spacecadet00

[spacecadet00]

One time, at night, my ex and I sat on the front steps of the shitty little building of our first apartment and exchanged mundane, slightly sad stories and information about our families while our puppy wandered around the yard. It's a fond memory of a calm, comfortable, simple moment.

[spacecadet00]

I keep thinking that one of these days I'll just wake up ready to fix and take care of everything I need to fix and take care of.

But I won't. That's not how it works.

[spacecadet00]

There is a weird lump on each side of my neck, and truth be told, I haven't told anyone about them just in case they're gonna kill me - I wouldn't wanna take that opportunity from them

[spacecadet00]

When someone leaves a project/group/whatever and it's clear that they're trying so hard to sugarcoat the fact that there's no real reason, no new something that needs their time, they just kinda don't wanna do it anymore.

K*le leaving *asy Alli*s, now G*off leaving R*vi*w R*vu*.

Both have been like "I just wanna work on other projects", which is cool and all, but clearly nothing concrete, and both were my favorite parts of their respective projects. Track record shows I have fully fallen off keeping up with EA since K left, and then I heard Br*ndon left too - really feels like that one is falling apart.

I'm planning on keeping up with RR because *lf is funny, but we'll see how that goes.

Also podcasts and the ancillary pieces to them genuinely don't seem as time-consuming or hard to make as these creators try to make them seem, especially when it's your only job.

Who cares.

[spacecadet00]

So many of the podcasts I listen to, I wonder longingly why the hosts haven't guested on the others

Why hasn't Geoffrey James done Never Seen It, or Sports Bullies the Game*, or All Fantasy Everything (especially considering they're network mates)?

Why haven't the Worst Idea fellas done AFE? Or Review Revue? They've displayed their ability to improv

Why hasn't Ian Karmel done NSI, Do You Need a Ride?, or I Said No Gifts!?

I could go on, but these are the things I pine for

*P.S. Where the fuck did Sports Bullies go? I miss it badly

[spacecadet00]

I've truly isolated so hard that people don't really give a shit about me anymore, and ultimately that's okay, because I don't have much to give the few that still do

[spacecadet00]

Man, it's like...shit is suddenly happening in my life again, and all at once, and it's kinda making me loopy

[spacecadet00]

It's like every time I start to think I'm ready to change my life, SOMETHING comes my way to tell me "don't bother"

[spacecadet00]

Once again I find myself in a situation where the couple people I'd call my best friends probably don't consider me theirs

Really seems to be the only way I know how to do it

[spacecadet00]

Uh-oh, guess who's falling back into not wanting to be close to anyone again

[spacecadet00]

I'm, like...kind of happy right now

And that's weird

[spacecadet00]

At this point, "have a life that makes me happy" is just another item on the long list of Things I'll Try to Get Around to Someday™, right after "get taller"

[spacecadet00]

How did you become so cold toward me?

[spacecadet00]

It's a pretty fucking sad life I'm living

[spacecadet00]

God damn I really just don't want to see any more why do I keep looking I gotta stop

[spacecadet00]

If I can get my fucking shit together, maybe this can be my last summer in Idaho for a while

[spacecadet00]

I gotta go

Like I really gotta get out of here

Like seriously I don't wanna be here anymore