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Books To Be Read April 2023

In Progress:

Black Hole Blues and Other Songs from O… by Janna Levin The Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the P… by Stephen Fry The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt Piranesi by Susanna Clarke Faking It: The Quest for Authenticity i… by Hugh Barker

To Read:

Sing: Find Your True Voice - Mary Setrakian Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life - Nan Wise The Elements of Song Craft: The Contemporary Songwriter’s Usage Guide To Writing Songs That Last - Billy Seidman Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power; A Method for Getting What You Want by Getting Off on What You Don't - Carolyn Elliott PhD Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Get Everything You Want -  Lindsay Goldwert Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger - Soraya Chemaly The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries & Transform Your Relationships - Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive - Kristin Neff The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully - Frank Ostaseski What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing - Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry The Power of Agency: The 7 Principles to Conquer Obstacles, Make Effective Decisions, and Create a Life on Your Own Terms - Paul Napper, Psy.D and Anthony Rao, PhD Living Untethered: Beyond the Human Predicament - Michael A. Singer Lifting Heavy Things: Healing Trauma One Rep at a Time - Laura Khoudari Anatomy: A Love Story - Dana Schwartz The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- and Start Standing Up for Yourself - Beverly Engel Of Sound Mind: How Our Brain Constructs a Meaningful Sonic World - Nina Kraus Deathless - Catherynne M. Valente The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love - Susan Anderson The Sound Book: The Science of the Sonic Wonders of the World - Trevor Cox Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland - Gerald Clarke Sinatra: The Chairman - James Kaplan

Amazon wishlist: 101 Songwriting Wrongs and How to Right Them: How to Craft and Sell Your Songs (101 Things) - Pete Luboff The Frustrated Songwriter's Handbook: A Radical Guide to Cutting Loose, Overcoming Blocks & Writing the Best Songs of Your Life - Karl Coryat The Songwriter's Handbook - Tom T. Hall The Monster I Am Today: Leontyne Price and a Life in Verse - Kevin Simmonds Train Like a Fighter: Get MMA Fit Without Taking a Hit - Cat Zingano Strength Training Exercises for Women: Tone, Sculpt, and Stay Strong for Life - Joan Pagano 7-Minute Body Plan: Quick workouts & simple recipes for real results in 7 days - Lucy Wyndham-Read

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Books Read / To Be Read in 2023

