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Tomorrow Never Came | Prologue

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Reader

Summary: As a child, there was no way for you to understand the complexity of death or love. You just knew death was to be feared and love was to be sought after. Somewhere along the way, your perceptions changed.

Or in other words: You fear love more than you do death.

Some days, it was easy to pretend— to look into the eyes of loved ones and tell them everything would be alright. To ease the worries of the family, telling them that alternative treatments and practices would be attempted in order to preserve the life of their loved one. Most of the time, your fib did no harm, as patients typically did get better. Yet, it was those few times when patients didn’t that made you question yourself. Watching the reactions of the loved ones— bystanders of death— crinkle their red eyes as petrifying howls escaped chapped lips. A common response when Death finally embraces a patient. To these bystanders, Death was almost always evil, and more often than not, they viewed you as an accomplice. It was because you had failed at your job that the patient had died. It had to be.

Of course, you knew better. Anger was a natural way to process grief, and unfortunately, that meant you were at the brunt of it. A direct outlet for all the pain the families felt— a person to blame. People loved to blame others for things they did not understand. You knew Death, you knew Death well. Something you once feared until you came to understand: Death is not always cruel; Death can be kind.

Knowing and accepting the truth of life — that the only thing assured in life is death— leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Were you fulfilled with your life, knowing that Death could take you at any moment? No. At the age of 28, you’ve come to understand death, but not quite what it means to live. Still, you struggle to tell those around you just how much they mean to you. On days you aren’t tending to patients, you find yourself buried beneath the sheets to hide from the responsibilities that await you. Some days, you stay there all day, only leaving for necessities. It makes you feel guilty, rotting away with a perfectly healthy body while your patients have no choice but to remain in the sterile beds.

So, when the guilt claws hard enough, breaking your ribs and gouging a hole into your chest, you get out of bed and enjoy the world around you. Walking through the farmers market, going on walks, hikes, reading, swimming, crocheting, dining out, doing whatever makes you feel alive. All of these things, you typically do alone. With the work schedule of a nurse, you work odd hours that rarely align with your friends, with the exception of the weekends. It’s not that you mind being alone; in fact, you rather enjoy it, but there’s always a thought gnawing in the back of your mind.

You’re 28 now and still have never even kissed a man. As a child, you thought you’d be married by now— hell, you thought you’d at least have a few gremlins running around. It’s not that you need a man, that’s silly, but the idea of one is nice. Now, you’ve gone on dates before, but you’ve always found something wrong. There was that one guy who kept trying to make you laugh, and you did. Just not at his jokes. A lot of men don’t realize that they are the joke. Then, there was that other guy who chewed with his mouth open and threw whatever misogynistic comments in whenever he could. The others were not memorable enough to recall.

Call it self-sabotage or simply that men aren’t shit, but you have had to have angered Cupid in your past life. The only time you’ve come close to envisioning something with someone, it blew up in your face. Maybe that’s why you’re so guarded, so picky with who will hold your heart. Despite everything, you want to grow old and wrinkly with someone. Have someone who dries the dishes while you wash. Someone who holds you at night, whispering sweet nothings as your legs tangle together. You want someone who makes you want to stay, even if you've been conditioned to run. Someone who will love everything about you, even your faults. After all these years, you’re beginning to lose hope. Perhaps your person isn’t out there; they don’t exist. You’ll never experience the weight of a band around your finger. But you never know what tomorrow brings.