starksponds

[starksponds]

can you make a kyle x f! reader where they are playing basketball together but reader really sucks and kyle helps them get better?

Part two on this?

Requests open!

The gym echoed with the squeak of sneakers and the dull thunk of basketballs bouncing against the polished floor. You sighed, clutching the ball tightly in your hands as you tried, for the seventh time, to sink it into the hoop. The ball smacked off the backboard, clanged against the rim, and rolled away in defeat.

“Okay,” you muttered to yourself, “this game officially hates me.”

From across the court, Kyle Broflovski chuckled. He jogged over, his curly red hair bouncing slightly with each step, and picked up the runaway ball. “It’s not that bad. You’re just… aiming like you’re trying to throw it into space.”

You shot him a mock glare. “Thanks for the encouragement, Coach.”

Kyle smirked, spinning the ball between his hands before passing it back to you. “Come on, I’ll help you. You’ll get it. Promise.”

You raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “And if I don’t?”

“Then,” he said with a grin, “I’ll buy you a Slushee after this. Deal?”

Your lips curved into a reluctant smile. “Fine. But don’t blame me when you’re broke from buying all my consolation Slushees.”

Kyle stepped closer, his voice softening a little. “Okay, so first—don’t throw the ball like you’re trying to launch it. Just use your legs, bend your knees, and flick your wrist at the end.” He stood behind you, gently adjusting your arms into position. His hands brushed yours, warm and steady, and you could feel your face heat up.

You tried again, this time following his directions. The ball arced toward the hoop, kissed the rim—then, miraculously, fell through the net.

Your eyes widened. “No way. Did I just…?”

Kyle grinned proudly. “See? I told you you could do it!”

You laughed, bouncing on your toes with excitement. “Okay, that was kind of awesome. Teach me more.”

As the game went on, you kept missing some shots, but Kyle never once let you get discouraged. Every time you failed, he cheered louder for the times you succeeded. Eventually, you were both laughing so hard you could barely focus on the ball.

By the end of the night, you collapsed onto the bleachers, sweaty and exhausted but happier than you’d been in a while. Kyle sat down beside you, tossing you his water bottle.

“You’re not bad,” he said, bumping his shoulder against yours. “You just needed the right teacher.”

You smiled, catching his green eyes for just a moment longer than usual. “Guess I owe you a Slushee, huh?”

Kyle smirked, shaking his head. “Nope. A deal’s a deal. I owe you one.”

And somehow, the idea of sitting across from Kyle with bright-colored Slushees in hand felt even better than finally making that basket.

[starksponds]

could u write some stuff abt the main 4 x an inexperienced/shy reader? like the awkward and cute moments of first kisses! and hugging! things like that :3

Yes!

Requests open

Stan

It’s late in the evening, and you’re at Stan’s house for one of those laid back hangouts that don’t really have an agenda. The two of you end up outside on his porch swing, gently rocking as the sky shifts from orange to purple. The air is chilly enough that you keep rubbing your hands together, though you try to hide it.

Stan notices, he always does. “You cold?”

You shake your head quickly. “No, I’m fine.”

He’s not convinced. Sliding a little closer, his arm hovers uncertainly before resting across your shoulders. The warmth makes you stiffen, heart pounding so loudly you’re sure he can hear. Noticing, he immediately pulls back.

“Oh crap, sorry,” he blurts, voice nervous. “I didn’t mean to, like, I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no!” The words tumble out too fast, your cheeks burning. “I just… I’m not used to it.”

His expression softens into something so tender it makes your chest ache. “Yeah. Same here. We can… take it slow, okay?”

You nod, allowing him to rest his arm around you again. After a few moments, you relax enough to lean your head on his shoulder. He toys with the strings of his hoodie, clearly overthinking. Finally, he clears his throat.

“So… I’ve kind of been wanting to ask you this for a while.”

You glance up. “Ask me what?”

His eyes drop to his shoes. “If I could kiss you. Just once. Not a big thing. Just… yeah.”

Your stomach flips. “O-okay.”

He looks surprised but smiles shyly. He leans in slowly, painfully slowly, giving you every chance to back out. You don’t. The first attempt is clumsy, your noses bumping, both of you laughing nervously. The second time, though, your lips meet. It’s soft and awkward, over in a heartbeat, but when he pulls back, he’s grinning like a little kid.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” he whispers.

