considered decent.” the pause is prolonged, embarrassment following with a sheepish laugh. “Ah. Well, maybe if someone is hungry enough for it!”

⠀⠀⠀⠀"— A sword cake? ... Well— sounds kinda weird, but I doubt most people would mind. I think most people would just wonder if it tastes good." ... There's a brief pause, but he needed that moment to fully register that last little remark. "Hang on— the hell you mean a whole cake tower?"

[sommiar]

the warmth in her name is a surprise. it’s not directed towards her, not the her that wears a face that will never be entirely her own, so it likely means that he is seeing someone else. under other circumstances, she would pretend to huff but she has never been good at being cruel towards those that carried too much in their gaze.

she could not judge anyone for searching another when meeting her.

“There’s no need for that,” she declines politely. the smile doesn’t waver, but it neither allows for a fleeting second of vulnerability. a long ago, she had told Ritsuka the truth: she had already said her goodbyes. being close to the person who shared the face of someone she considered family wasn’t something she would wish on anyone, but when had she ever had been granted peace? few times, and those were counted with her fingers. “I’m sure you’re busy. I was simply curious!”

⠀⠀The sight of the short blonde woman caught Shirou off guard for a moment— a familiar face that was also... abnormally common by Chaldean standards. But the hat is always the immediate reminder that this young girl is the Caster of different origins. It's a shame that they don't spend more time together... But he's quickly reminded of what makes him hesitant to seek her out more often— that smile.

⠀⠀... It really bothers him, yet he can't quite explain it. There's no reason for it to stir a bit of irritation in the mage, and yet—

⠀⠀⠀⠀"— Ritsuka? Right, she went out with Fou for some shopping, I think. We were getting pretty low on stuff for tea." The cafe was having a slow moment of business, so he was holding things down on his own for now. Pushing aside his shameful and fleeting thought, Shirou intends to take advantage of this meeting to try and figure out this Artoria some more. "I can still fix you up anything you want, Caster— I got plenty of time for you."