starberri1

[starberri1]

I listen to your voice, afraid to sleep,

Knowing that tomorrow I'll no longer be able to hear it.

I'll miss you so much mysta, but maybe this can be a learning experience. It might sound cringe, but I'll learn from the pain.

[starberri1]

July 11, 2023 Dearest Liebling,,

So much time has passed and yet I'm still unable to move past what we had. Perhaps I miss you, or it might be more on the fact that I miss what we had. It was short-lived, just as my friend's say. What a fool I was for believing in words uttered without weight. I apologize for assuming, but can you really blame me? I know very well both of us were at fault for what had transpired between us.

Although there is much to talk about, I believe I shouldn't dwell anymore on that. Because I know an opportunity where we can have a decent conversation is almost near impossible. I am too afraid to approach or even be near you, and I understand that you are also uncomfortable with my presence. Which is why I settled for this, a letter online. Silly, I know, but I've always been this way. I wish we could talk about what happened, perhaps to clear things up for me, like closure. Alas, it seems to be an unavailable option for me. Why am I so hung up on you? Who knows, really. I think its because I've never experienced such closeness with someone. The touch that feels so natural, the presence so calming it numbs any form of fear, it all felt like a dream. And everyone knows that dreams are too good to be true. But I enjoyed being by your side so much that I couldn't even distinguish the time we spent together. It might have been a laughable two weeks, but to me, it felt much much longer than that. I also wanted it to last longer. Through what I've experienced, I had become afraid of commitment. The thought of committing and giving all that I have, including someone in my future, it was all too much for me. Even so, it was different with you. It was as if all the fear I has was washed away. Like being barefoot on a sandy beach, feeling the refreshing waves on your skin. Pathetic isn't it? Nevertheless, that's just the way I felt about you. I don't know if what I felt was 'like' or 'love'. All I know is that this isn't the way you should feel between two "friends". Remember the guy I was with before you? My time with that guy lasted longer, but I wanted us to last even longer than that. I can't even begin to compare the both of you. I was just, happier with you. That's all. I'd be lying if I said I stopped hoping that our paths would meet again. If I hadn't ran away, would we still be together? is a question I always ask myself whenever I think of you. It's a foolish thought, I know, I know. I just can't help myself. Nonetheless, I know it's time to stop. With the end of a school year, comes with the end of this longing. This letter is me finally pouring water on a dying ember, which has held on for far too long. This is good for me, and perhaps even for you, too. I wish you well, find someone who isn't a coward, and make sure to take care of them well, okay? Thank you for the experience, despite it being short-lived. And with this, my letter arrives to it's conclusion. Leb wohl, mein Schatz.

[starberri1]

I weep and I weep

I wait and I wait

But when the sun sets

Nothing will ever change.

The abandoned will remain abandoned

The forgotten will remain forgotten

History will repeat

And the fool will stay the same.

[starberri1]

Like a ribbon, worn and torn

I thought what we have could always go on

Holding on despite the storms that have passed.

This friendship, Our ribbon

It was never meant to last.

I gripped it tightly, made knots so that it wouldn't tear

Despite the other ribbons, I prayed that this one would stay

Regardless of the future, the hardships,

I hoped for this friendship would remain the same.

I hoped for our ribbon to never fray.

But alas, the fool will always be a fool.

I never thought, I never noticed

That the ribbon I've been holding on to, so tightly on my end

For the other side, had already been left abandoned and unkept.

[starberri1]

everyday I experience disappointment

[starberri1]

[ REQUIRES CLIPPY ] CLIP STUDIO BRUSHES 

tae's painting set - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1933206

sb_Brushes_2 - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1933250

[starberri1]

[ FREE CLIP STUDIO BRUSHES ]

OBONGBONG'S PEN - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1764235 rkgk pencil - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1737693 Bamboo Pencil - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1731066 Uneven Ink Pen - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1956946

[starberri1]

[ FREE CLIP STUDIO BRUSHES ]

DB Flat - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1959470 Single Oozing Ink - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1781271 S alcohol marker Wind Brush Set - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1957206

[starberri1]

[ FREE CLIP STUDIO BRUSHES ]

The brush - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1983682 Magic Agent Brushes - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1981286 Scrungly Brush Pack - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1983091 MMP set - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1983078

[starberri1]

Hello everyone! ✨ I just put up the new brush pack P9 for clip studio paint on my itchio and I'm SO excited to share it with all of you!! 🥳💖💖💖

SO many textures here and a sneak peek of what I'm going to be experimenting with for the next pack - Blending Brushes! I'm so excited!! :3c 💖💖💖

[starberri1]

[ FREE CLIP STUDIO BRUSHES ]

eXpressure NT FREE by Zhillustrator - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1911413 eXpressure 2 FREE by Zhillustrator - https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1983646

[starberri1]

No one asked but here’s a brief tutorial on digital underpainting and how it can add some extra flavor to your art!

(I got asked this a couple times so just to clarify: I used “overlay” in the second slide… but the rest of these examples are JUST painted on, no effects! Try playing with the opacity on your pencil/water/brush tool to allow the base color to show through!)

[starberri1]

I suffer the consequences of my own actions

[starberri1]

Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the time where I was born, with my memories and relive my life and done things better

[starberri1]

I look at you and I remember that I fucked it up

I look at you and I instantly shut up

[starberri1]

I've become even more insecure

I want this to stop

I want to like myself more

[starberri1]

I wish I was likeable

I wish I was prettier

I wish I was smarter

I wish I wasn't so angry

I wish I was funny

If I was likeable, I wouldn't be lonely

If I was prettier, I would like myself more

If I was smarter, I'd be more confident in myself

If I wasn't so angry, I wouldn't yell at people anymore

If I was funny, I'd make people laugh

Maybe If I was someone else, I'd be more significant

Someone who isn't so forgettable.