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Can I Have This Dance?

Soundtrack:

Can I Have This Dance? - High School Musical 3

Wanna Take You Home With Me - Gloriana

Little Lime- Jordan Davis

Beat of the Music - Brett Eldredge

Word Count: 2.1k

__

It had been Calum’s idea to go out and celebrate the fact that the four of them now all had solo albums. It had been Michael’s idea to go to a country bar for line dancing night.

“But none of us know how to line dance,” Ashton pointed out as they all got ready.

“They offer classes before the real event. It’s a whole thing,” Michael explained as he tried on different cowboy hats.

“Hold on, classes? Calum interrupted, his eyebrows raised in uncertain hesitation. “No, no. I agreed to go to a country bar and drink. I accepted that there would be line dancing. But classes?”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’ve been there a few times with Harley. Like the bar opens, and there’s a dance instructor on the floor. And she just does a walk through of all the dances for like an hour and anyone who wants to learn can, and whoever doesn’t, doesn’t. And even when the real party starts, she still stays out there.”

“And when do these classes that aren’t classes start?” Luke asked.

Michael checked the time on his phone. “In 30 minutes, so we better head out. Y’all ready?” he asked, before putting the cowboy hat he had tried on first onto his head.

~~~

Twenty minutes later, the men walked into the nearly empty bar. There were two bartenders working behind the bar, chatting easily with each other and the few patrons they were helping. A few other groups of people had taken up residence at a few tables. And out on the dance floor, fiddling with a speaker was a woman in a cropped white t-shirt, brown cowboy boots, a straw cowboy hat nestled on top of long brown curls, and the tightest pair of blue jeans Ashton had ever seen. 

“Michael! Over here!” a woman called out, waving a cowboy hat over her head. The one waving stood with two other women, all three dressed similarly in blue jeans, cowboy boots, and red flannel shirts

“Hey baby!” Michael grinned, making a beeline for the woman to pull her into a tight hug, and kissing her. “Harley, these are the guys. Guys, this is Harley,” Michael introduced.

Ashton, Calum, and Luke all exchanged their own pleasantries with the woman.

“Nice to finally meet y’all. This is Aurora and Thea,” she introduced the other two women at her side. “And over at the speaker is Nova. Nova! Come over here, there’s some people I want you to meet!”

The woman at the speaker turned around at her name, flashing a wide grin before jogging over. “Hey, I didn’t know y’all were coming tonight. And who are your handsome friends, Michael?” Nova asked, waggling eyebrows in Ashton, Calum, and Luke’s direction

“A—Ashton,” Ashton stammered, holding out his hand. “I’m Ashton. This is Calum, and Luke.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet ya, Ashton,” Nova said, still flashing that bright smile as she shook his hand. “Have y’all ever line danced before?”

“Nah. Rumor has it though that you might be able to help us out?”

“I think that can be arranged. C’mon, follow me.”

Ashton didn’t bother to check if the rest of the group was following as he followed after Nova.

“So there’s roughly 20,000 kinds of line dances,” Nova launched into her explanation.

“And you’re gonna teach me all 20,000 in an hour?” Ashton laughed.

Nova laughed with him, shaking her head. “Goodness, no. I mean, I know them all, so I could. But no. Anyway, the 20,000 dances are all based on the footwork and the song itself. A lot of songs have their own line dance. And a lot more share similar footwork patterns, but the order might be different. The main thing is to follow along as best you can, and of course, have fun. Ready?”

“Lead the way.”

She turned on something on her phone, the song blasting through the nearby speaker, and quickly moved to stand in front of Ashton. “And 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8,” she counted out loud and then she was moving. Simplicity yet graceful footwork, Ashton tried his best to replicate, but he soon found himself tripping over his own feet.

Nova hit pause on the music as Ashton laughed out an apology. “Sorry.”

“Nah, you’re doing fine, hun. Maybe let’s start slower though.” Nova then went through the footwork she had just done at a much slower pace, calling out the moves as she did them. Ashton copied the moves, this time with much more ease. “There you go!” Nova encouraged. “Now, try it again, this time without my help.”

Ashton repeated the moves Nova had taught him, watching her closely for any signs of approval or if he was royally screwing this up.

“Now, let’s try it with the music. The steps don’t really matter if there’s no beat to guide you.”

Again, the song played through the speakers and Ashton and Nova danced their way through it. He kept his eyes trained on her feet and his mind focused on copying the moves, because he was sure he would lose any sense of composure he had if he let his eyes and mind wander.

Ashton wasn’t aware as more people joined in on the lesson and Nova went on teaching them through a total of five dances. He also wasn’t aware of how slightly sweaty and out of breath he was getting until the music cut off and Nova declared with a clap of her hands, “Alright, that’s all for now folks! Feel free to keep practicing, and remember to have fun! The real party will kick off in about an hour. I’m Nova, and that’s Chase and Sylas at the bar! We’ll be here until they close us down!”

While some stayed out to keep practicing, and others headed to the bar or to their tables, Ashton sauntered over to Nova. “Uh, thanks… for the lesson. You’re a great teacher.”

“Why, thank you, kindly,” she said, bowing dramatically before laughing. “Dancing comes easy to me, and teaching dance comes even easier. And for what it’s worth, I have some great students. You, uh, move pretty well for a big fella.”

Ashton’s cheeks flushed with heat as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I am a drummer. So, it’d be a lil bad if I had no rhythm.”

“Ooohh, you’re that friend of Michael’s. And I’m assuming the rest of y’all are as well?”

“Heh, yeah. So you’ve heard of us?”

“Oh, heavens no, hun,” she said, her voice sultry and drawlish, as she reached up to pat his shoulder affectionately. “I’m a line dance instructor at a country bar. Rock music is barely on my radar. I just know Michael, and he happens to speak very highly of his brothers. I just wish he had mentioned how cute y’all are, I’m sure Aurora and Thea are just beside themselves with Calum and Luke’s attention.”

“And you? Is it worth asking if you’ll save me a dance?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

~~~

While Calum and Luke spent the time before the bar livened up to better their chances of not going home alone, Ashton was able to spend it better assessing his own situation.

He carefully sorted his thoughts into categories— things he knew for certain, and things he needed more clarity on. 

Things he knew for certain: 1.) He was attracted to Nova. From her physical looks, to the sultry drawl she spoke with despite probably being a California native, to the energy she had, Nova was a showstopper. 2.) He wanted more of her attention and time.

Things he needed more clarity on: 1.) whether the initial feelings were being reciprocated and there was potential or 2.) he was being a fucking idiot and was going to end the night with a wounded ego.

He raked his hands through his hair, letting his breath rush out of him in a huff.

“Welcome to The Two-Steppin’ Tavern where the beers are cold and the moves are hot!” Nova’s voice drawled out over the speakers as people cheered and whooped. “Now,” she said, stopping dead center in the middle of the dance floor. “As y’all know down here at good ole Two-Step, it’s line dancing night, which means only one thing,” Even from his spot across the way, Ashton could see the playful glint in her eyes as she waited for the bar room to answer with a chorused yell of “Dance or get off the floor!”

“That’s right y’all! Dance, or get out of the way so I at least can,” Her voice got a little sing-songy at the end of her sentence as she shimmied her hips for effect before continuing. “I’m Nova, your dance lead. Chase and Sylas are your bartenders. Tip them well, cuz they make the bar’s best, and they’re mighty fine to look at,” she shot a cheeky wink at the bartenders who bowed graciously. “And good ole Wes is our DJ of the evening. Fellas it’s time to grab a girl— preferably the one you came with, but consent will do just fine— cuz it’s dancing time! Hit it, Wes!”

Ashton took his cue from his friends who immediately went to the dance floor, swallowing the surge of envy as hands went to hips and heated glances were exchanged. He took a breath, steadying himself. He was out at a bar, dancing and having fun with his friends. That was all this night needed to be.

He didn’t pay attention to anything beyond enjoying himself as he danced, Calum right next to him with Luke and Michael right in front of them. Song after song their group danced, laughed, and sang until they were sweaty and out of breath.

“Alright, I need a drink, who’s with?” Calum asked, practically panting at the small break between songs.

“Yeah, I need to sit this one out, these boots are killing me,” Luke complained, earning an eye roll from the women. Luke just shrugged and laughed it off, before following after Calum.

“You good, Ash?” Michael asked, taking Calum’s empty spot next to Ashton.

Ashton pushed sweaty locks of hair back. “What? Yeah, I’m good. This was… A great idea actually. Something we should do more often.”

Michael grinned, glad to have Ashton’s approval on something that was outside of their usual wheelhouse of night outs. Then Michael’s eyebrows were shooting up. The question of why Michael was looking at him like that was on Ashton’s lips when a hand lightly tapped his shoulder. He whirled, finding Nova standing there. “Oh? To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked, his voice instinctively finding that flirtatious edge.

“What’s a girl gotta do to get a man to ask her to dance around here?” she asked in lieu of an answer, taking off her hat, and fanning herself with it.

Ashton’s lips quirked up in a cocky smile. “Can I have the next dance— or several— with you, Nova?”

She matched his smile, swatting at his chest with her hat before placing it carefully back atop her head. “Well hun, I thought you’d never ask.”

While Ashton considered himself a pretty decent dancer, it was nothing compared to the way Nova moved as they danced together on the floor, her facing him so all their movements were mirrored. “I know I said it already, but you dance pretty well,” she complimented as his hands guided her through a turn.

“Not nearly as good as you, darling,” he returned. “And you’re doing all the steps backwards.”

“Mmm, it’s like Ginger Rogers said. I can do anything Gene Kelly can but backwards and in heels.”

Ashton couldn’t help but laugh. “I thought her dance partner was Fred Astaire.”

“Damn, you can dance and you’re smart. How has no one caught your eye yet?”

“Oh, someone did.”

“Mmm, lucky them.”

“Lucky her, indeed.” With a quick prayer that he wasn’t misreading signs, on the next spin, Ashton dipped Nova, and when she rose, he moved his hand from the small of her back up to the column of her throat, gripping lightly as he moved in for a kiss.

The air in Nova’s lungs whooshed out, and when she had enough sense to start kissing Ashton back, he was already breaking their kiss. “Nuh-uh,” she murmured, drawing him back in. “Mmm, lucky me, indeed.”

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This Time

Soundtrack:

All American Tragedy - Knox

This Time - Arrows in Action

Damage- The Band CAMINO

Word Count: 7.9k

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“Ow! Watch where y— oh, hey, Luke,” Aurora said, her voice switching from annoyed to shy faster than Luke could straighten out the guitar case that had just smashed into the girl’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Rory,” Luke answered with an awkward smile. “Sorry ‘bout that. I uh—” he stammered, cheeks turning red. How he had managed to grow up with this girl and still couldn’t figure out how to string more than two words together was beyond his comprehension. The girl who was so proper in her fresh and crisp school uniform. Who never had a bad thing to say about anyone. A girl who shouldn’t give him— a boy who no matter how hard he tried never seemed to have his shit together— the time of day. And yet, every day she’d say “Hey Luke,” in that shy tone and— fuck, she was talking and he hadn’t heard a god damn word.

“Luke?” she repeated, cocking her head to the side in confusion. 

He shook his head, clearing it. “S—sorry, what were you saying?”

She smiled. “On your way to practice?” she asked, nodding at the guitar case slung over his shoulder.

“Oh! Heh, yeah.” His eyes glanced over at the clock down the hall. “And the guys are gonna kill me if I’m late again.”

Almost as if on cue, the school door at the end of the hallway slammed open and 2 heads poked in.

“Let’s go, Hemmings!” Calum shouted.

“Stop, he’s finally talking to her!” Michael whisper-shouted at Calum, giving the boy a shove in the process.

Aurora looked at Luke, her own eyes wide, giving Luke a chance to confirm or deny his friends’ proclamations.

Luke shrugged his shoulders, giving her a sheepish grin in response. “We, uh, got a show on Saturday. Maybe I’ll see you there?”

“Maybe you will.”

“Heh, cool. I’ll uh, I’ll be the one on stage.” He walked backwards a few steps, still facing her, waving awkwardly before turning on his heel to follow his friends out and into reality.

“Luke!” Aurora called out, taking a few rushing steps towards him.

He paused in his tracks, looking at her in wonder and confusion. 

“You, um, you never told me where on Saturday. Or when.”

Luke brought up a hand to smack himself in the forehead. “Shoot! Right. Uh…”

“Maybe text it to me?” she prompted as he stood there sputtering.

“Great idea! God, you’re so smart,” he muttered, his cheeks permanently stained red as he pulled out his phone and typed.

A few seconds later, her own phone pinged in her pocket. “Well, I guess I’ll see you Saturday,” she told him, before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. “Bye, Luke.” She waved and by the time Luke could make sense of what just happened, Aurora was gone, and her in place were Calum and Michael clapping him on the shoulder.

“Holy crap, did you finally ask her out?” Calum wondered in amazement.

“I think he did!” Michael grinned, and pretended to dab at his eyes. “Our little Lukey is all grown up, Cal!”

~~~

Playing in front of a crowd made Luke nervous on a normal day. But seeing Aurora standing near the front of the stage with a few other girls from their grade? To say his stomach was in knots was the understatement of his lifetime.

“Would you relax?” Calum asked with an annoyed huff. “In case you were still wondering, she likes ya, mate.”

“She does?!” Luke asked, perking up at the idea.

“She’s here, isn’t she?”

Luke waved him off. “Rory’s just nice. And it’s not like I put her in a position to say no.”

“Or,” Ashton put in, “maybe she likes you, Luke. And why wouldn’t she? You’re a likeable guy.”

“Luke the Likeable,” Calum teased, sweeping his hands over the front of Luke’s face like he was imagining their name up on a marquee.

“Super punk rock,” Michael commented.

Luke sat down on the small couch in the room with a defeated sigh. “Seriously… She’s Aurora Hudson. And I’m just Luke. In what world does a girl like her go for a boy like me?”

“Because,” Ashton said, sitting down next to him and placing a gentle hand on his knee. “You are Luke Hemmings. And if that’s not enough for her, so be it. But I’m betting that Cal’s right. She’s here for a reason. And that reason, mate, is you. So go out there on that stage with us, give it your all, kiss the girl after, and figure out the rest later.”

Well, putting it that way seemed easy enough for Luke to manage. So he did.

On stage Luke didn’t let the nerves get to him. He was just a boy playing guitar and singing some songs with his closest friends. And when Aurora came up to congratulate him afterwards, he kissed her. And then he asked to be her boyfriend. And when she said yes, he kissed her again.

~~~

“Mom, Dad, this is Luke,” Aurora introduced a few months later.

“Nice to meet you both,” Luke said politely, offering out his hand. He never had a girlfriend before, so he wasn’t sure how meeting parents worked. But his brothers, and Ashton had told him all roughly the same thing. To be polite, to be himself, and let them know how much he cared for Aurora.

“So Luke,” Mr. Hudson said, gesturing for the boy to sit on the couch. “Rory tells us you’re in a band?”

Luke nodded as he took a seat, Aurora sitting down next to him. “Y—yes, sir. I play guitar and sing sometimes.”

“Mmm,” the man murmured more to himself than to Luke. “And is this band something long term?”

Again, Luke nodded. “Y—yes, sir. It’s something my band mates and I are serious about.”

“I see. And how does my daughter fit into this… fantasy life of yours?”

“Dad!” Aurora gasped in horror.

“I’m not sure I understand the question, sir,” Luke answered as Aurora alternated from glaring at her father to sending pleading looks to her mother to help salvage this meeting gone wrong.

“I think,” Mrs. Hudson finally said, “what my husband is trying to say is that we care about Rory’s future. And while it’s all good and well you have an idealistic look about your own future, we worry it may not be realistic where Rory is concerned.”

“I care about Rory’s future, too,” Luke said. “And my own. I wouldn’t hold Rory back from doing anything that she wants to do. I just want to be part of it, that's all.”

“With all due respect son,” Mr. Hudson told him, “I’m not gonna let my daughter throw her life away for some guitar player in a punk band.”

“Dad!” Aurora gasped again, this time standing up from her spot next to Luke. “I’m not throwing my life away! Jesus, it’s not like he’s dropping out of school to galavant around the world.”

Luke coughed into his hand awkwardly. “Well… about that…”

Two confessions and three screaming matches later, Aurora walked out of her house hand in hand with Luke. “I’m sorry about that,” she apologized as Luke drove them silently away from the house. “I’ve been talking to them about you for a while to prepare them. And I thought once they met you, they would see what I see, and—”

“It’s fine, Rory,” Luke interrupted, reaching over and placing a hand on her thigh. “And if you change your mind about this…” the hand on her thigh lifted so he could spin a finger in a circle before the hand returned to rest on her thigh, “about me, I’ll understand.”

Aurora smiled softly over at Luke, noting the details of his face. The usually soft blue eyes set with an edge of determination. The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile, but with his teeth biting in his lower lip with worry. A man steadfast in his decisions about his future. But a scared boy all the same. Scared that the girl beside him wouldn’t choose him the way he would always choose her. “Luke, I meant what I told my parents. My future is wherever you are.” 

~~~

Six years later found Aurora sitting around the house she shared with Ashton and Luke, wondering where the latter was as the hour grew later and later.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to stem off an all too familiar wave of what ifs.

“You alright?” Ashton asked from where he was sitting next to Calum, both of the men strumming mindlessly on guitars, compositions books sprawled across the coffee table in front of them.

“Yeah,” she started to lie. “I just— No. I’m not fine.”

Calum quirked an eyebrow in her direction. “You and Luke fighting?”

“Can’t fight someone who’s not around…”

Ashton shared a glance with Calum. Over the years they had naturally developed a bond with Aurora that was as unbreakable as her own bond with Luke. And their own bond with Luke aside, if he was fucking up, they’d tear him to shreds for Aurora’s sake. “This doesn’t sound like a new feeling,” Ashton said, proceeding carefully. “What’s going on?”

She tilted her head back, and tried to steady her breathing. “It’s not,” her voice cracked with raw emotion. “It’s not worth causing a rift.”

Calum set his guitar aside, scooching away from Ashton to create a spot between the men for Aurora to squeeze in between them. “C’mon,” he said, patting the empty spot. “It’s us, Rory. We’ve been through everything together. Don’t tell me you’re scared to talk to us now.”

“I’m not scared,” she ground out through gritted teeth, moving to sit between Ashton and Calum against her better judgement. “I just— I don’t know how to feel anymore. Luke— And this isn’t to talk badly about him because I love him. I truly do. But— How do you know when you think it’s time to let someone go?”

Ashton’s eyes went wide and Calum swore softly. “You’re thinking of breaking up with Luke?” Calum was brave enough to ask.

Aurora only nodded. “We’re just not the same people we were. And I know that that’s supposed to be the point. We grew up. That’s what people are supposed to do. But— I didn’t think we’d grow up like this. That he could grow up to be someone I don’t know.” A shuddering sob broke through as Aurora buried her face in her hands. “What do I do?”

Not knowing what to say, Ashton and Calum each rested a hand on the woman’s shoulders and let her cry. None of them knew how long they sat that way, only that they were still sitting that way when Luke finally came stumbling through the doorway.

“Oh, you’re still u— what’s wrong?” Luke asked, his voice slightly slurred, blue eyes glassy as he took in the scene.

Ashton couldn’t help the protective mentality take over as he rose to his feet. “Please tell me you didn’t drive, Luke.”

Luke waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, cab. What’s going on?”

“Nothing that can’t wait until you’ve sobered up, mate,” Ashton continued, keeping his voice gentle.

Luke rolled his eyes, arms crossing over his chest. “My girl is crying on the couch with you lot over her and it’s ‘nothing that can’t wait’? Pfft, gimme a break.”

“She’s crying over you, you drunk idiot,” Calum scoffed with an eye roll of his own.

Luke blinked slowly. “What?”

Calum rolled his eyes again as he gathered his things. “Nothing. It’s not my business. And Ash,” he added, throwing a warning glance at the other man. “It’s not yours either. But Rory, however you want to handle this, do it when he’s sober. And we’ll be okay. All of us. We’re gonna be okay.”

Luke blinked again, having absolutely zero clue what covert ass shit Calum was spewing, and frankly not giving a damn. All he knew was drunk or not, he wanted to know why Aurora was crying.

“Not tonight, mate,” Ashton told him, and Luke wondered momentarily if he had spoken his thoughts out loud or if Ashton was just that good at reading people.

“Please, Luke,” Aurora whispered, “Let’s just go to bed.”

Luke nodded, accepting that. Accepting that in the morning, everyone could brush off whatever the fuck was happening in this moment.

But when Luke woke up the next morning to find the bed empty, he had a feeling nothing about last night was going to be easy to undo.

“Morning,” he greeted Aurora when he found her in the kitchen, placing a kiss on top of her head. “Sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to be out so late. I didn’t drive though, if that was your concern,” he explained as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Aurora shook her head from where she sat at the table, sipping on her own coffee. “It wasn’t. But that’s good to know. Maybe Ash can drive you later to pick up your car.”

“Yeah, and you can come with us and then we’ll go off and do our own thing. Spend the day together,” he suggested. “Been a minute since we’ve gotten to do that.” He leaned against the kitchen counter, his coffee mug cradled in his hands as he looked at her, a hopeful smile on his lips.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? Is this about whatever happened last night? Look, I said I was sorry. And now I want to try to make it up to you. Why can’t I do that, baby? Why can’t I apologize and then try to make up for whatever stupid shit I did or didn’t do?”

“Because that in itself is the problem Luke. You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.”

He set the mug down next to him with a rattle. “Then why don’t you tell me,” he said, raking his hands through his hair and letting out a frustrated sigh. “God, I have no idea what’s fuckin’ happening, baby, but can’t you see I’m trying to fix it? Could you maybe stop being cryptic and help me out here?”

“There’s nothing to fix, Luke.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” He laughed in frustration as he raked his hands through his hair again. “I— God, I feel like I’m losing you, baby. Is that what’s happening right now? Am I losing you? Are you breaking up with me?”

Aurora didn’t say anything as a tear slid down her cheek.

Luke felt his heart crack wide open in his chest. “Please tell me this isn’t happening,” he begged, feeling his throat close up, his hands now permanently tangled in his hair as he tried to process what Aurora was saying, or more accurately what she wasn’t saying. “I— We love each other. Don’t we?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course,” she assured him, her voice wobbling a little but holding steady. God, how long as she’d been thinking this over to be this stable? This okay with letting him go while he just fucking stood there like a blindsided idiot. “But it’s not that simple anymore, Luke.”

“Baby, please. Tell me how to fix this. I— do we need to talk to Ash about getting a place without him? Do you want to go pick out wedding rings? What do you need from me? Please. Anything. Whatever it takes. Whatever you want. It’s yours. Just please. Baby, I’ve been in love with you my whole life. I don’t know how to do any of this without you.” As he spoke, he crossed over to her, falling on his knees in front of her, grabbing her hands in his and clinging on as tightly as he could. This couldn’t be how it ended. God, how could he be so blind to not see this coming?

“I don’t think there’s anything to fix, Luke. We just— we grew up.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing!” she said, yanking her hands out of Luke’s grasp, her chair scraping harshly against the kitchen floor. “Nothing… We’re just not the same people anymore.”

“And the person you are isn’t in love with the person I am,” Luke concluded. 

“I’m always going to love you, Luke.”

“Then fuckin’ try with me, Rory! I’m literally on my fuckin’ knees for you! Just— Can you at least tell me what changed? How you can seem so okay with letting go while I’ve been clueless to this the whole time? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I know?!”

“It’s just something that happened Luke. A trajectory of little things that snow balled and now I don’t know how to stop it.”

“But maybe I do! Maybe I can stop it! Rory… Baby… Please,” Luke sobbed into his hands. “What the fuck is happening?!”

“One day we were 17, and then we were 23. That’s what happened.”

“So what? Are you saying that I somehow held you back? You chose this life with me, Rory! I asked you if this was what you wanted every step of the way! And every time you said that your future was wherever I was!” He raised his head to look at her, anger, confusion, and heartbreak etched on every part of his perfect face.

“You also said you would understand if I changed my mind!”

“So that’s it? You changed your mind?”

“Yeah…”

His fists came down on the floor next to him. “That’s not good enough!” he exploded, rising to his feet. “That’s not a good enough reason! I— I still don’t understand! You say that you love me, but you can’t stay with me?! Make it make sense, baby, I’m begging you!”

“I’m going to stay with Cal for a while. Figure out my next move. But I can’t do this anymore Luke. I’ve tried to work through it in my head for so long and I can’t seem to find a way out. A way where this doesn’t hurt. But we don’t know each other anymore. And I can’t keep holding onto something that doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

He sniffed, wiping at his face, the finality of it all settling in. She was Aurora Hudson, and once she made up her mind, that was it. And he was still Luke, the boy who loved her long before he even knew what love meant. “And you’re sure of this? You’re sure there’s nothing I can do to fix it? I just have to accept it? I can’t fight for you?”

“I’m so sorry, Luke.”

“Yeah… yeah me too… But I said I would understand so I’m gonna try.”

