soot-and-snow

[soot-and-snow]

“Friendships are like trees. You have to water them to make them grow, and we each have only so much water.”

The half-orc gives a grunt, somewhere between approval and disinterested, as he sits along the bar of The Bow's End. The night was late, and the atmosphere had mellowed since the departure of the more rowdy crowd. He took another sip of his drink, which had been brewed a world apart from his, before swirling it in his hand and eyeing the mixture as it moved. He had a bar back home, after all, and all good artists steal.

"Yeh, ain't that the truth. Makes it hard for dry folk like us, eh?"

He finally replies, shifting his gaze to the stoic woman sitting beside him. People remark that he himself carries as much presence as a stone wall, but this girl seemed even more lifeless than that.

Ah well, he thought. No chips off my boulder.

"Ehh, true friendship is very hard to find. It has to be a mutual thing, no? You can water a tree all you want, but if it is not going to give any back, you will soon dehydrate."

The articulation of a stone wall too, apparently. Grey silently exhaled as he returned to his drink, content to leave that analogy half-baked as he thought of a way to redouble and save the conversation.

"I was born somewhere where there weren't many trees. Naturally, that meant I did not know how to proceed when I encountered people that were. They gave me water, and I did not know how to reciprocate. I was... worried they'd forget about me once our shared interests we achieved."

The ventures they took. The challenges they faced. The arguements they shared. The friendship they shared. It all came flooding back.

"...But they didn't. I do not have a lot of water in me, but I have my blood. And I would give every drop to repay what they gave me. Blood is thicker, after all."

[soot-and-snow]

“listening is the reading of the ears.”

"Eh? I didn't hear you, Alvin. Speak up!"

[soot-and-snow]

“I'd really hate to see something happen to you.”

The druid's words gave him a slight pause, but all it took was another huff of frustration for him to refocus.

"It'll be fine. I'll be fine. And even if does something to me, it'll be no different than if the enemies got the upper hand and ran roughshod over us. This will eliminate their 'upper hand'."

Grey feels the weight in the sword's form. It's power. It was no secret that the party's travels throughout the Faarian Union were proving more dangerous than thier previous, and it was only going to get more dangerous considering the goal they were working towards. The conflicts they found themselves in were unpredictable, and they were flying into them with little to no plans. All the more reason to make use of the tools presented to them. Cursed or not.

But Grey, it's too dangerous! They say. The sword is evil! It's brainwashed you! You're obsessed with it! Pfeh, obsessed? With what, wanting everyone to live? To have a fighting chance?

"You are not listening, Theris!" He stands a little taller now, snapping at words that may or may not have been said. "You are missing the forest for trees! I can handle it! This sword is a powerful weapon! It can help us! It can help me protect you, all of you! The rewards FAR outweigh the risk!"

Why don't they understand? Yes, he's aware the weapon is cursed, hes aware that it's evil... But that is no reason to defang the wolf when there are still bears prowling. He will grasp that evil, make it his. All so that those stupid sentimental idiots will live for another day...

[soot-and-snow]

"What if I just wear all white and nobody touches me?"

"...Then you are a ghost. And I thought necromancy was banned at the Arcanum? You cannot lead the Arcanum as a ghost. More trouble than it is worth."

[soot-and-snow]

“i usually assume that i’m wrong.”

"Well, caution is usually good. But at the same time, confidence is usually good, too. Whether or not you can drum up that confidence yourself, ehh, I want you to remind yourself. I genuinely believe we could not have made it to the end of this road without you. You are a very capable person, Aunn, and if you do not think yourself as such yourself, that is alright. Because I do."

[soot-and-snow]

“unless i’m getting emphatic “yes”s i have a problem with everyone.”

"Eehh, I think a good 'no' is good every now and then. Gives fuel for whatever stupid shit you are about to pull. Whenever I make suggestion and everyone is like "No, Grey!" I turn around in my mind palace and say "fuck you, you do not think I can do it? Watch me, you unbeliever." It is good motivation, in my opinion."

