sophisticatedcelestinewings

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

it’s been sooo long, tumblr. it’s been what, 2 years?

anyway, life update: i have an essay contest tomorrow and i currently feel like i’m on writer’s block so i’m gaining inspiration from my previous works atm.

here’s a fave piece i wrote for an english sub (elp) last sem in college:

Topic: Growing Up

“All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Way back in 2018, I wrote this “When I was a child I always thought that if you’d reach the age of 16 you’d be somewhat old and mature enough to handle almost all aspects of life but I’m already 16 and I feel like a helpless child still afraid of growing up”. Well, I’m 19 now 3 years after I turned 16 and wrote that journal entry but I still relate to the sentiments of that old version of me. It’s my last year of being a teenager which is unbelievable and at the same frightening. I was always excited as a kid to be called a ‘grown up’, I wonder when and why did I feel so afraid?  Why in the world do I feel so panicky and jittery about this prospective? Is there anything to be scared about at all?

It’s funny to think about it now but I deem my younger version of me foolish. Why did I want to grow up when being a child is the best thing in the world? You carried no burdens and responsibilities in your shoulder. You didn’t have to worry about substantial things at all. You only had to care about when your favorite cartoon would be streamed on TV, what ice cream flavor you craved for, what toys you wanted to buy, what color of clothing you’d wear when you go to church, what meal you’d choose in Jollibee and all those trivial things in the world a kid could possibly be concerned with. Childhood was just pure bliss, simple pleasures and innocence. You were a free spirit with no weight to carry. I  can’t believe the younger me ever desired of growing up fast.

If you compare childhood and adulthood there are great distinctions. Like initially, when I was a kid, I could dream about the future beaming with hope in my eyes. I had freedom to dream whatever I wanted to be even if it took multiple versions of me.  Now that I'm older I can't help but think of the future with fear succumbing my heart. I realized that it's not that easy to achieve your dreams and you only have to choose one career because of practicality. Plus, there's a lot of trials and challenges along the way it's not what the younger me imagined it to be. Secondly, when I was a kid I had people who I could always depend on but growing up taught me that at the end of the day I only had myself to turn to for solace. This isn't childhood anymore wherein my family's eyes were always on me to tend to my needs and wants, I'm a grown up now the notion is I should be able to handle myself and besides everybody else has their own weights to carry I didn't want to be an additional burden. Thirdly, when I was a kid the world didn't seem like it was a bad place, inside my bubble of bliss it always seemed to be wonderful. As I age each passing year, my eyes open and I am continuously exposed to the harsh reality of this world. I learned that the world and its people can be cruel, it's a jungle or rather a game of survival out there.

Those mentioned above are just a few of the reasons why I am as a matter of fact afraid of growing up but like what Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said “All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.” I still do believe that there is an inner child in all of us, we just have to release it and just not be afraid to show our vulnerable and childish selves. As adults, we're still allowed to dream and have hope in our hearts we don't have to let anybody even our own selves tell us otherwise. We can still cry and call for help when in need so we don't have to feel so alone. Like they said burdens shared are burdens halved, it's always nice to have someone else to hold you while you weep, someone else telling you everything will be okay. Lastly, the world can be both good and bad depending on our perspectives. We must always look on the bright side of things because that ray of light in this world of uncertainty and darkness is what keeps us going. A quote by Walt Disney to end with is "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." We are already adults but we can choose to be children at heart. 

note: i feel somewhat inspired already. yay! manifesting that i do well for the contest tomorrow! u got this, self! <33

