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Me walking around campus this week in sub-freezing temperatures

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I wish my chickens could be like this, but no, they choose violence

ergonomic

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When will my husband (Ao3) return from war (is up again)

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a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour��� instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

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you've been salmonsharked reblog to salmonshark someone else

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i want to give a bit of info to everyone who only knows miguel from the movie:

•he is not a vampire! his fangs are from his spider dna and are filled with paralyzing venom :) fun fact: the size of his fangs makes him mumble so other people don't see them while he's talking!

•he wasn't bitten by a spider like most spider people! spider dna was atomically spliced directly into his genes making him 50% spider

•he doesn't stick like other spider people! he uses the talons on his fingers to climb around and such! fun fact: these talons can easily slice through solid metal :)

•he doesn't have a spider sense! instead, all of his senses are majorly enhanced!

•yes! he always moves like that! he automatically moves like a feral monster because that's what he is!

•he has a fiancé named dana and a little brother named gabriel! they are the two most important people in his life :) fun fact: gabriel recognized that it was miguel in the spider suit the first time he saw him in it!

•his eyes are red because they can see in major details and in complete darkness. fun fact: this makes his eyes super sensitive to light, which constantly gives him migraines :)

•yes! his ass is that huge in the comics, too! everyone in the comics are always commenting on it ^^

•miguel is irish/mexican :)

•he is NOT the original spider man of his universe! there was a peter parker in the past before the year 2099

just wanted to clear up some facts about him movie onlys may have misconstrued ^^

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my favorite side effect warning is for antidepressants

pros: you won’t want to kill yourself

cons: you might want to kill yourself

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tw: old man

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What Pokémon would you recommend for crying with when you’re sad

all of them (except Hattrem). when you form a strong bond with a pokémon (excluding Hattrem) you'll find that while a lot of them might not "get" your struggle, most pokémon have the potential to be really sweet and empathetic (not Hattrem) and will try and comfort you, long as you treat them well and be a true friend to them (if you attempt this with a Hattrem i am not liable)

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He currently resides in a phone case lol

Doodle i did of @utahlive ‘s revivebur during my math test 👍👍

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SILVER SALMON LETTER OPENER | LISTING  

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caught her in perfect deviantart oc ref sheet pose