~~~

A year and a city change later, Aurora was packing up her guitar case when a trio of men approached her. Two of them were tall, the third one about her own height, and all of them wore matching friendly smiles.

“Hey,” one of the tall ones spoke first, his tone as warm and friendly as the smile on his face. “You’re Rory, yeah? From the coffee shop off of Holt?”

Alarm bells went off in her head as she crossed her arms. “Can I help you?” she asked, avoiding the question.

The man laughed. “Sorry, that was terrible. I meant, I’ve seen you working there a few times. We’re friends with the owner. I’m Matt, and this is Jesse and Vic.”

She looked them all up and down, her face staying neutral. “That’s nice…?”

The short one, Vic, coughed into his hand. “Sorry we’re kinda bad at this. Uh, we noticed your set. Are you the musician type?”

She snorted, “Oh, if only you knew.”

“Well, that’s kinda the point… We’re a band and we lost our bassist a while back. You wouldn’t be interested in joining forces sometime, would you?”

She blinked at them. Her life had been on a near permanent display for the better part of her short adulthood. And now these three were approaching her with a band prospect? They were either clueless or reckless. Possibly both. “You want me to join your band?”

“Well not in so many words,” Vic told her. “Like look, we’re not much. But we got a pretty solid following and can help you get out of playing college bars if you’re interested.”

She snorted again, “Respectfully, I don’t need help getting a following. I have plenty of connections of my own.”

Jesse, the other tall one whistled low, rocking back on the heels of his feet. “Okay, this is going like really badly. We’re not trying to offend you or make it sound like we know what we’re doing. We just like your sound and think it could mesh well with ours. But like, there’s no hard feelings. You don’t know us, and we certainly don’t know you. But the offer’s out there if you’re ever interested.”

Aurora shook her head, clearing it. “Sorry… you don’t know me?”

“Are we supposed to?” Matt asked with a nervous chuckle.

“N— No! I mean… Most people do. Not that it’s a bad thing that you don’t. That’s actually—“ She laughed in relief. “That’s actually really fuckin’ great.”

“Yeah…” Vic said slowly. “Anyway, like we were saying, we’re looking for a bassist if you’re interested.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that would be great,” Aurora smiled.

~~~

An hour later, Aurora was sitting on the floor of Matt and Vic’s living room, having deja vu flashes of similar moments in the home she once shared with Ashton and Luke. “So you’re both in relationships, and you’re just Vic?” she clarified with a laugh. “But you’re the front man, how does that happen?”

Vic laughed with her, shrugging his shoulders. “Just the way the cards were dealt, man. Like I tried dating. Shit just didn’t stick. I’m not lucky that way like these two.”

She raised her White Claw can in a cheer, Vic clinking his own can into hers. “I hear you on that. I’ve had one relationship and—” Aurora let her voice trail off. “Well, I just don’t really date anymore because of it. Especially musicians.”

“Damn, and here I thought I had a shot,” Vic joked, clutching dramatically at his chest. “Just love gone wrong or what?”

“Eh, something like that. We got together when we were kids. And then his band got really successful. And one day it just didn’t seem like we knew each other anymore. So I left.”

Vic whistled low, knowingly. “Amen to that.”

“What band?” Jesse asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. “If we’re swapping war stories anyway.”

Aurora rubbed at the back of her neck. “Uh… 5 Seconds of Summer?”

Matt’s White Claw came out his nose. “Excuse me? Ow.. shit, that burned. What the fuck did you say?”

Aurora laughed, and shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, I dated Luke for about 6 and a half years.”

“You’re THAT Rory?!” Jesse spluttered. “Holy shit… fuck no wonder you told us to fuck off.”

“I did not tell you to fuck off.”

“Maybe not in those words,” Vic amended, “but the tone was there. But holy shit. So, you’re not fucking around when you say you have connections?”

“Nope,” she grinned. “I’m really not. Got Ashton Irwin on speed dial still. They’re great guys. A lot like you actually.” She sniffed at the realization, rubbing at her nose. “Shit, sorry. It’s uh, still hard sometimes. It was the 5 of us for so long.”

“Nothing to be sorry about it, they’re part of your story,” Vic said, reaching to lay a hand on her thigh, the gesture both comforting and strangely intimate. “And uh, if you ever wanna use that part of your story to help out the new part of your story…” he added suggestively.

Matt shoved him, “Shut up, Vic, don’t ruin it.”

“Yeah, Victor!” Jess fake scolded.

Aurora laughed for what felt like the millionth time, each laugh feeling more genuine than the last. Like she finally belonged again. “Maybe let’s try being a band before I go making phone calls. Make sure I like y’all first.”

~~~

It was another year before she made that phone call. A year of building a bond with the three members of Arrows in Action and getting accustomed to life with them. A year in where, for the first time in a long time, Aurora truly felt like herself and had a place where she belonged. No longer a shadow following around Luke like a lost puppy. 

The realization was both terrifying and freeing. At the time when she had ended things with Luke, she had thought he was the stranger she grew to not know. But it turned out that she was the stranger all along. Sure, there had been parts of Luke that she wasn’t overly fond of. The party boy image that fame tried to paint him as and that he played into was tough to swallow even at the best moments. But at his heart, the heart he loved her with, he had always been Luke. And she had completely shattered his heart with no real reasoning. At least not a reasoning she had been able to explain at the time. She just threw his words to her in his face like that was reason enough and left.

And now her hand was shaking as she held the phone, Ashton’s contact pulled up on the screen. Contacting Ashton seemed easier than contacting Luke directly. He had always been like an older brother, watching out for all of them. If anyone would answer and be glad it was her on the other end— who wouldn’t make her feel like shit for leaving all of them— it would be Ashton. But, God, if her hand could stop shaking, and if she could just bring herself to hit the damn call icon.

A hand reached around her wrist, steadying the shaking. “You don’t have to do this,” Vic said softly. “We’ve been managing just fine on our own.”

She smiled at the man she had shared a home with for the past several months. Moving in with Vic had been such a natural choice when Matt moved out to his own place with his girlfriend. Ending up in his bed on occasion had been just as easy. They had made it clear from the start that it was just for fun. A way to blow off steam without risking their hearts or time with someone else. And it made sense to be together with each other that way. They had an understanding of how deep the relationship trauma of first love gone horribly wrong that others just didn’t get. And despite the fact that each of them bore too many similarities of their exes that it was almost unnerving, the fact that they bore no physical resemblances made it easier to remember where the line was.

Jesse and Matt had accepted what Aurora and Vic became on the sole condition that the band came first. Which Aurora and Vic were more than okay to agree with.

“I want to do this, Vic. Not just for you guys. But for me too. And honestly, a little bit for them too. It wasn’t just Luke’s heart I broke by leaving. I broke theirs, too. And they didn’t get an explanation from me, either.”

Vic nodded. “I understand. But I also understand if you don’t make the call. I’ll support you either way. We all will.”

He squeezed her hand and gave her a quick kiss for good luck. Aurora took a breath to steady herself and hit the call icon.

“Hello, you’ve reached the one and only Ashton Irwin. How lucky for you,” Ashton’s voice sounded after the third ring.

“Shit, I think I got his voicemail,” Aurora said out loud for Vic’s sake. “Uh, hey Ash. It’s me. Rory.”

“Rory?!” Ashton’s voice asked back over the line.

“This isn’t your voicemail?”

Ashton laughed. “No! Who would make their voicemail message be that?”

“Who answers the phone like that?” she laughed back.

“I dunno, thought I’d try it out,” Ashton giggled some more before sighing. “God, Rory, is that really you? How are you? Where are you?”

She could hear the protectiveness building so she quickly cut him off with a “I’m fine, Ash. Everything is fine. Great, even. I just uh, well, I had a question for you, if you’ve got some time to talk.”

“I always have time for you, Rory. Lay it on me.”

~~~

“Yeah, no problem at all. Yeah, it was great talking to you too. See you soon, Rory. Thanks for calling,” Ashton said, before ending the call.

When he turned, three sets of bewildered eyes were staring at him. Calum was the quickest to recover enough to say, “Rory?”

“As in the Rory?” Michael asked.

“My Rory?” Luke’s question came out in a small squeak, wondering if he was dreaming.

Ashton grinned sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. “The one and only. She uh, she’s asking us to come to Nashville. And, well, I probably should have asked you guys how you felt about it first but—”

“When’s the next flight to Nashville?” Luke asked.

“Whoa, slow down, mate,” Ashton encouraged.

“Slow down? Ash, it’s Rory. If she’s asking for us, we’re going. Case closed.”

“Case open, actually. Look, Luke, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but she called me.”

“You’re not gonna stop me from getting on that plane, Ash.”

Ashton held up his hands in surrender. “Take a beat, Luke. I never said I was.”

“Then, why are we still standing around? Let’s fuckin’ go!”

“Luke, slow down,” Ashton said, his voice low and threatening. “Let me explain everything first.”

Luke let out a huff of air through his nose, but waved a hand for Ashton to proceed. The sooner Ashton said his piece, the sooner he could be on that plane to Nashville. To Rory.

“So, to be clear, we’re not going out there to re-hash or start shit. We’re just going out there to listen to this band she’s part of to see if we have a new opening act. Strictly business. And if this is too difficult for anyone, there’s no hard feelings of staying here. And if it’s too difficult after seeing her that even one of us can’t stomach it, we leave it at that. Rory understands either way, but she wants to at least give her band a shot. So, who’s coming to Nashville with me?”

All three hands shot up. “It’s Rory, mate,” Calum said.

“Yeah, you really didn’t have to do all that, we were in the second you ended the call,” Michael added.

They all looked at Luke, quirking eyebrows at his raised hand. “You sure about this, Luke?” Ashton asked.

Luke only nodded. “I’ll be professional,” he promised. “But then… I need some answers. We all do. So I want to talk to her afterwards. I’ll catch a separate flight home if needed, but— I need to talk to her.”

The other three men nodded in understanding. It hadn’t been easy handling the loss of Rory and the impact it had on Luke. A struggle two years in the making. And facing Rory again might set them all back to square one. Or it might finally fix everything that had broken in her absence. And there was only one way to find out.

~~~

“Nervous?” Vic asked as his lips stamped a kiss right below her ear.

“About what? Seeing my ex after two years and showing off my world to him and hoping he likes it more than he hates me? Pfft, why would that make me nervous?”

“Luke would be stupid to hate you,” Vic assured her.

“I wouldn’t blame him if he did though.”

“I know that it’s useless for me to say this because you’re gonna worry anyway, but don’t stress too much, okay? Just let today play out however it plays out. If they’re half the men you claim they are, they’ll be able to set their personal feelings aside for this. Or at the very least they’ll be honest if that’s their reasoning for not wanting to give us a chance.”

“I hope you’re right, Vic.”

He gave her a tight hug. “Ready to confront the past?”

“Will we last if I don’t?” she asked, cracking a grin at the reference despite herself.

“Us Arrows will keep in Actioning no matter what happens,” Jesse piped up from where he was standing watch by the front window. “By the way a cab just pulled up.”

“Battle stations!” Matt declared.

Aurora laughed, appreciating all their efforts to help defuse the tension. “Alright, let’s do this.”

The doorbell rang, and every thought of how Aurora imagined this moment playing out disappeared from her head when she pulled the door open and Ashton swept her into a crushing bear hug. “God, I’ve fuckin’ missed you!” he beamed at her as he set her on her feet. “Wow,” he continued beaming, holding her out at arm’s length. “Yup, you’re still Rory.”

“Hi, Ash. I’ve missed you too. All of you,” she smiled at him and at Calum, Luke, and Michael crowding the porch step behind him, before sweeping her arm for them to all come inside, “C’mon in.”

“We totally voted on who would get to hug you first, and then Ash overruled the vote,” Calum complained, giving Aurora a hug as he followed Ashton inside the house. “It’s so good to fuckin’ see you,” he whispered before letting Michael have his turn.

“We’ve really missed you,” Michael told her when he hugged her. “But looks like you’ve kept busy,” he added with an eyebrow waggle at the other three men all crammed together on the couch to make room for the newest arrivals.

“You’re really gonna like them, Michael,” she grinned. “Jesse and Matt are big gamers.”

“That’s my girl!” Michael whooped in triumph. “Finally, people who get me.”

Luke let each of his bandmates have their reunion moment with Aurora, lingering out on the porch, his heart hammering in his chest. He thought he was ready for this. He felt his throat starting to close, unwelcome tears springing into his eyes. He blinked furiously, looking skyward, hoping gravity would reverse the tears back into his eyes.

“Luke?” Aurora asked him, her voice too quiet, the hand she placed on his arm too gentle. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Really?”

“Of course I am. I’ve missed you.”

“Then why’d you call Ash instead of me?” The question came out cracked, wobbly, and without permission. “I—” Luke cleared his throat, clamping down tightly on the emotions swirling up inside him. “Sorry, I promised the guys I wouldn’t do this.”

“It’s okay, Luke. Take all the time you need.”

He took a shuddering breath, then wrapped her tightly in his arms, her head instinctively tucking up her chin. He inhaled deeply, her familiar scent and feel of her in his arms grounding him. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he murmured in her hair.

Her arms snaked around his waist, holding him just as tightly, reveling in the fact that for all that may have changed between them, at least they still fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces. “I think I have a pretty accurate idea, actually,” she whispered into his chest.

They stood there locked in their embrace for at least long enough for the men waiting inside to start clearing their throats loudly, while drumming on their legs, muttering half awkward pleasantries.

Aurora and Luke let go at the same moment, each stepping back and sharing a small laugh, each going to wipe at the tears on the other’s face and laughing some more. “C’mon, let me introduce you to everyone.”

~~~

After a round of introduction, Matt dragged the chairs from the kitchen table into the living room so there would be more places to sit. Once everyone had a seat— Ashton, Calum, Luke, and Michael in the kitchen chairs, Aurora on the couch sandwiched between Matt and Vic, and Jesse at the desk in the corner— Jesse took the lead of playing some of the Arrows in Action discography, talking at lengths afterwards about the process and who contributed what.

Calum and Michael were captivated, asking more questions about the process and who was doing the production of each song.

“Well, originally it was me and Matt. We worked with some producers in the past who taught us a few tricks and whatnot. And we shell out the money for when we actually put together our albums. But day to day production has usually been me and Matt. Until Rory came along anyway. Said she did it in college, right, Rory?”

Aurora and Michael nodded at the same time. “Yeah, Rory did more college than all of us,” Michael said, and Aurora noted the pride in his voice. “Calum and I took a few courses with her in music production though. Figured it would be a good skill to know.”

“Yeah, and Rory mentioned you guys taught her how to play the bass and stuff. Are you guys self-taught?” Matt asked, always eager to know about how a musician became a musician.

“More or less,” Ashton said. “Learned on our own or from those around us. I think Luke was the only one who got actual lessons.”

“Hey, Michael and I sold out stadiums on Guitar Hero. Respect the hustle, Ash,” Calum interjected, earning a laugh from everyone in the room. “But seriously, on a business front, your guys’ sound is some solid shit. And from a former best friend front, Rory, I think I speak for all of us when I say how fuckin’ proud I am of you. You did good for yourself. Real good. I just wish— I— nevermind, not my place.”

Aurora smiled softly at the man. “I know. And thank you.” She turned her gaze from Calum to look at all the 5SOS members— her former friends and brothers, and the only love of her life. “I really appreciate that you guys took the time to come out for me despite everything. And while I’m truly sorry and would love to explain it all to each of you, I think there’s a song that Vic and I wrote that better explains my head space back then. Jesse?”

“On it,” the man said, understanding his cue and hitting play on This Time.

Keychains and flowers couldn’t fix what I was

Silence and habit made me think we could keep this

What doesn’t kill me makes me worse than I was

If I close my eyes then it still feels like the first kiss

Nothing is quite the same

But we just keep avoiding this

Speak slowly, couldn’t know me

We won’t confront the past

Despite the fact that if we don’t then this won’t last

Maybe this time was the last time

I think we’re running out of luck

Maybe enough was just too much

“Wow…” Luke murmured to himself as silence crashed down around the room. “That was… Jesus, Rory, all that was in your head that whole time? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Aurora shrugged, her lower lip starting to quiver. “I don’t know,” she mouthed, the words coming out with no sound.

“Maybe this would be a good time to show you guys our makeshift studio,” Matt said, standing up quickly.

“That is a great idea,” Vic seconded, also standing up. 

Everyone else with the exception of Aurora and Luke followed suit, Matt leading the charge out to the studio that was really just the garage, Vic squeezing Aurora’s shoulder on his way out as a silent confirmation that he had her back however this conversation played out.

“Okay…” Luke said slowly once they were alone. “Can I just say that I hate whatever that was?”

“Whatever what was?” Aurora asked, confused. “The songs?”

“What? No, those are amazing. You and him.”

“Me and Vic? You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not fuckin’ joking. I— God, Rory, is it so wrong of me to hate that you basically replaced me? Replaced us?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t replace anybody. And you’re seriously gonna sit there and act like you haven’t slept with anybody since me?”

Luke’s mouth gaped open both at the accusation and the confession that her and Vic were at least somewhat together romantically. “I— Well, no. Of course I’ve slept with other people. But I’m not in a relationship with those girls, either.”

“Who said Vic and I were in a relationship?”

Luke gestured around the house. “You fuckin’ live with him for fuck’s sake!”

Aurora tipped her head back, roaring with laughter. “Oh my God, could you just admit that you’re jealous?”

“Fine, I’m jealous! I’m jealous as hell, Rory. Like c’mon, you can’t tell me you don’t see all the similarities between us and these guys.”

“Of course I see the similarities, Luke. Which is why Vic and I are not together. Look— Vic and I understand each other, that’s all. We both had this one great love, and we both royally fucked it up because we couldn’t face the truth. And yeah, we hook up sometimes. But it’s to prevent us from hooking up with someone else and risking everything we fought so hard to move on from. From something I don’t think I’ll ever move on from.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel better or not. I— I’m not sure what to feel actually.”

“Join the club.”

“I— Can I ask one question? We don’t have to hash out our whole past, but there’s a question I once asked you and I dunno… I feel like I never got a real answer. What happened? Cuz I’ve tried so many times to put the pieces together in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, and I just end up more confused.”

Aurora sighed, slumping into the couch cushions. “At first I thought that you had become a stranger to me. Like one day we were 17 and I knew everything about you, and the next day we were 23 and I had no idea who you were. And a part of me still thinks that’s true. I mean obviously you weren’t the same anymore. Honestly, the drinking and partying version of you was really hard to handle. But the part that scared me the most was that I changed and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Like you and the guys were all finding yourselves as you grew as a band. And I just ended up getting more and more lost. And no matter what I tried to do to find me, I just ended up more lost. It wasn’t that you became a stranger to me, Luke. I became a stranger to myself.”

“Ba— Rory, I would have helped you through that. We all would have. Why didn’t you say something?”

She shook her head and shrugged. “I— I don’t think it would have mattered. It wasn’t something I could fix by staying with you. Like slowly over time I went from being Aurora Hudson to just being the girl dating Luke Hemmings of 5SOS. I didn’t have an identity to myself that wasn’t somehow tied to you. And that was terrifying. Like I was just a kid, Luke. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I was so fuckin’ lost and needed to find myself. It absolutely fuckin’ sucked that there was nothing to pin the blame on— no way to fix it by staying with you. Do you really think I would have left you if I thought there was another way for me to save me from myself?! Of course I would have stayed with you! But I was just a fuckin’ kid, Luke!”

“I was a fuckin kid, too!” he shouted, standing up suddenly and pointing a shaking finger in front of her face. “I was a fuckin’ kid too, Rory. And I fuckin’ loved you. And you said your future was wherever I was and like a fuckin’ idiot I believed you, because I stupidly thought you loved me too!”

She rose to her feet too, matching his anger with her own. “I did, Luke! I fuckin’ did! I loved you with everything I fuckin’ had and if I had a fuckin’ time machine I would go back and re-do this whole fuckin’ thing! Because even after all this time, I’m still fuckin’ in love with you! But I don’t think that matters anymore.” She slumped back down onto the couch, defeated and exhausted.

“Of course it fuckin’ matters! It fuckin’ matters because I’m still in love with you, too! And I tried not to be! God, I tried so fuckin’ hard to get over you! I turned into the worst version of myself  because what was the point of being the best version of myself if you wouldn’t love me anyway?!” His chest heaved as the words spilled in an angry flurry. “And then— I don’t exactly know but everything was a complete fuckin’ mess and then I got sober. Well… sort of. I cleaned up my act. Severely limited my drinking and partying habits. 1.) because no matter how drunk or sober I was I still saw you in everything I did and at least being sober didn’t leave me with the wicked hangover in addition to the heartache 2.) because I stupidly thought that maybe if I put myself back together then maybe you’d come back. Like we were connected on a level that I couldn’t understand and you would know and you would come back because that’s what happens in all the romance books and movies you like so much. And then you called. And you called fuckin’ Ashton.”

Aurora tried to laugh at that but it came out as a half garbled sob. “I thought you would hang up. I thought you hated me. I would hate me. Fuck, I do hate me.”

“Aurora Marie Hudson, I have been in love with you since I was six fuckin’ years old. And absolutely nothing since then has ever changed that. And nothing ever will.”

“So if you kiss me right now, and we both close our eyes, do you think we can be 17 again?”

Despite everything, Luke chuckled as he sat down next to her, his arm going across her shoulders. “No. No, I don’t think that.”

“Oh, I see,” she mumbled, looking down to study the tips of her shoes. If after all this he was going to reject her, she didn’t want to bear witness to it, even if she would deserve it. She was stupid to think that it could really be that simple. That a slight screaming match voicing years of pent up truths would be the magic needed to fix everything.

Luke’s fingers hooked up under her jaw, forcing her to look up at him as he again shifted, leaning down to help close what little distance between them remained. “I think that if I kiss you, we’ll stay 25. But this time we’ll be better. Better at figuring our shit out. Together. The way we were meant to. And I’m scared to close my eyes because I don’t want to miss hearing you say—”

“My future is wherever you are,” she whispered, as their lips connected.

[soundtrack-scribe]

In case anyone wanted to know what it’s like to be friends with a writer who just came out of a several years’ long writer’s block.

[soundtrack-scribe]

Happy Hour

Soundtrack:

Alone Together- Dan + Shay

Word Count: 2.5k

__

The beeping of the copier machine had you snapping your head up from your laptop. Assuming it was beeping because it was out of paper, you grabbed a new ream, carrying it over.

However, instead of a “load paper” display like you were expecting, the copier displayed the words every teacher dreaded to see while making copies before school: paper jam.

“Oh, c’mon,” you grumbled with a short laugh as you opened the front cover and let the machine guide you through fixing the jam before closing the cover again.

The machine whirred back to life, and certain the problem was solved, you moved to the sink to wash off the printer ink splotches on your hands. As you were drying your hands, the machine beeped again.

“You’ve got to be fuckin’ joking,” you muttered with an eye roll, approaching the machine again. Again it blared a message of a paper jam.

You worked your way through unjamming the copier a second time. And then a third. And then a fourth. At some point your laptop screen went into sleep mode, but updating your Google Classroom was now the last thing on your mind.

You slammed the cover shut, and took a step back, fanning yourself, unsure of it was the warm room or stress of needing your copies before classes started making you feel sweaty.

The copier whirred, and then started beeping again. “Nnnoooo!” you laugh-whined, as you opened the machine and started the process of unjamming it again.

A low whistle sounded from the doorway to the lounge as Ashton, the math teacher next door to you, walked in with a few papers in his hands. “Jammed huh?”

“Yup. And no matter what I do, it keeps jamming,” you gave him the quick run down. “Morning, and happy Friday, by the way,” you added, straightening up from fixing the jam yet again. “How are you?”

Ashton laughed, “Morning, Happy Friday, and I’m good, you? Besides probably pissed off at the copier? Have you messaged Michael?” he replied, mentioning the IT maintenance manager on your guys’ side of campus.

“I’m gonna fight technology and my students,” you said with another frustrated laugh. “They’re the reason I need to make copies in the first place because they keep vandalizing the computers. Did I tell you how I found one yesterday with a cracked screen?”

Ashton whistled low. “I feel that. My kids are in trouble because they made my sub walk out yesterday.”

“Damn, I got a reflection essay for that if you need. Too bad you’ll need the copier, though.”

Ashton laughed as he pulled out his phone. “Yeah, I’ll let Michael know.”

“Tell him I blame him too, because he literally asked me yesterday how the copier was doing and I stupidly said that it was working great,” you told him as you checked what copies you had before the jam started. “I have enough to manage for today. If I could just cancel the job though so it would stop, that would be great.”

As Ashton stepped over to examine the copier, you stepped back to give him space. “Hmm,” the man hummed, “are you making double sided copies?”

“Yeah. Trying to save paper.”

“That might be the problem. When the paper flips, it—” he explained as he started pressing buttons on the display screen.

“Oh that’s when it gets jammed!” you finished. “Well fine, I’ll never make double sided copies again, I guess.”

“No, cancel! Cancel!” Ashton laughed as the copier whirred and on cue jammed.

Together you both reached to open the front cover, Ashton pulling open one part and yanking out paper, while you reached back and tried to wedge free paper stuck in the far back. You ignored the way your hands brushed against each other’s as you both pulled back your hands. Ignored the way you bore matching ink splotches. Ignored how his eyes carefully watched where your hands were as he snapped various parts of machinery back into place so he didn’t accidentally close a piece on you. Before Ashton closed the cover that would trigger the copier starting up and jamming again, he hit the power button, holding it until a power down menu option appeared. “Shh, go to sleep,” he whispered to the copier, making both of you giggle.

“Yes!” you both cheered when at long last the copier went silent. He held up his hand in a high five, and when your palm slapped victoriously into his, his fingers spread, your own fingers slotting into the empty spaces, interlacing with his.

You both realized what was happening at the same time, his eyes widening as he dropped your hand and took a few hurried steps back, clearing his throat. “Um, uh,” he started to sputter. “Enjoy your copies, Nova.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you rushed, grabbing your copies and long forgotten laptop. “Uh, thanks for the help. I’ll send that reflection assignment to you.”

“Yeah, course, anytime,” he waved dismissively. “And thanks, I’d appreciate it.”

Copies in hand, you made to exit the lounge, but paused before the door. “Hey, did you see the email Calum sent about an after school happy hour because it’s a minimum day?” you asked, bringing up the biology teacher across the way from yours and Ashton’s classrooms.

“Oh yeah, I was probably gonna swing by. You going?”

“Yeah I was thinking about it.”

“Cool. I’ll uh, see you later then.”

When you got to your classroom, you sat at your desk a long while thinking everything over.

Did you like Ashton? It was such a silly question. Of course you liked Ashton. You liked all of your fellow 9th grade team coworkers.

But you and Ashton had started working at the school during the same year. You survived the new teacher trenches literally side by side. And throughout the seven years you’ve been teaching, you each watched the other teachers on your team go through their own relationship highs and lows. Every time Calum complained about an affair gone awry, you and Ashton always sighed in relief, lamenting the fact that this is why you each chose to stay single.

And it was hard to deny the way your heart had raced at how he looked crouched down with you helping you fix the copier with those ink splotches on his large hands.

In a moment of “fuck it,” you pulled up the employee handbook, searching for anything to tell you that you and Ashton would be a bad move professionally. And you couldn’t help the grin when you found nothing that forbade employee relationships.

