sourmilkinthefridge - Tumblr blog

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Dick and Tim would be REALLY good on reality tv,,, they're both charismatic (please do not forget that Tim makes friends/allies easily just like Dick can), handsome, CLEVER, and know how to play to a persona. i think they'd go on shows for fun and to de-stress. like one too many things piss them off in their daily lives and they could pretty much get a vacation from it just to go on these shows. no one in the family can talk to them and they get to annoy people, crack jokes, and get fun puzzles in the form of a literal puzzle or figuring out social dynamics of the other players.

sometimes they go on shows by themselves but mostly use it as a brotherly bonding activity. if it's a show where they can be a duo they're GOING to do it. and they're going in to play to a storyline, not to win. they don't need the money, they don't need the publicity, they just want to have fun. sometimes if they figure out that everyone on the show sucks and they get competitive, they'll win. but mostly their goal is "how can we make the funniest plot line look the most natural." or something like that. i know a producer LOVES to see them coming. i bet EVERYONE tunes in when they're on a show because they're fucking hilarious even if half of what they say are inside jokes. the rest of the family watches and they KNOW what those shits are pulling, they have betting pools where they guess what the two are gonna do next, they're the FIRST to make memes for both internet and for the family group chats.

one time they convinced Bruce to go (it's been many a years since he really had to play up the Brucie role, cause he's a dad now and the older he gets the more people expect him to mellow out, and even back when he was full Brucie, reality TV wasn't his thing). it was one of those survival based shows where you come is as a team and try to win together. Bruce got lost in the woods after going on a hike. The camera men literally lost him and Tim and Dick were playing it up for the camera. Dick cried and invited the other teams to a funeral. Tim had a speech that was basically "I think he's fine but this is my perfect opportunity to embarrass my dad with stories." The producers were like "we fucking killed Bruce Wayne oh my fucking god" and Bruce shows up at the funeral like "oh what a beautiful service my boys are so great." They won by pure luck and circumstances and they were actively TRYING to lose that game. They were gobsmacked at the end and everyone uses the moment they looked at each other in confusion and shock as reaction gifs

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Due to a popular request, the Wayne kids decide to shoot a ghost hunting video in the manor and Jason stands in the corner of the frame while the others ignore him just to fuck with the audience

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dick "eldest daughter syndrome" grayson

so dick grayson grows up an only child raised by alfred pennyworth, who is kind but very emotionally distant, and bruce wayne, who is kind but goes through phases where he borders on being emotionally neglectful and also lowkey suicidal

so dick internalizes very early that he is bruce wayne's Normal People Translator and although he can't really articulate this as a kid he is subconsciously aware that he is one of bruce's bullet points on the list bruce wayne keeps which is titled "Reasons for Living" (fellow contenders include alfred, clark, diana, ace, jim gordon)

it's not that bruce is intentionally using dick as an emotional crutch but bruce has kind of lost the baseline of how normal people behave and they are Trauma Bonded because they fight very violent crime every night

because bruce and alfred are dick's baseline for how People behave dick is a very intense person who becomes deeply attached to people very quickly and while he can socialize like a normal person for periods of time once you are Actually Friends with dick grayson/robin you are like wow you are a freak but i still love you

so this is how dick grows up and then when he hits his teens and realizes that he views bruce as a dad and they start fighting more and more dick is like bruce i just NEED you to tell me that you love me and view me as a son and bruce is just INCAPABLE of telling dick this so dick is like fine i am leaving and becoming my own person

cue dick learning emotional growth and finding his found family without being smothered under the weight of batman/bruce

and then one day dick finds out through the news that there is a new robin :)

cue dick grayson suddenly developing eldest daughter syndrome in the span of 0.5 seconds

dick grayson TRIES to be nice to jason but jason makes it SO FUCKING HARD and bruce makes it SO FUCKING HARD but dick doesn't want to tell anyone about his problems BECAUSE DICK SOUNDS SO PETTY IF HE TELLS PEOPLE HIS BILLIONAIRE GUARDIAN ADOPTED ANOTHER ORPHAN KID AND PROBABLY SAVED HIM FROM A LIFE OF DESTITUTION AND CRIME AND ALSO BRUCE IS A GOOD PERSON AND DICK STILL LOVES HIM BUT ALSO DICK IS SO SO ANGRY

but dick isn't allowed to tell people he's angry because he is supposed to be a calm and collected pillar of the superhero community :)

