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Russ & Shine https://www.instagram.com/p/CgeaBbQvGgN/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Burnt Ends. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8BnfrInQ8B/?igshid=158nov4oai8vu

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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Priscilla Nu (@nuloves)

Merry Christmas! ❄️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Bryvydxhpxb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xv9zq6z6sz7k

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I do not have an Instagram boyfriend but I have an Instagram Son. Random dude for scale. https://www.instagram.com/p/BpLcQJcHbHz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rkymovwp1cft

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Hallo. (at 롯데월드 (lotteworld)) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo2tWTcHFkR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1e6ce2mfgjjn2

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P → R You’re my Shooting Star. ミ★ https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo0YnkvnMFN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16oahaixlvwro

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Blink. And you’ll miss it.

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Sunday Mornings

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Hello

It's me...

Lame!

Anyway, thought I'll drop by to hear the crickets. I actually didn't feel like writing because...

I lost all my blog entries since 1999 or whenever blogger first started. I started using Blogger when it was just a simple website update engine so people don't have to download html file, update and reupload into one of those dinosaur era hosting sites, just to update website visitors. If you remember Geocities, we are from the same era. Today, that era is known as old.

Lucky for me, I hosted my website at Angelfire and they still exist!? Therefore, my very first website is still online. Incredible, it is like a cockroach. Proof: http://www.angelfire.com/al/phahq/me.html

Anyway, as I was saying, the rest of my blog entries were gone because my hosting expired and they completely wiped everything off. I thought I had a backup somewhere but turns out I don't remember where it was.

I didn't have a existential crisis moment. I remember being pretty calm about it and went "oh well!" But I remembered writing some nonsense almost everyday. And I could not remember why I had so much to say. It was the curiousity that killed me. Ironically, it killed my writing spirit too. I felt almost defeated, like why do I bother writing anything if it's gone.

Such is life isn't it. Fleeting. When I'm dead, all the things that matters to me dies with my consciousness anyway. Why bother!

I suddenly miss having an outlet. Where I can write to nobody in particular. Facebook is filled with old friends and new, old colleagues and future colleagues, relatives and acquiantances. You don't know who is reading and judging. Medium feels contrive. Instagram too flippant. I still use Twitter, but how much can you say with 140...

I'm doing alright. As usual, my only complaint is getting old and how the bioscience people being really unproductive in terms of stopping aging. I would ideally want to stop at 24, so this is far overdue. Is it asking too much if I would ask you to focus on reversing aging? By the way, it is not the same as turning back time. I do not want to turn back time, I want things exactly the way it is for me now except that I'm 24.

I don't want to risk not having Russell. Speaking of Russell, he's gonna turn 5! If I have to use just one word to describe him, it'll be cheeky. He likes to sing and dance, he loves Michael Jackson. He likes making friends and do not understand why anyone wouldn't want to be friends. He has a smartmouth and has an answer for everything. Sometimes he would sprout nonsense but he'll deliver them like facts. I'll call him out, I'll say, "That's rubbish, it makes no sense." He'll go "Haha tricked you!"

Technically, I wasn't fooled but I can't resist that twinkle in his eye and I'll laugh.

To be honest, not sure when is the next time I'll write. So see you when I'm back! ~ta

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Little dude's gonna be 5 soon.

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I had an ectopic pregnancy.

And I want to write it down so I remember that I survived it like a fuckin champion!

I could write about coping with the loss of a baby like every other articles about a miscarriages, except I wasn’t really sad. I want to celebrate the fact that I’ve survived it.

I’ve survived two misdiagnoses, 5 bags of blood transfusion, a ruptured Fallopian tube and hours of excruciating abdominal pain. I should be able to feel good about it.

Back to the beginning, I had a positive pregnancy reading end of October but my period came back when it shouldn’t. I went to the Gynaecologist to check, she said she can’t see the foetus and that it probably got flushed out. You suck at your job, no polite way to say it.

2 weeks later, on a Thursday morning, I had sudden abdominal cramps and vomited. I thought I had food poisoning. I felt better in the afternoon so I thought it would go away. I went to Russell’s concert in the afternoon and went to see a doctor after. He said it isn’t food poisoning, probably gastric pain. I asked for MC the next day, I wasn’t convinced it was gastric. He hesitated and checked the time to see if I would be fit to work by tomorrow. The nerve! You suck at your job, no polite way to say it.

Later that night, my mother-in-law offered to watch Russell till I get better and my husband was out. The pain kept building that, still thinking it was food poisoning, I was desperate to puke.

From then on, the pain escalated quickly. There was a clear moment where I knew things will go very wrong if I don’t act quickly. I called for a private ambulance and the husband. Private ambulance said they are only available in 30 mins. Husband called 995 and they arrived in no time. Civil Defence wins!