~~~

“Have a good weekend!” you announced to your class as they rapidly exited the room. When the last one filed out, you turned your attention to quickly tidying up your classroom and preparing it for Monday morning, so come Monday you didn’t have to worry about it.

You were standing on a chair to reach high enough to change the date on your whiteboard when hands drummed against the top of your open doorway. You turned, prepared to scold whatever student was banging on the doorframe, but your eyes flashed wide when you noticed it was Ashton. And you were pretty sure your cheeks flushed at the sight of his biceps flexing and straining against the sleeves of his shirt as he leaned in your doorway, hands firmly wrapped around the top of the doorframe, fingers still drumming a little tune.

If he noticed your pink cheeks, he didn’t say anything. He just flashed you a wide smile, the dimple in his cheek making an appearance. “You headed out?”

“Yeah, just getting things ready and waiting for the parking lot to die down a bit.”

“Mmm, smart choice,” he mentioned. He let go of the doorframe, stepping fully inside your classroom. He took off the baseball hat with the school logo emblazoned on it that he always wore, and ran his fingers through his hair, doing very little to tame the unruly brown waves, before pulling the hat back down on his head. “Damn, your writing is so neat,” he admired, taking a look at your whiteboard.

“You didn’t take Whiteboard Writing 101?” you joked.

“Nah, my program only had Doctor’s Writing. So my own board looks like I wrote with my left hand,” he joked back.

“Well, good thing you really only have to write numbers,” you continued to tease, moving to step down from your chair.

Suddenly he was in front of you, hand out to help you step off the chair. Without thinking, you accepted the help, marveling in the warmth and strength of his hand holding onto yours. “Yeah until we do a unit on variables and then it’s “Mister! Is that an “s” or a “5”? So I usually just make slides with all the equations and go over it that way. Makes it less embarrassing.”

“That’s actually pretty smart,” you told him as he let go of your hand and grabbed the back of the chair, picking it up and putting it back in place for you.

You were certain he heard the gulping sound you made as his eyes met yours, that grin plastered on his face. Then again, almost like he was giving you privacy to fawn over him, he moved across your room to look out the window overlooking the parking lot. “I think we’re good if you’re ready to head out.”

You noticed how he waited for you to gather your things, and let you exit first. You also noticed how he flicked off the classroom lights for you, the toe of his boot kicking up the door stopper to shut your door in the same motion. And you definitely noticed how he walked a step behind you all the way to the parking lot and didn’t get into his truck until you were safely in your own little car.

~~~

You squeezed the lime wedge into your Corona before you put the beer bottle to your lips. Next to you, Ashton played with the peeling label of his own beer bottle.

“Have any of you guys played corn hole?” Michael asked during a lapse in conversation, nodding over to the outdoor game set up of the brewery.

“I feel like I have but I don’t know the rules,” Ashton replied.

“Same,” you spoke up, before taking another pull of your beer.

“You gonna teach us, Georgia boy?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow as Michael went over to the cornhole game.

“My wife grew up in Georgia. I just lived there for a few years. But yes. Cal, you take that side with Ash. Nova, come over to this side with me.”

Michael launched into an explanation of how the game was played and how the point system worked, but you blocked everything out after Michael mentioned that Ashton was your teammate. And when Ashton reached up to flip his hat backwards on his head, you finished off your beer so you could blame the warmth flooding your body on the booze.

Back and forth the four of you took turns tossing the beanbags, no one really keeping score, conversation flowing easily. At some point Calum dismissed himself and then Michael, leaving just you and Ashton, still aimlessly tossing the beanbags across the playing field. “So,” Ashton spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence that had been building.

“So?” you questioned when he said nothing more.

“I was thinking of grabbing a water. You want one?” he asked, jerking a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the building.

“Yeah that would be great, thanks,” you smiled at him.

As he walked inside, you returned to the table that was still littered with discarded beer bottles, pretzel bites, and your purse.

When Ashton returned with 2 water glasses, and 2 shot glasses in hand, you raised an eyebrow in silent question. “They got me with 2 for 1 tequila,” he answered sheepishly. “Figured why not. If you’re not a tequila drinker, I’ll drink both.”

“No, tequila’s fine,” you told him, taking the offered shot glass and throwing it back. You let out a shiver as the alcohol smoothly went down your throat. “Mmm, so what do I owe you?” you asked as the shot glass clinked against the tabletop.

“Oh, it’s on me,” he waved a hand dismissively. “You just wanted water and I’m a sucker for a good happy hour deal.”

“Yeah, but I still drank it,” you pressed.

“Seriously, it’s fine.”

“Ashton.”

“Nova.”

You rolled your eyes, taking a drink of the water. “You’re impossible.”

He grinned, taking a drink of his own water. “Yeah, but you like me that way.”

“That is true,” you agreed. “I like you a lot of ways.”

Ashton choked on his next sip of water. “Come again?”

“I— I just meant—” you stammered. What did you mean? You sighed, opting for the truth. “I like you, Ash. You’ve been my next door neighbor our entire teaching careers. You’re a great teacher, and a great co-worker. A great friend, even. I like showing up to work, knowing you’re gonna be there. I like our silly unspoken competition we have about who gets to work first. So yeah. I like you.”

He smiled softly. “I like you too,” came the admission. “I like how you remember everyone’s birthdays, and what our food likes and dislikes are so when we plan parties you make sure there’s something for everyone to eat. I like how you used to only bring a turkey and cheese and crackers platter until I said I like salami so now you bring the bigger platter. I like how you usually always bring the same lunch, unless it’s after a party because then you just bring your leftover platter like it’s an adult sized lunchable. And I like how most mornings when I pull into the parking lot, your car is already there and when I walk down the hallway, you wave good morning to me from your room. So yeah, I like you, too.”

“I—”

“Look,” Ashton said quickly. “I’m not trying to force something that’s not there. I’m aware that when you say you like me, you could just truly mean you like me, and that’s that. And I’m fine if all we’re meant to be is friendly co-workers. But I know that when I get in my truck to go home, I’m going home alone. And I’m pretty sure that when you get into your own car, you’re also going home alone. So all I’m saying is that if you maybe would want to be alone together with me, that’s something I’d be open to.”

He didn’t say anything else as he began to drink his water, allowing you the time and space to deal with the bombshell he dropped on you.

Alone? Together? With Ashton? With those lips cold from the water glass pressing against yours, soft and refreshing? With those large careful hands skillfully roaming your body? The idea of him taking his time as he learned about you in a much more intimate manner?

Your hands splayed out across the tabletop as you leaned forward. Understanding your cue, Ashton’s lips found yours halfway across the table.

“Let’s get out of here,” you murmured as you pulled away, and brought a finger to your lips, savoring the way his lips had felt on yours and excited for whatever came next.

“Mmm, in a minute,” he agreed, before his fingers hooked under your chin, pulling you back in for another kiss.

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I feel like my best fic ideas come from real life scenarios I experience that I obviously tweak to satisfy my fic writing needs.

Because as a married person obviously I have no real attraction to the math teacher who I was laughing with in the lounge as he helped me fix the copy machine every time it jammed on us.

But reader and teacher!Ashton? Ink covered hands brushing as they both reach for the same crumpled up papers? Cheeks red and a little breathless from laughing to stem the frustration of a broken copier right before classes start? Cheering together when it finally works? Maybe a shared high five that ends in interlaced fingers?

Stay tuned I guess?

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New Blog, Who Dis?

Blog revival coming soon!

Save your favorite fics while you still can!They will still be up on here but respectfully the idea of changing ALL my links on my various masterlists is 1.) both daunting and tedious and 2.) a recipe for me purging all my shitty half assed crack idea fics.

calpalirwin —> soundtrack-scribe

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What up y’all! Happy holidays! I figured I was long overdue for a life update so consider this my holiday newsletter.

1.) Babypal #1 (M) is 3 YEARS old! And he’s in daycare/preschool! And he’s potty trained! And he’s adapting well to Babypal #2 (N).

2.) N is 5 MONTHS old! Which means we’re in the baby dinosaur stage of voice exploration. He was born small and remains small so we’ve switched to giving him formula during the day to try and bulk him up. Which is lowkey sad that I can’t breastfed him the same way I did with M, but is highkey a relief cuz breastfeeding/pumping is fuckin exhausting.

3.) I’m exhausted because in addition to parenting 2 young children, I GOT A GROWN UP JOB!!!! I’m a TEACHER TEACHER GUYS!!!! I teach 9th graders (14-15 year olds). They’re… interesting. The other teachers on campus are awesome though. Overall pretty happy with the situation.

4.) Hubs remain crushing it as supportive partner/parent. He’s been doing a lot of early morning 3 year old duty so I can sleep in and be on baby duty. I think we’ve both handled the addition of N easier than when we had M because we have a better understanding of things that happened the first time around. Which I suppose is good news for prospective parents of multiple children. Transitioning from 1-2 was way easier than going from 0-1.

5.) That being said, I still do have mild postpartum anxiety. Which is a step up from the moderate postpartum anxiety I was diagnosed with immediately after M.

6.) I’m still writing. Just at a much slower pace. And my current focus is writing a novella in the hopes of publishing.

7.) Overall life is chaotic, messy, and amazing.

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Addicted to Sound

Summary: When a classic violinist clashes with a rock drummer, things are bound to be messy.

Word Count: 2.7k

And away, and away we go!

__

Dean was more than surprised to find a car already in the parking lot of Fowler’s Strings when he arrived. And his surprise turned to curiosity when he didn’t recognize the vehicle despite the man sitting at the wheel looking vaguely familiar. He shook off the feeling, chalking it up to another generic pretty white boy face, slipping back into his normal demeanor. 

The man in the car didn’t move as Dean tucked his motorcycle helmet under his left arm, right hand going for a set of keys clipped to the side of his backpack. Only after Dean unlocked the building to let himself in did the man in the car start to move to get out. 

“Morning, what can I help you with?” Dean called out to the man when he finally made his way inside the building. 

“You’re not Dean Fowler by any chance are you?”

He stiffened ever so slightly as he set his backpack down behind his desk and shrugged off his jacket, draping it over the back of his chair. “That would depend on who’s asking,” Dean answered cautiously. 

The man gave a small, almost apologetic laugh. “Sorry. I, um… my band… well management really…” he loosed a sigh, frustrated with himself for fumbling with words like an idiot. “My band is doing a show, and my management hired your company as part of the vision we had for this show.”

“Ah,” Dean said knowingly. “So you wanted to come and do your own research. Make sure we’re up to your standards.”

“Heh,” the man ducked his head. “Well in part, yes. But also… and I’m aware of how absurd this will sound. But I used to know someone named Dean Fowler back when I was a kid. And part of me is curious if it’s the same Dean Fowler.”

“Well, yes I’m Dean. However, I didn’t grow up here, so I’m sure it’s just a mere coincidence.”

“I didn’t grow up here either. I’m Ashton. Irwin, if that helps jog your memory any.”

Much to Dean’s dismay it did. A flash of a scrawny boy with a straightened blond fringe. Then more flashes, some good, some worse, of memories spent with that boy. Dean blinked, the flashes fading and in its place stood Ashton as he was now. Scrawny frame filled out with broad muscle. Blonde fringe replaced with soft brown curls. And his face, even more handsome in adulthood with stubble now decorating that strong jaw. “Well… we’re both a long way from home, huh?”

Ashton laughed. “Yeah. Yeah I guess you could say that.” A large hand rose to rub at the back of his neck. “So…”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Dean cut in. “We don’t have to do whatever this,” he waved a hand in a vague gesture, “is. Let’s agree to leave what happened when we were kids in the past where it belongs. I know I’ve changed since then. You’ve…” another vague hand gesture at Ashton’s body “clearly changed a lot as well. So let’s just attend to the matter at hand, and take it from there.”

Ashton’s face fell for a fraction of a second before he nodded. “Yeah. That’s… yeah.”

Dean loosed a sigh. He didn’t want to come off as dick. But he wasn’t exactly inclined to walk down memory lane with Ashton either. What was so wrong with wanting to do the job at hand and then go back to forgetting about his former friend turned lover turned stranger? “I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean started to amend, “I only meant that we could have a clean slate. Start fresh, or whatever.”

Ashton merely nodded again, slowly turning over the words in his head. “Yeah, makes sense. But damn, I must’ve played this out a million times in my head about what I would say or do if I walked in here and it was actually you. And…” his voice trailed off in a huff of breath. “I dunno,” Ashton’s shoulders shrugged. “It probably doesn’t mean a whole lot, and it’s way overdue, but I am sorry for how things were before.”

The corner of Dean’s mouth pulled up slightly in a sad half smile. “Yeah. Me too, Ash, me too. Um…” Dean drummed his fingers on his desk, wiggling his mouse to wake up his computer. His tongue clicked in his mouth, making idle noise to pass the time as he pulled up a file on the screen. “Okay, so it looks like your management sent the set list. Did they send the…” another click had another file opening up. “Perfect. Okay, so,” Dean’s eyes lifted from the computer to Ashton, “my team and I are gonna look this over and see what we can do with it. Then we’ll bring you guys so we can hash out any other details or deal with any changes, and then we can start rehearsals. Any questions?”

“How long do you think it will take your team to come up with your additions?”

Dean clicked his tongue some more in thought. “Like a week tops, hopefully. I’ll keep your management up to date.”

“So I’m supposed to sit on my ass and do what exactly? Hope you’ll call me?”

It took everything in Dean’s power to remain professional. “No, of course not. You’re in London. Enjoy it. Do literally anything that will keep your mind off of me calling you. Because, I’ll grant you the courtesy of informing you now. I won’t be calling you. I’ll be calling your management.”

Ashton drummed his fingers against his thighs, blowing out a huff of air slowly, no doubt trying to ignore the obvious phone call dig. “Fine. Just, uh, try not to keep us waiting too long, Fowler. The venue only gave us a handful of dates so the sooner we can lock one in, the better.”

“Keep you waiting? Wouldn’t dream of it, Irwin,” Dean smiled sweetly.

~~~

Dean felt his temper rising with each second that ticked by on the clock. Tick! He’s not coming. Tock! Why did he think he would?

So when his phone finally did ring, shattering the silence, Dean all but jumped out his own skin before answering. “About time,” he said, doing his best to keep his irritation out of his voice.

“I know. I messed up. I’m sorry. I’m on my way though, okay. Just… like gimme five more minutes. Please?” Ashton’s voice replied, rushed rather than apologetic.

“Don’t bother. Just do whatever you want. I’m done.”

“What?”

Even Dean faltered for a second, unsure of what he was saying. “I— You— You promised me, Ash. You swore this wasn’t gonna change anything between us. That we were still gonna be us. And sure, at the time, you probably meant every word. But…” he sniffed as a tear slid down his nose. “I can’t keep putting my life on pause for you.”

“I never asked you to.”

“I know, but—”

“But what, Dean?! You can’t handle not being the only important thing in my life?! I have a future to think about here!”

“A future that doesn’t include me.”

“What are you saying?” The question came out broken and horrified.

“I’m saying— I love you, okay? So much that I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to stop. But I can’t keep waiting for you to love me back.”

“I do love you! I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t.”

“But you’re not with me, Ash! Maybe emotionally. But physically and mentally, you left me a long time ago.”

“Dean, please!”

“Don’t call me.”

“Dean!”

The line went dead. And by the time Ashton made it to their meet up spot, Dean was nowhere to be found.

~~~

Aside from the ending, Dean had been one of Ashton’s better relationships. Carefree, easy days playing music and doing homework together. A million little moments that turned into shy confessions and led to kissing in the back row at the movies and promises of forever. A promise Ashton intended to keep, right up until he didn’t.

Ashton shook the thoughts from his head. Replaying a relationship that had ended over a decade ago wasn’t gonna do him any good. And yet, he couldn’t help it. Walking into that studio and seeing Dean again, different but somehow still the same, had opened up the memories whether Ashton wanted it or not.

He didn’t fault Dean for breaking things off, not back then and certainly not now. They hadn’t been anything more than kids. And life seemed to had been kind to both of them since then. Could a clean slate lead to a new chance? One that Ashton wouldn’t fuck up this time. Or had Dean meant a clean slate in that he wanted to treat this strictly as a professional relationship, get the job done, and go back to forgetting Ashton? He supposed in some part it didn’t matter. That sitting here, spinning through all the what ifs was a giant waste of time. But he somehow found himself focusing on the words “I love you, okay? So much that I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to stop,” and wondering if that was still true. And if it was still true, what did that mean for them now that they had each grown up a little bit more? And if it wasn’t true…

Ashton shook his head again.

~~~

“A band? Like an actual band?” Dean asked skeptically.

Ashton’s eyes shifted to study the ground. “Yeah. I mean they play shows and stuff. Nothing big yet. But who knows, you know? Maybe one day…”

“Maybe one day you guys will be huge stars and I’ll be…” 

“Hopefully right there with me?” Ashton asked, lifting his gaze to meet Dean’s, teeth nipping into his lower lip. 

