southernw0lfdyk3 - Tumblr blog

[southernw0lfdyk3]

actually you know what, let’s fucking talk about this. i’ve been tiptoeing around the words but they need to be said. the reason some people find it normal to talk shit about pillow princesses or stone tops/bottoms is super obvious. i’ve talked plenty about consent on here and the implications of why it is so categorically odd to pressure someone who is stone into breaking their boundaries but i haven’t said it in full. it’s rape culture, plain and simple.

as lesbians and sapphics (venn diagram that however you fit) we often separate ourselves from patriarchal constructs, and happily so. the problem though is thinking we are beyond it’s influence in certain rights and therefore unaffected in our own decision making processes. we are absolutely not, as we well know. in these patriarchal-led relationships there is an unspoken, and sometimes spoken rule (because communication is a large hurdle for the unexposed) that you reciprocate pleasure, and if not then there is something wrong with you. if not, there is something wrong with you.

it is deemed generally fine to ‘convince’ someone to push their own boundaries for the sake of their partner’s pleasure. and this is meant to be fine, because pleasure in this context is about gratification, not respect for another person’s body and well-being. fuck that. this is rape culture in action. never have i EVER tried to convince someone to do something they haven’t wanted to do. know how i know?? because we talk about it and i get to understand exactly what their enthusiastic consent looks like/sounds like and what their boundaries are. rape culture isn’t always someone saying no and another person saying yes anyways. it’s wearing someone down and shaming them with the idea that they’re not doing something they ‘should’ be doing.

the act of violating someone’s boundaries this way absolutely is a form of sexual assault. just because it wasn’t violent doesn’t make it any less a violation. our community needs to be better at identifying red flags. if you see someone talking shit about stone identities, ask them why. the only legitimate reason when you get right down to it, is that they are bothered by the lack of reciprocation. i’m a switch, a full switch and i have never had a problem sleeping with people who are stone. we see this even in romantic relationships, where it becomes an issue of “you don’t want me” as if sexual interest is an inherent sign of affection. this is unhealthy!!! stop!!!

i’ve even been in relationships where we were having tons of reciprocal sex and then they mention down the line they feel like they might not be a switch like they thought and you know what my reaction is?? happiness. i’m happy for someone because they know what they want and don’t want. they understand themselves better and want to feel safer and more comfortable and have MORE enjoyable sex. i’ve never felt as though i lost anything and i’ve certainly never felt as though i was owed anything. the idea of being in sexual debt to someone is the absolute worst. this ‘eye for an eye’ culture around sex is disgusting and it has fostered the nonchalance of talking shit about people who are stone.

when i’m out and i hear someone make a derogatory joke about pillow princesses specifically, i ask them what they mean by that and they truly flounder in attempting to explain themselves. there is no reason to make a joke except to say “i don’t respect the way they choose to have sex privately of their own accord and to their own comfort with partners that make them feel cared for.” to anyone that jokes like that, congrats. you just outed yourself to be as bad as kyle at the beta sig frat house. not only do i not want to sleep with you, i can’t get away from you fast enough.

stone-identifying individuals definitely don’t need your wackass opinion. trust me, they’re doing exceedingly well for themselves without you. this is a community issue that stays alive because we don’t do enough of a job to call people on it when it comes up. even causally thinking of someone’s consent as conditional upon your own self interests and benefit, is a furtherance of gratification-based sex culture. you don’t need to be sleeping with stone tops or bottoms to respect them. human decency isn’t something that should be earned through shared history. i don’t care if you have never and will never sleep with someone who is stone (that you know of).

all you’re expected to do is educate yourself and not minimize rape culture. both are much easier to accomplish than said culture in our society would have you believe, especially when you stop treating people like faceless generalizations and objects to talk shit about <3

[southernw0lfdyk3]

shadamy if it was AWESOME (shadow is a butch lesbian)

[southernw0lfdyk3]

the world needs more butch4butch trans4trans eroticism, so have this sketch of some butch cowboys (feelin’ all manner of things they cannot say…)

[southernw0lfdyk3]

i wanna be your girl but i also wanna be your boy and also wanna be your girlfriend and also wanna be your boyfriend and also your wife and also your husband like does that make sense at all?

