srrkhsdk

[srrkhsdk]

Just want to write the birth story of my second born so that I can remember it when I am older.. heh.

Throughout my monthly check ups, there were no negative signs at all. Baby has been growing well and my weight gain was within my gynae's expected range. I was not overweight and same goes for the baby. It has been a smooth pregnancy, the heartburns and morning sickness etc are normal, but other than that, there was nothing serious and I was confident that I will be delivering the baby normally.

My EDD was supposedly to be end of January but I was expecting it to be earlier. I waited throughout the month and there were no signs or symptoms that I will be giving birth. I was getting anxious and impatiently waiting. The second last check up I had with my gynae, he said that baby is getting bigger and heavier. If I still have no signs to deliver, he will induce me a week later, which falls on our anniversary (20.01.2021 such a nice date right?). Baby was already so low and at its position. Even my gynae mentioned that it could be anytime within that week.

Sadly, I was still pregnant. Lol. On the 20th Jan, I was already mentally prepared that I am going to be induced. As much as I want to have a natural delivery, I leave it to my gynae as I feel he knows best. He promised he wanted the best for my baby and myself. Here is where the surprise happened. When he scanned the baby, I can clearly remember he said something like this "alamak macam mana boleh pantat dia kat atas?" Haikal and I were clueless at first until I remember that in order to deliver, the head should be down, not the legs! I was already panicking inside. Even my gynae was shocked okay.

He then explained the consequences if I still want to deliver naturally. He gave me two options:

1) for him to perform ECV on me - forcefully turn the baby from outside. If the turn is successful, he will induced me right away, to prevent the baby from turning again. However, the chances of me having a vaginal delivery is 50-50. The induced could be unsuccessful and an emergency cesaerean needs to be done. My gynae doesn't want me to feel pain down there, my abdomen and also my wallet. Lol!

If ECV is unsuccessful which means baby found to be distress or have a low heart rate, a cesaerean needs to be done straight on that day.

2) My gynae gave me three days to see if baby decided to turn on his own. If baby turns, he will induce. But, same like the first option, it could be unsuccessful as well. Three days given also to allow me to be mentally prepared if a cesaerean needs to be done.

So in conclusion, cesaerean is the best option. Lol. I cried and told my gynae I do not want to have cesaerean. It was never in my options. He said if it is the best for my baby and I, he has to do it. He convinced me that he just want us to be safe. I trusted him because we had a mutual agreement from the start to let things go naturally, and he will only interfere if there are complications, which was what I experienced at that point of time - breech pregnancy, a complication.

Anyway, I chose the second option because I was not prepared to have a surgery on that same day and I was also afraid of the ECV. Not sure if it is painful or not. Imagine to forcefully turn the baby. Ouch!

Three days later, did a check and...... Baby choose not to turn. So my gynae scheduled the surgery on that very same day, 23rd January 2021. I had to fast 8 hours before surgery which was around 6pm. Went for lunch with Haikal, and cried like crazy. I was scared and I did not know what to expect. I have never undergo a surgery before.

Came to the hospital 4 hours before the surgery to prepare myself and settle some documentations. While the nurse was cleaning me up, I felt like fainting. She told me I looked so pale. Lol. Haikal was not around - as usual - during crucial times. HAHAHAHA.

The time came and the nurses pushed my hospital bed to the operating theatre room. Again, i cried badly. I was nervous, and scared, but the nurses assured me that everything will be alright. They told me I am in good hands as my gynae is a very experience one. I trusted them whole heartedly. Thankfully Haikal was able to be there with me in the OT. When the anaesthesia doctor asked me to curl up like a ball, I cried again because he injected me with the epidural; it was painful. I hold one of the nurse's hand tightly and she kept giving me encouraging words. So nice of her. I will remember her forever.

My gynae came and the procedure starts. Epidural had already kicked in. I could not feel the bottom half of my body. My gynae mentioned earlier if he said 'Bismillah' meaning that he is starting. The moment he said the word Bismillah, I closed my eyes and hold Haikal's hands tightly. After a while, my gynae asked Haikal to stand. The both of us thought that baby is already out. But no. My gynae wanted him to witness the surgery. Poor Haikal had to see my flesh and blood. Lol.

