spookyeagling

[spookyeagling]

“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through. Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us “helper” types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our “fix,” then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to “save” the other person.”

— The Gift of Presence, The Perils of Advice | On Being

[spookyeagling]

I do not even understand how this is how psychistry still functions given what we know about the role of trauma in every psychiatric diagnosis. I don't understand how they are allowed to do this. They are, on purpose and by design, replicating common childhood abuse dynamics. And that would be one thing if you had the choice to engage in it or not, but at the same time they are also forcing you into the role of child. If you can't live without medication, there's no way out.

In the rest of my life I am an adult. I do not depend on any particular given person for anything. Not to say I don't need help sometimes, but at no point in my ordinary life am I a /dependant./ Not even with doctors from other specialties, because it is my choice who I do and do not see. But psychiatry is designed such that I have no choices. I do not meaningfully get to decide who I see and must go to whoever will accept my referral. Once I am there I am trapped financially because to move to a new psychiatrist would mean to spend hundreds more dollars for absolutely no guarantee that the next psychiatrist will be any better or will not, based on vibes and personal opinion, deny me treatment or insist on harmful treatments. I have no choice but to give up my autonomy in exchange for essential medication. I am made dependant, as a child is on a caregiver.

And then, once I am made dependant, once I am made vulnerable, they are literally trained to recreate the dynamic of the caregiver who is physically present but emotionally absent, denying me any kind of relationship where I could develop trust and a sense of safety within that vulnerability. On purpose. I am made dependant against my will, refused safety, and then expected not to think about the fact that they could do anything to me, because my life is in their hands, and they are entirely unwilling to attune and attend to the actual human being in front of them. They could kill me. I have no reason to think they wouldn't. The emotional experience is like being 8 years old sitting across from your abuser while they clean their gun and ask you prying personal questions.

And this is where we send our most vulnerable mentally ill folks. Like this has got to be some sick cosmic joke. This cannot be fucking happening

[spookyeagling]

Not to say the industry isn't a less than useless shitshow generally but if any other mental health professional spoke to patients the way psychiatrists do they would be reported and fired. Btw

[spookyeagling]

Psychiatrists will repeatedly retraumatise you and undo years of painstaking recovery work and then recommend that you see a talk therapist for cognitive behavioural therapy

[spookyeagling]

I think anon is worried that without an obligation to care (if care is truly consensual) then they will be left uncared for, which tbh I also am afraid of :/

oh it’s terrifying, isn’t it?

you would have to be so unbelievably lucky to find another human being who wants to care for you like an equal. you’d have to endure so much loneliness and suffering and study everything you can get your hands on with regards to how to be good to other people. the world would never stop punishing you. the minute you find that impossible equal the clock starts ticking towards your terrible separation from each other. things will fall apart and the center will not hold. it’s wonderful.

[spookyeagling]

"Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?"

You know not to be on about it but I think it's fun that I need to complete 4 diagnostic tests including one I need to get my mum to do plus I need to get her to scan all my report cards and I also need to get an ecg and a piss test done by like, tomorrow, plus get my weight, heart rate and blood pressure taken at a chemist because my gp is away right now, all things I already did 4 years ago btw, just to get a diagnosis I already have and continue taking medication I'm already stable on. And also the diagnosis is literally can't-do-shit disease. And also if I wanted to move out of state or if my psychiatrist moves out of state or my gp fucks off back to america to fight in the impending civil war I will have to do all this again. And again. And again. And again. For the rest. Of my fucking. Life.

[spookyeagling]

It is funny you say this because the new psychiatrist actually told me to quit and when I said nicotine reduces my symptoms he said "well the evidence doesn't really support that" so I don't know what the medical system wants me to do

You know not to be on about it but I think it's fun that I need to complete 4 diagnostic tests including one I need to get my mum to do plus I need to get her to scan all my report cards and I also need to get an ecg and a piss test done by like, tomorrow, plus get my weight, heart rate and blood pressure taken at a chemist because my gp is away right now, all things I already did 4 years ago btw, just to get a diagnosis I already have and continue taking medication I'm already stable on. And also the diagnosis is literally can't-do-shit disease. And also if I wanted to move out of state or if my psychiatrist moves out of state or my gp fucks off back to america to fight in the impending civil war I will have to do all this again. And again. And again. And again. For the rest. Of my fucking. Life.

[spookyeagling]

you have to put in the work to get a hypervigilant parentified former child to relax around you and become just some goofy little guy: you can’t fake it, they pick up on it instantly, you have to actually be a consistent and trustworthy human being who takes care of their shit. then it’s like the years of parentification and exploitation and objectification fall away from them on the spot: they get softer, they show their emotions more, you can see the kid they used to be before they weren’t allowed to anymore, and you get to drop your own parentification and history of exploitation and abuse and be a kid with them like equals.