Dean just arched an eyebrow. “You would want that?”

Ashton gripped Dean’s hands in his tightly. “Of course I do! What?” Ashton laughed. “You think I would choose anything for my life that didn’t include you? Dean, I love you. And anything this world is gonna be crazy enough to throw at me, I want you right there with me.”

Dean allowed himself a smile, to fully believe in what Ashton was telling him. “It’ll always be us?”

“Always. Promise.”

~~~

Dean rubbed his eyes. It had been a foolish promise. One he had willed himself to believe in at the time because what was the alternative when you were seventeen and in love?

It hadn’t all been Ashton’s fault. Dean had been just as idyllic about the thought of spending forever with Ashton, chasing music dream after music dream together. Until the doubt and insecurities became too much to handle and he ran. So no, it hadn’t all been Ashton’s fault, because it was never his fault at all. Ashton would have continued to fight for them until his last breath. But Dean had picked the coward’s way out and pushed the blame on Ashton anyway. And Ashton, bless his heart, had let it happen.

And for what? For both of them to chase their music dreams separately and still find a way back into each other’s lives? There was no way that could be a mere coincidence. Something much larger than Dean could ever fathom was at play here. Fate. Destiny. Whatever it was, Dean wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

Dean pulled out his phone and dialed.

“Hello?” Ashton’s voice answered, polite but unsure of who was calling.

“Hey,” Dean replied. “It’s me. It’s uh, sorry, it’s Dean.”

“Oh! Yeah, hey. I uh, wasn’t expecting you to call, sorry,” Ashton nervously laughed. 

“To be fair, I told you not to expect me,” Dean laughed with him.

“You guys are ready with the arrangements already?” Ashton asked incredulously. “Damn, I can see why my management picked you guys.”

“What? No. I—" Dean huffed another laugh. “Sorry, I should explain why I’m calling you. It’s uh… Well, it’s personal, I guess? I— God, I feel so ridiculous. I—” he paused, letting out a long sigh, using the time to gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. 

“Dean?” Ashton asked, voice tinged with concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just… I keep thinking, and um… are you free to meet for coffee or something? This is a conversation probably better had in person.”

“Oh? Uh… yeah. Yeah, I can meet you somewhere. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

~~~

Ashton tried to keep his nerves in check as he waited inside the coffee shop for Dean to arrive. It took every ounce of patience he had to remain where he was when he saw Dean in the parking lot, tucking a motorcycle helmet under his arm before striding towards the door. The tightness in his chest gave way to instant relief when Dean flashed him a huge grin, crossing the room quickly to him. “Hey, thanks for meeting me,” Dean rushed out as he set his motorcycle helmet down on the table. 

“Yeah, of course. So what’s up? You sounded like whatever you wanted to talk about is pretty serious.”

Dean’s face flushed, as both men settled into their seats. “It’s actually kind of stupid. But remember how I told you that we should leave our past in the past and just have a clean slate?”

Ashton felt the tightness in his chest return as he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’m struggling with doing that more than I thought. Like, if someone had asked me a few days ago how I felt about you, I would easily say that you were someone who was part of my past, and I’ve made my peace with it.”

“And now?” Ashton prompted after a few beats of silence. 

“Now I’m confused. The way we ended wasn’t your fault. The blame lies completely with me. I was the one who couldn’t handle my inner demons and I took the easy way out. And even today, it’s clear I still have some bitterness about how we ended because I’ve kind of been a dick to you under the guise of cold professionalism. And that bitterness is misplaced. It’s my own demons that have now turned into regret, and it’s not fair for me to have projected that onto you.”

“Well, while I appreciate that, I’m still partly to blame. I got tunnel-visioned in chasing my music dream with the guys, and I unintentionally stopped viewing you as a priority. And you were right to call me out for it and demand more for yourself.”

“You didn’t deserve for me to throw it all away, though.”

Ashton shrugged. “And you didn’t deserve for me to cast you aside to push you into thinking walking away was the only option.”

“And while I’m glad we’re at a place now where we can have a mature conversation about this, I’m still confused about where this leaves us. Because I don’t want a fresh start. I want a do over. I want the chance I ran away from.”

Ashton let out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank, God,” he laughed. “Because I have not been able to get you out of my head since I suggested your company to my management,” he confessed.

“Since you what?” Dean asked incredulously. “You suggested my company to your management? Which meant you knew it was me?”

Ashton’s face flushed. “Well it didn’t start out that way. But once I saw the name, I got curious. And… I mean I can’t say that I was ever okay with how things ended between us. It fuckin’ destroyed me, and to always have this nagging thought that it could have been avoided… You’re the only boy I’ve ever been in love with, Dean. And one of the last things you said to me was how you didn’t think you’d ever stop loving me. And I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding onto that hope until I found you again.”

Dean felt his heart start to race in his chest. “So… if I want a do over, and you also want a do over… that leaves us where, exactly?”

“Hopefully right about here?” Ashton asked before one of his hands was reaching across the table, two fingers hooking under Dean’s chin to pull him in for a kiss.

__

Tag List

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Self Insert/Reader Characters Fic Update

Hey y’all, so I’ve decided to step away from the self insert character bit. And by that I mean I’ve given an actual name to the famous Y/N for better story writing.

So for clarity, I’m not writing a series when I use these names, they’re stand alone, self insert/readercharacter fics.

For out female reader inserts we have:

Ashton x Nova

Calum x Thea

Michael x Harley

Luke x Aurora

Lip x Haley

Sebastian x Maeve

Bucky x Gemma

And for male reader inserts we have:

Ashton x Dean

Calum x Jude

Michael x Wesley

Luke x Sylas

Sebastian x Chase

Bucky x Milo

Thank you guys for all your continued love and support. More fics coming your way soon!

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Ice Breaker

Summary: Thea had her reasoning as to why she didn’t like hockey players. Until Calum makes her re-evaluate her opinion.

Word Count: 6.1k

And away, and away we go!

__

Thea didn’t mind the frigid air of the ice skating rink. What she did mind was the group of hockey players already on the bleachers, their gear scattered around as they laced up.

Thea hated hockey season. She hated how their brutish nature of yelling and slamming into each other was a constant cause of distraction. Hated the smell of sweat that always clung to their gear and their bodies, as if they had no idea how to operate a washing machine or a shower. And she hated their sense of entitlement. Not to the rink— no, that was rightfully theirs— but their sense of entitlement to her. As if she was there merely for their sake and desires.

Coach Anderson had always held a zero tolerance for disrespect or harassment, to the point of banning players from his team. But even the strictest of policies hadn’t been enough to deter the most determined.

She kept her face neutral of any contempt or disdain as she staked her claim at the bottom of the bleachers.

“Excuse me, miss?” one of the men called out to her. “Were you planning on using the rink?”

Thea clicked her tongue in her cheek as she looked over at the man. Dark brown curls, wild and loose framed his face, and equally dark brown eyes studied her closely. His black jersey lay slung over his broad shoulders. “No,” she smiled sweetly at him. “I just came to the ice rink with a bag of gear to sit here for three hours.”

The man laughed. “Real funny, princess. But I got the schedule from the coach right here in my bag. And I hate to break it to you, but this is our practice time for the next eight months.”

“Four months,” Thea corrected. “Your season is four months.”

“For the regular season. But we’re in training for the first two months. Then the actual season. And then playoffs which are an extra two months. And that, princess, is how to count to eight,” the man clarified.

“So I’ll be rid of you in six,” she grinned. “I shall count the days!”

The man laughed again. “Tell you what, princess. Since you’re already here, and we would hate to see you freeze waiting on us, I’ll talk to the coach, and see if we can’t work something out for today.”

“Or I can talk to the coach myself. See if I can’t work something out for today. Wouldn’t want you boys to freeze or anything.” Her voice was rich with sweet sarcasm.

The man scoffed, sweeping a large hand in the direction of the hallway that led to the offices. “Be my guest, princess. Fair warning through, Coach Anderson can be a bit of a hardass.”

“Ooo, I’d be careful how you refer to your coach,” Thea winced.

“As would I,” Coach Anderson said as he walked into view, his co and assistant coaches a step behind. “Thea, sweetheart, how are you?” he asked with a warmth that had his team looking at each other in surprise.

“I’m good,” she smiled, giving the coach a hug hello. “Although there appears to be an issue with your scheduling. You double booked yourself.”

Coach Anderson pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit. I always want to think you end at three, not start at three.”

“You know, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you do this on purpose as a chance to see me.”

“I don’t do it on purpose,” Coach Anderson said with a laugh. “I’ll look everything over and find a work around. As for today… Peter, let’s get set up on half the rink. We’ll let Thea use the other half.”

Peter Steele, the assistant coach nodded once before jogging off.

Coach Anderson clapped his hands together. “Alright! Thea, have you met the team?”

“Briefly,” she said, her eyes sweeping over the twelve men who sat on the bleachers, still watching the interaction between the head coach and the figure skater with both intrigue and shock.

“Thea, this is the team. First line I have Hood, Irwin, and Hemmings as my forwards. Fleming and DeLuca are the defensemen. And then Clifford’s goalie.”

Each man waved a hand in greeting, first the dark haired man whom she had spoken with, a man with light brown curls, two blondes, another brunette, and another blonde.

Coach Anderson then prattled off the names of his second line, but Thea kept her focus on Hood and the arrogance that radiated off him as he stared blankly back at her. “And I’m still working on a practice schedule for the third and fourth lines. Gentlemen, this is Thea Anderson, my daughter.”

Eleven men coughed uncomfortably. The twelfth— Hood— only widened his eyes, the only indication he gave of the news shocking him. “I apologize for the overlap of schedules and will work on getting that fixed. However, I think we’ve wasted enough time, so let’s get to it.”

Thea paid them no mind as they all headed out on the ice. As she readied herself, she let the sounds of the sticks hitting ice, the yells and grunts of the players, and the shouted commands and whistles of the coaches all fade to a nonexistent hum.

By the time her skates were laced and she made her way to the ice, her focus was solely on her own movements: each push off, jump, spin, and landing. Flawless and graceful execution. No room for error.

For the twelve hockey players and three coaches, playing with only half a rink was a challenge, given the less than ideal space. Cramped, but not impossibly so.

Hood, in a state of hypervigilance, saw how Thea pushed herself into a backwards skate with her right foot. He also saw the left defender shoot the puck, the trajectory destined to cross the figure skater’s path. Hood rushed towards it.

Thea noticed the black blur of the puck hurtling towards that red center line, saw its trajectory same as Hood, and adjusted, jumping as Hood continued to race towards her to stop the puck.

Thea completed her spin as Hood slid to a halt, his skates showering her in sparks of shaved ice, and he sent the puck flying across the rink towards his left forward. Breathless, and a little pleased he’d managed to pull that off without colliding with Thea or even crossing the center line, he shot a grin at her. “Pretty jump there, princess,” he complimented.

She scoffed at him, brushing the shards of ice off her skirt. “And I suppose I should thank you for saving me from nothing?”

“That puck would have tripped you if I hadn’t stopped it,” he pointed out.

“No it wouldn't because unlike you, I’m aware of my space.”

Hood glanced down at the red center line, the toe of his skate right along the edge on his side. “As am I,” he said smugly.

“You’re a brute,” she hissed.

“If it so pleases, Your Highness,” he grinned like the fool he was, before he sketched a bow that even Thea had to admit was rather graceful despite his size and gear.

“Hood!” Coach Anderson barked with a sharp look at both his player and his daughter.

Hood pushed himself backward, still bowing. Thea scowled at the theatrics, at the smug look on his face, as he skated away and turned his attention back on his teammates and that infernal black puck.

~~~

The following day when Thea walked into the arena, the men that made up her father’s team were already out on the ice.

She scowled as she stalked over to the bleachers and laced up. If Coach Anderson was so insistent on sharing the ice, then he could have the burden of making sure his players stayed out of her way.

“Thea, sweetheart!” her father greeted, skating towards the edge of the rink closest to her.

“I thought you fixed the schedule.”

“I did!” the man beamed. “We have…” he glanced over at the clock on the wall, “a half hour left. They’re gonna start their cool down exercises so we won’t have any pucks flying around. It was the best solution I could come up with.”

“Mmm, how thoughtful…”

“Thea…” Coach Anderson said in a low warning.

“It’s not you I have the problem with, Dad. It’s them,” she clarified with a pointed glance at the team.

“They haven’t done anything to you, have they?”

“Not them specifically.”

Coach Anderson’s jaw tightened. “I traded that entire part of the roster, and made it very clear to this team that I won’t tolerate any indication of disrespect or harassment.”

“I know. And I hope you know I appreciate the lengths you have gone through for my sake. But they view kindness as a weakness, so it’s easier if I’m a bitch from the start.”

Coach Anderson rested a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “Your kindness is your greatest strength, don’t let anybody make you feel that it’s not.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Of course. Now, feel like showing these men what you’re capable of?”

“Suicides? Let them think they have a chance, at least?”

The father and daughter shared a grin, as Coach Anderson blew his whistle. “Line up!” was the barked command.

The twelve men scurried to line up along one of the goal lines waiting for the next order. They kept their focus straight ahead even as Thea joined them in the line up. “Alright, gentlemen. We had a good practice, so I’m gonna give you the opportunity to earn a little reward here. One suicide across the rink.”

The men blinked in confusion. “That’s all, Coach?” one of them asked.

“That’s all,” Coach Anderson nodded. “One suicide stands between you and an early end to practice. However, if Thea finishes before you, you all will be doing suicides until practice officially ends.”

One of the players raised their hand.

“Yes, Hood?”

“To clarify, does place matter? So as long as Thea doesn’t finish first, we win? Or does she have to finish thirteenth for us to win?”

“You’re a team, Hood. If one member finishes before Thea, you all win. That’s what? A ninety-two percent chance at success? Sounds more than fair, right?”

“Yes Coach!” was the uniform response.

“Full rink. On my mark. Ready. Set.” Coach Anderson blew the whistle.

The players were quick to fly back and forth across the ice, gaining the lead early. Thea skated towards the end of the pack, pacing herself, playing the long game.

By the center line, the players started to fall on the return, as Thea made her way to the middle of the pack, still keeping a comfortable pace.

The men ahead of her pushed themselves harder to keep their lead as they skated for the goal line.

“Dig deep!” was the encouraged shout from the coaches as they hit the goal line, and skated back across the rink.

Thea passed more of them as they reached the second blue line. And as she headed out for the last round of goal line to goal line, only Hemmings, Hood, and Irwin were ahead of her.

Despite their longer strides, Thea passed Hemmings by the center line, and then Irwin as she hit the goal line. Hood was only a few feet away, passing the blue line.

All that lay between Hood and victory was a clean shot across the rink. He had a small but decent lead, and a longer stride.

Thea lengthened her own stride, feeling the stretch in her leg muscles. By the center line she was half a step behind.

Hood grit his teeth, and put as much speed in his strides as he could, already having maxed out how far he could extend his legs between each stride.

The toes of their skate hit the final goal line at the same time.

Thea nodded at Hood, conceding graciously. She opened her mouth to extend her congratulations, but Coach Anderson spoke up first. “Good effort, but not quite good enough. Line up!”

“Coach,” Hood replied, his voice coming out as heavy as his breathing. “With all due respect, you said Thea had to finish first. She didn’t. We both did.”

Coach Anderson’s eyes darkened, ready to tear his player apart for daring to question orders.

“Dad,” Thea interjected. “He’s right. You were very clear that I had to make it to the line first. And I didn’t. So unless Hood is up for a tie-breaker, your team’s free to go.”

“What kind of tie breaker do you have in mind?” Hood asked, intrigued.

“3 laps around the rink. If we tie, you lose. If I win, you lose.”

“You got yourself a deal,” Hood agreed, offering her his hand.

She shook it, sealing the bet.

“Take your marks then,” Coach Anderson relented. “But, Hood, if Thea wins, I’m adding an extra 5 minutes for your impertinence.”

“Understood, Coach.” Then he focused those intense brown eyes on Thea. “Am I allowed to shed some gear to make the odds more even?”

“You could skate in your underwear for all I care, Hood. I could even skate backwards and blindfolded, you’re still going to lose.”

“That’s a bold statement. Hope you can back it up,” he told her as he shucked his helmet, gloves, and jersey, discarding them on the lip of the wall surrounding the rink. “And it’s Calum.”

“I didn’t ask.”

When Coach Anderson blew the whistle, Calum skated like his life depended on it. Not only did he want to prove her words wrong, he wanted to pull through for his team. Ten minutes of suicides— fifteen in Calum’s case— would be an excruciating end to practice. Then there was the scathing lecture the team would receive about their lack of discipline for failure, and the personal one-on-one reaming Calum would get afterward for his attitude.

But a victory… A victory might earn him only a stern reminder at most. And the gratitude of his team.

While Calum had more reasons to win than he could count, Thea had zero. It didn’t matter to her whether or not she won. No threat of punishment loomed over her head as she and Calum raced around the rink. Just the pride that came with putting hockey players in their place. To show that she was a force to be reckoned with in her own right.

Every part of Calum was on fire as he fought to at least keep pace with Thea as they entered the final lap. Calum raced down the straightaway letting his speed carry him through the turn, using the chance to catch his breath, determined to hit the last straightaway with everything he had. His lungs burned. Sweat trickled down his spine. Even though a tie would mean he lost, it was still better than a complete blow out.

Thea pulled ahead as they hit the last turn, and he mentally braced for the inevitable defeat. But as she came out of the turn, Thea slowed. At first Calum assumed it was so she could stop just over the line, and she had somehow misjudged the distance as he went past her, crossing first. But the soft smile she flashed his way told him that she had let him win. But what for? “Good race,” she continued to smile, offering out her hand.

He didn’t dare question her reasoning for throwing the race in his favor now. He engulfed her hand in his larger one. “Good race.”

“Alright,” Coach Anderson said, a slight edge of confusion in his tone. “Hit the showers and I’ll see you all tomorrow. Hood, hang back a second, please.”

Calum squared his shoulders. While he knew he should consider himself lucky, and was indeed grateful to Thea for saving him and his team a grueling five extra minutes of practice, he hoped whatever Coach Anderson wanted to discuss didn’t include being benched to curb Hood’s impertinence. “Yes, Coach?” he replied once the rest of the team made their swift exit towards the locker rooms. None wanted to be privy to whatever hell Coach Anderson had planned.

Even Thea had managed to make herself disappear out of immediate earshot as she started to practice a series of jumps on the other side of the rink.

“Good effort out there today.”

“T-thank you, Coach,” Calum faltered over his words. This was so far from how he imagined this conversation happening.

“But if you ever have the boldness to act disrespectful in regards to me, the other coaches, or any of our judgments again, your time on this team will be incredibly short-lived.”

“Understood, Coach,” Calum nodded.

Coach Anderson clapped the younger man on the shoulder. “And at some point I would thank Thea. Rightfully so, she’s not overly friendly toward hockey players. And she wasn’t being overly confident about being able to outskate you blindfolded and backwards. I’ve seen her do it before. So the fact that she threw both races in your favor is beyond me. Now, hit the showers and get out of here.”

“Yes, Coach. And thank you.”

Calum wasted no time in heading for the locker room, in the event Coach Anderson changed his mind.

“Why did you let them win?” Coach Anderson asked as soon as Calum had left, and Thea skated back towards her father.

She skidded to a halt in front of the coach. “Same reason you let him off easy. Kindness is our greatest strength, isn’t it?”

Coach Anderson shook his head, chuckling lightly. “That it is. But I didn’t expect you to be so quick to set aside your reservations.”

“I’m not. I’m merely giving them a clean slate to work on. And there’s a fine line between being confident and being cocky,” she began to skate around the coach in a lazy loop as she elaborated further. “They’re confident. As they should be, they have all the markings of being great players. I assume you saw as much because they’re on your team. But I also know you don’t put players on your team solely because they’re good at hockey. I don’t know your team enough to pass my own judgment on them, so I’m trusting yours. I’m willing to see in them what you see in them, until proven otherwise.”

“I wonder who you learned such wisdom from.”

“Mom,” Thea laughed, jumping into a perfect spin. “Plus, your team was at a disadvantage. You had been running them ragged for who knows how long, whereas I just got here, fully energized. A few of them might have genuinely beaten me in the first run if it had been the beginning of their practice. If I want to win, I want it to be because I’m truly better.”

“Fair enough. So you think you can manage to share a half hour with them?”

“Yeah I think that’ll be fine,” she smiled.

Coach Anderson bid his daughter farewell, and Thea returned to running through her practice routine. The team slowly filtered out of the locker room, offering her a friendly wave or a shout of thanks on their way out the door. And while she acknowledged them in return, neither her nor the players engaged in further interaction. Not until Calum finally trudged out, his bag slung over one shoulder, and his skates slung over the other.

He dropped both of them at his feet, mindful to not damage his skates. Then he leaned against the wall of the rink dividing him from her. “You let me win. Why?”

“It wasn’t a fair match. You had already had your practice. I was just beginning mine.”

“All the more reason you should have mopped the floor with us. You had the upper hand, and you don’t like us. So to give up an easy win like that…”

“If I win, I want it to be because I’m truly better. Not because you’re already fatigued. And I never said I didn’t like you guys.”

“You didn’t have to. Your attitude towards us speaks for itself.”

“Not being fond of hockey players doesn’t equate to me outright disliking them.”

“Fair enough. I wouldn’t be fond of hockey players either. I’ve heard some of us are brutes.” He flashed her a knowing grin.

“As long as you’re aware you’re a brute,” she responded airly.

Calum laughed. “Well, I prefer to earn my victories too. So any time you want that rematch…”

“I’m sure we’ll be able to find each other.”

“See ya tomorrow, princess.”

“Rest up, brute.”

~~~

The next few weeks, Thea set aside her reservations as she utilized the hockey team’s cool down exercises as her own warm up.

She learned a lot about the team in daily half hour increments. Most of them had girlfriends. They all enjoyed a drink or two, except Ashton who was sober and more than happy to play designated driver. All twelve players that made up Coach Anderson’s first and second string had almost always played together on the same team, and as a result were all really decent friends, but the bond that the first string players had was a lot stronger than the bond the second string players shared.

In return, they tried to learn what they could about their honorary thirteenth, but Thea offered them as little information as she could. Opening herself up meant dealing with their questions, or worse. From what they were able to gather, they could reasonably assume that Thea practiced daily, but only worked with her coach during competition season, and that she was closest in age to Luke.

Usually, Calum hated how much his life was on display. Hated the unfair power dynamic it created with someone knowing so much while he knew so little in return. But with Thea, he found himself enthralled by it. He knew what he needed: that she was elegance and grace incarnated, and that she was more disciplined than any one he’d ever encountered before. As far as he was concerned, everything else was a matter of details. And he was certain that details would only enhance the big picture that was Thea Anderson, and he didn’t need to be more distracted by her presence than he already was.

As training came to a close in preparation for the opening season, Coach Anderson gathered his men at the end of one of the practices. “Gentlemen. Our first game of the season is tomorrow, so we won’t have practice. However, you need to be here at five. You don’t want to know what happens if you’re late. Is that understood?”

“Yes Coach!”

“Dismissed. Thea?”

