squarebill

[squarebill]

I COULD PROBABLY EAT YOU FOR BREAKFAST, BUT THE LAST BILL I ATE GAVE ME INDIGESTION. SO, HOW ABOUT WE RELAX, HM? I COULD PUT ON THE SOOTHING SOUNDS OF COCOMELON MUSIC FOR YOU.

"You don't think I have dreams? In another life, I would've had Sixxer and accomplished world domination with a gold ring around both of our fingers. Now, the question is would I be a Pines or would he be a Cipher? I don't know, but what I do know is that I've ended up in the unfortunate timeline where that never happened and never will. In another life I would be his Euclydian husband."

[squarebill]

WOW! IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!

{Admires his wedding ring}

"You don't think I have dreams? In another life, I would've had Sixxer and accomplished world domination with a gold ring around both of our fingers. Now, the question is would I be a Pines or would he be a Cipher? I don't know, but what I do know is that I've ended up in the unfortunate timeline where that never happened and never will. In another life I would be his Euclydian husband."

[squarebill]

square

does you play just shapes and beats

CALL ME BILL. ONE OF ITS MAIN CHARACTERS IS A YELLOW TRIANGLE, SO NO. I DON'T PLAY IT. I'M NOT REALLY A VIDEO GAME GUY, ANYWAY.

[squarebill]

YOU DO?! WOW.

{Squints a little}

WOW. OKAY.

{Floats on up to the side of Shy and reaches out blindly a moment - pats her upper arm experimentally, then her shoulder, then does a more clear, obvious pat to the shoulder}

BUDDY.

{Sympathetic}

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. NOT THE THERAPY KIND. LIKE A GENUINE LOVE GURU OR SOMETHING. MAYBE TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND WORKSHOP YOUR WHOLE, UH - I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS - MISGUIDED IDEAS ABOUT LOVE?

{Brightens}

BEING MARRIED FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE, I CAN DEFINITELY TEACH YOU A FEW THINGS.

WOW!

{Sounds impressed}

WERE YOU PART OF A HIPPIE COMMUNE OR SOMETHING? FORMER GREETING CARD WRITER? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GOING IN SALES OR STARTING A CULT? YOU SAID THAT HACKNEYED SPIEL THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE IT MEANS SOMETHING WITH SUCH CONFIDENCE, I NEARLY THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED IT! AHAHAHA!

{Wipes a tear from his eye}

HA! OH, IT KILLS ME! HOW ABOUT I GIVE YOU SOME REAL LOVE ADVICE? A CHEAP FAVOR, THAT WOULD BE YOUR "ADVICE"-

{Actually doing air-quotes}

FOR A CHEAP FAVOR, AND THEN MAYBE CONSIDER LOOKING AT WHAT I HAVE IN STOCK? GUARANTEED TO IMPROVE EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE - INCLUDING ALL THE SAD, MISERABLE PARTS OF YOUR LOVE LIFE!

{Cheerful}

BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.

[squarebill]

WOW!

{Sounds impressed}

WERE YOU PART OF A HIPPIE COMMUNE OR SOMETHING? FORMER GREETING CARD WRITER? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GOING IN SALES OR STARTING A CULT? YOU SAID THAT HACKNEYED SPIEL THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE IT MEANS SOMETHING WITH SUCH CONFIDENCE, I NEARLY THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED IT! AHAHAHA!

{Wipes a tear from his eye}

HA! OH, IT KILLS ME! HOW ABOUT I GIVE YOU SOME REAL LOVE ADVICE? A CHEAP FAVOR, THAT WOULD BE YOUR "ADVICE"-

{Actually doing air-quotes}

FOR A CHEAP FAVOR, AND THEN MAYBE CONSIDER LOOKING AT WHAT I HAVE IN STOCK? GUARANTEED TO IMPROVE EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE - INCLUDING ALL THE SAD, MISERABLE PARTS OF YOUR LOVE LIFE!

{Cheerful}

BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.

💌 NOT THAT I NEED YOUR ADVICE! I'D JUST THINK IT'D BE HILARIOUS FOR YOU TO GIVE LOVE ADVICE TO A TRILLION PLUS YEARS OLD ELDRITCH ENTITY OF PURE ENERGY WHO HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST AS LONG AS YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE! AHAHAHA! BUT SERIOUSLY, SHYSTER, LAY IT ON ME!

"I guess the best thing I can say to you is that love is a force of nature; you can prune it, cultivate it, try to keep it sustained or try to kill it, but it does what it wants and pops up wherever it so chooses. It does require work and sacrifice, but trying to control the way your heart lands is like trying to make it rain in the desert; it'll end up getting you bit in the ass by something.

My best advice to you is just go with the flow and let it be."