Everything took about 15mins I guess. It was a short and sweet surgery. I finally get to see my baby. Again, I cried. This time, i felt so relieved that everything is over. After the surgery, I had to wait for about 30 minutes to monitor my blood pressure and heart rate. I was good.

I shall talk about the recovery stage later. Such a lengthy post as I want to remember all my birth stories. Lol!

[srrkhsdk]

Things that I didn't know before becoming a mom.

1) SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I thought that it would be fine for me as I am an insomniac. I thought wrong. It is very tiring especially when I can't even get some rest during the day. Getting two hours of sleep is already good enough for the first three months. Once, Haikal and I slept for two hours and our sleep never felt so long and good.

So to all moms to be, better get all your sleep and be well rested before the baby comes out. 😆 The baby will demand for milk every two hours. And if you are expecting a boy and planning to breastfeed, he will be feeding every hour! (Will talk about this more later under breastfeeding!)

2) YOU ARE EXPECTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

Being a mother doesnt comes with instructions. You are expected to know everything the moment the baby is out ON YOUR OWN.

"Why is he crying all the time?" "Does he need to get his diaper change? Does he want milk? "Is his tummy upset? Is he feeling cold?" And all the other 1001 questions come into mind. Then when you cant figure out what the baby wants, you will feel like you are not a good mom.

And what's worst? When outsiders commenting why are you doing this and that to your baby and making you feel like a bad mom. TAKE NOTE THAT EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT. Your baby is different from mine. And our parenting is different too.

For example, I do not want Mika to suck on pacifier. And you will hear people saying all sorts of things just because of one fucking pacifier. LIKE CMONNNN LAAAA MY SON OR YOUR SON?!

You are expected to know how to change the baby's diaper, wipe their poo, feed them, bath them, and LATCH THEM😭 I swear to God I felt like crying the first month when I breastfeed Mika. I don't know how to and watching videos on youtube IS NOT HELPING ME OUT. I almost wanted to give up but I know breast milk is good for babies. AND I WANT THE BEST FOR MIKA.

3) BREASTFEEDING IS NOT EASY

Continuation....

SO YES. IT MAY LOOK EASY TO BREAST FEED BUT IT SURE TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE. Alhamdulillah Mika helped me out. He is such an easy baby. 😭 It was very very stressful at first, and Haikal gave me his support by giving up all his pillows for me to support my hand and back😆 My PD told me it will take roughly around one month for Mika and I to bond.

Engorgement is fucking painful ok. Your breasts feel heavy and tight so pump and feed your baby regularly to avoid engorgement! I dont fully breastfeed because Mika drinks like A LOTTTTT! And my milk supply doesnt match his needs. So I have to mix his feedings with infant formula.

I didnt know at first that there is a major difference between a baby boy and a baby girl. I was super duper stress the first day when Mika came home because Mika demands to be fed every fucking hour. The nurses didnt like warn or tell me anything. And I already had problems latching him. He cried every hour and I was like 'eh dia ni tk kenyang kenyang ke?' I know he cries not because of full diaper or sleepy but milk.

So I asked around and found out that it is normal for a baby boy to feed every hour (only applies to breastfeeding) because normally a boy needs more food intake than a girl. And breast milk digests faster than formula milk so they tend to get hungry faster.

!!!! AND SOMETIMES THEY MAY LATCH FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR BECAUSE THEY JUST FUCKING WANT "COMFORT" AND NOT MILK! SO YUP THAT IS A BABY BOY FOR YOU !!! I ever had Mika latching for more than 1 hour and I got so tired 😔

4) YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED.

I plan doing laundry around Mika's nap time. I have to eat fast before Mika wakes up and cries for milk. I have to shower fast too. Basically whatever I do, I cannot take my own sweet time.

I cannot remember when was the last time I had my "me time". You can forget about going out with your friends too because you are simply just too tired to do anything. And guess what? I used to be not a morning person but now I wake up early every day. I AM SO AMAZED. HAHAHA.

5) NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE CHANGED, BUT YOUR BODY TOO.

You can forget about your pre-pregnancy body as your body will never be the same like it used to. There will be stretch marks around your tummy and boobies. My belly button looks so weird to me now. My rashes left marks around my leg.

7) POST PARTUM DEPRESSION IS REALLLLL!