You can’t stop smiling. “Not bad at all.”

For the rest of the night, neither of you mentions it, but his hand never leaves yours.

⸻

Kyle

Kyle’s room is scattered with textbooks, loose papers, and a half-finished essay on his desk. You’re supposed to be studying, but instead the two of you sit cross legged on the carpet, controllers in hand, trying out a video game.

You’ve been losing badly, but your focus isn’t on the game, it’s on how close Kyle sits, your knees brushing every time he shifts. He notices too; you catch him sneaking glances when he thinks you’re not looking.

Finally, he groans, tossing his controller aside. “Okay, screw this. I can’t focus.”

You blink. “On the game?”

“No, on, like, everything. I’ve been trying to do something all day, and if I don’t do it now, I’m gonna explode.”

Your pulse jumps. “Do what?”

Instead of answering, he scoots over and hugs you tightly. You freeze, heat rushing to your face, and he blurts, “Sorry! I just, I really wanted to do that.”

Slowly, you hug him back. “It’s okay. I… liked it.”

His ears flush red. Pulling away just slightly, he searches your face. “Then maybe I can…” His voice trails off, but the way he leans closer says enough.

Your breath catches, but you don’t move. He kisses you, quick, soft, hesitant. You barely process the warmth before he jerks back, panic in his eyes.

“Crap, was that awful? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

“Kyle,” you cut in, smiling shyly. “It was fine. Really.”

Relief washes over him. “Okay. Good. Because I was thinking maybe we could, uh, practice. Y’know, so it doesn’t suck next time.”

You laugh, heart racing. “Deal.”

⸻

Kenny

The air is colder than usual as you and Kenny walk home from school, the sky gray and threatening snow. Hugging your arms to your chest, you try to hide your shiver. Kenny notices instantly.

“Here.” He shrugs off his hoodie despite your protests. “Take it.”

“But then you’ll be cold,” you argue.

He smirks, eyes crinkling above his half-zipped jacket. “Please. I’ve survived worse. Just wear it.”

You give in, pulling the oversized hoodie over your head. It smells like Kenny, faint cologne mixed with something that’s just him. It nearly swallows you whole, and he chuckles. “Looks better on you anyway.”

Your cheeks warm, and the two of you fall into a comfortable silence, sneaking glances as you walk. When you finally reach your house, you linger by the gate, neither wanting to say goodbye.

Kenny scratches his neck. “Uh… can I hug you? Or is that weird?”

Your voice is softer than intended. “It’s not weird.”

He steps forward, wrapping you in his arms. His hug is warm, strong, protective. You relax against him, heart racing. Resting his chin lightly on your head, he murmurs, “You’re really cute when you’re all shy, y’know that?”

You start to protest, but he tilts your face up and brushes his lips against yours. The kiss is rushed, clumsy, gone in a second, but it leaves you breathless. Pulling back quickly, his cheeks flush.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I couldn’t help it.”

You shake your head, smiling despite your nerves. “Don’t be sorry.”

His grin spreads, brighter than usual. “Good. Because I’m definitely gonna do that again.”

⸻

Cartman

Cartman’s basement smells faintly of chips and soda, leftovers from a half-hearted attempt at game night. You ditched the game midway, now sitting on the floor, half-laughing at his ridiculous commentary.

Out of nowhere, he blurts, “You know, you’re actually… not terrible to hang out with.”

You laugh, raising a brow. “That’s your version of a compliment?”

“Take it or leave it,” he mutters, ears red. He keeps sneaking glances, then looking away like he’s been caught. Suddenly, he jumps to his feet.

“What are you doing?” you ask, amused.

“Just, shut up,” he grumbles, dropping back down beside you, closer than before. His face is serious, though his voice wavers. “Look, I’m just gonna do this, and you’re not allowed to make it a big deal.”

Before you can respond, he hugs you. It’s stiff, awkward, but when you hug back, he relaxes just a little.

“You’re so awkward,” you whisper, smiling into his shoulder.

“Yeah, well, so are you,” he mutters, though without his usual bite. His grip tightens briefly before he blurts, “Okay, I’m gonna kiss you now, so don’t freak out.”