Updated 1/29/23

Read in 2023 How to Write a Song That Matters - Dar Williams How Language Began: The Story of Humanity's Greatest Invention - Daniel L. Everett Currently Reading in 2023 The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt The Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the Poet Within - Stephen Fry Faking It: The Quest for Authenticity in Popular Music - Hugh Barker Piranesi - Susanna Clarke The Red House Mystery - A. A. Milne To Be Read in 2023 - Non Fiction Dear Mr Andrews - Latham, Lotte Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose - Cowart, Leigh How to Read Literature Like a Professor - Foster, Thomas C. The Anatomy of Anxiety: Rethinking the Body, Mind, and Healing of Anxiety - Vora, Ellen The Lexicographer's Dilemma: The Evolution of "Proper" English, from Shakespeare to South Park - Lynch, Jack Noise: a Human History of Sound and Listening - Hendy, David Rude: Stop Being Nice and Start Being Bold - Reid, Rebecca The Art of Noise: Conversations with Great Songwriters - Rachel, Daniel Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life - Nagoski, Emily The Embodied Mind: Understanding the Mysteries of Cellular Memory, Consciousness, and Our Bodies - Verny, Thomas R. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good - Brown, Adrienne Maree First Light: Switching on Stars at the Dawn of Time - Chapman, Emma Through the Language Glass: Why the World Looks Different in Other Languages - Deutscher, Guy Music, Lyrics, and Life: A Field Guide for the Advancing Songwriter - Errico, Mike Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation - DuMez, Kristin Kobes A Sense of Self: Memory, the Brain, and Who We Are - O'Keane, Veronica Priestdaddy - Lockwood, Patricia Appetites: Why Women Want - Knapp, Caroline Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love - Prioleau, Elizabeth The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You - Aron, Elaine N. You're History: The Twelve Strangest Women in Music - Chow, Lesley Burn It Down: Women Writing about Anger - Dancyger, Lilly Fear Is My Homeboy: How to Slay Doubt, Boss Up, and Succeed on Your Own Terms - Holler, Judi Psychology of Music: From Sound to Significance - Tan, Siu-Lan How Music Works: The Science and Psychology of Beautiful Sounds, from Beethoven to the Beatles and Beyond - Powell, John Together: Why Social Connection Holds the Key to Better Health, Higher Performance, and Greater Happiness - Murthy, Vivek Feeling & Knowing: Making Minds Conscious - Damasio, Antonio R. Fierce Love: A Bold Path to Ferocious Courage and Rule-Breaking Kindness That Can Heal the World - Lewis, Jacqui The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World - Cousineau, Tara How to Write One Song: Loving the Things We Create and How They Love Us Back - Tweedy, Jeff Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? - Smith, Julie The Sunny Nihilist: A Declaration of the Pleasure of Pointlessness - Syfret, Wendy Awake Where You Are: The Art of Embodied Awareness - Aylward, Martin The Wakeful Body: Somatic Mindfulness as a Path to Freedom - Baker, Willa I Didn't Do the Thing Today: Letting Go of Productivity Guilt to Embrace the Hidden Value in Daily Life - Dore, Madeleine A New World Begins: The History of the French Revolution - Popkin, Jeremy D. The Atoms Of Language: The Mind's Hidden Rules Of Grammar - Baker, Mark C. The Great Eskimo Vocabulary Hoax and Other Irreverent Essays on the Study of Language - Pullum, Geoffrey K. The Light of Days: The Untold Story of Women Resistance Fighters in Hitler's Ghettos - Batalion, Judy A Molecule Away from Madness: Tales of the Hijacked Brain - Peskin, Sara Manning Fragments: Poems, Intimate Notes, Letters - Monroe, Marilyn The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships - Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself - Gazipura, Aziz The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself - Engel, Beverly Miss Leavitt's Stars: The Untold Story of the Woman Who Discovered How to Measure the Universe - Johnson, George Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud: The Rise and Reign of the Unruly Woman - Petersen, Anne Helen Your Brain Is a Time Machine: The Neuroscience and Physics of Time - Buonomano, Dean Music, Math, and Mind: The Physics and Neuroscience of Music - Sulzer, David Fundamentals of Musical Acoustics - Benade, Arthur H. Refuse to Be Done: How to Write and Rewrite a Novel in Three Drafts - Bell, Matt How to Write Like Tolstoy: A Journey Into the Minds of Our Greatest Writers - Cohen, Richard A. Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You - Nerenberg, Jenara Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Be a Boss in Life, Love, and Work - Goldwert, Lindsay Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda: The Love Letters of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald - Fitzgerald, F. Scott Bodyfulness: Somatic Practices for Presence, Empowerment, and Waking Up in This Life - Caldwell, Christine Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture - Donaghue, Chris The Art of Possibility - Zander, Rosamund Stone Physics and Music: The Science of Musical Sound - White, Harvey E. Music and Mantras: The Yoga of Mindful Singing for Health, Happiness, Peace & Prosperity - Girish The Sound Book: The Science of the Sonic Wonders of the World - trevor cox Of Sound Mind: How Our Brain Constructs a Meaningful Sonic World - Kraus, Nina Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women's Anger - Traister, Rebecca The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again - Price, Catherine Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go - Murray, Jill Sherer Sensitive Is the New Strong: The Power of Empaths in an Increasingly Harsh World - Moorjani, Anita Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - Kessler, David Equipment for Living: On Poetry and Pop Music - Robbins, Michael Saved by a Song: The Art and Healing Power of Songwriting - Gauthier, Mary The Wave in the Mind: Talks and Essays on the Writer, the Reader and the Imagination - Le Guin, Ursula K. How a Poem Moves: A Field Guide for Readers Afraid of Poetry - Sol, Adam The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer's Block, and the Creative Brain - Flaherty, Alice W. Howdunit: A Masterclass in Crime Writing by Members of the Detection Club - Edwards, Martin Writing Poetry To Save Your Life: How To Find The Courage To Tell Your Stories - Gillan, Maria Mazziotti Famous Father Girl: A Memoir of Growing Up Bernstein - Bernstein, Jamie It's Too Late Now: The Autobiography of a Writer - Milne, A.A. Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships - Ryan, Christopher Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love - Levine, Amir Mating in Captivity: In Search of Erotic Intelligence - Perel, Esther You Are Your Own: A Reckoning with the Religious Trauma of Evangelical Christianity - Finch, Jamie Lee #ChurchToo: How Purity Culture Upholds Abuse and How to Find Healing - Allison, Emily Joy The Journey from Abandonment to Healing - Anderson, Susan How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't - Moore, Lane From Heartbreak to Wholeness: The Hero's Journey to Joy - Carlson, Kristine How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love - Ury, Logan Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love - Baum, Jessica The Book Your Church Doesn't Want You to Read - Leedom, Tim C. Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion - Winell, Marlene A Manual for Being Human - Mort, Sophie Whenever You're Ready: How to Compose the Life of Your Dreams - Kim, Jeeyoon Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive - Neff, Kristin This Is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something--Anything--Like Your Life Depends on It - Carvan, Tabitha Find Your True Voice: Stop Listening to Your Inner Critic, Heal Your Trauma and Live a Life Full of Joy - Brunner, Emmy Dead Girls: Essays on Surviving an American Obsession - Bolin, Alice No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood - Mantel, Henriette Sex and the Single Woman: 24 Writers Reimagine Helen Gurley Brown's Cult Classic - Smith, Eliza No Cure for Being Human: And Other Truths I Need to HearBowler, Kate Little Weirds - Slate, Jenny The Musical Human: A History of Life on Earth - Spitzer, Michael Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life - Wise, Nan The French Revolution: From Enlightenment to Tyranny - Davidson, Ian The Golden Age of Murder - Edwards, Martin Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty - Etcoff, Nancy L. Real Men Don't Sing: Crooning in American Culture - McCracken, Allison Tinseltown: Murder, Morphine, and Madness at the Dawn of Hollywood - Mann, William J. Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Love Books and for Those Who Want to Write Them - Prose, Francine The Adventure of English: The Biography of a Language - Bragg, Melvyn Seven Types of Ambiguity - Empson, William The Literary Mind: The Origins of Thought and Language - Turner, Mark Blood Relations: The Selected Letters of Ellery Queen 1947-1950 - Goodrich, Joseph Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language - McCulloch, Gretchen Mind – A Journey to the Heart of Being Human - Siegel, Daniel J. The Consciousness Instinct: Unraveling the Mystery of How the Brain Makes the Mind - Gazzaniga, Michael S. The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race - Lieberman, Daniel Z. The Hidden Spring: A Journey to the Source of Consciousness - Solms, Mark Rethinking Consciousness: A Scientific Theory of Subjective Experience - Graziano, Michael S.A. Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive - Brackett, Marc The Empathy Effect: Seven Neuroscience-Based Keys for Transforming the Way We Live, Love, Work, and Connect Across Differences - Riess, Helen Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion - Tolentino, Jia The Self Delusion: The New Neuroscience of How We Invent—and Reinvent—Our Identities - Berns, Gregory The Power of Agency: The 7 Principles to Conquer Obstacles, Make Effective Decisions, and Create a Life on Your Own Terms - Napper, Paul Don't Read Poetry: A Book About How to Read Poems - Burt, Stephanie Singing School: Learning to Write (and Read) Poetry by Studying with the Masters - Pinsky, Robert The Sound of Poetry / The Poetry of Sound - Perloff, Marjorie The Sounds of Poetry: A Brief Guide - Pinsky, Robert The Poetics of American Song Lyrics - Pence, Charlotte The Poetry of Pop - Bradley, Adam Laziness Does Not Exist - Price, Devon In Awe: Rediscover Your Childlike Wonder to Unleash Inspiration, Meaning, and Joy - O'Leary, John It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle - Wolynn, Mark The Child in You: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self - Stahl, Stefanie The Good Girl’s Guide To Being A Dck: The art of saying what you want, asking for what you need and getting the life you deserve - Reinwarth, Alexandra