The pain is intense and sharp. I imagined it to be like being stabbed with a knife, like, one of my organs ruptured and was causing heavy internal bleeding. So yea, like a knife stab, except it is worse because you can’t see the bleeding.

When you are not drenched in blood, you will not be treated like an emergency victim.

I arrived at Changi, nurse probably decided that I don’t look like I’m dying. So they transferred me to a wheelchair and gave me a queue number. Then I had to take a series of tests before they can decide what to do with me.

This is where I started thinking, hey if I die now, it isn’t that bad.

They kept asking this stupid question “From 1–10, what is your level of pain”. Isn’t this subjective and open to interpretation? I said 7 because I thought 10 is GoT Reek level of torture. There was a lady who kept falling from the her wheelchair so I thought, she needs help more than me.

After my blood test results were out, things escalated quickly. I overheard that my results are out and a rather unprofessional “oh my god”. Suddenly, I’m the favourite patient in A&E. Shit. I was moved to the bed, they gave me blood and painkillers. Not fast enough.

I started having waves of pain that completely paralysed me. I can’t move, I can’t open my eyes, I can’t even breath.

It is worse then giving birth, where I could at least beg the nurses for drugs. This pain, I could only wait for time to pass. Doctor told me I’m having a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and is bleeding heavy internally. I need to be transferred to KK Hospital because they are the experts. However, my blood pressure is too low to go into the ambulance. After a bag of blood, blood pressure is stable and I’m off.

The communication between hospitals doesn’t exist. We had to repeat the whole story, wait for the doctor to do another ultrasound, I patiently witness her go through the same AHA moment, before sending me into operation theatre. At this point, things became fuzzy, I think I fainted at some point because next thing I remembered was surgeon telling me he need my consent to administer general anesthesia.

General Anesthesia. Music to my ears. Better option than death. Effect came quickly.

I woke up the next morning and my first thought was, pain is gone. Life is great.

I stayed a night in ICU, a night in high dependency ward and a night in normal ward. I had a tube coming out of my stomach, draining remaining blood from the rupture. Went home on Sunday, took out dressing on Wednesday. I had keyhole surgery and was surprised to see the wounds are less then 1 cm long. Like how is that possible? You are awesome at your job.

To the doctors and especially the nurses (severely underrated job) who saved and looked after me in KK. Thank you.

Did I feel upset about the miscarriage. Not really. I was thinking if that was abnormal reaction. I don’t think so.

I know that scientifically, miscarriages usually happen for a good reason. And I’ve always been pro-choice, it seems hypocritical to be able to view abortions objectively, yet get emotional over miscarriages. Lastly, I love eating eggs.

I feel good, I feel grand. I survived all that shit. Why wouldn’t I be?

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If you think you should have my Tumblr username because I’m not active...

Here is me being active.

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Russell’s First Concert

Had his first public performance recently, during the graduation concert for his school’s graduating class of Kindergarten 2. The kids had to perform in front of about 200 parents.

Fancy.

For my own Kindergarten graduation, eons ago, we just took individual pictures behind a backdrop the Merlion, retired Sentosa Skytrain and Changi Airport Tower.

North Korean-ish.

During the concert, there were about 15 little performances. According to the programme sheet, his class would perform two items. I can’t tell you how excited I was for his turn. His class was the 6th item.

Before each performance, 2 representatives from each class would introduce the item. Somewhere along the lines of “Hi, my name is so and so, I’m from class Kindergarten 1. We will be performing Limba Zumba. Please enjoy.”

Russell is shy by nature, he needs time to warm up to new people, and he’s not comfortable being in the limelight. Early this year, his class performed a song for Chinese New Year celebrations in school. All his classmates performed except him, because he was busy crying and clinging on to me like I was about to throw him off a cliff.

So imagine my surprise when he sheepishly emerged from the front curtain, stood in the middle of the stage with a microphone and started to address to 200 people.

What!

He started swaying from side to side and mumble “… … … … … Jun-You … … … … … “ There were some good natured laughter and then he slipped behind the curtains.

LOL!

Then the tears came.

Tried hard not to show my happy tears because Marcus would laugh at me. I thought I’m over the hormonally imbalance period where I turn to mush whenever he do something trivial, like poop.

Kids….they are SO CUTE.

The rest of the performance was entertaining for me. He wasn't amazing, like ha, that's his talent right there. But you're proud because he's your son and you can't help it. My standards ain't high. Concert ticket - $15 Entertainment Value - Better than Cirque du Soleil!

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I want to go into your stomach and eat all your watermelon!!

Russell talking in his sleep.

I think he's weird.