You barely register before he leans in, pressing his lips to yours. It’s quick, more of a bump than a kiss, leaving you both stunned. He pulls back instantly, face flaming.

“That was… whatever,” he mumbles, avoiding your gaze. “It sucked.”

But when he notices your smile, his expression softens. “Okay, maybe it didn’t

[starksponds]

Had my first day of school today and i have an eye on the new boy

[starksponds]

heyy could you do dating hcs for the main 4 + butters!

🪐 anon!

Hi! I believe i already did some for most of the boys but just lmk which ones i didn’t do!

[starksponds]

I took my adhd meds and not i can’t stop organizing stuff… it’s a sign to work on my master list sigh

[starksponds]

Hey I found your page scrolling! Uhhh could you maybe write some headcanons about towlie?, I love that guy 😔❤️.

Yeah! These are mainly based on all the human towlie art i see but i could go both ways!

Requests open!

Towelie is the type of guy who will act like he has his life together but then you see him get distracted mid conversation because he suddenly remembered he left something in the microwave like three hours ago. He is surprisingly responsible in short bursts but then completely loses track of everything five minutes later. He has this energy where he tries really hard to look cool but then ends up embarrassing himself in a way that somehow makes him more likable.

He is way more resourceful than people give him credit for. Like, if someone needed advice on how to hide something or improvise in a weird situation, Towelie would somehow have a trick for it. He has spent so much of his life stumbling around in different kinds of messes that he has picked up little survival tactics. They are usually very unconventional but sometimes they actually work better than normal methods.

Towelie will give random advice that sounds dumb at first but then sits in your head and makes more sense the more you think about it. For example, he will say something like “sometimes you just gotta dry yourself out before you get wet again” and at first it seems like complete nonsense, but later you realize he might actually be dropping wisdom in his own strange way.

He would one hundred percent get way too emotionally invested in shows or games. He is the kind of guy who cries during cartoons or gets mad at video game characters even though he forgets what he was doing ten minutes later. He will also spoil shows for himself by accidentally looking them up while trying to remember the name of an actor.

Towelie has random bursts of motivation where he decides he wants to pick up a new hobby. One week he is completely obsessed with learning guitar and talks about it non stop, then the next week he has abandoned that and is suddenly into baking or skateboarding. He always has half finished projects lying around but he never really feels bad about it. He just kind of shrugs and says he will come back to it eventually.

For all his flaws, he is actually really fun to hang out with. He makes boring situations feel less dull because he will always end up saying something outrageous or doing something ridiculous. He has this way of making you laugh when you really need it, even if it is not on purpose.

He is terrible with schedules. If you make plans with Towelie, expect him to either show up an hour late or three hours early. There is no in between. He is also the kind of person who forgets what day it is constantly, so sometimes you will get a random call from him at midnight asking if you still wanted to hang out when you did not even plan anything with him.

Even though he seems lazy, he actually has moments where he gets very thoughtful and reflective. He has seen a lot of chaos and bad decisions in his life, so sometimes he will just quietly talk about how he is trying to do better. He knows he has problems but he does not try to hide it, and that kind of honesty is weirdly refreshing.

[starksponds]

I rlly need to update my master list sigh

[starksponds]

So.... headcannons of Kenny finding readers sketch book, and there's drawings of the two of them kissing ?

(Before Kenny and reader start dating)

Do these work?

Requests open!

Also spam posting my drafts

Kenny would probably stumble across your sketchbook by accident. Maybe you left it open on your desk while you went to grab a snack, or he was just flipping through it because he was curious about your art. At first, he’s just impressed because you’re actually good at drawing. He’s flipping through pages thinking “damn, these are sick.” But then he lands on the page where you drew the two of you kissing, and it completely stops him in his tracks.

For a second he thinks he’s imagining it, like maybe he’s just reading too much into it. But nope, it’s definitely him and you, and you made it look really romantic too. His heart starts pounding and he immediately feels his face heat up under his hood. Kenny is not the best at hiding when he’s flustered, so the second you walk back in and see him holding your sketchbook, you already know what page he’s on because of the guilty deer-in-headlights look he gives you.

