ssajudithh

[ssajudithh]

back to you

aaron hotchner x fem!oc

summary : in which a memory of aaron's past appears infront of him and he is submerged by feelings he had tried to forget long ago

When he had left university all those years ago with Hailey in his arms and a bright future in his hands, Aaron Hotchner also left something that once felt like everything. He built his life, his family, his reputation ignoring the subtle ache in his heart. But when you spend your whole life studying behaviour, you simply cannot escape your own truth for long. That's why after he and Hailey divorced and some of the guilt had finally melted away, something changed. He saw himself longing for the missing part of his heart he had to forget for so long. 

That's how he spent a year ignoring this yearning. He pretended like he didn't notice the way he looked in the faces of passers by, hoping for something that would bring him back to her. He pretended like he stumbled onto old photographs by accident. He pretended like the presence of the golden watch on his wrist didn't feel heavier. 

He pretended for months and months the same way he had forced himself to forget for years and years. Until he couldn't. How could he pretend when she was standing right infront of him? With dark hair that fell down to the small of her back the same way it used to, with green eyes that held a glint that felt like a time capsule. He was transported back to the five months of his younger days that he had stored deep away.

Fifteen years ago…

-We’re done Aaron

That’s it. Hailey had said what she had been thinking for months. Aaron wasn’t oblivious, in fact, he was quite skilled at knowing what she was thinking most of the time. He knew she had lost interest in him months ago. But he had held hope for too long and he had endured enough. The last few months had been a pure disaster for their relationship with her doing the same things she always did and him forgiving her all over again.

-Then leave Hailey

Surprise flashed in her eyes, having expected him to fight for her, to cry for her. But when she had looked at him, he bared no other expressions than one of disappointment and acceptance. 

They parted ways that day and their paths wouldn’t have crossed for another five months. Aaron did not pretend like he didn't feel lost and abandon that night. For once, he succumbed to the sadness which led him to do five things he had never ever done before: go to a frat party, drunk cry, kiss a girl he just met, sleep with a girl he just met and wake up in a room he didn't recognize with a raging hangover. Typical Friday night for any college student but for Aaron it felt like unfamiliar territory. He had been focused on his studies, constantly under the pressure of his father’s expectations and his not-so perfect relationship with Hailey, he had no time to let himself go that far.

He felt free despite his heavy headache and he turned to the girl beside him. Black hair, light green eyes and sharp features ; she was the strict opposite of Hailey but that wasn't the first thought that crossed his mind. He was just thinking of how damn beautiful she was, and as memories of last night came back, he realized that a few moments with her had made him happier than he had been all those past few months. He didn't want to get ahead of himself though, Aaron had literally just got out of a relationship and he knew that the hook-up culture at his college was strict : hit and go. But while she was still asleep, he thought about her witty comebacks and immature jokes: it all felt like a breath of fresh hair compared to the constant seriousness of his life.

When she woke up a few minutes later, Aaron's whole body froze waiting for the sign that she wanted him to go home but it never came. The girl woke up, smiled at him, kissed him, briefly continued what had occurred last night before getting up and inviting him to go get a coffee with her. He accepted and after having one the best night of his life he was now enjoying a calm and casual morning with someone who made him feel alive. 

For the next few weeks, Aaron saw her almost everyday. They had become friends, confidants, bed partners and everything in between. He wondered if he had taken this too far, too fast. He wondered if the reason he was so attracted to her was because she was so different from Hailey. But then he saw her bare back facing him in the morning or her warm smile as she studied alongside him in his dorm and he pushed these thoughts aside. He fell in love with her and as the line between casual and real slowly faded away, she fell in love too. 

On her side, it was the same. She was wary of the familiarity ,comfort and attraction of this man who appeared in her life too fast. She was wary of the way she had let herself fall for him without asking any questions beforehand. But at the end of the day when it was just her and him in the dim-lit park of their campus and they shared cigarettes while he told her everything she wanted to know about himself, she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop loving Aaron.