[spookyeagling]

None of this, by the way, is happening because my previous psychiatrist wouldn't prescribe stimulants. She couldn't be happier to prescribe stimulants. This is because she would not prescribe me bupropion, an uncontrolled substance used for smoking cessation that is not even uncommon to use off label as an antidepressant or an adjunct to stimulants in this country, nevermind that it is the SECOND MOST COMMONLY PRESCRIBED ANTIDEPRESSANT over in the US. Any old gp will prescribe bupropion if you ask for it. Except for my gp. Because my fucking psychiatrist told him not to.

You know not to be on about it but I think it's fun that I need to complete 4 diagnostic tests including one I need to get my mum to do plus I need to get her to scan all my report cards and I also need to get an ecg and a piss test done by like, tomorrow, plus get my weight, heart rate and blood pressure taken at a chemist because my gp is away right now, all things I already did 4 years ago btw, just to get a diagnosis I already have and continue taking medication I'm already stable on. And also the diagnosis is literally can't-do-shit disease. And also if I wanted to move out of state or if my psychiatrist moves out of state or my gp fucks off back to america to fight in the impending civil war I will have to do all this again. And again. And again. And again. For the rest. Of my fucking. Life.

[spookyeagling]

You know not to be on about it but I think it's fun that I need to complete 4 diagnostic tests including one I need to get my mum to do plus I need to get her to scan all my report cards and I also need to get an ecg and a piss test done by like, tomorrow, plus get my weight, heart rate and blood pressure taken at a chemist because my gp is away right now, all things I already did 4 years ago btw, just to get a diagnosis I already have and continue taking medication I'm already stable on. And also the diagnosis is literally can't-do-shit disease. And also if I wanted to move out of state or if my psychiatrist moves out of state or my gp fucks off back to america to fight in the impending civil war I will have to do all this again. And again. And again. And again. For the rest. Of my fucking. Life.

[spookyeagling]

Noooo see what is so tragic is australian psychs are not even cute girls most of the time. For instance the one I am seeing right now is a man, and the one I was seeing before was a demon

Good news the new psychiatrist is just as bad as the old one. They must be literally trained to be dismissive because he's bad in the exact same way down to the condescending tone. It's like that kafka story about the call centre I can be transferred all I like but I'll never make it to the person who can actually help me

[spookyeagling]

The problem with people is that they become annoying whenever things happen to them

[spookyeagling]

Not in a real good way about this

Good news the new psychiatrist is just as bad as the old one. They must be literally trained to be dismissive because he's bad in the exact same way down to the condescending tone. It's like that kafka story about the call centre I can be transferred all I like but I'll never make it to the person who can actually help me

[spookyeagling]

Good news the new psychiatrist is just as bad as the old one. They must be literally trained to be dismissive because he's bad in the exact same way down to the condescending tone. It's like that kafka story about the call centre I can be transferred all I like but I'll never make it to the person who can actually help me

[spookyeagling]

[“Glennon Doyle: The dead mother thing just blew my mind, because we talk so much about motherhood and how that’s almost seen as a valorous thing, that if we just ignore ourselves. But you said … This just is amazing. The dead mother is somebody who is unavailable, depressed, emotionally absent. This is fascinating. You said, “When the child gives up on bringing their mother back to life, they will try to restore the connection through the renunciation of their own aliveness. They will meet the mother in her deadness by developing their own emotional deadness.”

Glennon Doyle: So are you saying if I can’t connect with my mom, because she’s just there physically but gone emotionally, when I finally give up on her, I will become dead with her, almost in solidarity. That’s the last hope for connection I have. I will be as dead as she is.

Dr. Galit Atlas: Yes.

Abby Wambach: Whoa.

Dr. Galit Atlas: Connection is the most important thing. You would do anything to connect. So if I want to meet you and you don’t come to me, then I’ll come to you. I’ll meet you where you are. That’s my hope. You see, again, we always go back to hope and to feeling safe. It’s much worse for me to be without you. So I’ll meet you no matter where you are. If you’re dead, I’m going to deaden myself and meet you there. We’re going to be dead together.

Glennon Doyle: So this is the idea … This is the Carl Jung. There’s no greater burden on a child than the unlived life of a parent, because if what we’re trying to do down is just be alive, then a dead parent almost requires our deadness.

Dr. Galit Atlas: Exactly right. A dead parent, if we need to connect with that parent and we don’t give up on them … We can give up on them and hypercompensate, and go somewhere else and become super alive. But I think usually when we’re young, we want to connect with a parent, and it’s exactly what you’re saying, we’re going to have to deaden ourselves and meet them there.”]

[spookyeagling]

you just hate the cis because of the things that they did

I hate the cis because it is led by the treacherous count dooku

[spookyeagling]

No joke though watching people on here say the most basic heterosexual catholic ass bullshit is so funny straight up wymmmm you think if someone hasn’t been proposed to in two years they should break up. Wym there’s no point to a relationship without the end goal of marriage. Wym you think liking photos on instagram is indicative of wanting to cheat. Wym you think nonmonogamy is soulless. God damn lol you’re skirting the line judging of people based on body counts and saying bisexuals are more likely to cheat at that point