He would probably try to laugh it off at first, like make some joke about “wow, I didn’t know I looked this hot on paper.” But he’s secretly thrilled. He cannot stop smiling and he’s biting his lip because he thinks it’s the sweetest thing in the world. He’d probably tease you a little, asking if you had been daydreaming about kissing him even before you two were actually together. He loves the idea that you were crushing on him that hard, and honestly it makes him feel special because Kenny doesn’t always feel like people see him that way.

Later on, he’d keep bringing it up in a playful way, just to watch you get flustered. But if he noticed you were actually embarrassed, he’d soften up and tell you that it meant a lot to him. He’d admit that he always wanted to kiss you too, and he’d probably try to recreate the drawing in real life by leaning in and kissing you right then and there.

And knowing Kenny, he’d absolutely ask to keep that page or at least take a picture of it. Not to show anyone, because he actually respects how personal it is, but because he secretly wants to look at it when he’s alone. It would be one of those little things he treasures way more than he admits out loud.

[starksponds]

(I love your writing! ❤️)

Can we get some Michael dating hcs?

Yeah! Here u go🐰

Requests open

Dating Michael is a very unique experience, because he’s someone who pretends to not care about anything but in reality he feels things very deeply. He might not always be the most openly affectionate at first, but he shows he cares in quieter, subtle ways. If you are with him, you’ll notice he remembers little details you mention and brings them up later, like your favorite band or the way you like your coffee. He acts like it is no big deal, but really it is his way of showing he pays attention to you.

Michael loves spending time in quiet places with you. That could mean hanging out in the park at night, sitting on the bleachers after school, or just listening to music together without talking. He thinks silence is comfortable, not awkward, and he likes that he can just exist with you without needing to force conversation. But when he does talk, you’ll realize he has a lot of interesting thoughts and he enjoys having deep conversations with you about life, art, and music.

Even though he has that goth, detached vibe, Michael actually gets flustered when it comes to romance. If you hold his hand or kiss him, he will act like it is not a big deal, but his ears will turn pink and you will catch him smiling when he thinks you are not looking. He hates being teased about it, but it is very clear that he secretly enjoys the affection.

Michael is the kind of boyfriend who will recommend bands, poems, or books that he thinks you will like, and he’ll get excited if you take an interest in the things he shares. He also appreciates when you introduce him to your interests, even if they are completely different from his. He might act like he is too cool for something, but he will actually listen and pay attention just because it matters to you.

When it comes to friends, Michael is pretty private. He doesn’t care about impressing anyone, but if he is dating you, he will bring you into his small circle. His friends will tease him, but he doesn’t mind because he likes having you around. He values loyalty above anything, so if you stand by him and make an effort to understand his world, he will trust you completely.

Michael might not always say “I love you” right away, but he will show it through actions. He will lend you his hoodie, walk you home even if it is out of his way, and defend you if anyone talks down to you. He does not need to be flashy with his affection, but you will always feel safe and cared for around him.

[starksponds]

Who is a character you just HATE from southpark 😳.

Ik this is not popular but Randy ONLY because of his whole tegirty farms season. After it finished, the show wasn’t the same

[starksponds]

Hahaha who wants to gift me discord nitro just kidding maybe not yes i need it ahhahahah

[starksponds]

Okay so idk if you guys would like this, but this is my like protective Kyle x reader fanfic. Should i keep it a one shot or make a part two?

Requests open

It was midwinter in South Park, the kind of bitter cold that sank into your bones no matter how many layers you wore. You tugged your scarf tighter around your neck as you trudged through the slushy snow toward school. The sidewalks were packed with icy patches, kids shoving past one another, slipping and laughing. Somewhere behind you, you could already hear Cartman’s voice echoing obnoxiously through the street, and you rolled your eyes.

“Hey, wait up!” Kyle’s voice cut through the noise.

You slowed your steps and looked over your shoulder. He was jogging to catch up, his hat pulled low, green jacket zipped up to his chin. His cheeks were red from the cold, curls peeking out from under the edges of his ushanka. When he reached you, his hand brushed yours for a second before he shoved both hands back in his pockets.

“You should have waited for me. You know how slippery it is out here.” He looked down at your boots, then at the sheet of ice spread across the sidewalk. “One wrong step and you could’ve cracked your head open.”

You laughed softly. “I think I can handle walking, Kyle.”

“Yeah, well, I’d rather not test it.” He shifted closer, walking beside you like a guard dog. You noticed how his eyes flicked at every loud noise, every kid running too close, every shove in the crowd.

