souperfluidslut - Tumblr blog

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literally did it again immediately after posting this

why the fuck did I go to take off my glasses that I removed like 20 minutes ago

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why the fuck did I go to take off my glasses that I removed like 20 minutes ago

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tw self harm, suicide mention

chilling out on the sex posting for regular posting real quick

even though I'm in a better place than I was last week, I still think I'd benefit from going to a mental facility. I plan to discuss it with my therapist before I do, but the fact I was that close to genuinely hurting myself after i had already been thinking heavily about it for days worries me. the ONE reason I stopped was because my phone kept going off from pink sending me funny stuff and I snapped out of it because I was laughing so much.

I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into the hole but I wasn't sure how to get out. being unemployed with no money left except a credit card, feeling ignored/not feeling loved, and being stuck inside just kept adding more and more stress and despair. from what I saw I not only had no help, but couldn't even afford to seek it out. my days and nights were empty. i was withholding myself from the only thing I had left to cope with (weed). and things just felt bleaker and bleaker and more meaningless. i got passively suicidal and eventually it's like I just. laser focused on self harm. it genuinely felt like a real solution. like I'd finally feel something. anything.

i decided to start smoking again (although very little) and I snuck red over so we could hang out and she surprised me with a date. things have looked up the last 2-3 days and I decided to do plasma donation to get money for what I need, but I don't trust that I won't fall into that hole again.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up. I'm exhausted, high, it's 6:35am and I just laid down to sleep, and idk.

i have gained a Twitter mutual (I started posting ass and whatnot on there). she's so wonderful.

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I've officially performed sexual activity with all 3 (2 + an honorary) of my partners in my house. sneaky sneaky.

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well. i didn't think I'd be getting double penetrated today. but I did. I've never had such intense back to back orgasms in my life, there was literally like. 3 seconds between them at most. and it just kept going. i was drooling and dizzy by the time she gave me a break. lord have mercy.

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taking a post sex picture while cuddling? wonderful 🫶🏾

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i got double penetrated then fucked red until she came. life is good rn.

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i never see it mentioned, but we all know about mermaid purse shark eggs right? this is common knowledge that is lives tucked tidily away in our subconsciouses, correct?

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Online store is open~ 🌱

koyamori.ca

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Haha what, this old thing? *gestures to the circus tent I'm wearing like a poncho* It's nothing, I'm just fumigating the termites that live under my skin

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and again. we talked about this. the last truly full conversation we had (it had also been a while since we really spoke then) i talked to them about this. and like. they explained and apologized (which is how I know what exactly is going on with them) but there hasn't really been any change. so I know they know how I'm feeling and all that.

and we don't literally only say two sentences to each other but it'll be maybe 4 back and forth responses each and then nothing. which is why I decided to stop and see what happens. i hate sitting and waiting for a response. i hate checking my phone over and over and staying up late on purpose hoping I might've just missed a notification or something after I sent message after message spanning over 6, 7, 8+ hours while I see them like something I posted or watch my story or repost something but never even open what I send. i don't need 24/7 undivided attention but I want more than minimal small talk once or twice a day from my partner, or if nothing else i wanna hear "I'm sorry we didn't talk much today. i miss you. i love you." or just. something.

haven't really spoken to pink in a while. feels potentially worrying but I decided to stop reaching out first and see what happens because whenever I try and reach out and end up being left with no response for several hours and then get something minimal and then nothing again for more hours it puts me in a bad place emotionally that I don't wanna be in.

i know they're busy with a new job and a new pet and whatnot but. idk. all our conversations have been recently are "what have you done so far today" "nothing" "I see" pretty much. i feel like I'm being forgotten about. like I'm being put down a peg on their list. it doesn't help that they said they met someone new that they're interested in and could potentially have feelings for so they've been talking them more recently.

I'm used to getting love bombed and showered with attention and affection and then suddenly it's just gone. it's been my reality far too often and I'm still dealing with the effects of it with one person now. but I'm just tired. i really don't wanna overthink this and be correct/or feel like things might be fading out for us. we probably just need to talk again and really make plans to see each other and spend time together. it just makes me sad.

[souperfluidslut]

haven't really spoken to pink in a while. feels potentially worrying but I decided to stop reaching out first and see what happens because whenever I try and reach out and end up being left with no response for several hours and then get something minimal and then nothing again for more hours it puts me in a bad place emotionally that I don't wanna be in.

i know they're busy with a new job and a new pet and whatnot but. idk. all our conversations have been recently are "what have you done so far today" "nothing" "I see" pretty much. i feel like I'm being forgotten about. like I'm being put down a peg on their list. it doesn't help that they said they met someone new that they're interested in and could potentially have feelings for so they've been talking them more recently.

I'm used to getting love bombed and showered with attention and affection and then suddenly it's just gone. it's been my reality far too often and I'm still dealing with the effects of it with one person now. but I'm just tired. i really don't wanna overthink this and be correct/or feel like things might be fading out for us. we probably just need to talk again and really make plans to see each other and spend time together. it just makes me sad.

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found a reason. being gay in the sims.

there's just. no reason for me to keep going.

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tw self harm

genuinely considering self harm just so I can see if it'll stop the emptiness. there has to be something that can stop it I don't care what it is at this point.

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there's just. no reason for me to keep going.

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the way I'd go live with one of my friends if the option was sustainable

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part of why I wanna transition other than the obvious reasons is because I think it would be hot as fuck and I'd look and sound so sexy

Why do transphobes even act like the autogynephilia thing is a good argument. Like who fucking cares. If some guy wanted to pretend to be a woman because it makes him horny then literally why should I fucking care. That person still has a right to bodily autonomy and safety and respect. If someone wanted to have surgery to become a fucking lizard because that made them horny I would support them too. You're just boring and gross and lame. You not only misunderstand gender but also underestimate my commitment to letting people do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies.