spicynoodle - Tumblr blog

[spicynoodle]

kind of funny,

I was so glad to move to Austin, being in Texas, seeing old friends, and being spoiled by the prices — but I miss California. Getting a little bit homesick, missing the night life and other, old and new friends that I had met.

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Alex Hirsch conducting the most vital of research

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“I want you to help me live.”    - Koe no Katachi

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Nishiyama, here. Bread, to fed the carp. 

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you seen that caterpillar that creates a cocoon that looks like a snake?

ahh i actually havent ! at first i thought you were actually talking about a CATERPILLAR that looks like a snake, and said cocoon on accident (specifically the caterpillar of the hemeroplanes triptolemus, or snake-mimic hawk moth)

but it TURNS OUT theres a species of butterfly that takes it way further, to the point where all the other caterpillars are like “is this really fucking necessary”

its the chrysalis of the daring-owl butterfly ! a species thats found in trinidad and spends a good portion of its young adult life trying to convince other things that its not actually completely helpless

LOOK at the detail thats gone into this though- i cant even imagine the journey  this look mustve taken, with lightly less-snakelike chrysalises being eaten over time again and again until youve got something with definable eyes and scales

apparently if disturbed theyll also rock violently back and forth, furthering the idea that this is a very dangerous pitviper with the tiniest body imaginable

the adult butterflies are much less exciting but honestly they dont need to be with a history like that a+ bug

(photos from x x x x )

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kitty familiars

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Michael Whelan Stormlight Archive covers + bonus Shallan artwork.

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The chasms of the Shattered Plains <3 A damp place of life and death.

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You know, deep down, i feel like i struggle constantly with who i am and what i think about. Sometimes i blame it on anxiety, other times i blame it on laziness. However, what i think it really is is loneliness. As much as i want to believe i’m very individual, i struggle with the very essence that i am. Then i try to escape it.

It causes me to disassociate with anything and everyone. No matter what it is. I hurt people, i hurt myself, and i hurt everything that i built myself up to be. And it sucks. It really, really sucks.

I can’t form relationships and i can barely hang on with friendships. Sometimes i finally find the right people that i assume that i can relate to, but i’ve honestly never met anyone who’s really like this -- and it causes me to think that i’m honestly crazy. 

I have so many stupid feelings and emotions bottled up and i can never let them out. I just say, stupid things, whether it’d be the most cliche phrases or words. Even to the people that i care about most... i can never explain myself. I just detach. 

I constantly pick the wrong people to adore -- but they don’t want to hear my shit. I’m a package full of bullshit thats about to tip over... and any hint or ounce of it causes people to run away as far as possible. So then i’m left hurt, pondering and wondering what the fuck to do. And its every girl i’ve ever liked. It turns me selfish, it turns me non-empathetic -- it turns me into an empty shell with no love for anything but fond memories that i can never escape. 

Again, don’t get me wrong -- i don’t blame it on anyone but myself. 

This is just my life i’m trying to live, trying to be a better man, a better person, and not be so ignoramus towards feelings and life. Its just so hard sometimes. Especially when you’re the one without any sort of shoulder. 

The past couple of years i’ve lived in total isolation, no matter other’s perception. Trying to get over things, over dumb shit; stuff that i shouldn’t even be thinking about at 24. It sets me back both socially and mentally... and i truly feel it talking with others. 

Though, i do feel like i’m growing... even if its minuscule. I try very, very hard not to make the same mistakes i made in the past, masking it with stupid substances. I just need to take it head on and get over myself. Some people really do have it worse off, but i’m still a depressed mess that i can fully admit. Even at heart. 

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Sometimes I question everything that I'm doing. Is it right? Is it wrong? I just don't know. :/

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Love conversations of people i haven’t seen in a long time:

*comes up to me*

“Hey Houston! You’re here! I’m still new to Austin and exploring around. I just came here to check it out! What did you order?”

Me:

“Cool, awesome! What did you get?!”

Them:

“Ok, bye! Thank you!” 

lol 

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24 and still awkward af 

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2 more weeks :( 

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