⸻

By the time you both got to school, Cartman had already started running his mouth about something. Predictably, it was directed at you.

“Look at that, Broflovski,” Cartman sneered, smirking as he leaned against his locker. “Your little girlfriend can’t even walk down the street without you babysitting her. What are you, her bodyguard? Should we all chip in to buy you a leash?”

Kyle’s head snapped up immediately. His fists clenched, and he stepped forward before you could even say anything.

“Shut the hell up, Cartman.” His voice was sharp, louder than usual, carrying down the hallway. “You don’t get to talk about her like that.”

You tugged on Kyle’s sleeve gently, whispering, “Kyle, it’s fine. He’s just being Cartman.”

“No,” Kyle shot back, still glaring at Cartman. “It’s not fine. He doesn’t get to disrespect you.” His green eyes were blazing, his entire body tense, and you could see the way his jaw locked like he was ready to throw a punch if Cartman said one more word.

Cartman, of course, did say one more word, but before you knew it, Kyle had grabbed your hand, pulled you past him, and steered you down the hall. His grip was firm, protective, like he wasn’t letting you go until you were out of range.

“Sorry,” he muttered once you were away from the crowd. His voice softened, but the edge of anger was still there. “I just… I hate when he talks about you. I hate when anyone talks about you like that.”

You squeezed his hand back. “Kyle… you don’t have to fight all my battles.”

“Maybe not,” he admitted, glancing down at you with that stubborn frown that meant he wasn’t budging, “but I’m not gonna let anyone make you feel small. Not while I’m around.”

⸻

That was just the start. Over the next week, Kyle’s protectiveness only grew. If someone bumped into you in the hallway, his hand was instantly at your back, steadying you. If the weather was too cold, he shoved his gloves into your hands no matter how much you protested. If anyone even looked like they were about to give you a hard time, Kyle was already stepping between you and them, his stance practically screaming try me.

At lunch, he sat close enough that his shoulder brushed yours, keeping an eye on the cafeteria like it was enemy territory. When you teased him about being paranoid, he just shook his head.

“You don’t get it,” he said seriously. “I know this town. I know how people are. And I’m not letting you deal with it alone. Ever.”

[starksponds]

Can we get romantic headcannons of butters?

Yes!

Requests open

Butters is a total hopeless romantic. He spends a lot of time daydreaming about his crush, scribbling their name in his notebook, or even practicing sweet things he wants to say in the mirror.

He’s gentle and always paying attention. If you casually mention a favorite candy, he’ll show up with it the next day, even if it meant trading away half his lunch.

Making his partner happy is his biggest goal. If you’re upset, he’ll panic for a second before rushing to cheer you up with silly impressions or a flower he picked on the way over.

His gestures are cheesy but come straight from the heart. Expect handwritten letters, goofy poems, or a playlist carefully made just for you.

When it comes to affection, he’s shy. Holding hands in public makes his face go bright red, but he won’t let go. A kiss on the cheek will leave him frozen in happy embarrassment for minutes.

He might not be the toughest kid, but he’s braver than he realizes. If someone is rude to you, he’ll step in, even if his voice shakes while he’s doing it.

Butters loves traditions. He’ll remember anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, even the date of the first time you hung out. Little milestones mean everything to him.

He’s also the sweetest texter. You’d get a “good morning” and “goodnight” message every single day without fail. His emojis might be random and silly, but his sincerity is crystal clear.

[starksponds]

Do you write for the goth kids? Could you write a hc (fluff or general!) about dating Pete Thelman?

Here u go!

Requests open

Dating Pete Thelman is a mix of quiet comfort and unexpected tenderness. He is not the type of guy to make big romantic gestures or pour his heart out in long speeches, but that does not mean he does not care. In fact, with Pete, it feels like every little thing he does is intentional, even if it is subtle. He shows his affection in ways that might go unnoticed to other people, but to you, they mean a lot. Things like saving you a spot beside him whenever you are hanging out with the other goth kids, or handing you his lighter when your candle burns down, or even quietly offering you a sip of his coffee without saying a word.