The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully - Ostaseski, Frank Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger - Chemaly, Soraya Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement - Karlgaard, Rich Why You Like It: The Science and Culture of Musical Taste - Gasser, Nolan Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women - Engeln, Renee A People's History of the United States - Zinn, Howard The Future of the Brain: Essays by the World's Leading Neuroscientists - Marcus, Gary F. The Brain: The Story of You - Eagleman, David Consciousness and the Brain: Deciphering How the Brain Codes Our Thoughts - Dehaene, Stanislas How to Create a Mind: The Secret of Human Thought Revealed - Kurzweil, Ray Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom - Hanson, Rick Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain - Damasio, Antonio R. Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life - Johnson, Steven The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness - Damasio, Antonio R. Soul Made Flesh: The Discovery of the Brain--and How it Changed the World - Zimmer, Carl How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain - Barrett, Lisa Feldman Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain - Eagleman, David Black Hole Blues and Other Songs from Outer Space - Levin, Janna The Invention of Murder: How the Victorians Revelled in Death and Detection and Created Modern Crime - Flanders, Judith The Art of the English Murder: From Jack the Ripper and Sherlock Holmes to Agatha Christie and Alfred Hitchcock - Worsley, Lucy To Be Read in 2023 - Fiction The Lost Apothecary - Penner, Sarah The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - Schwab, V.E. Wakenhyrst - Paver, Michelle Garden Spells (Waverley Family, #1) - Allen, Sarah Addison Lament: The Faerie Queen's Deception (Books of Faerie, #1) - Stiefvater, Maggie All the Crooked Saints - Stiefvater, Maggie Heartsick (Archie Sheridan & Gretchen Lowell, #1) - Cain, Chelsea Not Even Bones (Market of Monsters, #1) - Schaeffer, Rebecca If We Were Villains - Rio, M.L. Eileen - Moshfegh, Ottessa A Certain Hunger - Summers, Chelsea G. Wild is the Witch - Griffin, Rachel The Whalebone Theatre - Quinn, Joanna The Girl from the Other Side: Siúil, A Rún, Vol. 1 (The Girl from the Other Side, #1) - Nagabe Siren Queen - Vo, Nghi Poison for Breakfast - Snicket, Lemony The Essex Serpent - Perry, Sarah A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians (The Shadow Histories, #1) - Parry, H.G. We Are the Fire - Taylor, Sam Flyaway - Jennings, Kathleen Hild (The Light of the World Trilogy, #1) - Griffith, Nicola Ring Shout - Clark, P. Djèlí Anatomy: A Love Story - Schwartz, Dana Comfort Me with Apples - Valente, Catherynne M. In the Ravenous Dark - Strickland, A.M. Small Favors - Craig, Erin A. The Bone Maker - Durst, Sarah Beth The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home (Welcome to Night Vale #3) - Fink, Joseph You Feel It Just Below the Ribs - Cranor, Jeffrey Deathless - Valente, Catherynne M. Tripping Arcadia: A Gothic Novel - Mayquist, Kit Nothing But Blackened Teeth - Khaw, Cassandra Damnable Tales: A Folk Horror Anthology - Wells, Richard Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead - Tokarczuk, Olga The House in the Cerulean Sea - Klune, T.J. The Wilds - Elliott, Julia Foul Lady Fortune (Foul Lady Fortune, #1) - Gong, Chloe Spells for Forgetting: A Novel - Young, Adrienne Babel, Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution - Kuang, R.F. Nettle & Bone - Kingfisher, T. Tell the Wolves I'm Home - Brunt, Carol Rifka Villainous: An Anthology of Fairytale Retellings - Ward, L.T. The Glass Woman - Lea, Caroline For the Wolf (Wilderwood, #1) - Whitten, Hannah The Wolf and the Woodsman - Reid, Ava What We Devour - Miller, Linsey Down Comes the Night - Saft, Allison The City Beautiful - Polydoros, Aden Wake the Bones - Kilcoyne, Elizabeth The Other Girl - Major, C.D. Plain Bad Heroines - Danforth, Emily M. The Year of the Witching (Bethel, #1) - Henderson, Alexis Gideon the Ninth (The Locked Tomb, #1) - Muir, Tamsyn Rebel Rose (The Queen's Council, #1) - Theriault, Emma Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children, #1) - McGuire, Seanan The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home (Fairyland, #5) - Valente, Catherynne M. The Boy Who Lost Fairyland (Fairyland, #4) - Valente, Catherynne M. Radiance - Valente, Catherynne M. The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories - Clarke, Susanna The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - Shaffer, Mary Ann To Be Read in 2023 - Folklore The Oxford Companion to Fairy Tales - Zipes, Jack D. Nonsense: Aspects of Intertextuality in Folklore and Literature - Stewart, Susan The Mythology of Fairies: The tales and legends of fairies from all over the world - Keightley, Thomas Discovering the Inner Mother - Webster, Bethany Maiden to Mother: Unlocking Our Archetypal Journey into the Mature Feminine - Wilson, Sarah Durham Beowulf: A New Translation - Unknown, Maria Dahvana Headley Fearsome Fairies: Haunting Tales of the Fae - Dearnley, Elizabeth The Fairy Tellers - Jubber, Nicholas Folklore 101: An Accessible Introduction to Folklore Studies - Jorgensen, Jeana Why Fairy Tales Stick: The Evolution and Relevance of a Genre - Zipes, Jack D. The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales - Bettelheim, Bruno The Book of English Magic - Carr-Gomm, Philip On Monsters: An Unnatural History of Our Worst Fears - Asma, Stephen T.