I ever question why one would feel so depressed after giving birth to a cute baby. Dont they love their own baby?

But after giving birth to one, I feel like I had one myself. I was always crying at night and got easily triggered. I feel like shit too looking at myself in the mirror. I dont feel good about myself anymore and i feel like a cow giving milk to its baby. I feel so lonely although I have Mika. Sometimes, you just need the support and love from everyone around you.

8) CONFINEMENT PERIOD IS SUCHA BORE

I dont exactly follow the 44 days pantang. I didnt eat my jamu too. I lied to my mom that I ate though. It sucks and I dont like it. The pilis is soooo messy, I remember I got so annoyed that I cant wait to recover fast to clean up my room. The only thing that I like was the massage!

9) LAST BUT NOT LEAST.... CONTRACTIONS DURING LABOUR ARE FUCKING PAINFUL. 😭

I still have trauma up till today. And I could still recall when the doctor had to stitch my bawah. Ok shuddup.

But at the end of the day, when I look at Mika... It is all worth it. IT REALLY IS. I HAVE NEVER LOVED SOMEONE THIS MUCH BEFORE. 😭

[srrkhsdk]

I gave birth on 4th of December 2018 at 1738h to a healthy baby boy that weighs 3.46kg ☺ His name given is Muhammad Mika Bin Muhammad Haikal. I am so thankful and grateful that everything went smoothly. Alhamdulillah.

Here's the story on the day itself:

I started having stomachache while I was having breakfast with Haikal at home at around 11am. I was happily eating KFC porridge and I thought maybe I should go to the toilet later. 😂 The pain stopped for a while and continued at 1pm. And I did go to the toilet and did my business twice.

The third time I felt like shitting again but nothing came out. I told my mom about it and she suspected that I might deliver the baby soon. I thought I was having the braxton hicks because the pain was still bearable. I was afraid to call my husband as it might be false alarm. There was once I felt the same pain and the next thing I knew I was having diarrhea. Paiseh 😂

Almost every one I asked told me there will be a vaginal discharge days before delivery. But I didnt had any (or probably I didnt notice. But I am pretty sure I didnt have it). I also didnt feel that my water bag has burst. At around 3.30pm the pain started to feel more severe and consistent so I immediately called Haikal to go home.

Okay side track a little. He started work at 2pm that week. The night before we actually talked about how fun it was if he goes to work and shortly after I call him to come home as I am going to deliver. (Datang kerja tunjuk muka aje😂) That morning he didnt have the mood to go to work too and hoping that I deliver soon. AND I REALLY DID HAHAHAHA

Came to labour at around 4.15pm - 4.30pm. The nurse took my weight and I changed my clothes. Then she asked me to settle down while she placed all the medical stuffs on my body. Everything was still bearable UNTIL she wanted to check how much I have dilated. I broke down into tears. I felt like I have sinned sooo much and my mom's face flashed inside my mind. Terasa hamba Allah yang sangat hina ok.

I felt a little relieved when she told us that I was already 5cm dilated. The nurse said it might take another 3 to 4 hours before it is fully dilated. So Haikal went for a smoke break first and took my hospital bag from his car. While he was away, my contractions were faster and I had this strong urge to shit again twice. I called the nurse in and she said it wasnt my shit. She checked me again and left the room without saying any word.

When Haikal came back, he surprised me saying that I was already 9cm dilated. It gave me a total shock because how can it be that fast and I said to him that he might have heard wrongly and it could be another patient as the nurse didnt tell me anything. More nurses came inside the room and prepare all the stuffs and I was like OK THIS IS IT THIS IS IT GUYSSSSS. 😭 Then I didnt remember anything after that. All i remember was I breathe in a lot of laughing gas as I didnt want to feel the pain. I am so scared of pain. 😢 And the voices around me were shouting asking me to do this and that. I followed the instructions with my eyes closed. I just want everything to be over as soon as possible.

There was this part I felt relieved for awhile because I felt like the baby was already out. I stopped breathing the gas and asked Haikal what was that and he said it is the baby's head!!!!!!! SEMPAT TANYA. 😂 Then the pushing game begins. I honestly have no idea where I got all the strength from. I just want to see my baby. (But i didnt see him immediately😂 as I was still in pain and high on laughing gas HAHAHAHA)

My eyes were still closed and I was feeling restless. I heard Mika's small little voice and I died a little inside. It feels like a miracle. Cant believe I had just given birth at that moment. Everything happened too fast.