[soot-and-snow]

although at the moment they’re in charge of your fate, they are just humans with opinions.” //elegyverse

"That... Is an odd way to refer to my customers."

It's a little after midnight. Grey continues to polish the glass and tankard stains off the bar counter of The Hunter's Rest. The tavern proper is empty, all of it's patrons either retired upstairs to their rented rooms or have headed back out onto the roads betwixt Belltown and the Meredith Wilds. Theris sits on the other side of the bar, the sole other soul in the room.

These talks were a semi-common occurance. A mutual check-in between two lives that were once entangled in a grand adventure, now walking seperate paths. A chance to discuss in confidence about the new trials those lives faced.

And Grey, despite his stoic and uncaring disposition, found many of these trials.

"Eh, I suppose you are right. Although fate is a bit of a tricky subject for us, considering we broke it. As Star Children... Or are we former Star Children now? Or since we broke the Cycle, everyone is Star Children now...? I can never remember."

With the bar wiped to his satisfaction, he then begins to polish the tankards themselves with an exasperated sigh.

"But, I suppose with the grand architect of the Cycle gone, the greatest fate that exists now is the will and worldview of others, ah? That is the world we fought for. And you're right, that will be a lot easier to overcome. I think you and I have been doing that the whole time, even before we met. Throughout our childhoods, if you can call them that..."

[soot-and-snow]

“You're kinda grouchy. Did you know that?” //modern

"Grouchy? Grouchy?"

The russian lurches one arm forward at the television with a frustrated flourish, other tossing the grip of the controller over his shoulder, causing it to spin wildly before it lands onto the plush couch.

"This is bullshit! I picked the largest guy! The giant horned turtle with spikes on his shell! He looks like he weighs 400 pounds!"

He gestures once more in righteous defiance at the screen. The screen that is currently displaying the results table of an innocent race in Mario Kart. His play partner Caspain was continuing his quest to burn his first place position into the LED of the television, while Grey himself was plastered squarely in the middle echelons.

"400 fucking pounds!" Grey repeats, rising from his spot and momentarily turning his gaze to the smaller brit sitting next to him on the couch. "All it should take is just a... a...!" He slaps a fist into his open palm, making a loud *slap!* sound. "A single collision to turn your person into pancake! But you bounce, and you bounce...! Is there no gravity?! Is everyone in this world made of rubber?! ерунда!"

He throws himself back onto the couch, ass first, grabbing at his controller until its firmly back in his grip. Meltdown seemingly subsided, he returns his posture into a deep lean toward the screen, leg bouncing in irritation.

"Bullshit... Get your license. Do this in real life, you coward. We're playing CoD after this. я уничтожу тебя."

[soot-and-snow]

“it’s so exhausting having to confront everybody’s deficiencies day to day, so i’d like it if everybody were able to rise up a little bit so i don’t have to be so tired.”

Turns to party

"Ey! You freaks! Pick up your games! Theris is getting sick of our shit! And if Theris decides decides it is not worth enough to keep us alive, who is gonna heal our injuries, ah? Me? Aunn? Caspian?!

That's right. Let us all shoulder the burden, no?"

Turns back to Theris

"Anything else bothering you?"

[soot-and-snow]

“it’s called gingham you fucking bumpkin.” //modern

"What the fuck is a 'gingham'? Ham that has been ginged? Is Ging a place? Stop putting words together, you pea-cock."

[soot-and-snow]

“you ever wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking everybody’s gonna discover that you’re a fraud? i do this twice a week.” //elegyverse

"Pfeh. Who is going to think I am a fraud? The Blood Hunters? Eh, probably not. They probably already see me as a failure instead.

But don't you dare let those thoughts win. Even if you lose faith in yourself, I will not. There are many negative things I could call Caspian Hillecrest, MANY things, but a fraud is not one of them."

"Not with that bullshit bard magic..."

[soot-and-snow]

“No one's forgotten who you are and what you did, you know.” //elegyverse c:

"Eeeh, and that is fine. Truth be told, I am glad the people remember who it is that saved them. Hopefully they won't fuck up again in the future.