Pete is reserved and has this sort of calm, brooding energy that actually makes being around him feel grounding. You never feel like you have to force a conversation with him, because he is perfectly fine with just existing in silence with you. He actually enjoys those moments the most, sitting side by side with you while music plays, maybe the Cure or Bauhaus, and not needing to fill the air with words. He thinks it is the most genuine way to connect with someone. If you are comfortable enough to just be, then he knows it is real.

Even though he tries to play it cool, he does get a little shy when it comes to actual affection. Holding hands with him is not always something he initiates, but when you reach for him, he does not pull away. He kind of just lets it happen, and if anything, he holds on tighter than you expect. He has this habit of fidgeting with your rings or sleeves when he is holding your hand, like he needs something to keep his nerves in check. And if anyone teases him about it, he will absolutely brush it off with a sarcastic remark, but you can tell his ears get a little pink.

Pete is surprisingly protective in a quiet way. He is not the type to make a big scene, but if someone is bothering you, he has this cold glare that can shut people down fast. He will never let anyone disrespect you, but he does it in his own understated style. He would rather just stand between you and the problem, making it clear that he is on your side without needing to raise his voice.

When it comes to dates, Pete is not flashy. He likes things that feel lowkey and meaningful. Wandering around a record store with you, sitting at a coffee shop late at night, sneaking out to watch the stars, or hanging out at the cemetery with candles are his favorite kinds of nights. He thinks anything can be romantic as long as you are there with him. Sometimes he even writes little scraps of poetry, though he would probably deny it if you ever asked. If you happened to find one stuffed in his notebook, he would act like it was nothing, but deep down, it would mean a lot that you read it.

Even though he is quiet, Pete listens to everything you say. He remembers the small details about your life, the bands you like, your favorite kind of tea, the book you said you wanted to read. And without announcing it, he will surprise you with something that proves he was paying attention. Maybe he finds a patch of a band you mentioned and gives it to you, or maybe he burns you a CD with songs he thinks you will like. He is not loud about his feelings, but he is incredibly thoughtful.

Being with Pete means having someone who makes the world feel less overwhelming. He does not pressure you to be anything other than yourself. With him, you can let go of the noise of everything else and just exist in your own little world together. It is not dramatic or over the top, but it is steady, real, and comforting.

[starksponds]

please (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

make a headcannon of Kenny's reaction if he adopted a pet with reader

(sorry for My English :( )

Of course!

Requests open

If you and Kenny ever adopted a pet together, he would take it way more seriously than anyone expected. At first he would probably joke about it like, “Well I guess we’re parents now,” but deep down he actually means it. He feels a weird kind of pride in having something to take care of with you.

Kenny would probably want a cat or a small dog, something he could sneak into his room without his family noticing right away. When he first sees the pet, he immediately bonds with it. He’s the type to sit on the floor and let it crawl into his lap before even thinking about anything else.

He acts like he’s laid back about it, but he’s actually super protective. If the pet makes a little noise in the middle of the night, he’s instantly awake, checking on it. He’ll carry it around in his hoodie pocket if it’s small enough. He loves showing you how the pet reacts to him, kind of proud that it seems to like him so quickly.

Kenny definitely gives the pet a silly nickname. Even if you agree on a normal name, he’ll shorten it or twist it into something ridiculous, and then keep using that until the pet responds.

What really gets him though is watching you with the pet. The way you smile when it snuggles up to you makes his chest feel tight. He’ll pretend to laugh it off, but it means a lot to him. He never had much stability growing up, so having you and this little creature to look after makes him feel like he finally has something good that’s his.

He would probably talk about the future more because of it too. Like jokingly asking what kind of pet you’ll adopt next, or saying things like, “If this thing survives us, maybe we’re actually responsible enough for the real world.” It’s half a joke, but half him testing the waters of how far you see the two of you going together.

And if anyone tried to tease him about it, he wouldn’t even care. Kenny’s used to people making fun of him, but this is different. He’d just shrug and keep caring for the pet because at the end of the day, it’s yours and his little thing, and that makes him happier than he knows how to say.

[starksponds]

1.posting drafts

2. Still need to update my masterlist

[starksponds]

could you do a wizard cartman x fem reader like from the stick of truth. you can choose the plot but can you make it that he has a secret crush on her!

🪐 anon!

Yes! I’m finally out of my little depression from school starting! Hope u like it!

Requests open!