[southernw0lfdyk3]

I used to think I was attracted to men and maybe trans because I would look at mlm couples and be like I want that I want boyish love I want to wrestle and give each other shit and punch each other on the shoulder and be a little messy and dumb together I wanna blush at each others arm muscles. Turns out I’m just a butch who likes butches. Revelation. Didn’t know you could do that but it’s so cool like yeah show me your truck’s special features buddy I’m gonna kiss u stupid later. Oh u basically wore a gym outfit on our date that’s so hot actually, can I interest u in me slipping my fingers up the hem of your basketball shorts when I touch your knee? oh u cuddle me by spooning me in a half assed headlock that’s so cozy. I love being a boyish lesbian I love boyish lesbians I am kissing you all on the mouth

[southernw0lfdyk3]

i am NOT trying to stop people from celebrating girlbulge and other aspects of trans bodies, but, like, theres literally nothing inherently sexual about being able to see the lump of a flaccid penis in pants that fit the way all modern pants are designed to. its so normal. its so fucking normal and they should be allowed to wear jeans in peace. its not sexual when cis dudes dont tuck, or when trans dudes wear packers, so lets stop sexualizing women who are literally just standing there. trans women with the very reasonable "not wanting to risk damaging their testicles by tucking" stance arent open season for unsolicited sexual comments. please get normal about penises

(explicitly clarifying a second time so no one twists my words, if some lady wants sexual attention re: her dick, thats her choice. obviously. but i feel like "talking about a woman's genitals when shes literally just chilling is sexual harassment" should be common fucking sense in 2024)

[southernw0lfdyk3]

rb if you love hairy dykes!

[southernw0lfdyk3]

Hobie being implied to be genderqueer and possibly unlabeled and taking in trans girl!Gwen after her dad kicked her out which lead to them becoming best friends is more lgbt than anything between Miguel and Peter B and yeah,YOU did heard that from me.I'm the number one Gwen and Hobie loving eachother so much regardless of it's nature supremacist and a proud Sp*derdads HATER

@pinkpinkstarlet @nogender-onlystars

[southernw0lfdyk3]

[southernw0lfdyk3]

I did a lesbian flag goth look today.

[southernw0lfdyk3]

it genuinely makes me sad that “happy wife, happy life” is a phrase that means “I make my wife happy because if I don’t she’ll be annoying and fuck up my day” when it should mean “I keep my wife happy because seeing her smile genuinely makes my heart light up with mirth, I love hearing her joyful laugh, I love making her happy”

[southernw0lfdyk3]

that post reminds me of some insane takes ive seen on modesty lately. im pretty sex positive, actually, but the fact that "progressive" people will call women mormons or "amish" for "not showing enough skin" or "not dressing sexy" makes me want to kms. god forbid women try to escape sexualization because even if you're as "modest" as possible men will still harass you about your body. ive seen a tgirl get shit for covering up too even though she just preferred baggy clothing because she's dysphoric. its insane

i'm so fed up with it 🥹 "sex-positivity" as a term in the mouths of liberals means NOTHING... so at this point i just embrace being an Evil sex-negative radfem lol. like yep, i definitely hate sex because i want women & gender minorities to have good sexual experiences at their own pace! but it's a little true as, the only way #they can think of sex is as violent submission so, i guess "sex-negative" is fair enough

like truly i could go insane. a vast majority of people prefer to oversexualize publicly rather than privately (modesty) but there is so little the in between of just... seeing women as people that my brain could explode. bit of a tangent but it's so crazy how ppl find it so difficult to acknowledge women's agency while also acknowleging how ones choices can be affected by society, and this is so prevalent in this issue not only in feminist critique but when ppl in the Society try to criticize women for um. Living in this society essentially.

and the transmisogyny of that last one... Mother of God. they really said state-sanctioned oversexualization is tied to the Womanhood. i will abolish it and [redacted] these people with my bare hands

[southernw0lfdyk3]

Andrea Dworkin’s writing is not the easiest to approach, and there’s a lot that I struggle with in her work and ideas, but the essential ideas are solid and pretty unshakeable. 

I think people get caught up in how vehement and uncompromising her views can come across (which is somewhat ironic considering a lot of the people who argue against her work and the sources and motivations of their ideas and views) and overlook how much she engaged and tried to understand people from all different groups and ideologies (and not that understand =/= accept =/= agree).