[squarebill]

Why are you so obsessed with doing your taxes? You're practically bragging about it.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH INTERDIMENSIONAL IRS, KID. TRUST ME. THEY'LL REPOSSESS EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE.

YOUR FAMILY, ALL OF YOUR COLLECTIONS OF INSANE KNICK-KNACKS YOU HOARD BECAUSE YOU CAN'T ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, YOUR SOUL, YOUR POWERS-

EVERYTHING! AND WHEN I SAY REPOSSESS, I MEAN REPOSSESS! YOU'RE NEVER GETTING ALL OF THAT BACK, AND YOU BECOME A HOLLOW SHELL OF YOUR FORMER SELF!

WHY DO YOU THINK MOST BILLS ARE UNEMPLOYED? YOU KNOW, BESIDES THE FACT THEY'RE WHINY INFANTS WHO REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH RESPONSIBILITY?

[squarebill]

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, SQUAREBIE. IF YOUR EYE OFFENDS YOU, PLUCK IT OUT. THAT'S WHAT I DID. GAVE ME A WHOLE NEW "PERSPECTIVE" ON LIFE. A CLEARER POINT OF VIEW! WHY, IT MIGHT EVEN FIX THAT LITTLE 'UP' PROBLEM OF YOURS. HOW LONG'S IT TAKE YOU TO REGROW AN EYE ANYWAY, LIKE... A FEW MINUTES??

-ANNOY

I'M NOT TAKING LIFE ADVICE FROM A GUY WHO STARTED A CULT IN KANSAS. IT'S KANSAS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN KANSAS? NOTHING! NOTHING IS IN KANSAS! WHY DO YOU THINK DOROTHY WAS SO EAGER TO LEAVE?! STARTING A CULT IN KANSAS IS LIKE PLAYING A MOBILE GAME IN SUPER EASY BABY MODE! THOSE PEOPLE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO STAVE OFF THE BOREDOM!

ANYWAY, IT ACTUALLY ONLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS. MY EYE IS LESS COMPLICATED THAN YOURS, AND MY DAUGHTER HAD AN EYE-PULLING PHASE WHEN SHE WAS A BABY WHICH IS WHY I REFUSED TO LET STAN AND FORDSY HOLD HER FOR THREE MONTHS.

[squarebill]

A SAVVY CUSTOMER, AYE? I LIKE IT!

{He twirls his hand around and the blue flame goes out as he reaches up to tip his hat to her in a kind of bow}

SHY? ARE YOU SURE YOUR NAME ISN'T FUN? BECAUSE YOU PUT THE FUN IN FUNERAL, KID!

{Finger guns}

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT I CAN GET FOR YOU! YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD FRIEND WHO LIKES TO HELP HER FRIENDS? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A MORE EFFECTIVE HELPER!

HEYA, DOE EYES!

{Cheerful wave}

NAME'S BILL PINES! BUT NO NEED FOR FORMALITIES! JUST CALL ME BILL! YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP DIMENSION-TO-DIMENSION FRIENDLY TRUSTWORTHY SALES REP SQUARE WHO CAN GET YOU THE THINGS YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT IT! PUT IT THERE!

{Holds out a fiery blue hand}

Bill...Pines? Eyes widen in confusion and mild terror as she tries not to gawk at the being in front of her. She thought his last name was Cipher, not Pines. No, no, this was all wrong...Lee and Ford had warned her about him, but he was different somehow. It didn't make sense.

Still...she knew better than to trust him. Clearing her throat and gives a pointed curtsy, refusing the shake in the politest way she could think of.

"Pleased to meet you, Bill. I go by Shy...lovely to make your acquaintance."

[squarebill]

thought: squarebill who started out intentionally devastating an entire dimension out of a vindictive desire to make them suffer the way he had been suffering only to come out if it realizing he lost any moral high ground he once had and slowly trying to build his life back up again and learn vs triangle bill whose (potentially) well meaning attempt to get the rest of his dimension to understand what he was seeing triggers the destruction of his dimension and feels as though he hit an ethical event horizon so instead of trying to backpedal he picks up the shovel and starts digging.

sorry LOL i dong even know if thats what youre running with im just theorizing about your character in your asks

//That's a fun idea, but no. That's not what happened! After Bill destroyed his dimension and, uh, let's say, "ascended" his reality, he became aware of his other selves - some of which were ahead of his development. He might not have been able to see into other dimensions very well due to his limited 2D vision, but he can "eavesdrop" and "taste" wherever squares are found (look, he's an ELDRITCH being of pure energy, he's weird). And he has a special awareness and connection to other Bills since they're all interdimensional.