You had been dragged into the Kingdom of Kupa Keep almost by force. Well, not really force. Cartman had more or less cornered you in the school hallway and declared, loudly, that “a maiden of your superior beauty and unmatched intelligence” was required for the safety of the realm. You tried to ignore the way he stammered a little on the word beauty, but everyone else definitely noticed.

Now you were standing in his backyard, which had been transformed into Kupa Keep’s royal courtyard. Wooden signs labeled everything, from the armory to the stables, which was just Clyde’s old doghouse. Cartman stood in front of you in full wizard robes, his scepter clutched tightly in his hands, looking extremely serious.

“Welcome, fair maiden, to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!” he bellowed, throwing his arms wide. “I, the Wizard King, have chosen you to assist me on the most dangerous of quests. Only you are worthy enough to accompany me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Why me? Can’t you send, like, Kyle? Or Stan? Or literally anyone else?”

Cartman immediately scoffed. “Pfft. Kyle is a filthy Jew elf who would stab me in the back faster than you can say kosher hot dog, Stan is too busy pining over his girlfriend like the whiny little simp he is, and Kenny… well, Kenny just wants to look up your skirt.” He said this with such confidence that you didn’t know if you should laugh or be offended.

“So what, you’re saying you don’t have ulterior motives?” you teased, crossing your arms.

For the briefest second, Cartman’s face turned bright red under his hood, and he spluttered. “What? Of course not! The Wizard King is above such mortal desires! I have no interest in maidens, fair or otherwise!” His voice cracked just enough to betray him.

You smirked. “Right. Totally believable.”

Despite your doubts, you found yourself pulled into the game anyway. It was hard not to laugh at the way Cartman was so committed to his role, stomping around with his staff and barking orders at Clyde and Butters. When he explained the quest, you realized it was basically a treasure hunt for some random item in the woods by Stark’s Pond.

Still, you agreed to go. Not because you were taking it seriously, but because you had nothing better to do, and though you would not admit it out loud, it was kind of fun seeing Cartman in full Wizard King mode.

The two of you set off after school, Cartman leading the way like he was guiding a small army instead of just the two of you. He kept sneaking glances at you, especially when he thought you were not looking. Every time your shoulder brushed his or you laughed at something dumb he said, he would get this smug little grin, like he had just won some invisible battle.

At one point, you were crossing a shallow creek, and you slipped on the rocks. Cartman, without even thinking, reached out and grabbed your wrist to steady you. His grip was surprisingly firm.

“You gotta watch where you’re stepping, dumbass,” he muttered, but his face was so red you could practically feel the heat radiating off him. He let go almost immediately, holding his staff tighter than before.

“Thanks,” you said quietly, smirking at how flustered he looked.

“Shut up. You didn’t need my help.”

The quest itself turned out to be exactly what you expected. Cartman made up some nonsense about retrieving a sacred relic, which was just a broken lawn ornament hidden in the bushes. But instead of rolling your eyes, you went along with it, pretending to treat it like the legendary artifact he claimed it was.

When you handed it to him with an exaggerated bow, Cartman puffed up proudly. “Yes… yes, at last! With this relic, the Kingdom of Kupa Keep shall reign supreme!”

You could not resist. “Wow, Wizard King. Truly, you are the bravest, smartest, most powerful ruler in all the land.”

His eyes widened just slightly at your words, and then he gave this awkward little cough, clearly trying to play it cool. “Well, yeah, duh. I mean… of course. That’s obvious. But, uh… it’s nice to hear it from someone… you know. Worthy.” His voice dropped on that last word, almost too soft for you to catch.

By the time you walked back to his house, the sky had gone orange with sunset. Cartman paused at the gate, shuffling his feet a little before turning to you.

“You, uh… you did good today,” he said, his usual arrogance toned down. “Most people don’t get it. They just think I’m… stupid. But you actually… played along.”

You smiled at him. “I don’t think you’re stupid. Annoying, yeah. But also kinda fun.”

Cartman stared at you for a second, clearly fighting some internal war. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Finally, he blurted out, “I only picked you ‘cause… cause you’re strong. And smart. And… and you look good in armor. Not that I thought about it! I don’t think about that kinda crap!”

Your heart skipped, and you could not stop the smile that tugged at your lips.