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I just found out these are all the same fucking person how is she so powerful

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alien cats 💚‼️

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btw i know we dont have very many still active followers who actually keep up w us, but for those that do i recently updated both our about page and our overall system page. we havent updated it in such a long time that the code for the page could no longer be updated cuz it used java... it was such a pain in the ass to find another family/bias page that didnt use any java but i eventually did! the handful of us that had specialized "full about" pages available, but most of them im unable to edit for the same reason, so they are a little out of date as well. logans is the only one that ive managed to edit in such a way that it still works and can be edited, so ill get the others set up that way eventually too

side note, i remade a bunch of our pictures to match up with the old dreamself.me pics we had from forever ago cuz i always preferred those cuz i found a download to an untranslated software version of dreamself.me! its more difficult to work with than the actual site, but at least i have access to it!

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uh ok so we havent posted in a long time here, especially not anything abt a direct system update

so this is that. kind of. im uncomfortable giving out any real details, but we have uncovered a lot more than things than we initially ever thought possible

weve found at least 20 old alters we had no contact with, some we just know are there but still have no contact with. our current count is 51. im not sure where the threshold for polyfragmented is but im afraid were heading that way. were certain there are others, we just dont know how many and dont want to speculate until we have more evidence

weve uncovered at least 2 additional forms of trauma we went through. theyre all connected, but were different enough that were now using subsystem terminology. we think there are 4 subsystems at this point.

everything has been a rollercoaster lately. weve been dizzy a lot, extremely anxious, paranoid even. we have nightmares almost every night, and we dont its something strange and confusing that still makes us uncomfortable, and we wake up with a start every morning. i wish it would stop but we dont know how yet.

we dont know our current therapist very well. weve been unlucky enough to have been placed with 2 therapists in a row who left the practice within 5 sessions each. our current therapist is the 3rd therapist weve had in the last year. we havent told her anything really. were always worried we wont be believed, theyll think were crazy, or making it up because it sounds so insane.

i dont want to risk losing credibility. i feel like i can only discuss things that sound "more common" i guess. the full story is unbelievable, but "my neighbor molested me as a child" is perfectly believable. so thats what i say, and thats all i can say. im afraid to tell other survivors the truth. most days i cant believe it myself, so why would anyone else?

oh well. this is just how its going to be for now i guess. maybe when i finish my degree and i have insurance and money i can reconnect with my DID specialist I had back in 2018. She was the only therapist i feel has ever truly believed me and helped me. i really hope i can.

anyway. this is long. im sure almost no one read it but thats fine, it was nice to get out.

-dave

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i just think like...idk... as accepting as i am of informed, researched self dx, and as aware of as i am abt doctors ability to make mistakes... a lot of the bullshit i see on this site abt doctors and "stigma" and everything else is basically identical to anti-vax and covid hoaxer nonsense. "doctors are all stupid idiots who dont know the side effects of ssris" for real? "doctors are brainwashed by the government to avoid giving pain meds" uh huh. yeah? "doctors lie and make up fake illnessess to prescribe medicine to make more money" you literally sound like a conservative. u all sound like anti-science conservatives who cant stand that there are people out there wirh more expertise in a subject and you cant believe someone would dare to claim to know more abt something than you do after almost a decade studying it under scientists and experts compared to your articles you read yourself with a home taught understanding. its incredibly naive.

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i love you narcissists i love you borderlines i love you bipolar ppl i love you schizophrenics i love you delusional ppl i love you psychotic ppl i love you systems i love you ppl with cognitive disabilities i love you anyone with a stigmatized/misunderstood/"scary" mental illness 💗💗

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ive just been depressed all day. my favorite stuffed animal got ripped up last night. i lost my birthday card w money in it. one of my fav podcasters got accused of stuff and isnt on the show for now cuz hes in rehab and idk how to feel abt that. i havent slept in my own bed in almost a week and i just wanna go home.

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alex:

recently we have found 2 new alters. i think new isnt quite right here tho because both have been around for quite a while but we didnt know about them. it has only been very recently they started fronting. i think they are both introjects of other children who were hurt alongside us. they are both still very difficult to communicate with. they dont seem to have any current amnesia walls as we can typically recall most of what they did while theyre were out. its of course fuzzy feeling but at least legible. however only one of us has shared any trauma memories and it is only one although i am certain they have many more. i think they were both split around the same time to hold similiar memories as that tends to be how our system forms. im still really nervous to say outloud what i think the source of their split is. its something that has been in the back of our head for a long time as a potential factor in the abuse but only recently have we been overcome by thoughts of it and now these two showing up seems to confirm this fear. i may talk abt it in depth another time but i still dont think im ready to say it for sure to more than my absolute closest friends. fall is always so hard for us. it sucks. i love the fall. i love halloween and the weather is so much nicer, but i can feel the shift to fall in my gut and ive never understood exactly why. i have my suspicion that the abuse didnt take place as often during the summer. during the summer my house was so much more lively with all of my siblings there, and when they were there my mom laid off the drugs and so my dad didnt drink quite as much either. everything was always happier in the summer. when fall rolled in and my siblings went back to their mom it all got so dark again. i think thats why. its so cruel, honestly, that my favorite season is also incredibly triggering.

anyway. i dont know if i have any active followers anymore, so i dont know if anyone will read this, but to those that do thank you for sticking with us.