Basically, he determined that the other Bills didn't care. They just kept right on going on with their lives and living it up (partying) like what happened didn't even matter. And he hated that and wanted NOTHING to do with that and was upset about it and went off to do his own thing out of spite and also to keep himself ridiculously busy so he wouldn't have to keep thinking about what happened. He's a workaholic and still a lying liar who lies for the most part. And he's STILL a Bill despite everything, but he's also his own... Well. Shape.

[squarebill]

ohhh, so does that mean squarebills motivations for destroying his dimension were different than the most interpretations of bill? (since squarebill cant see the third dimension, was it more vindictive than, say, trying to get them to understand?)

//Actually, not exactly! It was still an accident. There were elements of "I'll show them! I'll show them all!" like most Bills, but he did want them to understand. Additionally, he had a square friend (he ran in different circles than other Bills, unknowingly at the time, and actually made a friend) who could see in the third dimension and was outspoken and basically ended up on the chopping block (about to be executed). So, he had an additional motivation of wanting to SAVE that friend. Unfortunately, that friend also died as a result of his destroying his dimension.

I was a little inspired by Flatland for the square friend part.

[squarebill]

question for the mun: whats the premise for this blog, exactly? is squarebill also from euclydia? can he see in three dimensions? whats going on with his relationship to the pines family?

//Square Bill is also from Euclydia, yes. He also destroyed his own dimension. He cannot see in three dimensions and is time vision-impaired because unlike original Bill, he never stopped drinking his "medicine" or killed his eye doctor (up until his dimension burned) - which means the medicine has permanently screwed up his vision (and did so before he destroyed in his dimension).

Beyond that, this Bill's life has taken a lot of different turns than most Bills. His awareness of his other selves left a bad taste in his eye-mouth, so pretty much every choice a Bill has made, this Bill made almost the exact opposite choice. Except he didn't want to get a reputation for being "opposite Bill" so he also made a few choices most Bills would make, too. He's got a criminal record but it's not as extensive as Bill's. He has a retail sales job (which is really creepy - creepier than normal anyway).

He never ended up essentially trapped in the Nightmare Realm (though, he's bound by rules he has to follow, too), so he never needed to build a portal. The dimension he's fond of which has an Earth has a radically different Earth due to different choices he made in that Earth's development.

He and Ford Pines still meet up. But it's very different.

At some point, he ends up marrying Ford, and they have three children together (Bill carried them). His relationship with Ford isn't exactly healthy - in fact, there are signs of some toxic behavior going on - but Bill seems to be learning and trying to an extent. He's still insane, a jerk, and in DESPERATE need of therapy (he does not think so) - but he also seems to really, REALLY care about his family (including his extended family - Stan and Mabel and Dipper).

Stanley and Bill had a very rocky relationship at the start (which I won't get into details here - that might be a fun thing I'll share later through Bill's point of view) - but due to a series of circumstances fortunate and unfortunate (ditto from earlier) - they've kind of settled into an easier relationship. They care about each other but also annoy each other, and Stan still experiences doubts from time to time.

Bill may have access to all of their brains (only his family's - not any alternate Fords, Stans, Mabels, or Dippers) which is not a good thing, but he's not malicious about it. Just desperately trying to hold things together (by deleting inconvenient memories), and we'll see if it bites him in the angles later.

Unbeknownst to him, his middle son has a few inklings of what's happening because he's figured out how to get past Bill's "parental controls" that keeps his children from seeing things they shouldn't. This is why his middle son isn't speaking to him and has been very closed-off and moody and brooding.

It's basically a powder keg that's SO close to sitting next to an open flame.

So, lots of fun stuff going on here. Welcome to the blog! Hope this helps!

[squarebill]

...

{Blinks, seems to listen a moment, shrugs}

HEY, WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN WHAT ADVICE YOU WERE TRYING TO GIVE, BUT LET'S JUST SAY IT WASN'T PERSONAL. IT WASN'T BUSINESS, EITHER, BUT SOME SECRET THIRD THING I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

BUT MAYBE I WAS, I DUNNO - A LITTLE CATTY BECAUSE I WAS IRRITATED FOR REASONS THAT WILL REMAIN NAMELESS AND POINTLESS. AND THAT WASN'T COOL OR FAIR TO YOU. AND I BELIEVE IN FAIRNESS - THAT'S WHY MY PRICES ARE SO AFFORDABLE AND COME WITH NO REGRETS OR CONSEQUENCES WHATSOEVER!

{Cheerful, raising his arms up in a showy fashion}

BUT HEY, FOR REAL-

{Lowers arms}

I DON'T NEED TO "PASS" AS ANYTHING TO YOU.

{Cheerful again}

BUT YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE DEALING WITH SOME ISSUES. HAVE A SODA!