“I’ll keep an eye on the time so I don’t conflict with your game, I know,” she told him.

“Thank you, but that’s not what I want to discuss.”

“Oh?”

“The team we’re playing tomorrow… As much as you are welcome to the rink for your practice, and as much as I would enjoy having you with us for our first game… Estrada is on the other team’s roster.”

Thea paled. “Oh…”

“So I understand if you need to be elsewhere.”

“No.” Thea shook her head and drew up her body as tall as she could. “No. He took enough. I won’t give him the satisfaction of thinking he took this away from me, too.”

Coach Anderson nodded once in understanding. They both knew Thea could face whatever bullshit Donovan Estrada threw her way. She’d done it once before.

~~~

The following afternoon, Thea was surprised at how off she felt as she began her practice. She chalked it up to nerves about potentially running into Donovan, but when Calum walked in fifteen minutes early, she was shocked to realize it wasn’t nerves about the game at all.

She had become used to starting her practice as they ended theirs. Used to their loud laughs coming out of the locker room, and their friendly waves goodbye. Used to their presence, Calum’s in particular. She swallowed the patheticness of it all.

He offered her a two fingered wave and a broad smile. “Hey! Glad to have the whole rink to yourself the whole time?” he asked, leaning his forearms against the wall.

“It’s so quiet,” she said, flashing him a wide grin.

Calum laughed, his head tilting back. “Aw! The princess misses the brutes!”

“Shut up,” she laughed with him, pink coloring her cheeks.

“You staying for the game?” he asked.

“Aw, the brute misses the princess, too!” she mocked. “I’m still undecided. Not the biggest fan of who you’re playing.”

“Oh yeah, some of ‘em used to play for your dad. Hmm… Damn, that’s something.”

“What?” she paused.

“Nothing,” he said with a small shake of his head. “Just wondering if it’s all connected. Must have been pretty bad if it is.”

She stiffened. “It’s none of your business, Hood.” The words came out colder and harsher than she had ever spoken to him before, even on that first meeting.

Calum raised his hands in surrender. “Not trying to make it my business. But I know it would mean a lot to the team if you could find the strength to stay. Hell, it would mean a lot to me.”

She would have teased him for that, and he knew she was about to based on how a slow smirk spread across her lips. But he was saved from the back and forth taunting as the rest of the team slowly started to trickle in. So Calum pounded his fists against the lip of the wall in two quick thuds. “Be real cool if you stayed,” he said before following his team towards the locker rooms.

Thea stayed frozen in place until Calum was out of her line of sight. She took a few deep cleansing breaths to steady her racing heart. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to give Donovan the satisfaction of thinking he had ruined her safe haven. But Calum wasn’t stupid. He knew too much. And while she had zero plans to interact with Donovan, on the off chance she did and Calum witnessed it, he would be able to put all the pieces together. She wasn’t sure which reality was worse: one where Calum knew the truth about why Coach Anderson had a brand new team and judged her for it, or pitied her for it. And if he shared any of his suspicions with the rest of the team…

She shook her head. No. She was certain that Calum had been honest when he told her he wasn’t trying to make her business his business. She had to put her trust in that. In him.

In the end she decided to stay, setting herself up right behind the players’ bench on the home team’s side. And she felt sure she had made the right choice by the excited smiles that lit up the team’s faces when they all came out. “Glad you stayed,” Calum told her, his gloved hand resting on top of hers. A brief moment of warmth that would have been over as quickly as it happened if it hadn’t been for a harsh bark of laughter.

Calum’s head whipped to the source of the sound, noting how Thea’s hand stiffened under his. “Estrada,” she said coldly.

Donovan ignored her, his sneer focused full force on Calum. “I’d be careful getting close to this one. Her daddy might trade you, too.”

“You got traded because you’re as shitty a player as you are a man,” Thea spat, the tightness in her body that once was fearful panic now tightly controlled anger.

Donovan’s hands clenched into fists and Thea laughed, an eerily lifeless sound that chilled Calum down to the bone. “Oh? You’re gonna hit me again, Donny? Go ahead. Seeing as how that worked out for you so well the last time.” Her voice was low and lethal as she took a dangerous step forward, leaning up on the tips of her toes to get as close to Donovan’s face as she could. “Be more than happy to break your nose again. Straighten it back out.”

Quick as a flash, Donovan’s hand snaked around Thea’s other wrist. And the way her breath hitched in pain was the final straw in this meeting for Calum. “Let her go,” he said with a steady calmness.

Donovan turned his attention back to Calum, hand still gripping Thea, a terribly cruel smile on his lips. “And what are you? My replacement? The princess’s bodyguard?”

“Nah, mate,” Calum replied, his tone almost bored. “Thea doesn’t need a bodyguard for one thing. And for another, I don’t play anybody’s replacement, especially not some shitty excuse for a man like yourself.”

Donovan dropped Thea’s wrist as more players from both teams started coming out of the locker rooms.

Thea watched the silent stand off between the men. Donovan’s face was twisted in a sneer, barely containing the rage radiating off him; Calum the epitome of relaxed ease, his anger tightly restrained. Two sides of the same coin. Thea cradled her wrist to her, the skin tender and red. She gave the barest shake of her head as Coach Anderson walked by, worry in his eyes.

“Count your days,” Donovon hissed after Coach Anderson passed before stalking off himself.

Thea felt her knees go weak. “Whoa, steady,” Calum said, his hands flying to her waist, his hold delicate. “Are you alright?”

Thea shook her head. “No. And I wouldn’t suggest making an enemy out of him. Not for my sake.”

“What if I wanted to make him an enemy for my sake?” Calum asked, the corners of his lips pulling up in a playful smirk.

“Don’t,” she said, her voice strong. “He’s part of my past for a reason. Leave it that way.”

Calum dropped the smirk. “With all due respect, I’m not sure if I can.” And without saying another word, or entertaining another argument from her on the matter, Calum walked off to join the rest of his team.

“That one,” Coach Anderson overheard as Calum fixed his stare on Donovan. “Number 83. Find any excuse to hit him. Hard.”

Ashton snorted, “And what could he have possibly done to already royally piss you off?”

“None of your damn business,” Calum snapped. “Hit him, or I’ll hit you into him, is that understood?”

Ashton clicked his tongue in his cheek, taking note of how Calum’s eyes flickered to watch Thea settle herself behind their bench, before flickering back over to Donovan. Watching. Studying. “What did he do to her?” Ashton asked, keeping his voice low.

“I’m not sure of all the details, but there was some sort of abuse.”

Ashton cracked his knuckles.

~~~

The game was brutal, even by hockey standards. The crowd cheered and winced whenever a player was slammed into the plexiglass barrier. No one seemed to note, however, that oftentimes it was Estrada who was shoved up against the wall. No one except those involved, and Thea.

Thea couldn’t control the gasp that escaped her as the plexiglass barrier in front of her shook with the force of Donovan being slammed into it.

The referee blew his whistle, calling a penalty on Calum for boarding. Calum merely shrugged as he skated off towards the penalty box, Donovan shooting daggers at him the whole time. Thea slowly made her way through the crowd to get closer to the penalty box. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she hissed at Calum.

“Playing,” he answered with that same bored tone.

She rolled her eyes. “I told you to leave him alone. You don’t know what he’s capable of doing.”

“And I told you,” Calum replied, his words coming out cold and harsh, “that I can’t let it go. And I can handle him.”

“Calum, please.”

The plea in her voice and body language irritated Calum. Thea was scared, and he hated it. “I’m sorry, Thea. I’m so sorry,” was all he said before he jumped back into the game.

“Calum!”

To his credit, Calum laid off Donovan for the remainder of the game. But Ashton and Luke picked up his slack, and Donovan still had it out for Calum.

Donovan bided his time, taking the hits from Ashton and Luke and adding it to the specific style of hell he would leash upon Calum, and when he saw his opening, he didn’t hesitate.

“Hood!” Calum heard the shouted warning moments before his head slammed into plexiglass.

Helmets clattered to the ice and a fist was on a collision course with his jaw. Calum never heard the whistle as he tackled Donovan onto the ice, both of their fists flying. If Donovan wanted a fight, he was gonna get a fight, consequences be damned. Calum didn’t care if he got thrown out of the game, if Coach Anderson benched him for the rest of the season, or if he even got blacklisted from the league entirely. All he cared about was making sure Donovan knew that there were no lengths Calum wouldn’t go through for Thea’s sake.

Calum wasn’t aware of Ashton and Luke physically dragging him away down towards the locker room, the rest of the team and the coaches following in a hurry. He wasn’t aware of anything except a blinding desire to go back out and finish his fight with Donovan. Nothing until Thea’s face appeared in his line of vision, worry making her eyebrows crease together.

“Oh, Calum,” she mused, her touch gentle as she traced the bruising on his face.

“You should see the other guy,” he tried to smirk. “And since when do you call me ‘Calum’?”

“That is your name, isn’t it?”

“You know what I mean.”

She sighed, and there was a beat of silence as the locker room emptied. “Why’d you do it?” she asked, her voice a low whisper despite them now being alone.

“It’s stupid to explain. But I feel… protective of you, in a way I don’t fully understand. I don’t know the full history between you and Estrada, and it makes no difference to me if you tell me it all, or you don’t. Well it does make a difference, but not that way, if that makes sense. Like I still would want to beat him to a pulp. I still do want to beat him to a pulp. I want to make him pay for every ounce of hurt he ever caused you because I’m not the type to stand to the side. And the way you reacted around Estrada… I know I would do anything to make sure nobody ever makes you feel that way because… because you, Thea, are… you’re…”

“I’m what?”

“You are… unexpected. In the best way possible. Every time I think I got you figured out, you find a new way to surprise me. So, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry if I overstepped, or made you feel that I don’t think you can handle your own shit.”

She pondered on his words, saw the sincerity in his face, his beautifully bloodied face. “You’re right. That was stupid to explain.”

Calum scowled as much as he could. “Gee, thanks. Pouring my heart out over here.”

“Pouring your heart out? ‘Sorry I pummeled your ex during a game where I’m supposed to be a professional, but you’re just so unexpected!” she mocked, batting her eyes at him for extra effect.

He chuckled. “I didn’t say I was sorry for fighting him. I said I was sorry if you found me defending you offensive.”

“Well I accept your apology, Calum.”

“That’s four times now you’ve actually called me by my name. You can’t tell me that’s coincidental.”

Thea shrugged “I’m unexpected, what can I say?” Then, her lips brushed lightly against Calum’s cheek. “And for what it’s worth, I care about you, too. More than I ever thought I could care about a hockey br— Sorry. Hockey player. Not brute. Matter of fact, let’s just agree that I’ll never call you a brute again, so long as you never call me a princess.”

“Deal,” Calum easily agreed, as his playful nickname for her had been tainted the moment in rolled off Donovan’s lips with such disgust. “And Thea? Provided I’m not about to walk out of here and lose my job, and uh, maybe after my face heals up, would you maybe wanna go out to dinner?”

“You owe me a rematch on that race, first. And if you win, then you can take me out.”

“And if I lose?”

“I don’t see that happening.”

__

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[soundtrack-scribe]

New Beginnings

Summary: Avery Ryan wanted three things from life— love, her career, and to feel like she wasn't ever sacrificing one for the sake of the other. But was that even possible?

Word Count: 4.7k

Part 3

Avery pushed open the door to the bus, her yoga mat tucked under her arm. She was expecting to hear the rustling in the kitchen area of Ashton making breakfast and the smell of coffee dripping into the pot, a routine she’d grown accustomed to during these first few months of touring. A quiet morning spent alone with the man who silenced the butterflies while the world slept on around them. So, when she heard a “So, Avery, who’s your celebrity crush?” she stilled in her tracks.

No… no, no, NO! She knew that interview like the back of her hand, and the thought of Ashton seeing it made her cheeks turn the same color as her hair, and her heart race in her chest. Was it too much to wish for the ground to open and swallow her whole rather than continue to walk towards her doom?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wave of warmth washed over Avery’s cheeks, and she giggled despite herself. “Oh, that question’s gonna get me in trouble,” Avery giggled again at the interviewer. She didn’t need to look over at Ajani to know that while she was rolling her eyes, Ajani had the same trouble-making grin on her face as their interviewer.

“Oh, c’mon,” the interviewer continued to goat. “The whole world knows that Avery Ryan was off the market before she became a household name. But we’re all human, right? We all got our celebrity crushes, don’t we?”

“Oh, we do,” Avery assured them.

“So?” the interviewer pressed.

“Ashton Irwin.”

Ajani busted into a fit of laughter beside Avery. “Little quick to answer that one, huh, Ace?”

“Oh, shut up!” Avery laughed with Ajani, covering her face with her hands. “Like anyone who says he isn’t at least one of their celebrity crushes is a liar.”

“Facts.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Avery heard a laugh that wasn’t Ashton’s she breathed a sigh of relief. “Morning, Mike,” she greeted, plopping down on the couch next to him. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah, wanted to catch Crystal before her day started. Catch her up on everything.”

“Mhm, a likely story,” Avery teased, tilting her chin at his phone.

He laughed again and clicked his phone shut. “Yeah, I was telling her about your and Ash’s relationship, and how you both seem at a stalemate. And she mentioned the video. Thought I’d give it a watch. You know this interview is four years old? Still true?”

Avery decided to go with honesty. She nodded.

Michael broke out in a grin. “So, do something about it. Make a move.”

Avery scoffed. “Why can’t he make a move?”

“Aren’t you a feminist?”

“Yeah…”

“So, why can’t you make the first move?”

“Because it’s…” her voice trailed off as she fought to find the right words. “It’s a long story,” she decided with a huff.

“Well better get to telling it before Ashton gets up.”

“So, the abridged version is that Drew— my ex— and I grew up together. He moved to LA first. We reconnected when I moved there. We started dating. Moved in together. Planned our lives together. Everything. But once things started taking off with the band, something changed. Like… I dunno, like he saw the band as something I was only going to do short-term. And he couldn’t figure out how the life we wanted with each other could fit with mine and Ajani’s dreams for Lucky Mess. He started picking fights about whether he could trust me out on the road. And then he cheated on me with his high school girlfriend while I was on the road. And there was no moving past that for either of us. I didn’t want to try to make it work after that. And even if I had, he chose her, so it didn’t matter.”

Avery saw Michael’s jaw tighten and she knew he had felt that similar pain in the past. As a musician, she assumed they all had at least one story like that. “Fuck…” he muttered. “And Ash? He knows?”

“He knows the basics. That Drew and I dated. That we broke up. And that Drew is now engaged to the girl he left me for.”

Michael whistled low. “That’s fucked.”

“Yeah. But Ash doesn’t know that we broke up because Drew cheated. And it’s not even that I’m still hung up on Drew. But the engagement happened literally the day we all started working together, so it’s like a new pain if that makes any sense.”

“No, yeah, that makes sense.”

“Yeah. And then he and his fiancée showed up at the beginning of the tour. And… I know in my head that Drew and Ash are not the same person. I know that I can trust Ash. But…” her voice trailed off.

“It’s a risk,” Michael said knowingly. “A risk that you got a fresh reminder of. But take it from someone who’s known Ash a long time. He’s going to put in the energy he wants returned. He won’t give ultimatums because he doesn’t want to get ultimatums. He won’t make his partner compromise on their dreams for his benefit because he doesn’t want to have to compromise on his dreams for theirs. Plus, he’s totally smitten with you.”

Avery smiled and rested her head affectionately on his shoulder for a minute.

“And how do you know all this stuff?”

“You think it was a typo you got to that pool party 2 hours ahead of everyone else?” His green eyes danced with mischief and trouble.

“That was you?!”

Michael laughed. “It was Cal, actually.”

“You’re much more observant than you let on, Mike. Should I be worried?”

“Nah. I only use my power for good. Pinky swear.”

They were still laughing when Ashton finally stumbled sleepily from the bunks. His shirt rode up as he raised his arms above his head in a stretch, his mouth dropping open in a yawn. Michael’s thumb swiped at the corner of Avery’s mouth. “Stop drooling,” he whispered low so Ashton couldn’t hear, winking as he did so.

She slapped his arm playfully, laughing loudly. “Can you blame a girl?”

“Oh, just make a move. Speaking of moves, wanna play chess? Playing against Luke gets old.”

“Love to,” she chirped.

Ashton watched as Michael pushed himself off the couch and started searching for something. “Videogames already Mike?”

“Nah, were playing chess,” Avery answered.

“Aw, I lost my morning buddy?” Ashton fake pouted.

“Seems like it,” Avery laughed.

“Sorry, mate,” Michael shrugged, his green eyes surprisingly apologetic.

“Nah, no worries. Might get breakfast made quicker without having to help the tiny one reach the plates and cups every two seconds,” Ashton teased, winking at the woman who rolled her eyes and scoffed. He laughed as he got breakfast going, and they set up their game.

“How’s it going?” he asked a little while later, sitting down beside Avery.

Her eyebrows were pulled together, her tongue poking out slightly in the corner of her mouth. “Good,” she said as Michael slowly moved a piece.

“Where’s mine?” Michael asked, looking at the two coffee cups and a large plate of food Ashton placed on the coffee table.

“Bread’s in the cupboard, eggs are in the pan,” Ashton told him while Avery took a bite from one of the pieces of toast, smiling at Ashton in thanks.

Michael rolled his eyes. “Your move,” he told Avery as he got up, muttering under his breath something vaguely that sounded like “And I don’t mean chess.”

If she heard Michael’s less than subtle second statement, she gave no indication. Instead, she wiped the crumbs from her mouth before reaching for her mug to take a sip, studying the board methodically. “Check,” she said, moving a piece and taking another bite of toast.

“Check?!” Michael asked bewildered, leaving his plate on the counter, and rushing back over to look at their game. He quickly moved his king out of harm’s way. “Uncheck!” he said, sticking his tongue out at her before going back to make his food.

“Actually, it’s checkmate,” she replied, moving to block his king in so he couldn’t move it. She leaned back against the couch, her side pressing into Ashton’s. He draped his arm over her shoulders and returned the smile she tossed his way. Ashton swallowed the urge to kiss the side of her temple, not wanting to ruin the soft moment they were creating.

This time Michael didn’t come running back. He just kept making his plate, shaking his head the whole while. “Rematch?”

“You’re on,” she grinned, quickly leaning forward to reset the board. Michael kept shaking his head, but this time Ashton didn’t think it had to do with him losing at chess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s a great crowd out there,” Avery grinned at Ashton as she came off stage.

“You say that every time,” he told her as they stepped off to the side. Her hand found his heart, and his found hers, feeling it pound wildly with adrenaline.

“That’s cuz it’s true every time. Best fans in the world.”

“Every artist says that, too.”

“Again, that’s because it’s true. It’s fuckin incredible to be able to create something that people can relate to, and that they love it enough to want to relate to it.”

“Well, you’re pretty easy to love.”

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened.

“Your work,” Ashton rushed, scratching nervously at the back of his neck. He couldn’t believe he just blurted it out like that… “Your work is easy to love. The way your mind works is beautiful to witness.”

Her cheeks flushed more, and she ducked her head. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “You’re pretty great yourself.”

They lapsed into silence, her heartbeat slowing to match the pace of his, the thoughts they wanted to voice trapped in their throats, eyes searching for understanding in the other. Out of all the tour rituals Ashton had, his rituals with Avery had become his favorite. There was a palpable ache in him to know that tour would end far too quickly for his liking. That one morning very soon he was going to have his morning coffee and not have her giggling at him from across the table. That these moments of finding stillness in each other’s beating hearts, reminding them that they were very much alive were limited. At first Ashton thought that he didn’t want to give it up because it was a hard transition going from the chaotic sound of touring to the deafening silence of being home. But the more moments he shared with Avery, the more he realized it was her that he didn’t want to give up.

Avery didn’t want to give Ashton up either. Ever since the second show, her attention had continued to drift to be centered on Ashton. She could only hope that her trust wasn’t being misplaced; that she wasn’t someone misreading all the signs. But in the middle of the doubt, there was reassurance. Reassurance, and the much-needed comfort that came from the predictability of her routine with him. And she appreciated his patience as she grappled with her lingering hesitation more than she would ever be able to properly express aloud. But maybe everyone was right. Maybe it was time to make a move. A clear, no-room-for-misinterpretation move.

When the stagehand came up to give Ashton a minute warning, Avery and him reluctantly stepped apart, their hands dropping to their sides. “Don’t forget to put your contacts back in after your shower,” he reminded her.

“Thanks,” she smiled softly. “Hey, Ash?” she asked as he started to turn away, her fingers wrapping around his wrist.

“Yeah?” he asked, turning back around. The hand on his wrist tugged Ashton downwards, while her other hand snaked around his neck. She stretched up on her toes and Ashton didn’t hesitate to meet her halfway. With one arm wrapping instinctively around her back, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, before cupping her face gently as their lips met. Electricity surged through him as the kiss went from tender and timid to hungry and passionate. And damn it all to hell, as quickly as they started, they had to stop.

“Break a leg, rockstar,” she breathed.

Ashton’s cheeks were already sore by the time he got behind his drum kit, every part of his body tingling. Whatever buzz he got from playing was nothing compared to the high of kissing her and the way she managed to be both completely in control while surrendering herself to him in the same breath. It was the confidence of a woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to give in to those wants. And fuck if feeling wanted wasn’t one of the best feelings in the world.

I’ve got the best friends in this place,

And I’m holding on!

“Thank you! We’re 5SOS!” Luke shouted into the microphone.

“And we’re Lucky Mess! Good night. Houston!” Ajani finished.

They all took a bow and as they walked off, Ashton wrapped an arm around Avery, pulling her into him and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “You killed it, sweetheart,” he murmured in her ear.

“Couldn’t have done it without you, rockstar,” she beamed up at him. And he knew she meant the song, but he also knew she meant more than that. And Ashton couldn’t help himself. He spun her into him, both of his hands cupping either side of her face and kissed her the way they would have kissed each other earlier if they had more time. They giggled against each other’s lips as their friends whistled and whooped their encouragement. One of her hands left Ashton’s hair to bat them out of their way as they made a beeline for the bunks, collapsing onto the covers and into each other. There was no way in hell they were giving each other up now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no need to voice what Ashton and Avery became to each other after that night. It felt good to just know where the other stood without having to say a single word. To know that they could just be two people finding a stillness in the other in the form of warm coffee mugs, stolen kisses, hearts beating in time, and nights spent tangled up in each other.

“Seems like things are going pretty well with you and Ash,” Calum spoke up as they all hung around the bus on one of their nights off, not looking up from his phone. Ajani was next to him doing Luke’s makeup while Michael and Avery played chess at the kitchen table.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” Avery answered, not bothering to look over at the man.

“Good, cuz the whole world knows. Someone posted that little smooch he gave you last week at our Houston show,” Calum explained.

“Oh?” Avery asked while Ajani snatched Calum’s phone from him with a “Gimme that!”

“Rank?” Avery asked her.

“Off the charts. It’s really good.”

“And what are people saying?”

“Good things,” Ashton’s voice told her before pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Oh, look at you all dressed up,” Avery told him grinning. His hair was damp from a quick shower, a short-sleeved pink button-up unbuttoned to a dangerously low level, and black dress pants. “Got a hot date?”