But let the Grey that they remember grow and fade into legend. This Grey wants nothing more than to finally start living the life that slavery and duty robbed from him."

[soot-and-snow]

UNHHHH, EPS 61-120

hi, i'm a stressed-out bookworm whose lack of driving ability is starting to get annoying, and welcome to starters from episodes 61-120 of the web series UNHhhh by trixie mattel and katya zamolodchikova! because they're my prompts, and not yours.

“don’t you dare speak ill of diana.”

“sometimes the squeeze ain’t worth the juice.”

“if you’ve got one foot in the past, and the other in the future, you’re pissing on today.”

“there’s no point in looking back. there’s also no point in looking forward.”

“i wanna put the romance in necromance.”

“you would die in a movie.”

“i bet you i would go and nobody would remember my name.”

“i think there’s a ghost touching you!”

“that’s one of the best things about kids is how easy they are to scare.”

“if we’ve learned anything in life it’s not to trust the vatican.”

“i’m not looking to play wheel of fortune, i’m looking to get bodysnatched by a demon.”

“i feel bad because i can’t be this and argue for a case of, “i turned out fine!” you know what i mean?”

“i don’t know if you noticed, but i’m not fine!”

“is it hot in here or is it just global warming?”

“stealing is the ultimate upcycling.”

“although at the moment they’re in charge of your fate, they are just humans with opinions.”

“it’s called gingham you fucking bumpkin.”

“i’ve gotta talk to you about something gay.”

“unless i’m getting emphatic “yes”s i have a problem with everyone.”

“i like horses, macrame, and bleeding.”

“that’s one of your favorite movies?!”

“life is short but short haircuts are shorter.”

“my problem with christmas is i hate red and i hate green.”

“what if i just wear all white and nobody touches me?”

“you like to be dressed as the red flag that you are.”

“who else in your life came back from the dead?”

“is shouting into a megaphone a hobby?”

“do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy?”

“trust no bitch.”

“have you ever painted a chicken’s toenails? you can.”

“i feel comfortable doing anything.”

“i don’t give a shit about your pizza! i could get my own fucking pizza and not help you.”

“i would not fare well in salem in the 1690s.”

“is there anything corn can’t do?”

“i love your tattoos.”

“i look like a painted turtle.”

“why did i pick today of all days to turn it this hard?”

“whatever you tell yourself about yourself is kind of a lie, so might as well construct a good one.”

“sometimes getting fired is the right thing.”

“having a child opens you up to a lot of crimes.”

“you do have so many knives.”

“crime doesn’t pay. but it does slay.”

“see, those are some people i’m gonna kill.”

“straight people: can’t live with them, have to.”

“my motto is: don’t show up to work, don’t call anybody, and don’t brag about it.”

“even i get grossed out by it, so i know it’s really bad.”

“here’s a tip for sharing things with your friends: make sure that the response you get is the one you want.”

“fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me 14 times, i don’t know where we’re going.”

“you ever wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking everybody’s gonna discover that you’re a fraud? i do this twice a week.”

“i have already accomplished more than i ever would have thought in my wildest dreams. so i don’t know what i’m gonna aspire to now!”

“they don’t make wigs for kids, take that as a hint. these people aren’t fun.”

“i will say, the gym has produced some of the weirdest people i’ve ever seen.”

“oh, i play by my own rulebook at the zumba class.”

“people love to say “she’s just a puppy!” you don’t know how old my fucking dog is!”

“i don’t want them to know about all my pyrokinetic fantasies!”

“just ‘cause we’re all babies doesn’t mean there’s a sitter.”

“i don’t think there’s anything in life that i would have to lie about to you. it does help that you’re kinda off the deep end, because i’m never gonna shock you.”

“i don’t need to go somewhere designed for relaxing. i can relax anywhere, i choose not to.”

“you couldn’t even give me the holiday gift of laughing at one of my jokes!”

“listening is the reading of the ears.”

