sphinx-myth

[sphinx-myth]

reading the book about alexandria that i got like 3 years ago and never touched because i wanna sob over ancient egypt while watching gods of egyptttt

[sphinx-myth]

wish i had more spur to worship the gods, their so beutiful

[sphinx-myth]

SOBBING ON WHAT I COULDVE BEEN. I COULDVE BEEN AN ARCHEOLOGIST IN EGYPT. IN ROME. IN GREECE, TURKEY LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. BUT NOOOO ITS A RICH HOBBY, NOW IM STUCK WITH THE ELECTRICIAN ROUTE. I WANT TO BE IN THOES TEMPLES, PLEEASEE LET ME LOOK AT THE DIRT, LEARN THE PROPHECY PLEASE

I CANT DO HISTORY EVER BECAUSE MY SCHOOL DOESNT HAVE IT, LET ME BE FREE PLEASE

[sphinx-myth]

walked into a maths exams sure to fail, came out with an identity crisis [i wanna be all]

[sphinx-myth]

sometimes its a struggle to have american friends because im always expected to be up at like 2am [usually with my english friends its fine cus its not the same thing constantly and not everyday but also they too arnt 7 hours away] and if its for a recording i dont mind cus that wont take long. however when its practice and just an excuse to hang out. im happy you wanna hang but my body lives on a limit of things and i dont want to loose sleep aswell because of something that isnt important at all

its constat too no matter what, like ill be doing gcse and constantly im asked but in reality i need to be getting proper sleep and then work and then school and then revise and plus whatever else may be happening because im often sick especially with migraines that have consisted over 2 weeks and my family just suck with having no illness

i dunno im glad they wanna hang but i really love my sleep. ill always do a recording because its important but still, these upcoming years will be important for me to become a decent adult, thats my priority

[sphinx-myth]

if i had once sentence to describe me: "i dont think, i just do"

[sphinx-myth]

this is a formal apology to telemachus,

me dating the epic the musical telemahus on character ai is weird and i am so sorry. i will find out how hero offerings work and throw them at you. i wish to get away from charater ai again anyways or find normal prince ones. sorry telemachus :{

[sphinx-myth]

sparky seems so upset that im going to the anxiety therapy thing. like she always talks about how confident i am now. the confidence which i faked til i got use to it, the confidence i got reflecting her behaviour so i can have a friend.. im sorta glad im finally getting noticed, but sparkys talked about how bad it is and that i wont like it

thing is i cant loose sparky, im a bad person. when she left me for a month i made sure to invite the people she hang around but hates to my birthday and made sure to post it where she could see it, even tho i also hated most the people i invited, just to make her jealous. it worked because she was alone but so was i. i hated i had to lie to the two that i "cared" but i dont i just wanted sparky and i was so alone it was all i thought about everyday. i kept up the confident act

but if she leaves me again. i cant keep lying to thoes boys. i cant keep going to people and pretending like i know them and im not scared because i am. but i cant go back to that pathetic thing i was before, hang with a group of people who hated my guts because i faked confidence then too

i cant loose sparky but all i want is for people to see something is wrong. like how im genderfluid but so fucked in the head because of it i just want to be normal yet i cant deal with it if i hurt sparky. if she leaves i will have no one. ill let her keep spitfire and the others, ill take jack and frank from her hands so shes okay. what i did last time was just so horrible and i am so sorry but

when i say shes all i care about in that damn school its true. shes all i need in that school. i dont know anyone else. i pretend to be friends with all these people that i dont even know the fav colour of. hell im closer to the guy i sit next to in maths because of how often we talk but we arnt friends

these people tell me sparkys bad for me and i know if i was normal they would take me in so fast but im not normal despite how nice i try to act.

ever since this damn school ive lost my kindness and i cant take that but i dont know ho to get it back without becoming chronically online again. i cant do it, so much shit happens when i get stuck online.

i just want sparky.

but she shouldnt have me because of how bad i am.