“Yes?” he asked in a hopeful tone, the green and gold dancing in his eyes.

Avery laughed. “Alright. Let me go grab my things.”

“What about our game?” Michael asked, crossing his arms.

“Hmm…” Avert looked at the chessboard, her tongue clicking in her cheek. “Checkmate,” she shrugged, moving one of her pieces and ending the game.

Michael’s green eyes blinked once before going wide. “How?! How do you always win?! Luke, stop getting pampered and come play with me!”

Avery laughed more as she got up from her seat and grabbed Ashton’s hand in hers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is actually really nice,” Avery told Ashton as they walked around downtown. “To do something we’d be able to do if we were home.”

“Complete with slack-jawed strangers,” Ashton joked, jerking his chin at the people whispering and pointing as the two of them walked by.

Avery laughed, pushing his shoulder. “Oh, be nice. At least no one’s alerted the press yet. Did you ladies want a picture?” Avery asked, turning around to the group of about five or so young women. They’d been following the pair for about the last block or so, trailing about fifty feet behind, giggling as they tried to gather the courage to speak up.

“Oh, my God, could we?!” one of them asked, while the others dug around for their phones.

“Yeah, of course.” Avery waved them over.

“So, are you guys like dating?” another one of them asked nervously as they started taking pictures.

“Yeah,” both Ashton and Avery answered, smiling at each other.

They continued to make small talk as pictures were taken. Then the group of women thanked the couple for their time and wished them well with the rest of tour.

“So, dating, huh?” Avery teased as they started walking again.

“You said it too,” he reminded with a giggle.

“Well, it’s the truth, right?”

“Course it’s the truth.”

“And it’ll still be the truth when we get back home, and all this goes away?” Avery asked, biting into her lower lip. She was realizing now that she hadn’t wanted to have the conversation of labeling what they were not because she was secure in what they had, but because she wasn’t. She didn’t want to hear the truth if the truth was that this meant more to her than him.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, stopping and spinning their bodies so they faced each other.

Avery held her breath as he leaned down and she stretched up on her toes to help him close the distance. His lips found hers, then her cheek where he licked a long stripe up the side of her face. “Ashton!” Avery squealed. “The fuck did you lick me for, you fuckin weirdo?!”

“There!” he grinned in triumph. “I licked you, so you’re mine now.”

“I am my own person, thank you very much, sir,” she grumbled, wiping at her face.

He giggled, “But?”

Avery grabbed his hand and sloppily licked the top of it. “But, if we’re marking things as ours, you’re mine, too.”

They were still giggling when they started to walk back up to the venue, finding paparazzi milling around. “You good?” he checked, pulling Avery closer to him.

“Are you?” she countered playfully. “Ash, it’s just some people with cameras. I’m used to this, or did you forget that your girlfriend also happens to be a talented musician?”

“I could never forget that.”

“Ashton! Avery!” they called out as the drummers got closer, cameras flashing. “Where’s everybody else?”

“Probably having a quiet night in,” Avery shrugged.

“And where are you guys coming from?”

“Just getting back from our date,” Ashton told them.

“Date?! Are you guys dating now?!”

“Yep,” they both answered. “Enjoy your night, guys.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Between the kiss at the Houston show, and the run-in with both fans and the paparazzi a week later, the news of Ashton and Avery dating spread like wildfire. So, when Avery's phone rang a few weeks later with a number she recognized despite deleting, she was slightly taken aback but not completely shocked.

Avery knew she should decline the call, but she hit accept. “Hello?”

“Hey, Av. You got a minute to talk?”

“I answered the phone, didn’t I?”

Drew let out an exasperated sigh. “Can you set aside the anger long enough to listen to what I have to say?”

“What’s left to say?”

“A lot, actually. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since LA. Seeing you again… I just miss you. I miss watching you in your element. I miss… everything. Everything about what we were. What we had. And I know I’m the one who fucked everything up. I made my peace with that a long time ago. But I want to try and stop myself from making another mistake. So, I broke up with Madison. Because I realized I didn’t want to give her the life I wanted to have with you. And… I guess I’m saying that life is still yours if you want it.”

“You are… unbelievable. You had years to realize this. Years to have this conversation with me. So, the fact that you’re having it now that you see me finally moving on—"

“I know,” he cut her off. “If I’m the villain in your story… That’s on me.”

She sighed. “You’re not the villain in my story. We just weren’t meant to be, and I finally learned why.”

“I really am sorry for how our story played out. And I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you can at least believe that much.”

“Thank you. And for what it’s worth, you’re not giving Madison my life by being with her. So go rectify that mistake while there’s still time. Bye Drew.”

“Bye Av.”

The line went dead, and Avery wiped at her face in irritation, letting out a small scream as she did so.

“You good?” Michael asked. With everybody off doing their post sound-check/pre-show routines, Avery had almost forgotten Michael was seated a few feet away from her playing on his Switch.

“Life would be a lot easier if you could just hate some people, you know?”

Michael laughed and set the game aside. “Yeah, but then you wouldn’t be you. So, he saw the pictures of you and Ash and finally realized he lost you for good, huh?”

“I swear do you guys just operate from the same script?” Avery asked as she moved to plop down beside him on the couch. She was grateful it was Michael instead of Ajani who had overheard the phone conversation with Drew. As much as Avery loved her best friend, she didn’t need a reminder that she was stupid for wasting any amount of energy mourning the man who had single-handedly blown up any future they might have shared.

“Yeah, we get this nifty little instruction booklet once we hit puberty. The ‘call her up and beg for a second chance once she’s moved on’ is right between ‘break her heart because you’re intimidated by her success’ and ‘what to do when she gives you a taste of your own medicine.’”

Avery laughed, then sighed. “Is it bad that I don’t hate him? I mean I hate what he did. But I don’t think that makes him a bad person. A bad ending doesn’t mean it was a bad story, you know?”

“Yeah, I get what you mean. I think breakups get a bad rep. That they’re these pressure cookers of angst. That the only way to ever get over it is to learn to hate them. But I think that’s a bunch of crap. Like some relationships don’t work. Doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the good anyway.”

“Sometimes I still think it’d be better if I could hate him, though. So, I don’t feel like this…”

Michael furrowed an eyebrow. “Uh-oh… can I not be your friend anymore because you’re about to break Ash’s heart? Man, I really liked having another only child friend to hang out with, too.”

“What? No!” Avery laughed. “God, no. I love Ash.”

“You do?!”

Avery blushed. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Have you told him?”

“I don’t know how. Plus, I’m scared. What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

Michael snorted. “For one thing, I doubt that. Ash is completely head over heels for you, trust me. And for another, aren’t you a musician?”

“Yeah?”

“So, we got a whole stage full of instruments to help you tell him. Or I can distract you by being really bad at chess while you work up the nerve.”

Avery laughed again. “You’re actually a pretty decent chess player. You’ve just been playing against a really bad one for years, but don’t tell Luke I said that.”

Michael laughed with Avery. “Alright. Should I set up the board then?”

“Think I’m gonna give that talking through music thing a try first,” Avery told him, standing up and patting his leg. “But set it up anyway and we’ll try to squeeze in a game before we go on?”

“Deal. And hey, Avery?”

“Yeah?”

“I know putting your faith in someone new is hard. Especially after what you’ve been through. But don’t let that fear make you push Ash away. I don’t want to have to pretend to not like you.”

“You’re a good friend, Mike.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashton’s heart was racing in his chest as he caught his breath at the top of the stadium stairs. Fuck, this shit was steep. He used his arm to wipe the sweat off his face and when he turned to jog back down, he saw Avery making her way across the top of the stage.

Ashton frowned. Normally at this time she was tucked away on the bus, reading her way through the thick completed collection of Sherlock Holmes.

Ashton could see her pick up a guitar and start playing, but he couldn’t make out what it was as he started to jog back down the stairs.

I think that I’m all-in.

You’re perfect.

God, I need you.

Just say you need me too.

Her voice rang out. Why did she sound like someone just broke her heart? Ashton jogged faster down the stairs, jumping the last three at the bottom, his sneakers slamming into the concrete floor.

And I want you every night, to wrap my arms around you.

Say it a thousand times.

Come closer, oh come closer.

Maybe it’s a little too much. Whoa.

The more she sang, the less he recognized. Curious, and a little worried at the sudden burst of inspiration, he stopped, waiting for her to finish and notice him.

I don’t wanna fuck this up. Whoa.

I don’t wanna say too much. Whoa.

But I think, I think, I think.

I think I’m in love.

“Hey,” he said, smiled up at her. “Is that true?”

“Hey.” She returned the smile soft and a little sad.

“Is that true?” he repeated, nodding at her guitar. “What you were just singing?”

Her lips quivered as she nodded, a tear sliding down her face. She sniffed, quickly wiping the tear away. “Yeah.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” Ashton braced his hands against the stage floor, hoisting himself up. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?” He kept his voice soft as he moved to stand by her.

“Because… Drew…” Her voice shook, the doubt taking over.

“What about Drew?”

“He cheated. That’s how our relationship ended. And I’ve spent the past two and a half years trying to figure out how to get past that. And then with you… Everything has been effortless. So different from everything I’ve experienced before. In the best of ways. So, when it came to letting myself love you… I’m powerless to stop it. It’s like loving you was something I was always destined to do. And that terrifies me. It terrifies me how easy it is for me to love you. Because if you don’t feel the same… The only thing I ask of you is that when you break my heart, you do it nicely.”

“That’s not fair,” he chuckled softly.

“What’s not fair?”

“You don’t get the first kiss and the first I love you.”

“You love me?” Her voice came out small.

Ashton wrapped his arms around Avery, pulling her into him, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Of course, I love you,” he murmured, resting his forehead against hers, seeing the swirling shades of green in her eyes that have transformed his life every day for the last eight months. “And I’m scared, too. I don’t ever want to fuck up what I have with you. Because you… Avery, you are worth everything I’ve been through. All of it, the good and the bad. And I want to keep facing everything with you, even if it’s scary. Because you’re my new beginning.”

Avery giggled, nudging her nose affectionately against Ashton’s. “That might be the cheesiest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Ashton kissed her sweetly. “It doesn’t make it any less true. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, rockstar.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[soundtrack-scribe]

New Beginnings

Summary: Avery Ryan wanted three things from life— love, her career, and to feel like she wasn't ever sacrificing one for the sake of the other. But was that even possible?

Word Count: 5.5k

Part 2

Avery had too much adrenaline pounding through her body to really take in what her manager was saying. Most of it was directed at scolding Ajani for once again packing too many clothes anyway.

Avery caught Ajani’s eyes in the mirror as they got ready, Ajani making faces and silently mocking as Connie ran through the same lecture that she always gave them. Avery choked on a laugh, as Ajani finished getting ready, looking like an e-boy’s wet dream.

“Straight on the bus after, and no crowd surfing!” Connie said, emphasizing the last part of her order with a sharp look at Avery.

“One time! And you never let me forget it,” Avery laughed, as she smoothed the front of her skirt and gave herself one last look in the mirror. She knew Ajani always liked to tease that Avery looked more ready to stand in the crowd at Coachella, than be on stage performing. But there was the practicality feature of lightweight clothing making her less likely to overheat while performing. Plus, Avery always felt so ethereal on stage when the fans would swirl her skirts around, the stadium lights bright on her face, the music vibrating in her bones. Like some sort of bohemian fairy princess.

And she certainly felt that way when she came down the stage stairs after her set, a wide grin on her face, and a giggle bubbling up in her throat.

“So, no crowd surfing this time?” Ashton asked from the shadows. He had seen most of their set, which wasn’t part of his original plan. But when he had seen how alive Avery looked behind her drumkit, he found himself rooted in place, completely mesmerized. And when Avery and Ajani switched places midway through their set, he was as blown away by the transition as the crowd had been. It wasn’t abnormal for a drummer to share in the vocals or take part in guitar playing from time to time. But to dedicate half a set to each woman taking on the pivotal role of frontman? That was nearly unheard of.

Avery’s giggle turned to a shriek of surprise, not having expected him to be standing right off stage. For the tour, Ashton had reverted to his well-kept brown curls befitting of the Youngblood era. He had opted to keep his jumpsuits from his World War Joy days. And with the scruff gracing his jawline, he just needed a red bandana plastered on his head, and he would have hit every era.

Avery bit down on her lip at the very thought, and she fought to find the words to answer his question. “Management said no,” she laughed. “But if there’s ever a good-looking guy in the crowd, a girl just might have to rebel. Or a girl. I ain’t picky.” Avery laughed again when Ashton’s hazel eyes went wide with realization and even in the dim lighting backstage Avery could see his cheeks flush.

“You guys did great out there,” he complimented, his eyes soft and full of marvel as he gazed down at her.

With adrenaline still pumping through her veins, she placed her palm flat against his chest, feeling it pump strong and steady, and smiled up at him. “It’s a great crowd out there.” She moved to pull away, but he placed his hand over hers, keeping her in place. “You don’t need to be anywhere?” she asked him quietly.

He shook his head. “I’m right where I need to be.”

The pair of them stayed there in comfortable silence. Her hand remained pressed against his chest as his heart marked the time. They would have stayed rooted in place forever, slowly memorizing every inch of the other’s perfect face if a stagehand hadn’t interrupted them.

“Break a leg, rockstar,” Avery told him, as they unwillingly stepped away from each other. “Good luck out there, guys,” she directed at Calum, Luke, and Michael.

If the three men had been privy to Ashton’s moment with Avery, they gave no indication of how much they had witnessed as they flashed their smiles and offered their thanks as Avery moved passed them, heading for the dressing rooms.

“So did you fuck him?” Ajani asked when Avery joined her on the couch.

“What?!” she asked, breaking out in a nervous giggle.

“Ashton. Did you fuck him?”

“No! What the fuck?” Avery continued to laugh nervously.

“Oh, so just more flirting?”

“I’m not flirting with him! Geez, what’s gotten into you?”

“Oh, so that’s not drool in the corner of your mouth because you’re totally not into him, right?”

Avery hastily wiped her hand across her mouth. “Okay,” she started to relent. “Ash is…”

“Hot?”

“Someone I admire,” Avery corrected, “as a fellow musician and drummer. But I’m just trying to be a good co-headliner. Which is something you should be trying to be, too.”

Ajani waved her hand dismissively. “You’re trying to be a good co-headliner to Calum, Luke, and Michael, yes. But to Ash? Honey… Why can’t you just admit you like him already?”

“You know why,” Avery answered quietly.

“Is it because Drew cheated? Or because he’s engaged to the girl he cheated on you with?”

“Both! Neither! I… I don’t know. What Drew did… It hurt. And I lost a lot of myself in that process. And yeah, when he got engaged that fucked me up for a minute. And it still makes me so angry when I think too much about it. But I rebuilt. I healed as best I could, and I’m not willing to give up all that work. I’m not willing to lose part of myself for someone else to maybe love me. I want unconditional, or I want nothing. And I already have that,” Avery smiled playfully, reaching over, and giving Ajani a peck on the cheek.

Ajani’s cheeks flushed at the sentiment, but she rolled her eyes all the same. “You know what I mean, Ace. You want someone to make a family with.”

Avery shrugged. “Only if I get to keep all of this, too. Otherwise… I dunno. The only thing I want right now is a shower.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sounds like you guys killed it out there.”

Ashton stopped as he came down the stage stairs, turning to find Avery standing off to the side. Her hair still held traces of dampness, no doubt from the shower she had taken before her wardrobe change. Her tank top and skirt were gone in favor of a simple pair of black leggings tucked into heeled boots, and an oversized green sweater. Glasses Ashton had never seen framed her face, so instead of saying the polite thing like “Thank you,” he stupidly asked, “You wear glasses?”

She reached up to touch the frames, cursing under her breath as she did so. For someone who dressed so sweet, she sure did have a mouth. “I knew I forgot something! Damn it! Son of a bitch! Ugh…” Her body twisted in frantic movement as she thought aloud, “Do I have time? No, I don’t. Ugh! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Whoa,” Ashton said, stepping forward and wrapping his fingers around her wrist. He held back a smile as he felt her instantly relax. “The glasses look fine. I just didn’t know you wore them.”

“It’s not that I don’t like my glasses. But the lights give me a headache, and when they bounce off my glasses it’s worse. So, I wear contacts a lot of the time. And I just… worked on autopilot. I’m used to doing the encore part before I change.”

Ashton chuckled. “Well tomorrow you won’t have to worry about that. As for tonight, I brought some essential oils with me that might help. Or just regular aspirin if that’s more your speed.”

“And I just might have to take you up on that offer. Although I had you pegged more as a sunshine type than a peppermint type,” she said, inhaling deeply.

“You think I smell like sunshine?” Ashton asked, a smile dancing across his lips as her cheeks flushed.

“Right now, I think you smell like peppermint,” she replied before ducking her head down. Then, even lower, to the point Ashton wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear or not, “I think you are sunshine.”

“Preemptive measure. They, uh… always warn you about going deaf, but no one ever mentions the headaches,” Ashton winked, letting her keep her second admission to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Morning, sleepy head!” Avery’s perky voice chirped at Ashton as he stumbled off the bus, the gravel of the parking lot rough under his bare feet. “Come to join me for some yoga?”

Ashton offered a two-finger wave, and a small smile as he squinted, eyes still adjusting to the morning sun. “Morning,” he yawned as his eyes focused on the yoga mat beneath Avery’s own bare feet, before traveling upwards to the pair of gym shorts and sports bra she was wearing, glasses sliding down her nose. She kept perfect balance as she moved her hand to push the frames back up her nose. “Nah, I’ll get my workout in later. Thanks though,” Ashton told her.

“Right… you’re a pre-show workout type. So, what are you doing up so early for?”

“I could ask you the same thing. How long have you been out here?”

“About a half hour. You always sleep shirtless?”

Ashton stilled, remembering he was just in a pair of gray sweatpants. “You’ve seen me shirtless before,” he pointed out.

“Oh, it wasn’t a complaint. If you were looking to see the sun rise, you’re gonna need to get up a hell of a lot earlier.”

Ashton chuckled, holding back the comment that the sunrise had nothing on the way she looked in the soft morning glow. Damn, he was glad he had wandered outside first thing after getting up rather than going straight to the kitchen like normal. To think he had almost missed out on this. “Gonna make some coffee. Want some?” he asked, already knowing her answer.

“Love some. I’m almost done, so I’ll join you in a bit?”

“Yeah, course. Lots of cream and sugar, right?”

“Yes, please. Thanks, Ash.”

“Anytime,” he said, turning to head back inside the bus.

Ashton inhaled the smell of the coffee dripping into the pot, the aroma waking up his senses and he leaned against the counter. Ashton turned his head in the direction of the door opening, watching a smile break out across Avery’s face as she breathed deeply. “Smells good in here. Let me go put this away,” she said, lifting her mat, “I’ll help make breakfast.”

“I’ll be here,” Ashton grinned at her, before busying himself with taking out stuff to whip up breakfast with. “How do you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled with a pinch of salt, please!” was the answer from somewhere in the bus.

“So, did you always grow up in LA? Or did you move here like the rest of us out of towners?” he asked, as a way to keep the conversation going.

“Grew up in San Diego. So close enough I suppose.” Her voice grew closer as she reappeared. She reached up in the cupboards to pull down the mugs, stretching on the tips of her toes.

“I got it,” he said, grabbing them easily, and handing her two.

“I’ll have you know I’m taller than the average American female.” She fake-scowled as she took the mugs in her hands.

“By like what? A fraction of an inch?” Ashton teased.

“A whole inch,” was the clarification. “The average American female is five foot four. And I’m five foot five on the nose.”

“So, San Diego, huh? How long have you been in LA then?” Ashton asked as she passed back one of the mugs filled with coffee.

She leaned against the counter; her hands wrapped around her own mug as she took a sip. “About ten years. Moved here after high school for college.”

“Dorm life, huh?”

She nodded. “Dorm life, then apartment life with Ajani, and now my own little house with my cat.” She placed her mug down and opened the bread. “You a toast person?”

Ashton nodded, and she popped four slices in the toaster. “A cat, huh?”

She laughed. “Just the one. No plans for being a crazy cat lady.”

“So, who’s watching your cat while you’re here?”

“It used to be my ex cuz he lived with me and AJ. But now my parents take him for me.”

“All the way in San Diego? Geez, no siblings close by to help you out?”

“I’m an only child.”

“Cousins?”

“Nope. My parents are also only children. Super small family gatherings.”

“Sounds lonely.”

She shrugged, grabbing plates for our toast and eggs. “Sometimes. But I had plenty of friends and hobbies to keep me busy growing up. And then I got Az, my cat, when I moved into the apartment with AJ and my ex. And then my ex moved out. And then AJ did. And that’s when I got my house.”

“Is that why you want a lot of kids yourself?”

She chuckled softly. “I said I wanted kids, plural, yes. But I never specified how many. Can’t believe you remembered that.”

Ashton shrugged sheepishly. How could he forget anything about her? Especially the moment she had felt she trusted him enough to be vulnerable, even if it was only for a moment? “But definitely more than one?”

“Definitely. Like as much as I’ve grown to value my space, I also want to share it,” she grinned with a nod. Then, “Toast’s ready.” Two slices of toast were placed quickly on each plate. “How’re the eggs coming?”

“Coming right up,” Ashton said, turning off the stove. “Plate me?” He held out his hand, gripping the edges when he felt the weight of it on his palm.

“Thanks,” she said, as Ashton handed her back the plate. She set her plate on the table along with her coffee before going to the fridge. “Butter, jelly, or are you stubbornly Australian, and prefer vegemite on your toast?”

“Butter’s fine,” Ashton laughed as he took a seat at the table.

Avery set the butter down on the table before grabbing silverware from a drawer and sitting down across from Ashton in front of her own plate. “Thanks again for breakfast. Oh, and thanks for the oil last night. I think that’s the first time I ever accidently performed with my glasses on where I didn’t get the biggest headache afterwards.”

“Glad to help. Feel free to use it whenever. I leave it on my shelf in the bathroom,” Ashton told her as they dug into our breakfasts.

“Why would you leave your condoms in the bathroom?” Calum asked as he came into view.

Ashton choked on his bite as Avery’s hand froze halfway to her mouth. “Calum…” Ashton growled in warning.

“Just saying. Seems like a stupid spot for them.” Ashton could’ve slapped the cocky grin off Calum’s face. “Did you make enough breakfast for everyone, or just enough for you and your girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” Avery asked, eyebrows shooting up in shock.

“There should be enough for you too, Cal,” Ashton said in a clipped tone. It was usually Ashton and Calum who woke up first, so on tour Ashton had instinctively made enough breakfast for Calum as well. “How’d your call with your mum go?”

Calum shrugged as he made himself a plate. “Same old, same old. Drop by if our tour takes us home, give her best to Mali if we go that way, and tell you guys she sends you her best.”

“Tell Joy we say hi, and give her our best tomorrow, yeah?”

Calum nodded and joined them at the table.

“I’m sorry,” Avery piped up. “Calum, please send your mother our best and tell her thank you for wishing us well. But can we go back to this ‘girlfriend’ bit?”