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

To: You From: Me

  To you who thinks she has the weight of the world on her shoulders

Let go and let God do His work of making wonders and miracles

  To you who feels hopeless and helpless

I hope you always seek for helping hands

Helping hands that symbolizes Jesus’ encounters

And if you ever feel alone

Remember that you are not and never will be

Just open those eyes and you’ll see

God is with you in this journey

  To you who thinks she’s never enough

You are not, beloved

You are already enough

Remember, you are a child of God

His love for you flows in your veins

With that endless and unbound less love you are complete

  To who thinks she’s nothing as of the moment

You are pretty much something or rather everything to Him already

Never say that you’re just this and that

Because you are so much more than what you think you are

You are so much more in His eyes

He very much believes that you can also be more

A greater and better version of you

After all He already has a beautiful future in store for you, love

All He asks is for you to hold His hand

And walk with faith in Him and in yourself

“This is not the end, my dear” He says

It’s just the beginning

So never lose hope

Never lose sight of the stars

Never lose the feeling of the warmth of the sun

Because as long as those symbols are there

And as long as you are here, alive and breathing

He is with you, He is with us

He’s pretty much alive within us

So hang on as you ride this roller coaster of life, love

Never ever give up.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

An Acrostic Poem to one of my lights in the midst of darkness--

Judee. 

Judee, my sister from another mother, this one’s for you:

R- ainbows and sunbeams fill my heart

A-s we used to enjoy each others company

D-ays pass by more and more, and

I- still miss you furiously

A-ll the memories still come rushing in like waves ; I just hope for

N-ew adventures we’ll soon take

T-ogether, hand in hand, like the best of friends we used to be 

ps. i might change the photo and look for an older one (g10)

(will be edited) 

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

Alliteration

She saw him smiling

A huge grin on his face as sweet as honey

Or probably like the sun shimmering and shining

What a breathtaking view to see

ps. i changed delightful to breathtaking hehe 

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

                         Marks : An Optimistic Revision

My husband showers me with kisses

For last night’s delightful supper

A pat on my head for ironing

A tight hug for our rendezvous in bed

My son says I’m a good mom

And that I can eventually be the best

My daughter believes in me more

More than what she saw in me before

She very much believes that I still have more to offer

Just they wait and see

I will be the best mom I can be

Note: Ma’am Krysta inedit ko ulit hehe :))

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

                                        A Triad of Senryus 

Coffee

Sipping warm coffee

Reminiscing you and me

Wasn’t meant to be

Music

Melodious songs play

Shutting the world out today

Music’s soothing me 

Treasure Chest

Memories in mind

I wish I could turn back time

Relive them once more

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

                                        Politics: A Puppetry?

Every day of our lives from the moment we were born up to the age we have now, no matter how old or young we may be, we are bounded or governed by the concept of politics. What would the world be without politics? Wouldn’t it be a living hell full of chaos or mayhem? Would the sheer taste of peace and order or prim and proper be attained without the presence and mere existence of politics? What do you say?

Let me narrate a concept somewhat similar to the “7 ages of man” that William Shakespeare once wrote. When we were babies which grew up to be toddlers we are controlled or governed by our parents, families or in general our loved ones. We do not have the right senses to know which is right from wrong and we haven’t attained that level of maturity yet to decide for ourselves and know what’s better. Thus, they are the ones who guide us and serve as stars in the midst of a cosmic pitch-black sky or probably our torches as well in the midst of the obscure darkness inside a vast substantial cave. During those times, I could say that we were somewhat blind little people not knowing anything and was just new to adjusting to his or her surroundings that’s why we followed the numerous bewildering things around us, our loved ones. We couldn’t understand anything during those times, we would just be happy with the fact of having them around to shower us with love, care and affection. Not until we started going to school. A place wherein we widened our knowledge about life and the things around us. A place that started to fire up the inner confusion that lead to various questions and here we got answers to most but not all of our queries in life. Here we had multiple other people to administer, manage and lead us. We had our teachers and our adviser to manage us in the classroom in terms of listening to the lectures, participating in the discussion and behaving while they are teaching. We had fellow students to lead us the way in terms of club organizations and school activities or in simple group works within the classroom. We had the principal and higher staff of the school to administer the teachers as well as the students inside this place of learning. In addition, of course they are in charge of keeping peace and order plus thinking and implementing rules and plans for the betterment and social welfare of the school community. As a citizen and as we grow old we start to have more knowledge and we also divert or give our attention to our community itself and the whole society in general. We begin to indulge or immense ourselves in the true concept, definition, principles and practices of what we call politics. To the point that we become its slaves or puppets.