For five months, they lived in a perfect relationship. No fight, no miscommunication, just pure love and adoration. They both had found their person and it was all they needed. Well, until Aaron went back to his hometown for a weekend and came back different. It wasn't like he started ignoring her or being mean but he had been so perfect, so caring, so loving for the past few months that she couldn't help but notice the change of behavior. She didn't question him at first, maybe he cut her off by accident, maybe he forgot to come over because of homeworks, maybe he looked at her with new-found doubt for some other reason. But surely it wasn't because he started doubting their relationship and their love. That's what she told herself until she couldn't ignore it anymore. 

When she confronted him, Aaron offered her an explanation. He couldn't offer her the life she wanted. He was forever bound to be the workaholic lawyer while she stayed the artist ready to explore everything the world had to give her. My love isn’t enough to make you stay forever, was what he was actually thinking. And although it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she could understand. She didn't blame him because she knew that he still loved her and that maybe he always would. 

They parted ways that day, on a regretful note, and their paths wouldn't cross for another fifteen years when they would both be adults with lives of their own but a common lingering past.

Present

Now at the gallery she owned, standing face to face, they were exposed to a past they both tried to forget. Aaron’s breath was slightly faster and his left foot was tilted forward as if he had tried to reach her but stopped himself last second, Rossi noticed. Her eyes were widened and going back and forth between his watch and his face, one hand was nervously playing with her golden necklace while the other was slightly twitching in the air as if she had to stop herself from reaching forward and holding his, J.J noted. 

-Aaron?

She was the first to break the tension, making Hotch’s eyes widened. Never would he have thought that he would hear this voice again. 

-Evelyn?

The tension was back on, neither of them knowing what to say or rather where to start. The room felt too small to hold all the things that hadn't been said, all the years that had passed. Aaron felt like if he looked at her for too long, she would fade away from his sight so he averted his eyes. They widened slightly when he heard what Evelyn said next.

-Still wearing that old watch?

He chuckled and trying to look as composed as he could, he responded with that same playful tone. 

-And you’re still wearing that old necklace

Their tones were playful and casual but it was everything but that. That watch and that necklace represented everything that occurred between them. The love that was once openly expressed and the time that had passed. It was the only true gift they had given each other in those five months and years after, they were still holding on to it. It said a lot without saying anything.

The two profilers behind Aaron tried to understand what was truly happening in vain. Judging by both of their behaviors they surely had some sort of history together but as far as they knew Hailey had always been the only woman in Hotch’s life. So who was that Evelyn who looked at him like he was all she had been waiting for. 

-Hotch, we have to conduct the interview

It was like the spell had been broken and Aaron’s professional mask slipped back on. He finished what he had to do as quickly as possible. Asking Evelyn questions about the latest murder in the area like she was nothing more than a witness. She was confused, hurt and disappointed and when he left with that stern look and his F.B.I badge tucked in his front pocket she wondered if she had been secretly waiting for a man that had long disappeared. 

Evelyn finished her day like she always did. Storing the precious art pieces, finishing the few final touches for tomorrow’s exposition and emailing some potential clients. She did more than she usually did actually, she did everything she could to try and forget the lack of emotions in Aaron’s eyes. The faded memories of the smiling man were starting to feel fake, like she had dreamed of this period of her life. Was it time to give it all up?

But just as she closed the door to the gallery, just as she was ready to go back home, throw the old necklace away and actually forget this part of her life, he appeared in front of her. With slightly disheveled hair and eyes full of emotions, he looked the same as the day they had said goodbye.

-Evelyn, how have you been?

-Fine Aaron what about you?

-I’ve been okay 

Aaron thought for a second, pondering whether to get into the heart of the matter or to continue with the small talk. 

-I…I never thought i would see you again

-Same for me

Evelyn tried to mask the slight bitterness in her voice, but Aaron, the great profiler that he was, catched onto it. 

