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I’ve been curious this weekend about how my ADHD medication will function when I don’t have to get through a workday. Would I write more or better? Would I cook more food, or run more errands? It turns out to be much more complicated than that, because the answer is yes but also no. I probably could write more, but I’m writing the same amount, because I’m busy with the rest of my life.

Being medicated for focus and executive function is turning out to be like riding a skittish show-jumping horse that has finally calmed the fuck down. It’s still a horse, and the jumps are still there, but the focus is different now. Previously, you could take the horse around the ring but it would balk at half, maybe two-thirds of the jumps. You could force it over one or two it didn’t want to take, but that was it, so you just aimed it at what you thought the horse would handle.

With the Adderall, that horse might not love every jump, but it’ll take every jump. The problem is, I’m so used to pointing the horse at the jumps I think it’ll take, I have no idea what the layout of the course is. Now I have to stop focusing on getting through tasks, which I’ve been doing for – technically forty-two years, but honestly more like twenty-five – and instead focus on prioritizing tasks and not getting distracted by other tasks. 

Previously, if I saw something I could do, I did it, regardless of what else I was doing, because I didn’t know when I’d have the oomph to do it again. Put the horse over the jump it wants to go over. If I made myself lunch and thought I could clear some bags off a nearby chair on the way to the computer, I would, and then go on with trying to get through the day. 

But now, those jumps are bigger and take a lot longer; it’s not clearing off a chair, it’s like, cleaning the bathroom. Can I clean off my workdesk right now even though I couldn’t before? Sure. I can clean it off at any point I decide to do so. Magical. Should the workdesk be cleaned? Yes. It’s messy.  

Is it something I should do before bathing and cooking breakfast? No! Eat first, you dumb horse! 

I say that with love, I promise I’m not calling myself dumb. I’m just…differently distracted. 

So, now I’ve got to teach myself to prioritize tasks by importance instead of likelihood I will do them. Which is great! But the horse is a slow learner. I need to make some adjustments – like adding something to the to-do list even though I could do it right this minute. I have other stuff to be doing right now, I’ll do that later, I’ll be able to do it later.

Still, I’d rather be griping about having to rewire my brain AGAIN than still having a brain with short circuits. The gears are whirring slowly but at least they’re no longer grinding. 

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Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

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currently enjoying the stage of recovery where I have enough self esteem to get pissed off

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●○●○●○ f a m i l y●○●○●○

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That was a fun few hours suffering The Horrifying Ordeal of Being Known, but I still have thoughts in my idea hole and Rhife is fun to think about, so

[ah shit here we go again.meme]

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Trying to reply to comments with anxiety like

“Thanks, hope you enjoyed it” stupid response, they liked it enough to leave a comment

“Thanks, glad you enjoyed it” they never said they liked it, don’t put words in their mouth

“Thanks” is this even better than not replying at all

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A quiet evening in Andrea's apartment; Andrea takes care of a put-off chore, Cloud drops in for late night cuddles.

Andrea Rhodea/Cloud Strife. Rated G. Wordcount 2373

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Requesting an invitation from Ao3 so I can post the first fanfic I’ve written in a decade kind of makes me feel like a mass of rats in a trench coat sneaking into market to peddle my rat filth to unsuspecting victims.

but maybe this is an rpg and inside the rat filth, there’s a sword or something. It’s probably not better than the sword you already have, nor will it have significant value. But maybe it will be just what someone needed, or at least nice enough to carry for a while.

idk, I‘m just a peculiarly shaped merchant that squeaks when I move, and I’ll thank you not to stare.

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Pro tip: insulting your work makes it really awkward for someone to compliment it. Even if they really like it, they'll be embarrassed to say so because you'll probably think they're an idiot. They'll worry that they only like it because they can't see the problems with it- and they can't see the problems because of some kind of ignorance on their part.

Insulting your work ends up insulting the audience who loves your work. Be kind to yourself so that you can be kind to them ❤

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on the topic of embarrassing dads

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[strokes chin, looks at Klapollo]

A grouchy dorkus with silly hair and SPECIAL EYES paired with a musically inclined glimmerous fop

[looks at Rhife]

A grouchy dorkus with silly hair and SPECIAL EYES paired with a musically inclined glimmerous fop

hmmmmm

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I mean

they are around the same age

or, they would be if Dahlia hadn’t been forced into early retirement :T

Here’s a terrifying crack ship if they ever met and teamed up.

Dahlia Hawthorne and Kristoph Gavin

And yes I do ship these terrifying demons in human skin

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Spirit of Justice: Spirits do not remember anything of their time as spirits while they are being channeled

Mia Fey: *Appears with complete knowledge of what’s going on and how to proceed instantly after being channeled for maximum dramatic entrance*