squirrelsactto-blog

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Every member of the batfamily owns a shitty old Nokia phone.

They all dropped their much more expensive modern-day phones from a few stories up mid Vigilante-ing at least once and now they're no longer allowed to have their Good Phones on their person during crime fighting.

At least one thug has been domed in the back of the head by a Nokia lol

[squirrelsactto-blog]

planet

Dick: Tim wont come out of his room

Jason: just tell him I said something

Dick: like what?

Jason: idk something factual incorrect

Dick: if you say so

Tim storming out of him room: did you just say the fucking sun was a planet?!

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Tim: *opens fridge to get an energy drink*

Jason: Hey Timmers

Tim: H'y J'sin

Jason: What's the date and time right now?

Tim: Mmm...last I checked it was Jan 5, half past ten pm

Damian: TT *readies net*

Jason: Baby bird, today's January 9

Tim: *tenses, ready to run*

Dick: Get Him!!

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Tim: *idly* you know there’s a buzzfeed unsolved episode about you?

Jason: what’s buzfeed unsolved?

Steph: *chokes* there’s a WHAT

[squirrelsactto-blog]

bruce: duke please stop jumping out of moving cop cars as a civilian there’s not enough protection in your normal clothes for that

duke: do you just want me take racial profiling lying down then??? in black history month????

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Tim, frustrated because he can’t find something important: I don’t know how I keep losing all my stuff

Jason: ikr, first your spleen, now this

Tim: okay I didn’t lose my spleen I know exactly where it is. Ra’s has it.

Dick: has… as in… present tense?

Tim: yeah he keeps it in a jar.

Jason: oh. That’s what that was.

Dick: WHY ARE YOU BOTH SO CALM ABOUT THIS?

Tim: it’s not like they can put it back. So… like he can keep it cause it’s not like I can use it.

Dick, completely baffled and horrified: *unidentifiable noises of concern*

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Damian: As the fourth robin-

Stephanie: Fifth.

Damian: You were a Robin for a week before Father fired you. You are not truely a Robin but a stain upon this earth-

Stephanie, getting up: I may have been fired. I may have only been Robin for a week but I still was a goddamn Robin. Richard Nixon is still called our goddamn 37th President even if he was shit-

Tim: You’re comparing yourself to NIXON???

Stephanie: -so I will not stand for this erasure. I have a sad goddamn backstory. I died-

Tim: That was fake.

Stephanie: Shut the fuck up. I died, not as Robin. But still it was for the greater good. I deserve to be remembered as the fourth Robin.

Jason, slow clapping.

Dick: You know Alfred said all of us can have his cookies right? Not just the robins?

Steph: …

Steph: Bye nerds! Your boys club is as lame as y’all are.

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Jason, texting Tim: at batburger rn. you want anything?

Tim: i’m in a meeting

Jason: okay

Jason: so what do you want?

Tim: the batburger deluxe without pickles and extra ketchup, as well as jorkerized fries and robin nuggets

Jason: okay fatass

LATER

Jason: come to lobby. i have your food. bitch ass security won’t let me come to you

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Tim: If I wanted to murder someone, would you help me cover it up?

Damian: Of course Drake. Surely there is a brotherhood code for such things.

Tim: Thanks, demon.

Dick:......

Dick: I'm highly concerned but also *wipes tears* so touched. You've come so far, guys.

Bruce:......

Alfred: Perhaps this is why you ought to raise your own children Master Bruce.

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Bruce: Let's not jump to conclusions.

Dick, impulsive: I'm jumpin.

Jason, already locked and loaded: I've jumped.

Tim, already solved the case: I've landed.

[squirrelsactto-blog]

[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]

Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy

Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.

Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.

Jason: Exactly, I—

Jason:

Jason: Now hold up just a second—

Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died

Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????

[squirrelsactto-blog]

headcanon that Bruce is worried about his kids who don’t live with them and who he no longer gives an allowance to. Specifically Dick and Jason. But they’re too proud and “self-sufficient” to ever accept any money Bruce tries to give them,,,,,, so Bruce gets . . . creative.

jason: *walking through his apartment* Jason: *grabs Jane Austen book* *five hundred dollars spills onto his lap from inside the book* Jason: Jason: what the fuck, Bruce

Dick: *tired af* Dick: *pours himself the sugariest cereal in his cabinet* *a check labeled “for the dentist you will obviously need* Dick: Dick: I’ll deal with this once I’ve had coffee

Jason: *putting on a show for a few watching criminals* get outta the Alley, Bat! Bruce: I need information first, Hood. Jason: *internally thinking “this is not part of the script!”* what d’ya want? Bruce: the locations of Penguin’s goons. Jason: *rattles off locations, assuming Bruce just wants to draw out the act* Bruce: *nods solemnly and hands him four hundred dollars* for your trouble *disappears* Jason: Jason: *mutters under his breath* I swear to god Dick: *walking down the street* a little boy: hey mister!!! Dick: uh—hello? Are you okay, kid? What’s up? Boy: some dude in a really fancy suit asked me t’ give you this! *hands him an envelope that is obviously money* Dick: Dick: *smiling through gritted teeth* ah, thanks. Um where did you say he was? Kid: *shrugs* Dick: here. Just take the envelope to your mom, okay? Jason: *going through paperwork for a case* his goons: *knock on the door* Jason: come in goons: uh, hood, sir— Jason: *raises eyebrow* yeah? Goons: we just got . . . Paid? Jason: by who??? Ain’t I payin’ ya? Goons: exactly. So uh, we don’t know where the’ money came from. But it’s a shit ton. Jason: *sighs* and why are you even coming to me about this? Why not take the money for yourselves? Goons: there was a post it on th’ bills sayin’ “I’ll know if this does not reach Hood”. Writing was crap. Jason: *under his breath* fuck

[squirrelsactto-blog]

i needed to read this today so im sharing it to all of you!!

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Trail cam catching a deer fawn with the zoomies

[squirrelsactto-blog]

Red Hood just starts shooting at a Robin and the goons lose their shit, because that's the equivalent of asking Batman to make time in his schedule to fuck you up.

Goon: "Boss, come on, maybe let's leave the kid alone--"

Jason, snatching someone else's gun so he can keep shooting into the shadows after the first one ran out: "That's right you better run, you piece of shit! If you ever dye my hair pink again I'll fucking end you!"

Goon:

[squirrelsactto-blog]

(x)