-I know that it was all my decision and my fault and that I shouldn't have regrets but I have been trying to get you out of my head for fifteen years and I have been failing for fifteen years. I understand if you’ve moved on with your life but I couldn't bear going back before telling you that I still think about you and I still ponder on all the what if. I couldn't leave without seeing you again and without telling you that despite all that happened you stayed one of the best things that happened to me. 

He had said it, what he had been thinking for years. 

-You went back to Hailey, Aaron. You said you were not fit for a relationship and  you went ahead and married her

-I lied, it's not that I wasn't fit for a relationship, its that i didn't believe I was enough for you. And I won't lie and tell you that I regret my marriage with Hailey because together we had my son, which I couldn't live without. But what I do regret was leaving you that day. I don’t want to regret anymore Evelyn, I don't want to miss out on your presence anymore.

She was stunned, each of his words had stolen the last bit of anger in her. She felt drunk on his words, on his love. She had been waiting for so long but life had now served her Aaron Hotchner on a silver platter and she wasn't going to miss out on that. 

-Kiss me Aaron

And that, he did. He kissed her like there was no tomorrow, like he was feeding her all the love he had accumulated for years. And he held her so close, the distance that separated them for so long was forever forgotten. 

[ssajudithh]

ambush pt.2

aaron hotchner x reader

summary : in which both you and aaron reflect on the true nature of your relationship

pt.1

The case had been closed off quite easily and Aaron had finished the last bit of paperwork he needed to do on the jet. He was free to go home, or to come to you. He was still waiting for an answer to the text he had sent half an hour ago. He stayed in his office while the team prepared to leave. 

Someone knocked on a door and waited a few seconds before coming in. Derek was looking at Hotch expectedly. 

-Team’s going to the local bar, you coming?

-Not tonight, sorry

-Why not? I thought you finished your paperwork 

-I did 

-Ohhh, i get it 

Morgan looked at him with a smirk 

-You got a little date tonight huh?

-i don't have a-

He was interrupted by a phone call. Aaron practically jumped on his phone which earned another smirk from Morgan. He pointed to the door and Derek left, leaving him alone in his office. 

-Hello?

-Aaron, you got some explaining to do, don’t you think 

Fuck, Hailey. He was so set on seeing you that he had forgotten about your little encounter

-Listen, i didn't know you were coming over 

-I don't care about that! Why are you bringing strange women into the house where my son lives?!

-She’s not a strange woman Hailey, she's a friend of mine and i would like for you to respect that

-Your friend right… Guess our marriage was quickly forgotten.

-Its been two years Hailey, and don't forget who actually put this marriage aside between us two

He hung up after that, not wanting to talk about Hailey’s infidelity again. As much as it didn't bother him anymore, watching his ex-wife act all innocent and mighty always put him in a bad mood. Looking at his phone, he saw that you had finally responded by asking him to get to your apartment as soon as possible.

He hurried over and was greeted by the sight of you in his shirt, which you looked absolutely adorable in, he thought. Aaron himself was surprised by his thought. He didn't find you simply attractive anymore, he thought you were..adorable? He pushed his worries aside and got comfortable on your couch.

You watched remove his suit and tie while biting your lips. The events of the last night you had spent together seemed so long ago and you had missed him a lot. Your eyes trailed back to his face that was looking at you expectantly, waiting for an answer.

-Sorry what?

Aaron chuckled, a smug look appearing on his face

-I asked you if you were okay after your interaction with Hailey

‘’Hailey’’..? That must be his ex-wife’s name then. You groaned internally. You wanted to jump on him and get to business not to talk about the very awkward encounter you had a few days ago.

-It wasn't anything bad, just a bit awkward

-Are you sure?

His eyebrows were frowning and he looked seriously worried. Was he that ashamed and scared by you interacting with his personal life?

-Don't worry, I didn't do anything to bother Hailey

Aaron looked at her confused

-I don't think you did anything, I’m more worried about what she could have done to you

God, he really had to stop saying things like that. You had to change the subject or he was really going to bring your hopes up. Hopes about what though? It's not like you wanted anything more with him…you had just grown a bit attached. Anyone would after spending so much time with someone right?

