sophie-soliloquy
sophie-soliloquy
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sophie-soliloquy · 7 months ago
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I'm so fucking depressed. I want to talk to Ellie about it, but she barely had sympathy even when I was UNemployed, she sure won't have it now that I'm employed at *her* company.
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sophie-soliloquy · 7 months ago
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I'm so stupid and I just want to rot away.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Last night was really fun until I ruined it by being a grumpy, video-game-hating bitch. Now I am a little nauseous and I can't tell if I'm hungover or just ate too much KBBQ.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I was having such a nice day and then I got the official rejection from Company A and it made me feel like a worthless piece of shit even though I knew it was coming.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I did have a nice night :) And Dan Da Dan remains a masterpiece :) And I get to sleep in my own bed :)
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I feel guilty daring to express any joy right now, but what the fuck else am I supposed to do? Just sit and wallow forever? To never find light in my life again? To lay down and accept depression, which is the mind killer, which leads to defeat? To not even fucking try to make a life for myself?
Anyway. My new Christmas candles smell amazing. My blanket is so soft. I'm almost done with my grad school apps for the day. I have a Passionfruit High Noon to drink when I'm done. Hopefully my roommates and I will manage to have a normal night.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Just heard someone in Target unironically say “hot girl walk”
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Okay, here's what's good. In addition to the obvious tragedy of the election loss, I had my final interview for Company A yesterday, and they basically told me to my face that I wasn't getting it and I was a backup. Which... obviously sucks donkey dick to hear. The station head did imply he was really impressed with me and would keep me in the rotation if things open up, but whatever, I'm taking that with a damn grain of salt.
But, it could be worse. I do have a job. I will go work at Company C, which I am very overqualified for but will be relaxing and easy, most likely. I'll have a paycheck through the end of the years, when I'll start hunting again and maybe end up at Company A, or somewhere else good, after all. Plus, I get every other Friday off at Company C. It could be so much worse.
Also, it's my last morning with the dogs. I have to clean this place, but I'm so fucking happy to be going home it's embarrassing.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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So exhausted I'm passing out at 9:40. Fuck this day.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I'm so fucking stupid. But America is stupider.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Antidote by Fletcher makes me want to be in love.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I'm so fucking sick of sleeping like shit and being grouchy and feeling out of sorts on top of all my other stress. Need to get the fuck out this bitch and re-establish a normal sleep schedule stat.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Alright, I really don't want to work on these essays anymore, so this is a brain break to share The Fuckshit.
Job Stuff: Company A got back to me to say that the absolute earliest I can interview with the studio head is Wednesday, and though they hope to have decisions this week, it may bleed into next. Obviously, this is not ideal because Company B (didn't hear back from what I was calling Company B, so the previous Company C is Company B again) wants me to respond to their offer by tomorrow. I tried to reach out for them to push for more time and they shot me RIGHT the fuck down and told me they needed to move on if I can't make a call tomorrow, so I guess that settles that. I have to sign on and hopefully not burn too many bridges, especially with Ellie, if Company A does hire me if I have to pull out. Fuck this uncertainty, fuck this bullshit, fuck this industry for robbing all the possible joy out of what could be a dream come true. Fuck.
School Stuff: Realized, with 9/10 of my essays for SC1 written, that what I had thought were word maximums were actually character maximums. Because I'm a stupid fucking piece of shit. It explains a lot, but basically requires re-writes, which absolutely sucks eggs. But I've now got three of them done (the new one I wrote to the word count, plus two more) and am on track to finish the next seven over the next two days without too much slowdown. But still, fuck. I planned for this to be a light work day and was planning to spend the afternoon watching a dang movie.
Assorted Pluses and Minuses: Minus, I am, indeed, sick with what appears to be a fairly mild cold, but still a cold. Plus, I took my Zep for the first time in a month and I feel it working but not making me sick, hooray! Minus, holy fuck, the election stress. Plus, I got my vote in the mail! Every ballot counts, or whatever, even though it doesn't. I just have to hope for the best. Minus, Oscar is barking his head off for literally no reason and I'm trying not to walk him again until 4:30 to get him on board with Daylight Savings Time. Another minus, Daylight Savings Time. Plus, The Penguin was so good and made me cry this morning. Sofia Falcone, I'd do anything for you. Minus, it feels very much like she's set up to lose in the end, and if that's handled poorly, it will ruin the whole show for me. Plus, I get to go back to my house tonight (!!!) and watch Justified with my friends (!!!!!). Minus, it'll take me a full fucking hour to get there, if I'm lucky.
Minuses are winning today. They will probably win every day until all of this chaos is over-- I'm settled in a job, my grad school apps are done, I'm back home with the dogs out of my care, the election is over (ideally with the right winner), I have money, and can get eight hours of sleep a night.
I can get there. I know I can. I just have to hold on and muddle through.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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What a dayyyy (derogatory). No wonder I'm going gray at 27. I have just begun to calm down. I'll write more later, but I have all this fucking essay bullshit to do because I'm stupid.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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Blurgh. I'm sorry I only post about fucking grad school applications, but I'm pushing one of my essays to tomorrow (I know, I know, but tomorrow is a lighter day!) because I can't beat the SAD and my nose is STUFFED, which fucking sucks. I hope I'm not getting sick because that would be the last thing I need right now. After I take the dogs out for a nighttime walk, I'm going to take a hot bath and drink one of their mom's canned cocktails.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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It's only 5:30 and it's fucking midnight dark outside.
I am trying not to have an ugly spiral about this fact. It's okay. I don't have to curl up and die and let the cold leech the joy from my bones. It feels late, but it's still so early. I am going to have a relaxed, easy night. I will write two more essays for SC1-- probably the easiest two!-- and really take my time and not rush them. I'll heat up that soup in the freezer that the dogs' mom told me I could have. I might listen to some Christmas music. I'll go to bed fucking early to try and address this building sleep deficit. I won't feel like a dumb piece of shit because my friends aren't texting me. I get to go home Thursday afternoon. I can make it until then.
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sophie-soliloquy · 8 months ago
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I continue to be a lazy bitch who hasn't touched my essays yet, but I Still Have Time. Even if the sun goes down, I can still work.
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