soyoudneverguess - Tumblr blog

[soyoudneverguess]

"I have a retainer and a night guard" is something that a 17th century daimyo would say, but a trip to the dentist can leave you uttering the same sentiment...another testament to the kuge(公家)-like existence of jobs that supply dental plans....

[soyoudneverguess]

shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king

[soyoudneverguess]

i know someone who works in conservation, who on the side has a large outdoor aviary and roughly 20 rainbow lorikeets they’ve taken in as they’ve been dumped/unwanted gifts or long-term pets/pets that have been released/etc, and she’s very knowledgeable and keeps them in great condition

i love seeing them though because we have a terrible and hilarious game. in the aviary i will be leaving out fruit skewers and things for them, and then i’ll dramatically lie on my side and pretend i died. it takes about 5 minutes, and then there’s an entire flock of lorikeets climbing on me, squeaking, nibbling and investigating.

the next part of the game is popping up my head and going “boo!” which is where the real fun begins, because the little rainbow nightmares jump, and then get delighted and start happy squealing and bouncing around (and chewing because they truly never stop)

while we all love this game, ive been cheerfully informed from the outside it looks even funnier, because it looks like I’ve been jumped by a group of lorikeets and they won

[soyoudneverguess]

the funniest sports bit right now is the Chicago White Sox on twitter after they lose again

[soyoudneverguess]

*grabs your hands and speaks to you in a tone that is so gentle* they/them pronouns stop being universal once you learn a person's pronouns. Sometimes that person's pronouns will include they/them and in that specific case you are allowed to keep using those pronouns for that person. In any case where you learn a persons pronouns and that person doesn't use they/them, you should no longer use those pronouns for that person. If you continue to use they/them pronouns knowing that person doesn't use them, you are now misgendering that person. Kindly stop doing that please. Thank you, I love you.

[soyoudneverguess]

idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.

[soyoudneverguess]

every joke about willy wonka is like "wasn't it FUCKED UP how those kids could have DIED??? makes you think about what kind of messed-up person willy wonka is......"

and then you watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and it's like. yeah. they knew. that's half the joke of the movie. he literally makes them sign a waiver so long that it covers an entire wall, even though half of it is in microscopically fine print

[soyoudneverguess]

Did they stop quartering people cuz they realized all it did was create four of the guy they were trying to kill

[soyoudneverguess]

was about to post "would it be easier for the fandom types to learn geography if the countries were anime boys they could ship" and then i remembered

[soyoudneverguess]

join a server with a toxic matching pfp couple who fights in the public vc, wait for everyone to leave except those two, join the call, say nothing, open farm merge valley, say nothing, deafen, play farm merge valley. this will simulate being a kid in the backseat of a road trip playing ipad with headphones while your parents approach the divorce event horizon

[soyoudneverguess]

You're blog is so pure and cute... I love your cats.... tell them I love them for me and kiss them

[soyoudneverguess]

[soyoudneverguess]

[soyoudneverguess]

everyone knows that space is very very cold, and the sun is very very hot. so i assume there's a bit of space kind of near the sun which is just right. balmy space

[soyoudneverguess]