I also think that people want to, willingly or otherwise, overlook how truly awful the reality of life is for so many women, and it’s telling that while it is almost always “rich” “cis” “white” “thin” women who are used as the hypotheticals to argue or speak against whichever topic or idea or action is being focused on, there’s an almost deliberate lack of understanding or connection that women who are not “rich” or “white” or “thin” or “cis” will also suffer or be affected, and/or that there’s an assumption that one or some combination of all of those qualifiers makes a woman somehow immune from the consequences of an action or restriction, or that they’re protected by those qualifiers. In many cases, are they? Sure, because there is definitely a level of privilege associated or attached to them. But that only works if whomever she’s dealing with agrees with her and agrees that she can be immune due to those qualifiers or circumstances. 

[southernw0lfdyk3]

the linchpin of the subordination of women, the impetus and structure of women’s gendered status as second class, is sexuality, socially gendered through sexualized misogyny. We are placed on the bottom of the gender hierarchy by the misogynistic meanings that male dominant societies create, project onto us, attribute to us, which, in my observation and analysis, center on women’s sexuality. This has nothing whatsoever to do with biology, which serves, however powerfully, as sexuality’s after-the-fact attributed naturalized rationalization and supposed ratification. Sexualized misogyny merges synergistically with myriad inequalities: it sucks up and incorporates age-based specifics, takes on every racialized and caste and class guise. In other words, I reject the “single-axis” notion argued by what is currently inaccurately being called “gender-critical feminism.”

[…]

Transgender feminist theorization and realization, emerging into view but begun long ago—in a brilliant literature from Sandy Stone to Julia Serano to Esperanza—embodies a politics of its own but also sheds new light on feminist politics. All this suggests to me that “woman” is a combination of sex and gender, such that sex can be a sufficient condition for being considered a woman but has never been a necessary one. Sufficient, because most women so assigned at birth do not affirmatively identify with all women and women’s interests, or even as women really (seeing oneself as part of any group with men in it has more dignity); many (even most) are not critical of male supremacy; but all are constrained to live women’s lives, whether they see it that way or not. They are our people.

Not necessary, because not only are trans women living women’s lives—often much the worst of that life—but the transgender women I know, anyway, embrace womanhood consciously, are far more woman-identified than a vast swath of the women assigned female at birth (so-called “natal women” sometimes) whom I also know, many of whom have been trying to escape womanhood their whole lives for real reasons, yet often defend rape of other women as just a bad night and disidentify with women in every possible way short of their own transition, which is a lot of trouble and takes real courage. Trans women are, politically, women. They are our people too.

[…]

I take away two overarching lessons from these thoughts in progress. One is that feminism has not yet sufficiently changed the social meaning of gender around us for everyone to be safe and free and equal in gender terms, no matter how strongly we have confronted it or expanded it or bent it or transcended it or worked to abolish it. A lot of people still think it is biologically based. This much is truly obvious. Naturalism, that gender flows from sex in the sense of chromosomes and genitals and reproductive biology and so on, still exercises dominion over the world we all live in. Two, the feminist anti-transgender position is built on and reinforces, rather than challenges, that ideology. The notion that gender is biologically based—the philosophical foundation common to male dominant society and anti-trans feminists—is core to the reason why trans people know with their lives that they have to change their bodies to live the gender of their identities. Trans people do not need to make or defend a progressive contribution to gender politics to be entitled to change the way they inhabit gender. But trans people, in addition to all else they do and are, highlight feminism’s success—gender’s arbitrariness and invidiousness was our analysis originally—and feminism’s failure, or better our incomplete project—as the world is still largely stuck in what feminists oppose and fight to change, and trans people are determined to escape.

Babe wake up new MacKinnon essay on trans rights and feminism just dropped!!

[southernw0lfdyk3]

woah they weren’t lying that picnic is on the otherside

[southernw0lfdyk3]

I'm trying to study but I just saw lightning flash and the first thing I thought was "that's yuri" 😭😭😭 I need to stop scrolling through the himejoshi tag in-between my study breaks

[southernw0lfdyk3]

An American Werewolf in London 1981 | dir. John Landis