:)

and then jason dies

and dick was the worst big sister ever because maybe if he had been a better person or brother jason would have reached out to dick or bruce and jason wouldn't have died

and then tim

at first with tim it starts out with "I am not going to repeat the same mistakes with Jason" and then dick genuinely just starts to love tim and views him as his little brother

and tim has to deal with an even more emotionally distant and HIGHKEY suicidal bruce so now dick grayson's eldest daughter syndrome has kicked into FULL GEAR so he tries his best to shield tim from it and give tim the emotional support tim needs and dick is still :) not :) angry :) at :) bruce :) about :) it :) because bruce just lost a child and is grieving but bruce you still have two living children right here in front of you BEGGING you to reach out to them and you just won't do it :)

like obvs dick gets angry at bruce about a LOT of things but dick just refuses to acknowledge that the root of it is the obvious emotional neglect so dick is just dealing with symptoms because bruce won't deal with the actual problem

dick isn't all that close with cass initially because Cass is independent and tends to do her own thing more often than not but also her and bruce just Click in a way dick doesn't with bruce and dick is like this :) is :) fine :)

oh look now jason is back from the dead.

cue bruce dying, dick now has to take care of damian, and tim has run off

ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME

now dick is ACTUALLY TAKING CARE OF BRUCE'S YOUNGEST CHILD BUT DICK IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY AT BRUCE ABOUT IT BECAUSE BRUCE IS ACTUALLY DEAD THIS TIME AND THE BURDEN OF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ISN'T FALLING TO DICK SIMPLY BECAUSE BRUCE IS AN ASSHOLE

AND NOW DICK'S DAD IS DEAD AND HE HAS A KID SO DICK IS MENTALLY REPLANNING HIS ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND TIM IS MISSING AND NOW DICK IS BATMAN AND DESPITE DICK'S BEST FUCKING EFFORTS HE JUST NOW HAS TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE PICKING UP THE PIECES OF BRUCE'S

WHICH IS THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE OF WHAT DICK WANTED TO DO WITH HIS LIFE

BUT BRUCE IS DEAD SO DICK CAN'T BE ANGRY AT BRUCE BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIS FAULT

(it is a little his fault)

and then bruce comes back

duke sometimes feels like an outsider intruding on the family but dick loves their one-on-one time because dick actually feels like a Proper Big Brother and not like he has to micromanage duke and bruce's relationship which is such a relief

at no point has bruce ever apologized to dick or literally ever reached out to dick barring some Intense and Fraught encounters and dick never says anything to bruce dick just kind of learns to live with it which sucks and is not the ending dick wants but sometimes you just compromise and warp yourself for the sake of people you love. because the tragedy of it is that dick does love his dad but since he's older he has a better support system outside of bruce and knows his limits better

when bruce offers to adopt dick dick is immediately like YES YES YES YES LIKE BRO THAT'S BEEN THE CRUX OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES FOR YEARSSSSS

dick grayson kins marcia brady

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random skills i think dick picked up in the circus

- how to ride a unicycle

- juggling

- makeup/facepainting

- tarot and palm reading

- knife throwing

- contortionist stuff (i like to think he’s also double jointed which helps)

- some sleight-of-hand magic

- baton and flag twirling

- can walk a tightrope (does it for fun)

- plate-spinning (definitely smth he uses as a party trick)

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its crazy how lolcow culture is mainstream to the point where people in my life will look at me like im the weird one for being like ‘no i actually dont want to watch compilations of random disabled people being stalked and tormented by neonazis with you i dont find that funny’

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There's a post about wanting a story about Jason's time as Robin. I made a reblog of it so long ago, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I want to watch Jason's flight as Robin, but the entire story he's haunted by the future we all know is going to come.

When he first grabs his tire iron, he has the choice of taking a crowbar instead.

Subtle purples or greens pop up when he's in danger (but not necessarily the Joker).

He frees a bird trapped inside a warehouse.

He rescues a kid who was kidnapped by their mom and returns them to their dad.