    Can we relate politics to something close to puppetry? Some would probably say yes or maybe some might give a no. In my own views, politics sometimes, can be likened to puppetry. The decisions and choices made for us by the officials or the entire government itself would most likely symbolize the strings attached to the puppets. As I said earlier we are the puppets, we in terms of the citizens of one country and on the other hand the government are our people in control or in charge of us, the citizens. Just like the examples I've stated above such as our loved ones and staff of the school community, we are blindly following them because they are superior and even if we disagree the only thing we can do is to rally and voice our concerns so they could hear us, analyze the situation and create resolutions. This means that that our lives revolve and depend on what kind of government our country has. One example now is the implementation the TRAIN Law. Many of us are against this law for it burdened us especially those from the middle class and below poverty line. This particular law crafted by our leaders means higher prices of goods, higher fare, higher utility bills for the citizens whom they pledge to serve. But what choice do have? We have to carry the burden until another tax reform will be amended by our leaders.

I have been contemplating though, what are we without politics? Without any rules and regulations to follow? We would certainly be in a living in a chaos without its existence. People would implement their own rules, live with their own whims and you wouldn’t know what order to follow. We would all be stuck in a black hole with no sight of the stars. The peace and order or prim and proper I stated a while ago would be far from being achieved without the laws of the country. Politics then is flawed especially if the people governing us do not have the right perspective to lead or have their own selfish motives in the first place. As a democratic country, we have the right to choose the kind of leaders who will govern us. As they say, there is no such thing as bad politics, only bad leaders. We have the freedom to express our ideas, our thoughts that can help our country a better place to live. We have the choice to be or not to be a puppet after all.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

it’s been a year, tumblr.

i already miss writing

but i certainly miss myself more

whoever that girl was before.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

Unrequited love

Dedication to the Last Game

Yanagi to Kojou

  You don’t love me

And don’t try to convince me that

You’ve looked at me the same way I looked at you

Because

These thoughts are not real and

I don’t believe that

There’s no other guy than me And

That you couldn’t imagine life without me by your side

I must be dreaming

Because

I know

After all these years of chasing you

You’d still think of me as a friend

And that

I’m not a man capable of loving you

No longer can I say that

This is not unrequited love.

*Read it again backwards* 

(I started writing this poem weeks ago but I wasn’t able to finish it until today at 4 am. Well, writing reverse poetry is so hard and this is the first time I wrote one. So, I hope u guys like it!)

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

Well bc it’s Earth week and I remembered that I made a poem for Mother Earth not so long ago. So here it is:

Seven billion people are living in Earth today

Let me fill you with a fast replay

When everything was still okay

Up to what’s already happening these days:

From the seven days of creation

God gave us a place to live in

A world of evolution

That has 24 hours to complete a full spin

God made darkness and light

Symbolizing it was either day or night

He made the sun and moon

For us to know the specific point in time such as June

God made the winged and sea creatures

Each having refined and distinct features

He gave everything  life

But the world is now different and there is strife

Mother Earth is dying

And the inhabitants and us humans are doing nothing

Everyone is probably aware

But we all just sit and stare

Do you know the cause of all these destruction?

It is us, the people of this world

We are leading ourselves to oblivion

We should take action and empower our words

We have breached the Laws of Nature

Resulted to the disturbance of obscure balance

Global warming and rise of temperature

Crisis occurring this instance

Population is increasing every year

Each day Mother Earth sheds a tear

One day we humans would tumble in fear

Because of the madness happening right here

Ask yourselves, “what can I do?”

One action can lead to infinite possibilities

Don’t feel down and blue

You can stop this with the unity and help from all communities

We can all make a difference

We should change our perceptions and ways

We should realize this and give significance and essence

Because we only have a number of days.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

progress ☺️

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

i see people drowning.

it’s sad how i can’t help them,

because we’re all floating in this ocean.

striving to go back to the shore,

but i promised.

i promised myself

to swim as hard as i can go.

i promised,

that if the waves are too strong,

don’t fight it just let it push you,

and maybe it’ll push you closer

to the place you want to go.

i promised,

to go back to the shore,

and im the only one

who can promise that to myself.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

HARVEYYY OMG THANK YOUU FOR THIS WAAAAAH. Nung una medj di ko gets e sabog na kasi ata ako HAHAHAHA tapos binasa ko ulit and I completely understood what it meant, or I guess in my own perception :))

Get well

Things would go on her way,

Specially people who were drawn into something beautiful.

At her eyes were sparkle,

But sure those illusions are to be dimmed.

Life for her is not easy. Doubts would be flying around her thoughts and say, “ Insecurities are your treasure and a part of your personality.”

People would say her life is boring. She is full of stuffs that are still on the process of an epic reckon. She’d rather say nvm and the greatest part of her is that she is not afraid of saying things what she could be afraid of. 

In this world full of toxicity, she kept her heart to be still warm. She has this belief to herself that one day people around me would change and they would be ready to accept me for what I am, for whatever they call my flaws. She stood up in a lie where she has to put a lot of thorns around her paths and step on it. She was selfless with the people around her. 

A lot of people already told her that she should change. The way she dress, talk, share humor and whatever people would find bothering about her.

She is a so-called and famed as “eeehhh” in our room. Whenever she would find to tell people her jokes, as a response our classmates would say that name.

I could say she is an outcast. 

A butterfly in bugs.

She would fly with her wings and soar for sunsets. Even if her wings were strangled. 

I was one of the people who witness with her downfall. The darkest one throughout her junior high era. She was once a board full of knives. Behind her back was people with the smiles that turns to be the sweetest of her nightmares.

She is a very weak person. I could not say she would stand up on her own because people whom she love are the people whom she should move with. She loves people who are around her that would stay by her side even after the darkest of the storms and the night with no stars.

Katreena is the person who is weak and a person full of failures. People would call her dumb for staying in that midnight solstice for a very long time. But no one would dare to say that she is strong. That how could she survive the lack of allies and people to trust with. How could she stay longer with the roses full of thorns. How could she be so dumb that she’d rather hurt herself than enjoy the sweet vigor of life?

One day, I hope she gets well. I hope that she would heal. 

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

can’t be bothered

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

We were sitting on the long bench of the DOST building one late afternoon and this person already knew that she was the one I picked out to make this blog for. It was really stupid of me actually because as I was fiddling in my pocket blouse and removing the stuff inside it, I accidentally put out the paper with her name on it. To make matters worse, this person was already beside me and being the imprudent person I am acted and pretended as if nothing happened. I deeply wished that the person beside me did not see her name printed on that paper but sadly not all wishes come true. That person already knew. Too bad it’s not a surprise anymore.

But, I hope what I write on this blog would eventually surprise her.

Now, let me introduce you this person.

This is a girl with the brightest smiles as if she was giving off sunbeams and light rays or radiating positivity with the simple movement of her lips.

This is a girl who uses words as her weapons and instruments to express what she truly feels. You would absolutely be captivated with her depth in writing. She’s the type of person whose words don’t suit her age because it’s already as if she’s gone through and experienced a lot with the wisdom she carries.  

This is a girl who likes and enjoys playing card games a lot and I think she’s already very good at it.

This is a girl who’s motivated and determined to achieve what she intends to fulfil, to achieve her goals, aspirations and dreams in life with the iron-clad will she possesses. No matter how many obstacles, trials or hardships she may face I know that she could go through them all with her head up high signifying that nothing and no one can bring her down.

This is a girl who’s gone through labyrinths and never stops thinking of the infinite and multiple possibilities she could get out of this complex maze and set herself free.  A girl who’s gone through abyss and does everything to get back to surface of the water, to breathe and start anew again. This girl surely doesn’t give up and continues to try harder using those setbacks and hindrances as her wings to conquer the horizons.

This is a girl who’s not a lazy-ass when it comes to her studies. I’ve seen her put so much effort in the things she does and she continues to make herself better either at the things she’s already good at or at the things she’s still an amateur about.

