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i’m gonna whine into the void for a hot sec....

So almost 10 years ago, my grandparents died which caused a down sprial in my life.... 

First up when my mom and I got the message, the first thing she did was to grab a bottle booze and chug it and then forcing me to get in her car. Since I was 16 at that time, obviously she was driving... and I was CLAWING into the door... 

When we got there all I was allowed to do was to watch as my mom promised her that “she will follow her soon so they can be together again.” I probably should have noticed sooner what she meant but i didn’t. When one of the nurses saw I wasn’t really crying they called in the youth welfare office to have a child psychologist take a look at me. Long story short, I was hospitalized for a few weeks right around christmas and I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends during that time. Same with my mom, she was put into rehab for those weeks.

When we finally got back home, the first thing she did was getting drunk again and from that point on, she never really sobered up again. I did have a bf at that time and he gave me some stregth to deal with that shit but yeah I never really dealt with it....

The next two years were filled to the brim with mom forcing me to go buy her alcohol by threatening to “end it” if i don’t. I went, obviously, when I really shouldn’t have... 

Things were kinda starting to look normal again when I got a job and I could affort to move into my own place... But while helping mom’s nurse to clean up her place, I found a slip from the doc that said “final stage liver cirrhosis” and ofc being just shy of 18, i had no idea what that was... but she was going to the hospital every other week....

so when the doctors had to tell me because I was the only relative to her, i also found out that she didn’t want a liver transplant or any surgery that would help her live any longer. So effectively, she poisoned herself over those two years just so she would eventually die.

the months leading up to it were probably the hardest, she went into a hospice so they would care for her until she would pass away. I did go to visit her multiple times a week. But there was a point where all the toxins in her body had damaged her brain so badly, she recognized the nurses, my then bf, the woman that would acompany me there. But not me. She had no idea who I was and why I was visitong her. She asked my bf why he didn’t bring me along.... And I just broke... in that very moment. 

I didn’t go there again until I got a call on the last day of my summer vacation, saying that she had passed during the night. And i couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to her... 

after that, i became dangerously close to becoming an alcoholic myself... until my best friends back then asked me if I really wanna end up like her... and I poured the bottle down the sink. I couldn’t stand myself anymore after that... and to this day, i’m carrying this around with me...  

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OFF GERMAN RELEASE - I have to be honest with you

So guys..

this is the time where I should share the download-link with you and hold an inspirational speech how this was a dream of mine for years … but the truth is, there isn’t going to be a release today.

I lied to you.

I did this whole thing just to get clicks and likes on tumblr and I didn’t actually translate OFF. I couldn’t sleep the past few days because I didn’t know how I should explain this to you. I am deeply embarassed and sorry.

I am a disgrace for the OFF fandom.

Forgive me.

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Just kidding, here’s the link:  https://www.fat-matt.net/

Go ahead and have fun

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More bad sketches

I’ve always hated how Jonathan’s coat wasn’t black ingame so imma do it in my art just because I can

Also I just feel like there’s just so much to explore on vampire!mccullum because you know- not only does he have to conceal it from his fellow guards but he also have to drink blood. if I know how to write a fic I’m totally writing him becoming some sort of vampire vigilante who only drinks from bad guys (or he can apparently just join our good doctor in his honourable quest of exterminating all the vermin in the city)

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“We are Priwen. We do not negotiate, we do not compromise.”

I always imagined the very leader of the Guard of Priwen to be a bit more geared up than a worn coat ad a random, albeit awesome, sword. I mean, his soldiers have much cooler suits in the game, how’s that?? So i just pleased my great, totally unnecessary and unhealty passion for random belts in random places, satchels in even more random places to imagine a more detailed version of McCullum’s outfit. This gruff Irishman needs more appealing gears❤️

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So I finished Vampyr..

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it’s too late to turn back now It’s too loud to hear the sound I’m so lost, I can’t be found It’s too late to turn back now  <Too late> by Dead by Sunrise 

Also inspired by @terioncalling‘s fic

read it here

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тут должна быть шутка про скалей, овраг и лошадь

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Something quick

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The height difference wasn’t intentional, let’s blame it on the angle, yeah?

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Vampyr (2018) That’s it. That’s the game.

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Captivation 

inspired by @leading-the-pack ‘s fic 

Read it Here

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Jonathan: What are you in the mood for?

Elisabeth: World domination.

Jonathan: That’s a bit much for you, dearest.

Elisabeth: You’re my world, Jonathan.

Jonathan: Awww

Jonathan:

Jonathan: Wait.

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and once again, i’m not allowed to be mad at anything. I always have to be the one that’s happy 100% of the day.... well time to put on that smile again .... 

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prompt: “ Reid and McCullum fighting alongside ”

Doesn’t mean it’s consensual!!!

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ANGY OWL!

Final batch! There might be another round sometime of pets, but for now this is all I’m doing. Ended up drawing a lot more of these than I was expecting, but I have a lot of friends! (humblebrag)

feat: @lackadaisicaldenial (do you have a main?) @spiritofflames @notthebasement @calmspirited

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Here’s Jonny and Geoff practicing social distancing with each other on your dash 

Happy weekend yall! Hope you guys are staying safe and healthy