-Jack was there, he’s so cute

-Yeah, he is

 The soft look in Aaron’s eyes made him even more attractive, and you practically jumped on him not wanting to wait any longer. He kissed you back, his hands trailing lower and lower on your body. It wasn't long after that both your clothes ended up on the floor and you were knocked out on him after many rounds.

Aaron looked at you, looking so peaceful in your sleep, and thought about what you told him earlier. 

 You had no problem dealing with Hailey, you thought Jack was cute, you didn't even think there was a problem with meeting his family. What was he so afraid about? He felt really dumb now. You were always so caring and happy to be around him. Why would you ever judge him or be bothered by his presence? For once, Aaron thought that maybe you were also considering something more with him. 

You felt Aaron’s eyes on you as you pretended to sleep. You felt him gently brushing your hair and you could almost hear the wheels turning in his head

-What are you thinking about handsome?

Well, that definitely startled Aaron who had now a split second to decide between acting like nothing was wrong or confessing his growing affection for you.

-Im thinking about us

-Us?

-Listen, I'm forty years old. At this age, spending so much time with a woman, even if it's just casual, I'm bound to want something more you know? I left casual relationships behind me years ago, honestly. 

You sat up quickly, looking at him with wide eyes

-What do you mean by something more?

-I mean a relationship

He looked anxious, which was a funny look on his face. Aaron Hotchner who always had the upper, literally always, seemed scared of you?

-Wait really?!

-Yes?

-But I thought you didn't want me to be part of your life. And you always seemed so ashamed of me. Am I not too immature for you? You have a kid also you know, what if he doesn't like me. I didn't exactly leave a good imp-

Your rambling was cut off by Aaron’s loud chuckling

-You're laughing at me? Aaron this is serious, it's like the biggest revelation ever 

-You thought I was ashamed of you?

-Yes…?

-Sweetheart, why would I be ashamed? I have the luck to sleep with a stunning smart woman like you. That’s more of a win for an old man like me.

You were absolutely baffled. All this time you spent putting yourself down because Aaron was probably ashamed of you was completely useless. If anything, this man looked down bad for you right now. 

-So we're together? Like more than casual together?

-I told you sweetheart i'm too old for casual

You looked at him with a wide smile before leaning down and snuggling in his chest. You sighed contently at the feeling of his hands caressing your back bare

-Oh, I'm gonna be coming over all the time now Aaron, you're not ready.

-Can't wait honey

[ssajudithh]

ambush

aaron hotchner x reader

summary : in which you're suprised by an unexpected visit while being at aaron's house

pt.2

While you had lost count of how many times Aaron Hotchner had spent the night over, you could count on one hand the number of times you had slept at his house. Well two hands since this morning was officially morning number six. This fact was a shame considering how comfortable his bed was and how peaceful the entire bedroom appeared to be. Sunshine peeking through the window, white soft sheets, no clothes on the floor and most importantly his deluxe mattress. The contrast with your very still college-like apartment would have made you feel extremely ashamed if it wasn't for the comforting presence of the man sleeping next to you. Your eyes barely open, you glanced at the naked back of the one you had shared nights with for the past few months. The sight of him filled your heart with, well not love, but something warm and familiar. You glanced around the room, the pictures of a blond child making you slightly uncomfortable. The amount of time you had spent with Aaron did not mean you were actually part of his life and while this didn't bother you, it still felt weird to acknowledge his daily life outside the bubble you had built around you two. That was what came with sleeping with a man like him, his life was a safe whose key’s had already been thrown away.

You sighed at the repeating thoughts and stretched your limbs before getting up. Slipping on a tank top, you made your way towards the kitchen. You made coffee, struggling to understand the fancy coffee machine, and put on some music. While you prepared the two mugs, you heard movement in the bedroom meaning Aaron had finally awakened. However, with the speed of his movements you could guess he had received a work call and had to go.

