stardust-in-my-mind-blog
stardust-in-my-mind-blog
Stardust In My Mind
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Chaotic Balance
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 28 minutes ago
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I am going to sleep
with the biggest smile
on these lips.
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 hours ago
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-Ana Rodrigues, Poetry of Love (2023)-
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 hours ago
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Art by Rachel Eaton
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 hours ago
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Art by Ana M
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 hours ago
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Stargazer by Assia Maeve Wynn
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 6 hours ago
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don't get sad instead buy your son ninja swords and yourself new markers and some sweet smelling candles to light those bitches up
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 10 hours ago
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omg trigger days are exhausting
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 10 hours ago
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‘SO EVERY NIGHT , I BECOME THE STARLIGHT AND SHINE‘
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 12 hours ago
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this is so Elwing coded
[Bella Dayne as Helen of Troy in Troy: Fall of a City]
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 12 hours ago
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BELLA DAYNE AS HELEN OF TROY IN TROY: FALL OF A CITY (2018).
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 12 hours ago
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youtube
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 12 hours ago
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iphigenia
I pointed at my throat
and lifted my chin
and told you to do it
take my life
and say the words
you can never take back
I put the most tender part of me
let you take it in your hands
bring it to your altar
but I noticed there were no flowers
just fire and a copper dagger
but I'm your daughter
I knew my voice was silent
in your ears and the light
was gone from your eyes
you didn't recognize me anymore
I said to you finally
this time you heard me
if it is to happen then
let there be no struggle
and there wasn't
I didn't even feel the blade
just woke up another ghost
my blood all over your hands
and you called it wine
but I was holy water
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 12 hours ago
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that desire to run away
there was something about the room arrangement
the company and the hand sculpture
completely different but triggering something feral
a festering pain in the darkness of me
that was a vengeful ghost only to be banished
by speaking their name and foul deeds aloud
and poetry is meant to be read aloud
thank you for being my witness
the scene I found myself in reminded
that scared and very small part of me of
my childhood and in a desperate moment
I knew and felt every memory that rose up
I remembered what it was like to
want to love somebody
my own mother in fact
isn't there something wrong with you
when you can't love your own mother
just fundamentally in some way
I always felt that way
but my mother was a sick danger to me
she gave me the feeling of seeing a rabid animal
you know it can't help its foaming mouth
and there's such pain behind those hateful eyes
but you have to obey as a daughter child
consent is something they teach in the future
the sad truth is that I had a hard time even liking her
as she got worse everyone seemed to
but everyone else could get away
but how can you hate your own mother?
it goes against even biology
my love was never love but fear of consequences
I tried everything to forget her painful hands
but she hit me all the time
and everyone else believed she had a right to
it was also done to them as a child
what does it mean if she's wrong?
she was dangerous to me
with everyone else's approval
and I was supposed to be grateful
my fear and pain she inspired
according to my family would help me become
a better person and citizen
then again none of my family seemed to fit
that description either so I was suspect
maybe they just got off hitting and abusing kids
I was a daughter which meant I was often
left with her and her triggers were never consistent
just her physical and emotional violence
words were weapons and if I reacted the wrong way
it only got to much worse with her hands
I was often yelled at for crying then
because I was making her the bad guy
for my child body's natural release for overwhealm
life with her was daily psychological torture
but I still feel guilty sometimes for abandoning her
it's the absolute worst thing you can do to a parent
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 13 hours ago
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please. stop. thinking.
it's funny how my anxiety
wants to gnaw on my thoughts like bones
but there really isn't that much to chew
there used to be more
maybe I'm still just really tired
I can feel my mind still trying to calcuate
to make something mechanical
the gears want to shift and cycle
but nothing is happening
every time there is a structural change
in my life everything gets squirrelly
like this is the time I will drop into the void
this is the time it will be too much
and I'll spontaneously combust
let's worry about every aspect of it
yes, it's going to be hard
and yes, everything feels hard
but once we adapt it's never so bad
I must have been like this before
I just wasn't aware of it
now I'm aware of it
plus, if I spontaneously combust
I won't really have to worry about anything
I have more plans that will likely fall through
but everything I've done and tried got me here
and I quite like it here so maybe
it'll all turn out just fine
and we can think about something slightly positive?
or at very least make a grocery list
not that I'll follow it
brain I love you
but please shut the fuck up
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 14 hours ago
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A Walk at Twilight
Vincent van Gogh, 1890
Oil on canvas, 52 × 47 cm, MASP, São Paulo, Brazil
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 14 hours ago
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Crepúsculo (Twilight) (1890) by Ulpiano Checa Sanz
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 14 hours ago
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