sp1derland - Tumblr blog

[sp1derland]

I LOVE SEX, DRUGS, AND MONEY FUCK BEING DEPRESSED

[sp1derland]

every now and then ill feel sick

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getting close to someone is something i almost fear these days

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i think its time i fully commit to this bit of no human contact. ive graduated high school and i never go to my college classes, i never ever leave the house unless its for my job and whenever i do leave my house im riddled with anxiety simply because im out of my comfort zone. i cant live like this anymore and having an online presence is too much for me and i dont know how to feel anymore. i think i want to ditch my instagram i feel i want to do it completely. it’s unbearable having essentially no social skills left so i dont see a point in trying anymore.

[sp1derland]

i dont think recovery is for me

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i think im actually going to relapse tonight

first it’s college then i need to pay for a place i dont want to be at

is that all my mom wanted from me ever since i became a legal adult?

i knew it

[sp1derland]

i loved cutting myself

ive missed cutting myself

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i wish i could go back and cut myself more and deeper

i might cave in this autumn

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i based weather or not im going to kill myself on a coin flip

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i punched myself so hard in the face today and now i have a cut cheek and bruise

[sp1derland]

i think im going to kill myself tonight

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i need to start journalling again

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it all hurts so much again i want to disappear forever please i know i say this every other month but i just want it to really happen for real this time next time i pull that shit i need to go through with it i cant keep going and coming back its not fair to the people around me

[sp1derland]

FELLING A RELAPSE COMING I FEEL LIKE FALLING BACK TO THE SAME PLACE HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SHOULDVE KILLED MYSELF WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE HAHAHAHAHHAHA

[sp1derland]

they’re fading. im okay now im doing fine but they’re fading. ive been sober for the first time in a long time i didnt even know id make it this far and im fine now but fuck man i just

[sp1derland]

hahahahahahhahahahahaaha i know ive been sober for a month but i think im gonnaaaa relapseeeee

[sp1derland]

First aid supplies I use when taking care of cuts

I wanted to write a post about the stuff I use to take care of my cuts, maybe it helps anybody. Please keep in mind that I’m not a medical professional and I still actively self harm so I don’t really have the best advice when it comes to recovering. This really is just what I use to take care of my body, what works for me is not guaranteed to work for you but I think most of this is pretty basic and stuff that’s just handy to have in your first aid kit.

Considering the subject I do want to state the following: I do not condone self harm, I don’t like the way we romanticize it on the internet. Harming yourself to any degree is a serious issue and warrants professional help. All harm is valid, all should be taken serious. I know it can be hard to, maybe it helps to ask yourself “If a loved one did this to themselves, how would I feel about it?”. You deserve help.

If you reached the fat layer, get stitches! It saves you supplies, you have less risk of infection and it heals faster. If you are able to, get stitches. It is a hassle to take care of cuts enough as it is. Smaller scars don’t mean your issues aren’t serious enough. Recognize signs of infection and see a medical professional if you are unsure. Taking care of them well and preventing infection is a lot nicer than dealing with the infection. I’ve had two and the antibiotics gave me a fungal infection. Make sure you get your tetanus shots too and if you have to harm, harm responsibly: clean tools, avoid joints/places where there is a lot of movement or friction. Grant yourself time to heal.

Some of these are probably pretty obvious, but including them anyway. It’s possible to be allergic to something on this list, I personally found my skin is a bit sensitive to some of the bandages’ adhesive, the places around my cuts will sometimes stay red for quite a while. I’ve had this issue mostly with large island bandages and the bandage roll I had before the one pictured, which was from Hansaplast.

Here are some useful resources: Suicide hotlines Crisis text line Reddit index Alternatives Helpful apps Cut here instead

Elastic adhesive bandage roll (looks like this) For some reason it’s not that easy to find these in the US, so apologies for that. These are adhesive bandages you cut to size yourself. There are also these, but you’ll have to use dressing with them, don’t put sticky things on the wound itself.

Waterproof island dressing (looks like this) They come in different sizes, although over here they aren’t available in stores over like 10cm. You can get the same effect with tegaderm + dressing. I personally like the ones from Hansaplast Aqua Protect because it has an antibacterial layer. 

Sterile dressing Come in different types, I usually use non-woven. I recommend hydrogel dressing for burns. I treat mine with the just regular dry dressing in combination with some medical cotton but it isn’t pleasant and sticks to the burn, can hurt to take off.

Bandage scissors

Tweezer

Betadine & cream (povidone-iodine) Antiseptic. I use this when renewing the dressing on stitched cuts. Not on open wounds. My doctor also cleans the cuts after she put the stitches in with betadine.

Island dressing (looks like this) These are more easily available in a broad range of sizes than the waterproof ones, I know over here they’re available at the pharmacy as big as 30cm. 

Steristrips These, or butterfly closures are kind of a must-have in my opinion. I prefer the 3M ones over the ones I get from the pharmacy though, I feel like they’re stronger. They can get pretty expensive. 3M has a bunch of different sizes up to like 1cm wide. I personally prefer steristrips above butterfly closures because the latter just doesn’t seem to stick to my skin at all. Plus I feel like steristrips have a stronger “grip”.

Cotton pads (do not use on open wound) I mostly use these to clean tools. Don’t use them on open wounds because they’re not sterile and might get fibers in the wound.

Tegaderm roll (looks like this) As stated above, I use these to DIY waterproof island bandages. Don’t shower right after putting them on, though. I’ve found if I get it wet right after putting it on it will sometimes get loose and it’s just wasted because it won’t stick anymore.

Saline You can clean wounds with clean tap water, but saline is what my doctor uses to “flush” the wound with before she starts on stitches so I like to have a little bottle available myself as well, makes me feel a little more secure to rinse my deep cuts with saline instead of straight tap water.

Alcoholic disinfectant (do not use on open wound) This stings on open wounds, pretty bad. I remember reading that it can also damage the tissue when used on open wounds. I use this to clean my hands/tools.

Medical tape Couple different versions of these, I don’t use them much. I found the brown colored tape adheres to my skin better but the white tape contains a chemical that reduces risk of infection.

Skin friendly disinfectant wipes The ones pictures are wipes moistened with saline. The one with alcohol seem to be more common but just like with the disinfectant: it stings. Not the nice kind of sting.

Calendula cream Admittedly, I don’t use this a lot. But my doctor has recommended I do on multiple occasions. Reduces risk of infection. 

Bandage & closure hooks I prefer the thick kind of bandage you can use as a pressure bandage, helps reduce swelling. You can close them with tape too, but I find the tape doesn’t stick to textile that well so I prefer closure hooks.

Over here in the Netherlands you can find most of these at a drugstore or pharmacy, I get the tegaderm and saline from a webstore.

Also: here’s a playlist I add videos to every now and then that I think are funny.

Added by Sepphie In the UK you can get an antiseptic cream called Germolene (looks like this) that has some numbing properties and helps with the healing process. It can be put on scabbed over or closed cuts.

Also reminded me, back when my main form of harm were epidermis cuts I used to put nivea soft on them and always felt it helped with healing. Don’t put that sort of cream on open cuts! But in general moisturizing your healing (scabbed) cuts a little might help with the healing process.