You didn't know what Aaron actually did. You just knew it was related to the government and some pretty gruesome things too. You guessed it was something important if he was so secretive about it. 

You took out the travel coffee mug and transferred the drink to it before putting an apple next to it. He wasn't going to eat it but you took the effort at least. He came out of the bathroom in his suit, which he looked delicious in, and looked at you apologetically. 

-Why are you looking at me like that?

-I told you we could spend the day in bed today but….

-Come on, it's good. I made you coffee to go

-You’re an angel, thank you

He bent down to kiss you quickly but you linked your arms behind his neck to keep him close a little bit longer. It escalated quickly to a heavy make out session in which Aaron's tie came off and shirt’s got all wrinkled. After a few minutes, he pulled away from you and squeezed your ass one last time before heading to the door

-You should probably fix your clothes, don't wanna go into to work looked so disheveled

-And who’s fault is that

You just giggled before waving him off. 

He had left a spare key just in case, meaning you could stay a bit more before going back to your own place. 

You obviously took your sweet time to enjoy all the assets Aaron's house had to offer. A long shower in his fancy bathroom, a study session in his AC’d living room and a quick dinner with the ingredients you could never afford. You were in heaven. Aaron had texted you just before flying out; to where? You had no idea. He promised that he would make up for the heated night you would have had if he hadn't left. 

You were humming to yourself while making pasta when you heard the front door opening. You immediately thought of Aaron before realizing he had no reason to come back so soon. Out of fear, you grabbed the kitchen knife on your left and held it towards the alleyway, waiting for the person to emerge from it. You quickly put it down when you saw a blonde child and woman in front of you. A very familiar blond child

-Who the fuck are you?

-I'm a friend of Aaron's. I'm so sorry for the knife i thought you were an intruder or something

She looked at you strangely like the thought of Aaron having friends was weird. Or maybe she didn't believe you. Your choice of clothing, a tank top and a pair of underwear, screamed something other than friends. The blonde woman, like she had also just notice what you were wearing, pulled the child into another room before coming back in the kitchen

-How am I supposed to know if you actually know Aaron?

-I can text him if you want. Wait, let me just…

You pulled out your phone quickly not wanting to be accused of being an intruder by…Aaron’s ex wife, you guessed. There were no pictures of her in the house so you couldn't be sure. 

-No it's okay, I believe you. But me and Jack are staying here for the next few days so I would appreciate it if you could leave now. 

Her cold tone made you cringe internally but you didn't pick a fight. You packed your things quickly and were out the door before you could face another awkward and uncomfortable interaction. As soon as you got back in your apartment, you texted aaron.

‘’You couldn't tell me your ex-wife was coming’’

‘’What ?’’

‘’I got ambushed and chased out the house lol’’

‘’Fuck, i had no idea she was gonna be here sorry..’’

‘’It's fine, see you later’’

On the jet, Aaron was wincing at the thought of you and his ex-wife, Hailey, meeting. It's not like he was ashamed of you, he was more scared of the way Haley acted. Their divorce wasn't exactly a friendly one and even he still felt the tension when talking to her. He couldn't imagine what you had felt when you interacted with her.

He sighed, putting down the files he was looking over. The sound didn't go unnoticed by David who was seated in front of him.

-You okay?

-Yeah I'm fine

-Problems with Haley?

-Eh, not exactly

Rossi did not dig any deeper and left him with his thoughts. 

Looking at the window, Aaron sighed again. He was always uncomfortable letting you in his life. You were a young woman with all your life in front of you. For him, letting you see all the problems in his own life was embarrassing. He still didn't get why you chose to entertain this kind of relationship with him. You were undeniably pretty, you could get any guy your age you wanted. Still, you chose to spend your nights with a burned-out older man like him. What did he do to deserve something so good and rejuvenating? He didn't know but he certainly wouldn't complain about it now.