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"don't let it bother you" first of all, everything bothers me

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214 💖

(The Book Of Disquiet, by Fernando Pessoa) "Again I found pages of mine, this time in French, written some fifteen years ago. I've never been to France and was never in close contact with French people, so it's not as if I had a familiarity with the language that waned over the years. Today I read as much French as I ever did. I'm older and more practiced in thought; I should have progressed. Yet these pages from my distant past denote a confidence in the use of French that I no longer possess; they have a fluid style that today I couldn't possibly achieve in that language; there are entire passages, complete sentences, grammatical forms and idioms that demonstrate a fluency I've lost without remembering that I ever had it. How can this be explained? Who did I replace inside myself?

It's easy enough to form a theory of the fluidity of things and souls, to understand ourselves as an inner flow of life, to imagine that we're a large quantity, that we traverse ourselves as an inner flow of life, to imagine that we have been many... But in this case there's something besides the flow of personality between its own banks; there's an absolute other, an extraneous self that was me. That with age I should lose my imagination, my emotion, a certain kind of intelligence, a way of feeling – all of this, while causing regret, wouldn't cause me any great wonder. But what am I confronting when I read myself as if reading a stranger? On what shore am I standing if I see myself in the depths?

At other times I find pages that I not only don't remember having written, which in itself doesn't astonish me, but that I don't even remember having been capable of writing, which terrifies me. Certain phrases belong to another mentality. It's as if I'd found an old picture that I know is of me, with a different height and with features I don't recognize, but undoubtedly me, terrifyingly I."

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diy noncon by jerking myself off when I’m not rlly up for it

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American Bison jumping with joy at Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming, USA.

via: U.S. Department of the Interior

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Im such a crazy person

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Getting annoyed at getting notes on my main. Im glad im soooo relatable.

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this just in: hyper independent control freak gets off on the idea of being completely helpless and at someone's mercy

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The amount of times i flip out and start saying fuck everything and everyone is probably too high but yknow. Fuck everything and everyone

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to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

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Affirmations

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Im the worst and im so desperate and ugly and awkward and lonely and just incapable of doing things right

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Might just burst out sobbing every day for the rest of my life apparently

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If someone ever tells you a certain song is important to them you should turn it up and lay on your bed and close your eyes and really listen to it even if its 10 minutes long because at the end you will know that person much better I think