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Season 9 episode 10, The Mystery in the Meat

God bless America rating 3/10 - classic US flag in Booth's office is the extent of it, not as bad as usual

Body reveal rating 10/10 - there's a bloke in the school cafeteria stew!

Randy Angela rating 4/10 - she fancies a flirty night out and briefly hits on booth, nice

Hodgins boot to mouth rating 2/10 - he's barely in this one

Bones as a believable anthropologist 0/10 - does she ever poke at bones anymore

How offensive did I, personally, find it 4/10 - better than usual, but Daisy does use the word "homies"

Silly score 8/10 - Ms Darbus from high school musical is responsible for the tinned bloke in the stew, there's a bones-esque super smeller, and a cowboy hat bar brawl on Bones' hen do

How bad is the song at the end 0/10 - they were merciful in this one and there was no song

Best outifit of the episode - Ms Darbus' paisley shirt makes the girls go craisly, and it's not even the only paisley shirt in this episode!!

Is Sweets a little baby boy - yes, he likes his chips

Overall rating 6/10, booth says he's Bones' "sexual puppy dog"

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Season 9 episode 9, The Fury in the Jury

God bless America rating 7/10 - "murder is bad enough, but soccer? That's anti-American." - booth "I think that's an instant 7" - my housemate

Body reveal rating 0/10 - the body's just already in the lab, who cares

Randy Angela rating 0/10 - there's nothing there, though hodgins was clearly into it when she remembered that CCTV exists

Hodgins boot to mouth rating 3/10 - illegally asking bones for trial deets, the cheeky cunt

Bones as a believable anthropologist 0/10 - openly disrespectful of others' religions, and we don't see her with any fucking bones until like 35 minutes in

How offensive did I, personally, find it 6/10 - really annoying how they play fast and loose with the concept of innocent until proven guilty in this courtroom focused episode, if predictable

Silly score 3/10 - not terribly silly, this one

How bad is the song at the end 7.5/10 - eugh

Best outifit of the episode - Cam's slinky purple number, not appropriate for her job but good all the same

Is Sweets a little baby boy - I can't say he is, he isn't belittled by any of the other characters in this episode

Overall rating 4/10, weak

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Season 9 episode 8, The Dude in the Dam

God bless America rating 4/10 - standard noughties crime procedural, nothing particularly egregious here (by bones standards) UPDATE 5/10 - Bones' rival author literally uses the phrase "god bless america"

Body reveal rating 4/10 - there's something to be said for a skeleton in a beaver dam, but there was wasted potential

Randy Angela rating -2/10 - negative randy points due to Hodgins' infestation

Hodgins mouth to boot rating 4/10 - he lacks his season 1 anti-government spark

Bones as a believable anthropologist 0/10 - all she does in this episode is go on telly to talk about her book

How offensive did I, personally, find it 7/10 - booth commits police brutality against a black man in this episode and, as always, the show treats it as nbd

Silly score 10/10 - Wendell briefly gets stuck to both a bone and Hodgins' face - it should've been an episode long B plot but wasn't, I wanted to see them go to the toilet together. However, the real magic comes in when Hodgins carries a bot fly to term in this episode. "If you had a bot fly I wouldn't touch you" - my wife, watching this episode with me

How bad is the song at the end 7/10 - oof, not good

Best outifit of the episode - Cam wins by default with her Vulcan bob

Is Sweets a little baby boy - yes, Sweets is present in the episode

Overall rating 5/10 - knocked off a point for inaccurate portrayal of leopard slug mating

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I'm not going to be watching these in any sort of order btw, it all depends on which episodes my housemate is watching at the time

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I review episodes of Bones! Here's our rating system:

God bless America rating /10

Body reveal rating /10

Randy Angela rating /10

Is the boot in Hodgins' mouth rating /10

Is Bones a believable anthropologist /10

Silly score /10

How offensive did I, personally, find it /10

How bad is the song at the end /10

Best outfit of the episode

Is Sweets a little baby boy

Overall rating