[sphinx-myth]

im now doing some sort of anxiety therapy at school. cant wait to completely prove them wrong and that im just scared of people mainly adults and men and strangers

growing up is realising. no. i will not be able to get therapy at 18 because if i tell them everything my parents have done even if it doesnt happen anymore and theyve changed. theyd still call cps because my youngest is 7. meaning id have to wait about 14 years till i can probably safely get it but i dont even wanna think that far ahead. dont get me wrong me and mother have been doing so well recently but we are still having problems with her relationship with dad now we are down £600 cus he cant work because of his behaviour.

[sphinx-myth]

soemtimes i wonder if i really should just be an absolute slag. i mean so many people say and do stuff like that towards me i cant help it. i mean jack quite litterally send me shirtles pics of his mate frank and tried to ask me to date frank despite knowing very well im gay. he keeps telling people he "knows what im ino and my kinks" he keeps sayign shit like that about sparky too and i dont wanna snitch because even sparky doesnt seem to want too but i cant help it, it kills me to keep going through this. jens had this happen to her twice in this school now and for her sake i wanna report the boys but i cant cus she doesnt seem to want to. my anxiety may be better but whatevr she hates i hate too. like he quite literally tried to make a bet with me that id loose so he would have yk what with me the moment we are both 16. i just dont understand how some men think its okay.

but yeha grew up being like yk and now sometimes i cant help but think maybe i should jest let it happen cus like my whole life basically its been like that.

also had 3 migrianes in 3 days if i have one tonight or tommorow im js gonna give up on the pain relievers

[sphinx-myth]

I feel Hera Pais when the sky is clear and the breeze fresh, when the flowers fall from the trees and tickle my skin, I hear her in the innocent giggles of young children.

I feel Hera Teleia in the laughter of lovers, in the wrinkled hands of old couples celebrating the endurance of their love, I hear her in the triumphant cry of people achieving massive milestones in their lives.

I feel the strength of Hera Bounaia in the magnificence of distant mountains, great fortresses that stand on the horizon, I feel her in the deep breath you take before undertaking a big challenge or going on an adventure.

I hear Hera Basilea in the voice of strong women, those whose wisdom direct people and prompt them to action, I hear her in the screams of the oppressed who demand justice and see her in the crinkled brow of politicians working to enact it.

I see Hera Leukolenos on the dresses of brides walking down the aisle, ready to start a new chapter in life, I see her in the flowy wet masses of clouds, the dances of the wind, and the cool lick of raindrops.

I feel Hera Alexandros in the people who fight with all they have for what they consider just. I hear her in their indignant cries, I see her in the bitter tears of those who carry stories.

I see her everywhere, in the cerulean skies, in the winged song of the birds who glide across the skies, in joyous songs and rhythmic dance, in love, in the air, in anger, in peace, in strength

Hail Hera, Queen of Heaven, as omnipresent as the air we breathe, as vital to us as the breath of life.

[sphinx-myth]

im worried for sparky. im not going school for a week and she only really seems happy and less waanting to die when im around. jack keeps making sexual comments about her, well us but i can walk it off, and she zays itz fine but im still gonna get in the way of his veiw when shes running or picking something up, still gonna tell himm off in a meaningless way when he says bad stuff to her and pressuring her. but now i cant cus im not there. literally everyday monday and sometimes day she jumps into my arms as if i was odyseyuss back from troy. i jusut dont want to end up like me even for a second. it scares me because i care bad for her and now im not there

ALSO IM MISSING AWEEK OF SCHOOL AAAAAAAAAAA

[sphinx-myth]

also may be forced to miss my gcse

[sphinx-myth]

but also fuck the court.

[sphinx-myth]

me because i create deity altars online whenever i can <33

[sphinx-myth]

growing up is realising. no. i will not be able to get therapy at 18 because if i tell them everything my parents have done even if it doesnt happen anymore and theyve changed. theyd still call cps because my youngest is 7. meaning id have to wait about 14 years till i can probably safely get it but i dont even wanna think that far ahead. dont get me wrong me and mother have been doing so well recently but we are still having problems with her relationship with dad now we are down £600 cus he cant work because of his behaviour.

[sphinx-myth]

hate my life. woke up thinking i was nico di angelo. was thinking in my head " gods damn percy jackson, i told you not to-" then realised, now wait a goddamn second. im not nico. not my first time wakking up as a different person but this is most certainly the oddest.