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Books Read / To Be Read in 2022

Updated 7/7/22

READ

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

various Ellery Queen

Win Your Breakup: How to Be the One That Got Away by Natasha Adamo

Collected Poems 1919-1962 by Babette Deutsch

What Kind of Creatures Are We? by Noam Chomsky

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (read by Stephen Fry)

The Witch and the Beast #1 (manga)

Music, Lyrics, and Life: A Field Guide for the Advancing Songwriter by Mike Errico

In/Spectre #1 (manga)

READING

Manga: I Am a Cat Barista #1, Witch Hat Atelier #1, Moriarty the Patriot #1

Wild Mind: Living the Writer's Life by Natalie Goldberg

The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck

The Sunny Nihilist by Wendy Syfret

How Language Began: The Story of Humanity's Greatest Invention by Daniel L. Everett

Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Love Books and for Those Who Want to Write Them by Francine Prose

The Jazz of Physics: The Secret Link Between Music and the Structure of the Universe by Stephon Alexander

The Elements of Song Craft: The Contemporary Songwriter’s Usage Guide To Writing Songs That Last by Billy Seidman

Why Bother? by Jennifer Louden

TO BE READ

Tinseltown: Murder, Morphine, and Madness at the Dawn of Hollywood by William J. Mann

Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language by Gretchen McCulloch

Black Hole Blues and Other Songs from Outer Space by Janna Levin

Little Weirds by Jenny Slate

Blood Relations: The Selected Letters of Ellery Queen, 1947-1950 edited by Joseph Goodrich

Manga: Hard-Boiled Stories from the Cat Bar, Nicola Traveling Around the Demons' World

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A Timeline

Ages 0-10: Groundwork laid for religious trauma, perfectionism praised, "otherness" pounded deep into my skull.

Ages 10-20: Increasing parentification and increasing punishment for deviance from the "good Christian girl" norm; inability to maintain extreme levels of precocity makes me feel like a failure before I've left my teens.

Ages 20-28: Freewheeling self-destruction because I was severely fucked in the head and... well... we're just going to throw SSRIs at that instead of unpacking the trauma, k? (Still) No idea how to interact with my peers, let alone be in a healthy relationship.