This is a girl whom I admire not just with her writing but also with her creativity in things. (I would love to read your journal again! Hehe)

This is a girl who’s ready to explore new things and is ready for an adventure. Well, aren’t we all?

This is a girl who’s a part of the Got 7 group we first knew of since Grade 8 and is still strong up to this day. (I hope your friendship last with your sisters! It would really make my heart swell with joy to see all of you in the future happy and still together)

This is a girl who has been my classmate 3 years from now and has become very dear friend to me as time passed by. She had been and always will be one of my lights in the midst of darkness. She gave me a helping hand in times of trouble and chaos. She was one of my lifeguards when I was drowning in my own pool of pessimism and negativity. She was one of the people who saved me and molded me to become the person that I am now.

So Christelle here are the things I want to tell you and have been wanting to say ever since:

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. I want to thank you for simply being there for me the day I felt like my world was collapsing, shaking and disintegrating into a million particles and pieces. Thank you for keeping my pieces together that day when I already felt so close to being broken and shattered. Thank you for hushing and comforting me that day when the demons inside me were overpowering me that led me to act as a cry baby and somehow weak person in front of you. Thank you for the countless things you’ve done for me after that catastrophic event.  It was like fate had planned it all out to let me simply have you on that unfortunate event that drew me closer to you and became the precursor of our deeper bond in friendship. I really want to thank you for all the words of wisdom and advices you’ve told me ever since. Those words of yours were truly etched in my heart and left me a good mark.  You made me cry happy tears by reading your messages and it replaced and covered up those tears with pain and anguish. Thank you for being a reminder and mind-opener that I wasn’t alone and there is more to life over those whom I cried for. Thank you for the warmth you gave me in the stormy days of my life. Thank you for being my confidante and for hearing me out with all the complaints, rants, anger etc. I had within me that I really needed to vent out. Thank you for relieving the pain and lifting most of my heavy burdens away by simply being there for me and having you by my side. Your presence meant so much to me. It had a big impact really and I will never get tired of saying THANK YOU to you.

I want you to know that I will be here for you too, maybe not always, but you’ve a got a friend in me (sing it! charot). So, if you have anything on your mind that troubles you and you need someone to tell them to don’t be afraid to approach me and tell me whatever bothers you. I will be glad to listen the same way you’ve done it for me. And also, even if you’re not feeling anything that keeps you down and you really feel the exact same opposite of it I would be glad to listen and as well share with you the bliss moments of your life.

[ I’m also sorry if I have done or said anything to hurt or offend you, I hope there is none but just in case I’m still sorry and I hope you would forgive me (hehe) .]

To end it, I want to say that I wish you the best in life. May you have more contests and achievements to come and always remember that I and the whole Grade 10 Gold will believe in you and your capabilities. We will support you ‘till the very end. We will be there for you in your triumphs and downfalls. You can always count on me and on us. More life-enduring memories and moments to come for the rest of us before us all part ways. Thus, I also with that our friendship would stay strong as time passes by even though we have different tracks or strands in Senior High. I hope that we would remain good friends until we grow old because I am very lucky and blessed to have met and have someone like you in my life.

May all your dreams come true, my friend.

Xoxo,

Kat 

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

An unsung ode to the one

For all the times you weren’t looking

For when I didn’t stand a chance

I am content, my darling

Though I was just another glance.

For all the days we could barely count

For useless words and empty exchanges

I still look forward for a moment

When we could be more than just phrases.

I still taste honey, I still taste lime

Decided on impulse, like cheap tattoos

Though I stood still, gave you all the time

I’m still the choice you didn’t choose.

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

Almost.

The most stupid thing I ever said years ago to someone who confessed to me was: "Nagjojoke ka lang diba?" I would remember how he replied with "Oo" hurt evident in his tone and me not even realizing that he was in pain.

Looking back I would always sigh and regret what I said. I would think every now and then the things that could’ve happened and things that could’ve been.

Rule #idkwhat:

Never tell someone that his feelings for you aren’t true because it takes courage and bravery for that person to say he/she likes you.