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akfkld saw a post w only like 100 notes making fun of this tweet and like. shocked that it was made seriously like. im.

idk how to tell u this but we should actually be talking abt the circumstances that lead to substance dependency! alcoholic dads are not mean evil people with black hearts who do are terrible for the sake of being terrible they are sick. they have a substance abuse disorder. they need help. they didnt just decide overnight to drink to the point they kill an organ just for funsies they are coping with something.

my ex bf was an alcoholic and he was very abuse to me. he was an alcoholic and unmedicated schizophrenic and neither of those things were his fault. what WAS his fault was his pride and egotistic belief he was smarter than everyone else around him that refused so he refused help for either of those things. he refused to take any sort of antipsychotic so he was constantly paranoid and suffering from delusions and fully encapsulated in those beliefs. he drank to cope, to sleep, for an escape, many reasons. and then when he was drunk he lost his filter and all his paranoia spilled out of his mouth and got hurled at me. the issue was not he was an alcoholic. the issue is that we dont take care of our severely mentally ill enough in this country. the issue was surrounded by people who told him he didnt need his meds.

my dad was an alcoholic. hes sober now, but he was an alcoholic when i was a child up through high school. he was supporting a family of 7 on a single paycheck because my mom couldnt keep a job. my mom was addicted to pain killers and my dad was essentially my sole caretaker. he drank to cope. he did a lot of really awful shit i dont wanna get into when he drank, but the issue wasnt that he drank. part of it was because his base personality was pretty narcissistic and he already thiught he was better than everyone else so he would have never accepted any help, but the main issue was all the stress he was under. taking care of 5 kids, his wife constantly going to jail or rehab, working 60 hours a week just to feed us. it wasnt easy. he was still a piece of shit, but the alcoholism was just an outward expression of a problem happening inside of him.

if an alcoholic hurt you, im sorry. alcoholics have hurt me too. alcoholics tend to hurt almost everyone around them, and in most case they know that. they are hurting themselves too. theres just something else going on that not everyone else can see that they are dealing with. alcoholism is a symptom of a broken society not a broken person.

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yes yes i Know i should keep taking my mood stabilizers. i know i should. i know mania isnt good for me. i know it makes me paranoid and i dont est or sleep enough. however i made so much stuff while manic. i miss it. i wanna be creative again and since my mania went away my creativity has also. i also do kinda wanna go back to not eating all day also cuz i need to lose like 30 lbs over the next 3 months. so. idk. what if i just stop taking my mood stabilizers and keep taking my antidepressants? im maniamaxxing. i wanna create again. i dont wanna sleep and eat and be normal. i want energy again. i hate this

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RISE FROM THE ASHES

REDAC FourOFour July 18th, 2023

We wanted a DID sticker for our car (and a design to use on notebooks or shirts). We found a very nice design featuring flowers by SpoonieSisterShop on Etsy (check it out if you're a floral person), but it wasn't waterproof. But we liked the use of the DID Awareness Ribbon with white divisions, so we sat down to make our own design.

For our design, we chose the phoenix as the symbol. We felt that nothing better represented the experience of being a survivor in recovery, making a new life after all we went through. Trauma survivors —and especially alters "born" from the trauma itself— are all phoenixes rising from the ashes of what we went through.

I am considering selling this design. If you would be interested, please let me know.

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Interesting how antis insist anything on AO3 is CSEM yet they don't call the police. It's almost like they know deep down that there's nothing worth reporting on there.

Oh but anon, they do alert authorities. The cybertip line, which is supposed to be for alerting the FBI in the case of real cyber abuse (of which creating CSEM definitely qualifies) has been especially clogged up by false tips within the past few years, and it is almost certainly because of the rise of antis.

It was a bit ago by now, but I remember a post that was floating around where an anon claimed to have reported someone to the cybertip line for writing a sex scene between two fictional characters who were consenting adults. Of course, the user wasn't in any danger, any competent agent would dismiss a tip like that as soon as they realized what it was actually about. Instead, assuming the anon wasn't bluffing, the consequences of that false tip fell onto the abused children who may have been raped again in the time it took for agents to sift through the false tips in order to get to the real ones. Plenty of lawyers have even gone on record to say, "Stop reporting cartoon drawings as CSEM! They do not count! You're just making it harder for us to help real children!"

Not only that, but antis have already gotten in trouble for spreading real CSEM, both to try and "own the nasty proshitters", but also sometimes because when some of them see stuff like that, their first instinct is to put it in a public callout post, which further contributes to the exploitation of the child in said illegal content that they liken to that of an abused anime character.

But yes anon, Archive of Our Own is a very famous public website. The fact that it can be everywhere on the surface web in plain fucking view for this many years without the FBI so much as batting an eye should be proof enough that written fiction cannot be CSEM, but of course, antis don't have fucking brains, so they can't figure that out to save their lives. They just keep saying that AO3 is full of "child porn" and the government just like...hasn't noticed yet, somehow.

You see what happens when you act like fictional abuse is the same as real abuse? Not only does it make you treat fictional characters like real people, it also makes you treat real people with flesh and blood like they matter just as much as a fake construct in a story that doesn't actually exist.

People who play GTA V have no trouble understanding this distinction. That's why jumping cliffs with your car and running people over in that game is funny instead of deeply traumatizing.

Sorry, anon. Can you tell that I'm angry? I'm a little angry.

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Original thread

Sourced report

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doctors are so fucking funny; if you go in like "based on my extensive research and corroborations i think i have this Disease" they will immediately go on the defensive and ask you demeaning shit like "how do you even know this Disease exists?" but if you go in and play stupid and say "gee whiz i'm just a silly little bimbo who doesn't know a thing but i have symptom, symptom, symptom, and symptom" they will very eagerly be like "oh wow, that sounds like Disease!"

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i thought i was done remembering but i remembered a new thing and havent verbalized it to anyone and it feels so bad. i dont know what to do with it. i may post it here later but for now i think im gonna write it into my truama narrative my old therapist did with me and try to follow all the same steps i used to do just... alone this time. which feels weird. but idk what else to do. i havent talked to my new therapist abt my csa much and also i only have one more session with her before she leaves the practice and i have to get a new new therapist

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