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shoutout to whoever stole my amazon package containing nothing but a single pair of shoelaces.

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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please stop writing "viscous" when you mean "vicious", it produces the weirdest mental images ever

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broooo did you seriously disturb my eternal rest & bring me back to this mortal coil just because my ancient enemy the eternal night has returned? after i sealed it away and everything? which one of you tampered with my binding runes 🙄

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An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures

The show is called ‘All or Nothing’

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Miss Penny may I ask if you can address the rumors that you are infact a girl kisser?

i will not be providing direct comment at this time

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Handsome

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Squish

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ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

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Tango. Uniform. Mike. Bravo. Lima. Romeo.

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“sorry i can’t come out, i have plans”

the plans:

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Hi, do you remember me? You caressed me two blocks ago, can I stay?

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the shimp got too much attention and now there are transphobes in my notes, this is a transgender blog run by a transgender dyke. fuckers.

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(opening the author’s works page after finishing a fic) and if im lucky they’ll have written this exact same fic but different a bunch more times

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I hope you know that it’s always this