“You’re not his girlfriend?” Calum asked her.

Both Ashton and Avery replied with a “No.”

“Hmm… could’ve fooled me. You’re single aren’t you, Avery?”

“Yes…”

“Hmm,” he said again. Then, “Gay? No judgment if you are.”

“Bi, actually.”

“Is Ash too old for you?”

“We’re the same age.”

“Hmm.”

“Cal?” Ashton asked.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

The bassist held up his hands defensively. “Just making conversation.”

Avery offered Calum a tight-lipped smile and pushed back from her seat. “I’m gonna go grab a quick shower. But, uh, you guys… keep on conversing.” She quickly rinsed off her dishes before scurrying out of the kitchen area with a quick, “Thanks again for breakfast, Ash. Morning, Cal.”

When she fully disappeared, Ashton slugged Calum on the arm. “Ow!” Calum yelped, rubbing where Ashton’s fist had landed. “What the fuck was that for?!”

“What the fuck do you think it was for?!” Ashton snapped. “Condoms?! Girlfriend?! It’s barely the second day of tour, Cal! Lay off!”

“Are you saying that you aren’t attracted to her? That you don’t want to date her?”

“I’m saying it’s the second day of tour, and I’ve known her for like four months.”

“All I heard was that you’re too scared to make a move.”

“Right now? Yes. God, let me get to know the girl first.”

“I believe that what’s dating is for.”

Ashton hit him again before leaving Calum alone at the table.

Calum was still rubbing his arm when Ajani made her appearance. “Someone’s not a morning person,” Ajani snorted.

“Not enjoying being abused isn’t the same as not being a morning person.”

“Aw, I’m already late for abusing Calum hour? Damn it.”

“Ha-ha,” Calum deadpanned. “Question. How am I the asshole for trying to steer my friend in the direction of happiness?”

“Ash and Ace?” Ajani guessed.

Calum clicked his tongue in his cheek. “Bingo. I don’t get their deal. I mean, they obviously like each other, right? Like I’m not the only one seeing how they are around each other, am I?”

“Look. I can’t speak for your boy, but I know Ace. And unless Ash pulls another move like he did at the party where he gave her a fake invite time to get more time with her, whatever they got going on is going to stay exactly how it is.”

Calum scoffed. “That was actually me. I stole his phone.”

The corner of Ajani’s mouth quirked up in a grin. “Nice move. Got any other tricks Mr. Mastermind?”

“Aside from blatantly pestering them and getting slugged for it? Not a one. What about you? Any ideas on how to get Avery to make a move?”

“Pfft,” Ajani waved off. “Fat chance of that happening. Her ex did a number on her ability to trust men. So, it’s like I said. Ash has to be the one to make the first move if anything is gonna actually happen.”

“So, how to we make that happen? Preferably in ways that don’t get me bruised.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you excited for the show?” Ajani asked Avery. Avery’s soft red hair framed her face and her contacts for the show were already in. She barely wore any makeup besides her lip stain, but the soft look was gorgeous on her. She had on a boho style romper and sandals that Ajani had been insistent about Avery wearing.

“Yeah, I am. I just don’t see why we needed to leave the bus so early,” Avery sighed, looking longingly at her book that laid discarded on the coffee table.

“You literally told me yesterday I need to try and be a good co-headliner. So, c’mon. Show me how it’s done, Miss Friendly.”

Avery just groaned as she got up to follow Ajani. “I just wanted to finish my chapter!” she fake-whined.

Ajani rolled her eyes just as she saw Ashton come up with Calum leading him.

“Hey guys!” Ajani waved, suspiciously chipper.

“Oh, hey, Lucky Mess!” Calum said in an equally suspicious tone.

“Hey, AJ,” Ashton said to Ajani first before he looked over to Avery. “Oh, um,” Ashton titled his head to the side, speaking solely to Avery, “That’s, uh, a nice tattoo, by the way. Been meaning to tell you that.”

“Thanks!” Avery’s face instantly brightened, as she followed Ashton’s gaze to the small green 4-leaf clover on her collarbone. Any chance to talk about having Irish heritage she took, “I’m Irish-American!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“I have some Irish in me, too!” Ashton said, a smile splitting apart his face.

“I don’t remember putting it in you,” Avery flirted.

Ashton laughed, and the two of them fell into an easy flirty banter. Ajani and Calum shared a covert smile as they stepped to the side to give their friends some privacy until a stagehand informed Ashton and Calum that it was show time.

And while Avery knew Ajani had witnessed her entire conversation with Ashton, she was surprised her bandmate waited until the women were in the dressing room before saying anything.

“You ready to admit that you totally flirted with Ashton?” Ajani asked as she twisted and turned in front of the mirror of the dressing room, admiring her outfit from every angle.

Avery laughed, giving her head a small shake, as she grabbed her book up off the coffee table. She was going to finish this damned chapter before she went on, that was a guarantee. “Yeah, I’m totally flirting with him. Oh, my God, do you think he likes me? Do you think he’ll ask me to the school dance?” Avery adopted her best Valley girl voice for the bit, which she did— regrettably so— really well.

Ajani laughed with her. “I don’t remember putting it in you?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t he be putting it in you?”

“Oh, my God!” Avery groaned, sinking as low as she could onto the couch. “I can’t believe I said that. Badly executed joke.”

“He still laughed,” Ajani pointed out.

Avery rolled her eyes. “Yeah, out of politeness, probably. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met a sweeter human being. He really goes above and beyond for people.”

“Avery Ryan? Queen of Selflessness denouncing her throne? I am shooketh.”

“Do people really think that of me?”

“Helga Hufflepuff ain’t got shit on you.”

Avery snorted at the reference. Then, worriedly, “Have I ever let people take advantage of that?”

Ajani shook her head. “No, Ace. You have one of the biggest hearts I know, but you’re no pushover. You’ve always gone after what you want. Just what you usually want is for others to be happy.”

“Making people happy makes me happy,” she shrugged.

“Looks like Ashton’s making you mighty happy right now,” Ajani suggested not so subtly.

“Didn’t we already have this conversation?” Avery asked with a roll of her eyes. Then she sighed, “Okay, maybe I am flirting with him. And maybe he’s flirting back. Or maybe he isn’t. Maybe he’s just nice. But it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t mean anything. It can’t mean anything.”

“And why can’t it?” Ajani pressed. “What’s really stopping you from letting yourself be happy with Ash?”

“Cal.”

“Cal?” Ajani asked, eyebrows shooting up. That was not the answer she was expecting.

“Cal called me Ash’s girlfriend this morning. And Ash got defensive about it. And sure, there’s a million different reasons Ash could have gotten defensive. I mean, I got defensive too. But…”

“But you can’t risk the reason Ash getting defensive being because he doesn’t actually like you.”

“I can’t risk allowing myself to trust anyone the way I trusted Drew.”

“So, trust Ash differently.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avery grinned as she hit accept on the call from Drew. “Hey! I was just about to call you!”

On the other end, Drew said nothing.

“Babe? Everything okay?”

“I— I need to tell you something. Are you free to talk for a bit?”

“Yeah… What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“I— there’s no easy way to say this. So, I’m just gonna say it, and I need you to just listen, okay?”

“Okay…”

“I slept with Madison. I— I was out with some friends, and she was there. And I’m not really sure how it all happened. But I slept with her. And I know I fucked up, and I’m so fuckin’ sorry it happened. But… Av… I…”

Avery’s head spun as she tried to process Drew’s confession. Anger, betrayal, disappointment, and hurt mixed together into an emotional tailspin. And then heart shattering realization. “You’re in love with her…”

“I love you, Av.”

“But you’re in love with her.”

“I’m so sorry…”

Avery stilled, understanding what he wasn’t saying. That there was no coming back from this. Everything they had meant to each other, all their daydreamed plans for their future. Gone. How did she begin to recover from her life changing during a phone call? How did she start moving on from the promises broken? “If your stuff isn’t out of the apartment when I get back, I’m burning it.” Her voice came out cold, foreign, and harsh. And then she ended the call before Drew could respond. Only then did she start screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After her chat with Ajani, Avery ran back out to the bus to dab some of Ashton’s peppermint oil on her. The smell mixed in with her natural scent of lavender, wrapping her in a calm and soothing aroma. Her book chapter would have to wait for some other time.

Before she went to hang out backstage and watch the end of 5SOS’ set, Avery went over to the concession stand for a water. She knew she could get it for free backstage, or off the bus, but she liked contributing to the various venues when she could shake security.

As Avery was headed back to the tune Lonely Heart when she spotted the familiar figure walking in her direction her, a smile plastered on his face. He was dressed much like he always had in blue jeans and a t-shirt with a leather jacket thrown over it. Although to his credit, his t-shirt bore Lucky Mess’ logo across the chest. His hair was still that of an unruly cloud of sandy colored locks, and his eyes were still the color of sapphires. Avery hated the way her heart hammered erratically in her chest.

“Avery?” Drew asked, in slight confusion and with a small trace of fear.

“Oh, hey!” Avery greeted, her own voice awkwardly high-pitched. “Madison,” she said, trying not to choke on the name as she nodded at the woman by Drew’s side.

Madison forced a smile. “I’m gonna go grab us something to drink. Meet you back at the seats?” she told Drew, not waiting for a reply before walking off.

Drew ran a hand through his hair, giving a short, nervous laugh. “So…”

“So…” Avery repeated, rocking back on her heels.

“You look good.”

Avery made a face. “Ew. Don’t do that. We don’t need to do whatever this is.”

“Can I start another life with you?”

Drew’s face fell. “Listen… I— I really am sorry for how everything turned out.”

“Oh my God! You’re sorry?! Wow!” Avery gasped in fake shock. “I don’t care,” she deadpanned.

“Av…” Drew sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m trying to be civil here.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to be civil back. I don’t owe you shit. You’re the one who fucked up. You’re the one who threw 6 years away. And your apologies and reasoning don’t erase that. And just because you apologize doesn’t mean I have to accept it or forgive you. Because I don’t. Your words don’t mean anything to me anymore, and you have only yourself to blame for that.”

“Avery…”

“Bye, Drew. Enjoy your night.”

“Lonely. It ain’t nothing new. Nothing new to me.”

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” Ajani asked when Avery collapsed on the couch next to her in the dressing room a few moments later.

“He’s here… with her…”

“Drew?! With what’s-her-face?!”

“Yep…”  Avery stared lifelessly up at the ceiling, the adrenaline of her encounter making her shake.

“Do you want to punch something?” Ajani asked. “Do you want me to punch him? Do you want Ashton to punch him? Oh, that’d be good. Ashton would lay him out flat probably. Man, I’d pay to see that shit.”

Ajani’s rambling was meant to distract Avery, but she didn’t need a distraction. She needed the steady silence of a heartbeat. “No,” Avery muttered darkly, springing to her feet, and storming back out of the dressing room.

“Hey! Killer crowd out t— whoa! You alright?” Ashton asked as he came off stage, grinning and sweaty.

“Can I?” Avery asked, placing her hand over his heart. It was pumping fast with the adrenaline of his performance, its pace matching her own.

“Here, let’s at least get out of everyone’s way.” He placed his hand over hers, holding it there as he moved them off to the side. “There. So, what happened? Do I need to call security on someone?”

Avery laughed at the thought of security escorting out a bewildered Drew and his cheerleader fiancée. “No,” she answered, shaking her head. “I just need to steady myself.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“You really wanna hear how I just ran into my ex and his fiancée?” she asked sadly.

He winced, air hissing through his teeth. “Damn. You sure you don’t want me to call security?”

Avery allowed a small smile as both their hearts began to slow. “Nah. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

She nodded. “Nowhere else I’d rather be,” she answered honestly.

Avery looked up to find that soft smile and his dimple. It made her smile wider, her own dimple no doubt showing. “Have I ever told you that you have the cutest dimple?” he asked.

“Please,” she scoffed. “Have you seen yours?”

He chuckled softly, his chest rumbling underneath her hand. She dropped her gaze to notice his hand was still holding hers against him. “I see you found the oil just fine?”

“What?” Avery asked in confusion as her eyes traveled from their hands back up to his eyes. “Oh! The peppermint oil! Right! Yeah. Thanks. Remind me when you start running low, and I’ll buy you a new bottle.”

“Nah, don’t even worry about it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“No. But I will be,” she told him. “It’s just hard to see him have the life we wanted together with the girl he replaced me with.”

“It might have been what you wanted, but maybe it wasn’t what you needed.”

“Oh yeah? And what do I need, Oh Wise One?” she teased.

“You tell me.”

Avery didn’t tell him that she needed this moment with him, her hand pressed to his chest, his heartbeat the only reminder of time passing as they stilled each other. Something in the way Ashton kept her hand pressed to him let Avery know she didn’t need to. And that maybe, just maybe, he needed this moment just as much as she did.

She took that stillness and transformed it into confidence during her set with Ajani later in the evening. “How we doing out there, LA?!” Avery asked into the microphone, taking out one earbud to hear the crowd yell back their response. “That’s what I like to hear! So… in case you haven’t figured it out by now, we’re Lucky Mess!” She laughed as the crowd erupted in cheers again. “And we’re on day 2 of this beautiful tour with 5 Seconds of Summer! Give it up for them! They were amazing, weren’t they?!”

As more cheers rang out in the stadium, Avery looked back at Ajani, giving her a knowing smile. “Now, this tour… It’s a very special tour because, as you could probably guess, we’re all about new beginnings here on the New Beginnings Tour! But… here’s the thing… for there to be a new beginning, usually something else has to end. And my mother— a very wise woman— is always telling me that when something ends, I gotta pay my respects. Wish someone well, that sort of stuff, you know? And for the most part, I agree with my mother. But every now and then you find yourself wishing a little hell.”

The crowd lost their minds as Avery and Ajani started playing their next song.

Bet you think you’re the man.

Breaking hearts in your hand.

But to me, that’s bullshit!

“I wish you hell!” Avery, Ajani, and the crowd finished together. Avery panted into the microphone, catching her breath.

“Whew!” Ajani spoke into her own microphone. “You know Ace, I think that’s my personal favorite from our Sincerely, Fuck You album. But you know what’s nice about wishing someone hell?”

“Being able to shake it off? Fuck yeah, let’s go!”

My ex man brought his new girlfriend

She’s like “Oh, my God!”

But I’m just gonna shake.

And to the fellow over there with the hella good hair

Won’t you come on over, baby?

We can shake, shake, shake.

Avery caught sight of Ashton standing in the wings off stage, his attention fully fixated on her. And though she sang for the crowd’s benefit, the way she crooked her finger at him, beckoning, he knew that her focus was also shifting to see only him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[soundtrack-scribe]

New Beginnings

A/N: Temporarily back from the dead. Miss me? This was originally a collaboration I was co-writing with @simpracha (love you!) that is now seeing the light of day. So enjoy! Or don't.

Summary: Avery Ryan wanted three things from life— love, her career, and to feel like she wasn't ever sacrificing one for the sake of the other. But was that even possible?

Word Count: 6.5K

Part 1

The two women were hunkered down in the studio room, racing against the clock. Avery’s notes were hard to decipher between the hastily scrawled words, and pen marks scratching out idea after idea. She imagined Ajani’s notebook was in a similar state and loosed a sigh as she reached for her phone. Maybe there was a voice recording that could be of use. Avery opened the message from her mother first, though.

Have you seen this?

Curious, Avery clicked on the link her mother sent her. And immediately wished she hadn’t as the link sent her to Drew’s Instagram page and his engagement announcement. Avery felt her heart crack and then drop. Panic made her chest tighten and her ears starting buzzing.

“Ace, you got anything?” Ajani asked, not looking up from her own notebook. After a beat of silence, Ajani spoke up again. “Ace?”

Ajani’s question was met with more silence as Avery fought to remember how to breathe.

“Avery!” Ajani snapped, reaching out her foot to nudge Avery’s leg.

The kick jarred Avery back into reality. “What?!” she screeched, her phone tumbling out of her hands. Avery scrambled to catch it before it hit the ground, shooting Ajani a glare in the process. “What?” she asked again in a clipped tone.

“I asked if you had anything,” Ajani repeated, at last raising her gaze to look over at Avery. “I don’t want the guys to get here and have nothing to show them.”

“Right, yeah. The guys.” Avery gave a small shake of her head, letting out an equally small sigh. Originally, when management had first pitched the idea of Lucky Mess collaborating and co-headlining a tour with 5SOS, it had sounded like a dream come true. Only now the first meeting to begin collaboration was scheduled to take place in a manner of minutes, her and Ajani had exactly zero ideas, and Avery couldn’t tear her eyes away from her phone screen that bore the content of her literal nightmare.

Ajani frowned, shifting to sit more upright. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Avery dismissed. “Just mad I don’t have any ideas. You got anything?”

Ajani’s frown deepened at the lie. The two women had been friends and bandmates for eight years. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. Which meant Ajani could spot when Avery was lying from a mile away. “What’s really going on?”

“That fucker…” Avery muttered bitterly, tossing her notebook and phone aside, and reaching for her guitar. Maybe she could create a melody that she could put words to later once she found them. If she found them.

“Uh-oh… what did Drew do now?”  Ajani asked, knowing exactly who Avery was talking about.

“He’s engaged.” Avery felt bile rise in her throat at the word. Drew. Engaged. To the girl he had left Avery for…

“He’s what?!”

“Yup…”

“Oh, Ace…” she mumbled sadly.

Avery held out her hand to stop Ajani from wrapping her in a hug. The only comfort Avery wanted was from a hole six feet deep that would swallow her whole. “Nope,” she chuckled dangerously, the panic attack starting to take over again. “Nuh-uh. Don’t do that.”

“Was it to her?”

“Mhm…”

“That fucker…”

“Mhm…” Avery scanned the room as she fell further into the panic attack. She needed to get out of this room. Was it hot in here? How come Ajani didn’t look hot? She pulled at the collar of her top, the room spinning. “I… I need some fresh air. T-text me when they get here.”

“Yeah, I got it. Do what you gotta do, Ace.”

Avery just needed to get outside. She could break down in her car. She just had to make it there first.

It hadn’t been all that long ago that Avery had thought Drew was everything she would ever want and need. Textbook childhood friends who had grown up across the street from each other, lost touch when Drew had moved, and reconnected in their later lives.

While Avery hadn’t been naive enough to expect a whirlwind romance that resulted in a young marriage and happily ever after, she had still thought that marriage would come in time. And Drew had never given her any reason to doubt that reality. A reality where they would never want anyone else. You didn’t plan a future with someone unless you were serious, right? Wrong. So, fucking wrong.

The ending had been a slow build she had refused to acknowledge. Petty fights that seemed solvable until they progressed to accusations of Avery’s loyalty. Accusations that Avery didn’t realize were a projection until it was too late.

And now Drew was engaged to the girl he had left her for. Giving Madison the life he had had once promised to Avery. And suddenly it didn’t matter that Avery and Drew had been broken up for almost three years, as wounds that had once been closed ripped open. The pain was new and raw as Avery felt the future she always thought she would have with Drew slipping away for the second time.

She wasn’t sure if she was going to cry, scream, or vomit. Maybe she would do all at once. She needed air. Outside. Get outside.

“Whoa!” Avery let out, skidding to a halt before she collided into the back of a very large man who was blocking her only exit out of the studio. “You, uh… wanna maybe not block the hallway? Or I dunno… shrink to the size of a normal human?” The questions were sharp, as that wild and untamed panic swirling inside her came out as unfiltered rage on an unsuspecting— and undeserving— victim. And while bracing her hand on the wall as the man turned might have seemed to be part of her fiery demeanor, it was actually to keep herself upright as new panic seized her. Oh shit.

“I’m sorry?” Ashton asked, amusement lacing his tone. He looked down at the woman who stood there, arm braced defiantly against the wall. There was a dusting of freckles along her nose and cheeks, and her red hair curled slightly where it stopped at the top of her shoulders. He saw the hint of a tattoo peeping out of her navy-blue tank top decorated with sunflowers, but it was covered enough to where he couldn’t fully make out what it was. If he allowed his eyes to travel further down, he would have found a pair of denim shorts hugging her tightly and showing off slim and tanned legs, and a pair of all-white Chucks on her feet. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on hers— a tantalizing green— and her lips— the most perfect shade of reddish pink.

“I said excuse me,” Avery choked out. “Please,” she added as an afterthought.

A smirk was on his perfect lips as he continued to study Avery much in the way she was studying him. Her study concluded that everything about him was perfect. From the way his black jeans covered his perfect thighs, and the sleeves of his t-shirt hugged his biceps, like the fabric would rip at the slightest flex; to the way those two perfect strands of soft brown curls framed his forehead. And those eyes… Fuck, she could drown in those soft shades of green and glittering gold.

“You okay there, sweetheart?” he asked, the amused tone giving way to concern as his smirk dropped, the dimple in his cheek disappearing.

Do not drown. Do not giggle like a schoolgirl. Avery forced a smile. “Was just uh… getting some… coffee! Yeah, coffee.”

“Coffee’s always good right before a writing session. I’m Ashton, by the way.” He extended one large hand towards her.

“Avery,” she smiled, much more willingly. She gripped his hand in hers, giving it a firm shake, and wondered if the bolt of electricity that coursed through her was imagined or not. And when they unclasped hands, her heartbeat felt calmer, steadier.

Ashton noted the dimple that appeared in Avery’s right cheek. He also noted the way her eyes crinkled in the corners with her smile that felt much more genuine the second time around. “Avery… Avery…” his fingers snapped as he thought, her name familiar to him somehow. “Oh! Lucky Mess!” he realized, cheeks flushing in slight embarrassment. Ashton had been doing his best to familiarize himself with Lucky Mess in the past few weeks, but regrettably still could not differentiate the women enough to know them by name or sight.

“Yes. I’m Avery. Drummer and occasional guitarist and vocalist of Lucky Mess. And you’re Ashton Irwin, drummer of 5SOS.” She spoke the words with a slow playfulness.

He chuckled nervously, his cheeks heating up even more. Ashton rubbed at the back of his neck. “I bet I look like a terrible co-headliner right now…”

“No more than I do slamming into you in the hallway,” she laughed, a small but full sound. “AJ’s in room 3,” Avery pointed vaguely in the direction she had come from. “And uh, I’m gonna go grab that coffee. Did you want one?” she offered.

“That’d be great actually.”

“Cool.” Her teeth nipped into her bottom lip. “Cool. I’m, uh… I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll see you in there,” Ashton said, side-stepping out of her way so she could get by. He chuckled to himself, as Avery practically skipped off down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen area.

“What’s got you smiling that big for?” Calum asked as he came down the hall from the other way Avery had gone.

Ashton felt more warmness spread through his cheeks. “I, uh… nothing.”

Calum quirked an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. Nothing. Sure. Whatever you say, big fella.”

“I just ran into one of the girls from Lucky Mess. Well, she ran into me. But, uh, yeah.”

“AJ or Avery?”

“Avery,” Ashton grinned, enjoying the way her name felt on his tongue.

“You do know that you just grinned bigger when you said her name right?”

Ashton forced his face to take on what he hoped was a more neutral, natural looking expression. “Did I?”