So many dead or injured birds

While helping Alfred with gardening, he breaks a nail

Gun magazines at many scenes

Motorcyclists wearing red helmets

Someone's bubbling jacuzzi has a green light on

Duffle bags

He helps hold a bandage to someone's neck until paramedics arrive

Jason reads Frankenstein while at the Manor

An ad proclaims their coffins to be the sturdiest

Just his Robin story being jammed packed with foreshadowing.

It'd also be rad to have Easter Eggs:

Someone makes a comment about assassin kids

When talking to Bruce about something, on the batscreen is a very short file about "One Who is All"

Someone at a gala mentions the Drakes' newest archeology find

Kids at Jason's school chat about meta powers and how cool controlling light is

When visiting the hospital, the nurse introduces herself as Crystal

The buildup of the audience watching Jason, who's unaware of his future, continuously face sign after sign after sign? The irrational hope that maybe someone will notice the universe basically screaming about the future? Nobody notices as more and more signs pop up. It's maddening but so intriguing.

Jason's story of Robin would follow him as he goes from being desperate to survive to thriving. His paranoia that it's too good to be true thrums in his veins, but he learns to ignore it. He's fed, loved, and flies over Gotham every night. There's conflict, sure, but he's figuring out. It's okay.

The signs start out slow and subtle. As he starts to reach towards the end, they get more and more obvious. They occur more often.

Jason doesn't know when it all goes wrong, but he's figured it out before.

We don't see him lose hope until the very end.

EDIT:

Here's the og post I was referencing

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far from prudish but just got blazed porn of someone's pussy spread out so hard and up close like it's a map of the polish-lithuanian commonwealth and I'm king and grand duke sigismund II augustus inspecting his lands to plot defense against the swedes

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soon his title as robin won't be that special, bc he'd have broken the world record for longest period without sleep

got the quotes from here

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Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

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Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house

Bonus:

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saw someone say months ago that the best cover story for jason coming back to life in the public eye is to say he was in witness protection. and i agree with that! but id like to add: jason would make a public statement saying that the reason he was in witness protection is “i saw joker kill robin”

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here have some gotham knights voice lines edited by me.

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Red Hood joins twitter. Chaos arises

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I think it would be an incredibly funny idea to give Dickie an existential crisis for a week because he takes a test for the metagene as a joke and it comes back positive. "I FUCKING KNEW IT," says every single Robin that could never do even half of his flippiest flippy flippy bullshit

The punchline is, of course, that after more testing they find out his acrobatic skills have nothing to do with his actual superpower. Which is something that only flew under the radar all his life cause Dick didnt know it wasnt normal. Like... idk, aura reading or better night vision or something. A very "wait, you mean everyone else can't do that?" moment

All the other Robins are once again devastated, Dick is very smug. Do you see my vision

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The last resort

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Tim Drake: The Opportunist

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[A video starts, Red Robins face incredibly close to the camera as he whispers into the microphone.

Red Robin, in what we can assume is the Batcave, lying down in an army-crawl position: *whispers* okay, so i know were technically not allowed to record in the cave but- were playing cops and robbers and-

*There's a clattering noise in the distance and his head whips towards the sound*

Red Robin, sounding equally gleeful and terrified: shit shit shit, i think someones in here? i gotta go free Signal- FUCK!

*Another noise, this one louder and accompanied by the sound of boots hitting the floor in a run, a flash of red is seen in the corner of the camera*

Red Robin, scrambling to his feet, the camera is shaky, and all you can hear is his feet running and the sounds of yells: ohmygod im gonna die who the fuck made RED HOOD A COP JESUS CHRIST!

Another voice, deeper and followed by cackling: IM GONNA GET YOU! ITS FUCKING OVER REPLACEMENT! COUNT YOUR DAYS YOU SHIT!

Red Robin is full sprinting now, and he turns sharply into a ballroom (??) where Nightwing is seen next to The daytime hero Signal, both of them waving aggressively*

Red Robin, panting: SIGNAL! i'm- shit, I'm on my way!

*The sound of boots gets closer as the camera blurs fully, only audio being heard*

Red Robin, screaming: FUCK NO- NIGHTWING SAVE ME-

*The video cuts off the the frozen image of Red Robin on the floor, a Red metal-plated boot planted on their back- if you look closely you can see Signal and Nightwing in the corner, Nightwing dramatically on his knees as Signal is fake-crying*]