I dont know what I have done to deserve you, Mika.

You have been such a good baby since our pregnancy days. You didnt give me so much problems. Honestly, the morning sickness, heartburns etc were bearable, EXCEPT THE SIMPUL BIAWAK!

I did crave for certain foods but my cravings werent entertained. But you didnt 'demand' for them. I kept all my feelings inside me and been crying alone at night. I pray to Allah you will never be affected with all my emotions. And I am glad you did. You have been such a smiley cheerful baby. You made my labour a short and easy one. Really, you are such a blessing sayang. 😢

[srrkhsdk]

Why no one tells me that pregnancy isn't a smooth sailing journey? Why do all dramas show the positive side of it and not the negative ones? Why does it seem like everyone is enjoying the journey but not me?

Don't get me wrong.. I am not complaining about this baby. I don't want you guys to think that I am being ungrateful and unappreciative. It is just that there is too much for me to handle everything all at once. It is my first pregnancy and I am expecting all rainbows and sunshines. But no, it is overwhelming.

The first trimester like I've said in my previous post, I have been experiencing morning sickness, all day and night.

I didnt have the appetite to eat at all. And even if I did eat, it is really for the sake of this tiny human inside me. I really have no desire. I threw up the food I ate. I have nausea whenever I think about food. I experienced the worst headache ever in my entire life. My stomach experienced cramps during the initial stage and I had slight bleeding. I was terrified okay. I have never peed blood before.

And I was so exhausted I could sleep throughout the day. I feel so ugly about myself. Even so, I do not have the mood to put on make up. And I felt even uglier.

SO WHERE IS THE PREGNANCY GLOW EVERY PREGNANT MUM HAS BEEN RAVING ABOUT?! I DONT SEE ANY GLOW IN ME. :(

I was having emotional stress and I could cry about the slightest littlest things. I wanted more 'love' and attention from the husband. I thought I was going through depression.

Second trimester got better.

Atleast, I remember I did smile during this stage. And I managed to eat a lot too.

The husband brought me on babymoon to release stress. I was soooo happy I got the husband's attention throughout the days in Krabi. But I also remember my heart died a little inside when holiday is over. I just want him to be with me 24/7

No complains this trimester. Except towards the end of it. My back ache got worse. I am carrying 1kg of baby inside me.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

[srrkhsdk]

Hopefully #BabyM has your level of patience (and a little bit of my sweetness.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

#countingdown #9monthsflewbydamnfast

[srrkhsdk]

[srrkhsdk]

I have been dealing with my roller coaster emotions ever since i got pregnant. I felt like no one loves and cares for me when in actual fact, they do. I felt like Haikal is distancing himself away from me when he is actually just working extra hard to earn extra income just for the family, since right now he is the only one working and supporting us. I feel so selfish demanding for his attention and pressurising him that he is not always there for me, when whatever i want (most of the time) he gives it to me. He works so hard to bring me for a short vacation for us to give ourselves a break. He has been a great husband but I hate myself for feeling so insecure.

I hate the changes in my body but I know these are just temporary. It is gonna be worth it. It better be. I feel so ugly about myself and I have never been this huge my whole life. I love my growing belly but not my chest and thighs and swollen feet. Never in my life I had PMS before. This is probably the worse one I am feeling. I cry for no reason sometimes and I tend to become overly-sensitive for such a small issue. There was once I complained to Haikal that my back is aching badly. And then shortly after I wanted to help him to change the air purifier but he insisted and told me not to since my back is aching. And I got upset and cried about it as I thought he was teasing me and doesnt need me. (Yep, for the smallest littlest things guys.)

Don't get me wrong. I can't wait to see this child. I love the belly kicks he/she gives me. Other than the morning sickness, the moodswings, the breakouts and unstable emotions, being pregnant is definitely one of life's greatest blessing. This pregnancy journey is really magical and wonderful. I cant wait to see you #babyM.