“it’s so exhausting having to confront everybody’s deficiencies day to day, so i’d like it if everybody were able to rise up a little bit so i don’t have to be so tired.”

“i don’t think you’re in danger of anybody ever thinking you’re fashionable.”

“i usually assume that i’m wrong.”

“you are the gayest fucking piece of shit i’ve ever met in my entire life.”

“what’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?”

“we had a tooth fairy, but she actually took your money. she was called the government.”

[soot-and-snow]

✧ — 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒

“I mean, I didn't expect a party or anything, but I figured someone would be here.”

“Ugh, this is some dank nature.”

“I am not gonna die in this hole.”

“Wow. I haven't been here in maybe ten years.”

“What are you doing out here? Nothing better to do?”

“Hey! Remember me?”

“Ah, [name]. So good to hear that voice again.”

“Thanks for not changing the locks!”

“I just needed to come home.”

“[name], you can tell me if something happened.”

“Can we talk about this another time?”

“I always thought you'd either go on to do great things, or sit on your ass until it put down roots. Guess I can settle that one in my mind.”

“Hey, don't knock school. School is vital for your future!”

“You're not gonna, like, kill anyone are you?”

“I'm not a thief! You take that back!”

“Let's poke it with a stick!”

“Am I going to have to start worrying about getting dismembered on my way home?”

“No one's forgotten who you are and what you did, you know.”

“Well that was really interesting, but I need to go listen to my cells die.”

“You're naïve. And in it's own stupid way, that's beautiful.”

“I'd really hate to see something happen to you.”

“Being in the wrong place at the wrong time is all it takes.”

“This shirt really accentuates my roundness, doesn't it?”

“I have the worst face. I have a nightmare face.”

“Wheel me out to the curb for garbage day.”

“I can't remember the last time I drank beer.”

“I guess beer is just one of those awful things that adults do. Like doing taxes and having babies.”

“Sometimes I think I just don't like people.”

“You're kinda grouchy. Did you know that?”

“Are you... How many beers have you had?”

“I'm a total trash mammal!”

“If you puke in this car, so help me...”

“You got sloppy-ass drunk after, what, three cups of watered-down beer?”

“I stayed here and got older, while you went off and stayed the same.”

“I'm gonna burn this room down with me in it and live out my remaining days as a shrieking ghost.”

“Is there some bug going around that makes people talk like fortune cookies?”

“Friendships are like trees. You have to water them to make them grow, and we each have only so much water.”

“This is an error so bad even I wouldn't make it.”

“What's gravity done for me lately?”

“Okay, I'm going to go lay on my bed and die probably.”

“I don't know if I do moderation well.”

“I can feel the edginess from here.”

“Stay strong, you beautiful dreamer. You have nothing to lose but your chains.”

“So, what kind of party is this?”

“It's like super shitty that you keep saying I'm not smart.”

“You don't talk this shit out, you punch that shit out.”

“Carry a knife and learn how to throw a punch.”

“How in the world did you mess that up!?”

“Back in high school, I always thought you were an asshole. Good to know I was right.”

“I will end you right here in this pizza place parking lot.”

“You gave up the thing I can't have. I... Kinda hate you. I can't not hate you for that, a little.”

“Look, we're both trapped. But we're trapped together. Better to be trapped with someone else, right?”

“Do you think we'd be friends if we weren't stuck together in the same town?”

“My entire life feels like running after something that keeps moving away into the distance while I stay in the same place.”

“My entire life is embarrassing.”

“You are stronger and smarter than anyone I've ever met.”

“You're not as big a total idiot as I act like you are.”

“I'm a jerk sometimes. I know that.”

“You're a genuinely... Good? Person.”

[soot-and-snow]

[soot-and-snow]

Cleric: You need to lie still. You’ve lost a lot of blood.

Barbarian: I didn’t lose it. I know exactly where it is *Points to puddle of blood*

[soot-and-snow]

Bard: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way out of it this time.

Barbarian: [cracking knuckles] Manslaughter it is.