Ages 28-31: SATURN FUCKING RETURN BABY ALL BETS ARE OFF - FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS IT'S GOING TO BE A BUMPY NIGHT

Age 32: Let's quit that SSRI and cry all the time. That will fix everything.

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Sourpuss Survival Guide

“The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.” ― Albert Camus

Seeing a heron in the pond by work

Driving with the windows down after a haircut

Great sex; even mediocre sex is better than the alternative of no sex

Drinking champagne

Holding a kitten. Looking at kittens. Thinking about kittens.

Listening to the last 5 minutes of Mahler’s 2nd Symphony

Cooking dinner for someone I love

Quashing my enemies someday

Solving the puzzle of my mind

....... ongoing list

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Villainess Pro-Tip: Apologies & Forgiveness

When a person makes an apology more about themselves than the harm they caused you, they haven’t learned their lesson.

When they use language like “maybe by sending this message I’ll give myself permission to forgive myself,” they are gaslighting you into feeling guilty for their shame.

You are not required to forgive anyone who has harmed you, my fellow ne’er-do-wells.

And they shouldn’t require someone else’s forgiveness before forgiving themselves, if they’re not a dick. If they still feel bad years later and are “deeply, deeply ashamed,” maybe it’s because their behavior hasn’t changed.

Be mindful about the boundaries you set. Be even more mindful about what you do when someone violates them, my evil darklings.

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The Mental Crash

As I was experiencing some anxiety about returning to work after my mental health leave, this metaphor occurred to me:

People with mental illness don’t drive big shiny SUVs. We drive old clunkers, more plastic than metal, stuck together with bubblegum and duct tape. Usually, we know how to keep the ol’ girl running relatively smoothly. She’s an odd duck, but we know her ins and outs and tricks.

But sometimes, you have a motor vehicle accident.

Maybe it’s an inconsiderate driver -- whether they cut you off or just ding you in the parking lot. Maybe it’s bad weather. Maybe a deer ran out on to the road in front of you. Maybe that bubblegum and duct tape finally gave up the ghost, and your bumper fell off.

Maybe you forgot to fill your tank and you ran out of gas on the highway.

Either way, my brain was in a car crash. And you can’t snap your fingers and fix a damaged car. You have to schedule repair services and afford repair services and maybe do some other maintenance that just takes time. Even refilling your mental gas tank isn’t as easy as running to the corner store. (Though gummy bears never hurt...)

Point being. Love the brain you live in. Learn how to take care of her. Always keep extra duct tape in the glove compartment. Try not to let your fuel gauge run below half. And if you need to take a break for repairs - take a break.

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Welcome to my Lair!

“The only people for me are the mad ones.” - Jack Kerouac

I have always loved villains. Not for me the Disney princess. For me, the wicked witch, the mad scientist, the Cruella de Vil, the Carmen Sandiego...

For too long the image of the sweet, subservient 50s housewife has been held up to women as the ideal of success. Some of us aren’t the sweet girl next door (if you are, more power to you!). Some of us are the vixen, the femme fatale, the rebel... the villain[ess]*.

After a recent dive into the bottom of my personal mental illness hell-hole, I came back realizing one simple thing: “Nobody’s perfect... so why not be bad?”

Even vices can be virtues. Setting a goal and sticking to it? Loving yourself? Surrounding yourself with a supportive team? Mastering your craft? Never giving up?

These sound like your average girl-boss traits. But I guarantee you, they are all traits shared by a kick-ass villainess.

I want to encourage us all to dig a little deeper and discover our inner bad girl.

Over at thevillainess.co I will be sharing my thoughts on some of these vices/virtues and how to use your weaknesses as your greatest strengths.

Here on this blog I will be sharing my own journey with mental illness and how “villain” traits inspire me to love myself and get shit done. Be it doing the dishes (lair maintenance) or world domination (uh, self-explanatory). Since I am not qualified to speak on mental illness as a professional, and only to my own experience of my own diagnoses (Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder) these blog posts will be strictly personal and not meant to advise. However, if one person finds them useful and/or inspiring, then my work shall not have been in vain. *insert maniacal laugh here*

Until we meet again, -Chantelle

* All genders and absence thereof are welcome here!