{Full can of soda appears in his hand - he throws it in Dale's general direction and misses - the soda can reads in some alien language with ingredients that are MOSTLY non-toxic to humans but still very bizarre - there's also a label that reads in alien language: NOW WITH MORE ACID}

THAT'S NOT A FREE PRODUCT BY THE WAY. I TOOK IT FROM MY SON'S ROOM BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO DRINK MORE WATER. I HAVE NEGATIVE FIVE MINUTES PAST YESTERDAY'S TWO MONTHS AHEAD OF TIME ACROSS LAST WEEK'S WEDNESDAY BEFORE I'M ON THE CLOCK AGAIN, SO IF YOU WANT TO TALK, TALK.

Just sell that previous anon a prism. Or maybe a telescope? Might stave off the whole 'I'll show you all' if he has a light-bending object that can refract stuff from other angles toward the flat eyed?

OH HEY, TAXIDERMY! I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DEPRESSING STATE OF EXISTENCE AS AN EMOTIONAL CRUTCH AND CHEW TOY FOR THE MULTIVERSE'S LAMEST BIII-

{Eye seems to look off to the side for a moment}

NO, NO. DON'T LOOK OVER HERE, SWEETIE. DADDY'S BUSY. YOUR UNCLE STANLEY'S GOT CANDY.

{Pupil moves back to its original position, eyelid moves up in a joyful expression and he snaps his fingers - a clicking sound is heard}

HA. THAT ALMOST ALWAYS WORKS!

{Eyelid flattens}

NOW, WHERE WAS I? SOMETHING ABOUT YELLING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING?

{Rubs a finger under his eye thoughtfully}

RIGHT. LET'S SAY WE DID THAT!

[squarebill]

Just sell that previous anon a prism. Or maybe a telescope? Might stave off the whole 'I'll show you all' if he has a light-bending object that can refract stuff from other angles toward the flat eyed?

OH HEY, TAXIDERMY! I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DEPRESSING STATE OF EXISTENCE AS AN EMOTIONAL CRUTCH AND CHEW TOY FOR THE MULTIVERSE'S LAMEST BIII-

{Eye seems to look off to the side for a moment}

NO, NO. DON'T LOOK OVER HERE, SWEETIE. DADDY'S BUSY. YOUR UNCLE STANLEY'S GOT CANDY.

{Pupil moves back to its original position, eyelid moves up in a joyful expression and he snaps his fingers - a clicking sound is heard}

HA. THAT ALMOST ALWAYS WORKS!

{Eyelid flattens}

NOW, WHERE WAS I? SOMETHING ABOUT YELLING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING?

{Rubs a finger under his eye thoughtfully}

RIGHT. LET'S SAY WE DID THAT!

[squarebill]

Hello, uh… Square Bill! Do you, perchance, sell anything that safely allows the user to see into a dimension that is hidden from view? Specifically the third dimension..?? Asking for reasons…

-Basic Billy

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NO SCRAM AND I AM OUTTA HERE!

[squarebill]

The Salt is Back!

This is an independent Gravity Falls' RP blog featuring Stanford Pines! He was active way back in the day, and now with the Book of Bill and everything, I've decided to dust him off and shake him out of hiding. Wakey, wakey! So here's the rules! Mun is 36 years old. Rules? Don't be a jerk (OOC), don't cause drama (OOC), try to use good grammar and spelling, IC does not equal OOC (Ford can be a salty and paranoid jerk; don't take it personally), 18+ only (there's old smut on this blog) don't be surprised by the Billford or the Fiddauthor or anything else that might suit my fancy. Shipping is great, but I don't do incest and for personal reasons, do not call my character daddy in a sexual context. Have fun!

[squarebill]

@pine-dexter

Whatever dream (or more likely nightmare) Stanford Pines had been having, it would very suddenly be paused in a rather unsettling and creepy manner. Then, in a less creepy but more bizarre fashion - seemingly scribbled over in a bright pink crayon.

RIIIIIP. The dream canvas was now blank. A peach-colored flat circle popped into being. It had two round eyes set close together, a small upward curve for a mouth, and a cute, red bow which floated a few inches above it and somewhat off-center. The circle creature had very short spindly black arms and black legs.

"DWEAM MAKEOVAH!" the creature squealed with a high-pitched, adorable girly voice.

She suddenly had crayons in her hands. First, she drew a sun with a smiley face, then an inaccurate rainbow, a child-like drawing of a house with a chimney and smoke, a bunch of stick figures which began dancing and singing... the elements of the periodic table?

There were also odder, four-legged drawings of an unidentifiable nature. One of them seemed to have fire coming out of its head while it made happy, neighing noises.

Stanford's dream had been turned into a small child's scribbly and weird art project.

[squarebill]

so are your parents also also square?

WHAT PARENTS? I DON'T HAVE PARENTS! ARE YOU GOING TO BUY SOMETHING OR ARE WE PLAYING TWENTY QUESTIONS UNTIL SOMEONE DIES?!