Calum sighed and rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Ash?”

“What?”

“We haven’t even started working with them, and you’re already grinning like an idiot? Dude… reel it in.”

“Cal, do you ever just get a feeling about someone?”

“You get a lot of feelings about a lot of people, Ash.”

“No. This is… different.”

“And you say that every time, mate.”

“No!” Ashton made a low noise in his throat, trying to find the words to get his point across. “It’s like… every time I meet a girl, it’s shy, high-pitched giggles, and pounding heartbeats.”

“That’s cuz you’re a rockstar. We, uh… have that effect on girls apparently.”

“Okay, but that didn’t happen.”

“Well, what did happen?”

So, Ashton told him all about the woman with eyes so green it was like a new shade had been invented just for her, and how instead of making him feel like he was falling, she made him feel like his feet were touching solid ground for the first time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avery used the distraction of making coffee to calm down her body. From the news of Drew. From colliding into Ashton. From everything swirling inside her.

As the coffee dripped into the pot, Avery started humming nonsense hoping the nonsense would turn into words. Anything to try and make sense of the storm in her head. That was what she loved most about being a musician— the therapeutic process of channeling her emotions into music and turning whatever it was she was going through into something others could relate to.

She poured the coffee into mugs, setting the pot in the sink. She then grabbed as much creamer and sugar as she could hold in her hands.

As she made her way back to room three, she could hear more voices than just Ashton and Ajani’s. Great… Everyone else was here and she only had two coffees. She steeled herself, refusing to feel guilty. She wasn’t a fucking waitress. And she hadn’t even planned on getting coffee. The idea had just blurted out of her standing in front of Ashton. And to show up without coffee after 1.) saying that’s what she was doing and 2.) offering to get him one would raise more questions that she was in no mood to deal with.

She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin.

“Hey guys!” she greeted warmly as she pushed her way into the room.

Ajani’s eyebrows shot up, curious about her bandmate’s sudden change in demeanor. “Hey… Ace… How was that fresh air?” she asked, gazing at the cups in Avery’s hands.

“Too soon to tell,” Avery answered honestly. “Ash, this is…” Avery started, turning her attention to Ashton, and holding out one of the coffee cups to him. But as he moved to take it, she moved her hand back, offering him the other cup.

He paused, watching as she worked out which cup she wanted to offer him. Which didn’t matter in the slightest because they looked to be identical. Until she took a huge lick of one of the cups and passed him the non-licked one. “This one’s yours,” she finally decided.

Ashton let out a large laugh that turned into a boyish giggle, as he took the cup. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

The other four people in the room watched the exchange, wondering if their respective bandmates had lost their damn mind.

Avery wasn’t entirely sure about Ashton losing his, but she was certain she was losing hers the more she held Ashton’s gaze and listened to that infectious giggle.

She took a slow sip of her coffee, wincing at the taste. She had forgotten about the creamer and sugar in her hands. So, she busied herself with dumping the packets of creamer and sugar into her cup, taking the moment to compose herself. “Um, hi. I’m Avery,” she addressed Calum, Luke, and Michael specifically, putting the mug off to the side. “Nice to officially meet you. Do you guys have any lyrics, or music to work with?” she went on to ask, getting down to business.

“Nope. Not a one. Nada. Sorry,” all four men answered while Ajani rolled her eyes.

“So would anyone mind if I tried something?” Avery offered, moving about the room to grab her guitar.

Ajani perked up. “You got something?!”

“I think so.”

“Dazzle me, Ace,” Ajani encouraged, sitting more upright, excited to hear what Avery had come up with.

Avery was also curious about what she would come up with as she started strumming a soft guitar riff. She started humming the same tune she had been humming in the kitchen, her voice growing louder as the humming turned to words.

It’s so hard to watch everything I want,

Everything I was,

Spinning down the drain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The writing session quickly disbanded after Avery’s simplistic, but promising intro, everyone hell-bent on coming back together tomorrow with something workable. And after trying to come up with something more complex than an intro beat himself and getting distracted by thinking about her smile and the way it lit up her entire face, Ashton finally packed up for the day.

For a reason he couldn’t explain, he wandered into the kitchen. Ashton wasn’t sure what he expected, but Ajani leaned against the counter, eating yogurt wouldn’t have made the list. Well… since she was here…

“Hey, AJ, right?” Ashton asked, and immediately cursed himself for asking something so profoundly stupid.

“Yes, that’s me. What can I do for you?” She took a scoop of her yogurt, an eyebrow cocked as she waited for Ashton to ask, no doubt, another stupid question.

Ashton smiled and let out a nervous chuckle. “So, um, Avery, right?” He rubbed at the back of his neck, kicking himself for not being able to say the words he wanted to say.

“Avery is not me. I thought we established I’m AJ?”

“No, um, fuck,” He groaned, his hand moving from his neck to wipe down his face. “Is she… you know?”

“I know,” Ajani laughed, putting her spoon back in the yogurt cup, “She is my best friend.” She had a good idea she knew what Ashton was getting at. She would have had to be blind to not see the way he acted so enamored around Avery. But watching the man sweat was amusing, and a little humbling. Ashton Irwin with a crush? How adorably normal.

“Fuck, why is this so hard?” Ashton asked no one in particular.

“I don’t know why it's hard, you tell me.”

The drummer scowled. Any other day he could match Ajani sassy comment for sassy comment. But damn it, he just wanted a clear answer to the unclear but obvious question he was asking. “You’re a little shithead, huh?”

“That’s what they call me in bed,” Ajani laughed again. Then, she nodded her head seriously, growing bored of teasing Ashton. “She is single, yes.”

“Thank you,” Ashton smiled gratefully. “I’ll uh…”

“Run to catch her before she leaves?”

“Yeah, that! Thanks again. Have a good night.” He moved for the door, hoping he didn’t appear too eager.

“Oh, but Ash?” Ajani called out, needing to do right by Avery by making Ashton aware of the situation with Drew.

“Yeah?”

“Be good to her.” The warning fell flat, and a better explanation was on Ajani’s lips, but Ashton was already dashing out the door, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Otherwise, you’ll put me six feet under like the good friend you are. Got it. Thanks!” he called out over his shoulder.

He was halfway to the parking lot when a soft whistle filtered down the hall then a “Oh hey! Just the man I wanted to see.”

“I’m not blocking your way again, am I?” Ashton teased.

Avery gave a small laugh as pink dusted her cheeks. “No. And I should apologize for that. It’s been…” her voice trailed off as she grappled with how much to share with him. “Well, it’s been a day.”

“A good one, I hope.”

“It had its moments,” she answered as truthfully as she could. “Anyway. I’m glad I caught you. Because it might be in my best interest to have your number.”

“That just might be the smoothest way I’ve ever had someone ask for my number before,” he attempted to flirt as he reached into his back pocket for his phone.

Her eyes widened for a split second. “I only meant… Because we’re going to be working together. It just makes sense.”

“Oh, of course,” Ashton nodded, trading his phone for hers, noting her home screen that pictured an all-black cat lounging lazily in a windowsill. And maybe Ajani had just been fucking with him. And maybe Avery wasn’t the type to plaster her love life on her phone screen. But his shoulders sagged with relief anyway. “Just good business.”

“Speaking of,” she laughed, her hand patting his chest softly. “I should be off. See if I can’t make us a hit song overnight.”

“Yeah, I was heading out myself. Walk you to your car?”

Her eyes danced, and it took all of Ashton’s willpower not to kiss those perfectly pink lips as she grinned up at him. “Oh, a gentleman are we, Mr. Irwin?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avery spent most of the night replaying everything with Drew over in her head. The way he had replaced her so easily, taking all their memories and promises with him. How it had her taken months to find the ability to go anywhere besides the studio, processing her emotions through music as best she could. How her dating life the past three years had only been distractions, because keeping her walls up was the only way to ensure she wouldn’t get hurt again. Because she would never allow herself to get so wrapped up into someone again.

But she hadn’t had a distraction in a while. Not since their manager had dropped the news of the collaboration and impending co-headlining tour with 5SOS. The distraction of work was far more satisfying and less likely to end in someone getting hurt. But she was healing. Moving forward as best she could. Or at least she thought she was until she saw that cursed engagement announcement. Undeniable confirmation that the chance of Drew ever coming groveling back was officially closed.

But then she had— quite literally— crashed into Ashton. And sure, him being pleasant with her could be chalked up to the fact that they were facing months being in each other’s business, so it was for the best they got along. And sure, maybe he just had a charming personality that made it feel like he was flirting when he actually wasn’t. Maybe he was just a decent human being. But there was no denying the way he stilled her in a way that Avery had only been able to find through music. And that itself was terrifying to confront.

And that’s how she found herself in the studio the following morning. She sat quietly, strumming a soft acoustic riff, waiting for the words that would help her make sense of everything to find her.

I guess what they say is true.

That nothing really is what it seems.

Cuz, I miss the hope that I used to have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they had all gone their separate ways last night, they hadn’t agreed on a meeting time. So, Ashton was pleasantly surprised when he pulled up to the studio and only Avery’s car was in the parking lot.

While he was excited to be working on a new song with Lucky Mess and go on tour, he was equally— if not more— excited about the prospect of spending more time with Avery in particular. He knew there was more to it than his hopeless romantic tendencies taking root, too. Something about him and Avery felt so… effortless. New and exciting, but also comforting.

Ashton could hear the soft music pouring out of the room as he approached, a tray of coffees, and a grocery bag in his hands. The singing grew louder as he pushed his way inside the room.

I fell so far, and I don’t know how.

But I think I miss it. God, I miss it.

Oh, I miss it, really miss it now.

“Whoa…” was all Ashton could think of to say.

Avery’s head snapped up, not having heard anyone walk in. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” She set her guitar aside and rose to her feet. “Need help with that?” she asked, gesturing to the tray of coffees and the grocery bag still in Ashton’s hands.

“Nah, I got it,” Ashton said, setting everything down on the little table in the middle of the room. “Just some coffee and muffins, so please, help yourself.”

“That’s sweet of you to grab everyone breakfast. Thank you.” Her hand hovered over the tray of coffees. “Is there a specific one I should grab?”

“Nah, they’re all the same. There’s cream and sugar in the bag with the muffins. And if you don’t like the coffee, don’t feel bad.”

“Why wouldn’t I like the coffee?” she asked, grabbing one of the cups and popping the lid.

“I know some people are picky about their blends. But I’m not. And I can easily drink all of these on my own so it’s not gonna go to waste or anything.”

“Well, here’s the thing,” she said as she pulled out a fistful of creams and sugars, ripping them open and dumping them into the coffee. “1.) put in enough creamer and sugar and it all tastes the same. And 2.)” She paused as she licked the entire rim of her coffee cup, a smirk gracing her lips, “you can’t have this one. It’s mine. I even licked it.”

Ashton let out a loud laugh, as he reached in the bag to pull out two muffins. “Gonna lick this one too?” he joked as he handed her one.

“How else am I going to mark it as mine?” she joked back, swiping a pink tongue across the top of the muffin. “Sharpie leaves a weird taste, you know?”

Again, Ashton laughed, enjoying the way her eyes danced and swirled with playful trouble. Effortless. But an alarm of warning went off in his head. Ajani’s warning that he had brushed past without thinking too much about it. Maybe there was more to it than friends looking out for each other. And between the songs Avery had been playing, and how if he looked closely, she always looked a little frazzled… Maybe he was reading too much out of a situation that wasn’t actually real. Maybe his hopeless romantic brain was losing control. And while Avery seemed too sweet to ever use anyone for her own gain, Ashton had also known a few girls who never intended to hurt him but did so anyway in the end. And honestly, that hurt worse than being used. He cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable. “So, the song you were playing?” he asked. “Was it part of what you showed us yesterday, or something different.”

“Something different. Or so I think. They’re both dealing with this idea of reflection, just in a different way.”

“Done a lot of reflecting lately?”

She laughed, but it sounded off. Like she was somehow sad. Haunted by whatever it was she was reflecting on. “Yeah, you could say that. It’s uh… all a smidge complicated.”

“How so? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Avery’s teeth nipped into her bottom lip as she thought about what to tell him. Decided how much of herself was safe to give away. “Well let’s just say there was this guy. We’ve been broken up for a few years now. And I’ve dated here and there, both before and after him. But he was the only serious relationship I’ve had. And yesterday he got engaged to the girl he left me for.”

Ashton let out a low whistle. “Shit… that’s gotta sting.”

“Yeah.” The word fell flat. Not necessarily sad, or even angry. Disappointed reality. “So, the song I was playing around with yesterday is reflective of this idea of seeing someone you once loved living out that life you both planned for with someone else.”

“And the other song? The one you were just playing?”

“That internal struggle of not being where you thought you would be. Like in some regards my life panned out perfectly. But in other ways it hasn’t. I’m not even close to achieving some goals I thought I would have by now. But to give voice to those disappointments comes across as complaining because on the surface I have so much. So sometimes I just miss who I was back at the start before it all.”

Ashton blew out a huff of air. “Ain’t that the truth. Where did you think you’d be by now?”

Avery paused, and Ashton was ready to backpedal his question. Apologize for asking too many questions. Offer her an out. But instead, she flashed him a shy smile, and held out her pinky finger. “Promise me you won’t laugh?”

He wrapped his pinky around hers. “Only if you won’t laugh at mine.”

Avery’s smile grew. “I always thought that I would have a family by now. Like one of my own, you know? I’ve always wanted this,” she gestured about the room. “But I also thought by now I would have someone to come home to. A spouse. Some kids.” She sighed, her smile faltering. “And I get how that’s off-putting to people. How people I date wouldn’t want to put their trust in me to have a traditional life with when I have such a demanding job. And I’ll admit that I’m picky about who I date because of those factors as well. But the only time I trusted someone well enough to be serious with… He let me down in all the ways that mattered. And he blamed my life — my career — for his mistakes, like the blame was on me. And that’s time I’ll never get back. Years that put me behind the curve of falling in line to societal pressures. And I know it’s silly. I know that I need to focus on what I have and trust everything will play out how it's meant to. But it’s hard not to feel like I lost out on something in the process. That I’m not fully myself because I don’t have what I thought I would by now. Should have by now.”

Ashton swallowed thickly as he nodded. “I get it. The idea of balancing a more traditional life with the one we find ourselves in… It’s a lot for most people. And there’s always going to be some risk with giving your heart to someone. So, you just gotta find someone worth that risk and hope they think the same.”

“Which is what everyone says,” Avery laughed half-heartedly. “Ugh. Sorry. I appreciate you trying to help. It just sucks. Like I was moved on. I let him go. I let the pain go. And now all that time spent making myself better… It’s pathetic is what it is. Pathetic that after all this time he still has the power to make me feel like I lost so much time.”

 “I think that makes you human, not pathetic,” Ashton said, sympathetically, resting a large hand on her thigh. He was about to offer up more words of comfort and validation when he paused, his eyes lighting up with an idea. “Actually, that gives me an idea for our song.”

“Really?” Avery brightened, sitting up straighter.

“Yes!” he said, rising to his feet and going to the keyboard. “I was messing with a rhythm to pair with that riff you were playing,” he explained, gesturing for her to join him.

Quickly she started playing the soft chord progression from yesterday, and Ashton overlayed the sound with a soft electronic kick beat on the keyboard. Then, ever so quietly:

I know it takes time to let go.

But I can’t take it no more.

Can I make up for lost time?

As he stopped singing, they both stopped playing, the silence crashing around them. Ashton coughed, uncomfortable and shy. “So, I know it’s not much, and I’m not sure where it will fit exactly. But… yeah…”

“Tell the critic to take the day off, Ash. That was beautiful,” Avery told him, her voice full of marvel.

“Thanks,” he murmured, ducking his head to hide his blush.

“I’m serious. Don’t doubt your abilities.” The words were both permission and promise. Permission to let down his guard with her. And promise that she would keep safe whatever vulnerabilities he dared share with her.

Taking a page from her book, Ashton held out his pinky finger to her. “Don’t doubt yours.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Anybody ever tell you that you make it hard to focus?” Ashton asked, looking over at Avery. He had invited everyone over for a pool party of sorts to celebrate the song being finished just in time for tour next week. Well, technically Calum had, and he had made a nice little typo in the message to Avery, sending her a time that started before everyone else’s. Ashton had been about to tear his Calum’s head off for meddling in something that wasn’t any of his business to meddle in, but when Ashton’s phone had pinged with Avery’s message saying that she couldn’t wait, suddenly Ashton was grateful for the idea of having two uninterrupted hours with her before everyone else showed up.

Grateful, and easily distracted. And she wasn’t even doing anything to purposely cause a distraction. Upon realizing she was the first to arrive, she had set up space on a lounge chair, pulling a notebook and pen out of her bag. And she had stayed that way while he tried to busy himself with a little bit of yoga.

Ashton would have blamed the silence for his lack of focus, except that the silence was quite comfortable. Each of them lost in their own world as they shared the same space of his back patio. But every time his eyes caught a glimpse of her swimming top peeking out of her tank top, Ashton’s mind drifted to what she looked like in it without the extra clothes in the way. He found himself jealous of the way her shorts hugged her small frame, showing off her slim and long tanned legs, and the pink lipstick that kissed her lips the way he wanted to. And it was like it got a little easier to breathe every time she looked his way and flashed that little shy smile of hers. Like now. “Sorry, am I humming out loud?” Avery asked, looking over at him.

Ashton quickly shook his head. “No, you’re just…” He took a steadying breath, before pushing into his next yoga pose, as he figured out what next to say. “I feel like I’m being a bad host and you’re secretly bored out of your skull. You can start swimming if you want. Or help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I don’t know what’s taking everyone else so long, but they should be here soon,” he half-lied.

“You’re not a bad host,” she laughed. “And I’m not bored. I’m working.” Her pen tapped against the spirals of her notebook. “Trying to finish this damn song.”

“The ‘oh I miss it, really miss it now?’ one?” Ashton remembered. “Mmm, I liked that one.”

“Mhm, me too,” she said somewhat absentmindedly as she looked over what she had written down. She hummed quietly to herself, then her eyes lit up and she wrote in a fast blur. “Yes!” she cheered to herself, flipping the notebook closed and setting it aside. “Alright. Think I’m gonna take that swim now. Wanna join me?” she asked as she started rifling through her bag for sunscreen.

“Gonna finish this up first,” Ashton said, gesturing to the yoga mat.

“Hmm… good idea.” She rose from the chair and came over to where Ashton was. “Can you show me what you were doing?”

“You do yoga?” Ashton asked, stunned.

“Every day since I was eight. Helped with gymnastics.”

Ashton choked on his next breath, stemming the thoughts starting to run through his mind. This woman was gonna be the end of him. And he was gonna enjoy every second of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There you are!” Avery said, when Ajani finally showed up to Ashton’s. “I was wondering when you’d get here.”

“Oh, yeah. Looks like you were completely torn up about it,” Ajani laughed at her friend.

“Shut up and get in the pool, already,” Avery laughed with her, continuing to float lazily on the raft in Ashton’s pool. “Oh! But bring me a drink first, yeah?”

“One water coming up,” Ajani said as she crouched at the cooler on the deck.

“You’re the best AJ!” Avery shouted her thanks.

“There’s other stuff to drink besides water,” Ashton pointed out, resting his foot on the cooler for emphasis.

Avery looked over at the man; his trunks were already dry as he had gotten out of the pool when Crystal and Michael had arrived to help Michael set up his DJing equipment. Her fingers itched to mark up his perfect back, and trace every inked line etched upon his soft skin. By the time he finished helping Michael, Calum, Luke, and Sierra, along with a few others Avery couldn't put names to, had shown up and he had snapped into full host mode. But Avery was fine with that. The whole point of this afternoon was for them to celebrate, not just her hanging out with Ashton. Although she certainly hadn’t been minding the latter; just the two of them spending a lazy day out in the sun like they had been doing it every day of their lives.

Avery was about to answer that she was fine with water, but Ajani beat her to it with a swift, “Unless there’s a bottle of pinot noir in there, she’ll want water.”

“You don’t chill pinot noir,” Avery corrected with an eye roll. “8 years. You’ve known me 8 years and you still don’t know that. Unbelievable.”

“Well, I’m not much a drinker these days, but I can look for a bottle later if you like,” Ashton offered.

Avery waved her hand dismissively. “Please don’t trouble yourself. I’m not much of a drinker either.”

“A woman after my own heart,” Ashton joked with a wink in Avery’s direction, clutching at his heart dramatically.

“Great, Ash is in love again. Quick Luke, call the studio! We’ll have a new album before tour even starts!” Calum teased, and Ashton shoved him with a laugh that Avery was certain she would hear every time she closed her eyes.

“Men,” Ajani said with a roll of her eyes before walking to the edge of the pool, two water bottles in her hand.

Avery gripped the ledge and towed herself over to Ajani. “Thanks,” she said, graciously taking one of the bottles.

“No problem. How long have you been here?”

“Like 11 I think.”

She let out a low whistle. “Geez, woman.”

“What?” Avery asked, confused. “Ash said 11.”

“Oh, honey…”

Avery’s eyes rolled. “Don’t ‘oh, honey’ me. He told me 11. Watch, I’ll show you. Here, hold this,” she directed, passing back the water bottle so she could get off the raft and pull herself out of the water.

“Are you sure you didn’t read it wrong? Cuz, I read 1.”

Avery shook her head, grabbing Ajani’s hand and walking them to her bag. She was certain she had read 11, not 1. She located her phone, quickly unlocking it and pulling up her messages.

Hey, having a pre-tour pool party at my place. See ya at 11.

XX

Ajani frowned and showed Avery her own message from Ashton.

Hey, having a pre-tour pool party at my place. See ya at 1.

XX

Both messages showed his address underneath the original message followed by their responses. “Think it was a typo, and he didn’t want to make me feel bad?” Avery asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

Ajani shrugged. “That, or he did it on purpose.”

“But why would he do that?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Avery snorted with laughter. “Yeah, okay. Just ‘Hey Ash, I noticed you told me 11, but told everyone else 1. What gives?’ Just like that?”

“Or something like that,” Ajani grinned, and Avery could have hit her.

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?

“Oh, yeah,” both Ajani and Ashton said.

Avery grimaced as she turned around to come face to face with the culprit. “Well?”

“I’m gonna plead the fifth on this one,” Ashton grinned.

“Cool, I’m gonna go drown now. Hope you got a pool boy that doesn’t scare easily.” Avery flashed them both a smile. “Bye!” She wiggled her fingers for dramatic effect as she walked backwards to the edge of the pool, and then took one more step, letting the water cool off the warmth coursing through her body that had nothing to do with the California sun.

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What if I just came out of hiding long enough to post a 3 part fic and then disappeared again for who knows how long?

That would be crazy, right?

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“Waking up between her legs and reading in between the lines. You call it torture, I call it paradise. You tell me to jump, the only question I got left on my mind is ‘How high?’ (How high? How high?)” is the SEXIEST BRIDGE I’VE EVER HEARD IN A SONG

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More like put these kids back on zoom cuz they don’t know how to act in public no more

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The incomprehensible screaming I am doing in my head is insane.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

I love this for them. For us. But also not. They cannot know we exist. Not here.