[srrkhsdk]

“Segala yang berlaku, baik atau buruk dalam kehidupan seseorang, pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Cuma kadang-kadang Allah mendatangkan sedikit cubaan dan dugaan berupa kesedihan dan kesusahan sebelum Dia menghadirkan kebahagiaan.”

—

[srrkhsdk]

[srrkhsdk]

[srrkhsdk]

I still smile to myself whenever i recall back to this very day when i first met you. God's plan was perfect and funny too. 😅 (A little bit of information how we actually get to know each other: We were just texting the whole entire yearsss and never met before. I got to know him through my bestfriend and I didnt really bother about getting to know him 'deeper'. He was like "biskut" also - sekejap hilang, sekejap ada. So annoying! I assumed that he was just treating me as his texting buddy where he would text me whenever he is bored. But he claimed that he wasnt. Meh, boys.) I can never forget this happy/funny day and I remember how instantly i felt about you when i saw you. I felt that you are such a nice guy and i didnt mind a little bit that you are shorter than me and I would love to know you more and be your friend. (Ehem, wife now!😂) Cant believe that you are now going to be a daddy to my child that i am carrying. Time flies and when i look back at my life, everything really happens for a reason. :') ❤ #blessed

[srrkhsdk]

[srrkhsdk]

One reason why i cant wait to see my jellybean is that i can finally feel that i am needed by someone and i have a companion that i can talk to(alone, without feeling stupid 😂)

[srrkhsdk]

I have left my job in May. When my contract ends in July. How do i feel about this? I dont know. Mixed feelings at first. I have always dreamed to bring my parents to Umrah with my contract money. Probably the reason why I am quite disappointed and sad about it initially. Cos I am only left with TWO MONTHS!!! But they always say, everything happens for a reason. We plan and Allah plans, but Allah is the best of all planners.

I was being selfish. I wanted to stay. But my body was crying in pain. I felt so restless and fatigue at work. I was helpless. I didn't do much on flight as somedays I was busy vomiting in the lavatory. I thought I was strong. But my body and mind said otherwise.

I remember when I had my very first check up. The feeling was undescribable. (Everything that is happening during this journey is really undescribable. 😂) That was when I first saw you... and heard your heartbeat. You are alive. You are really inside me!! It is a magical feeling!! There is someone alive inside me, depending on me... And... that was the moment where I know I should quit.

The check up was a week before my yearly recurrent. And apparently this year's recurrent I had to jump down the evacuation slide. I asked my gynae for advice (he kinda knows how life as a cabin crew is like.) and he told me it is not advisable for me to do so.. Haikal and my parents already told me to quit. So on 9th May 2018, I made the decision. I called my duty supervisor right after I operated a flight and declared myself pregnant. The next day I made my clearance immediately. It was less than 24hrs notice. 😂

And boy, i felt soooo goooood when i left. I dont feel stress anymore. I realised I have been stucked with something I dislike for years and it is killing me slowly inside. Flying affects me so much that I dont wanna socialise with people anymore. And also I have trust issues now. All because of flying.

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The first trimester was really a bad one for me. I was having 'morning sickness'. The term shouldnt be called morning sickness. I have it like throughout the day and night, almost all the time. I lost my appetite. I throw up the food i ate. I am always napping. And at night I have a problem sleeping. I cant look at pictures of food on instagram cos I will always feel like vomiting. My cramps are bad and sometimes I have a slight bleeding. It isnt a pleasant feeling.

I am now moving on to my second trimester soon! I cant wait! They said that this is the period that you tend to eat a lot. I cant wait to have my appetite back!

Anyways.. I redha dengan takdir Allah. And I always believe He has something better in store for me. Anak itu pun rezeki. I know there are women out there who cant have children and longing to have one. Allah has already given me one and I should be thankful about it.

I pray my child will be a good and responsible person when he/she grows up one day. I already have so many plans for him/her.

I have so much love for you little jellybean 😘

[srrkhsdk]

“Jika hari ini kita baik pada ibu ayah kita, Tuhan akan murahkan rezeki kita dan berikan kita anak yang taat kelak. Insya-Allah.

Tiada perkara yang paling baik melainkan buat baik pada ibu bapa.”

Ustaz Ravi (Tanyalah Ustaz)

[srrkhsdk]

[srrkhsdk]

Why is it so hard for people to understand that the smallest littlest things can make one very happy