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quote source

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[starlinfae]

How could you NOT fall in love with the glow of the moon and stars, the warmth of the sun, the ancient life within the trees, and the sweet melodies of the winds?

[starlinfae]

Kreetta Jarvenpaa

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New video up! Folks with DID/OSDD are valid regardless of whether or not they remember their trauma - knowing what happened isn’t a requirement! This disorder is meant to confuse, obscure, and make us forget.

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Had a sh episode last night and as per usually we are unclear on what triggered it. I know in general we are irritated by a certain thing, but when it flows into an episode, idk what happens. I just want it to stop.

[starlinfae]

I always greet this shelf with a professional "hello, gentlemen" because they are up to important business here that deserves acknowledgment. The business is being very cute.

[starlinfae]

If something makes you uncomfortable but it does not send you into a flashback, does not give you an anxiety/panic attack, and does not make you shut down and dissociate

It’s not a trigger. Stop calling it that.

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I know that a lot of people say that being a system is really hard but... we don’t seem to mind it? Switches are super easy for us, we’ve always had fairly good communication from the start, we all like each other and our gatekeeper makes it really easy for us to switch only when we should. Is this normal? Is this a sign that it could be something other than did or osdd? I guess I just don’t hear a lot of people talk about experiences like this.

Tw: I don’t know how to describe this, sorry. General content warning

This is a subject I have a lot of feelings about. It’s true that a lot of people, ESPECIALLY on this site go on and on about how horrible DID/OSDD is, and how every moment is strenuous and they cry themselves to sleep every night wishing they were a singlet. And it is true that this is the experience for some folks - every system starts at a different place, and some have to work from the ground up. 

But, with that, every system starts at a different place. Just as some systems start with 0 communication, some start with very easy communication between members. Some systems start hating each other, some systems care about and protect each other from the start.

The mindset that DID/OSDD has to ALWAYS ALWAYS, every waking moment of the day for EVERYONE is something to dread and hate every aspect of, a disorder that brings you only misery and pain - is a mindset that was extremely damaging to us. 

We were a system that started with 0 communication, but with almost no tension between alters - we always have been and are very much a team that’s in it together. Convincing myself (the host) that my system was to be feared and that this was a horrible curse cast upon us did nothing but harm to me and my alters and hinder our healing process. (If you’re interested in that journey, I’ve written about it in a spoken word piece here) Having this mindset just made it take that much longer for me to accept my alters for who they are and start loving all of us. And I’m not gonna lie, while that mindset mostly came from external societal stigma, it also came from systems here on tumblr talking about how DID is ALWAYS HORRIBLE and no one should EVER want it because it makes every day A WAKING NIGHTMARE. I still see posts like this, and it breaks my heart because you can learn to work together and work to improve your situation with your system. It doesn’t always have to be horrible between yourselves and the thing is it shouldn’t be. Believing that pain is all there ever is and can be is a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Anyways, It’s safe to say that yeah, I don’t mind being multiple. I don’t mind having alters and most days I actually love them - because they’re my family. It’s true that having repressed trauma lurking behind a curtain and dissociating isn’t too great, but at this point I can’t change what happened to cause that. It doesn’t make sense for me to hate everyone else here when I can’t make them go away with the snap of my fingers - so I might as well embrace it. We work really good together to manage our life, and I’m so proud of my alters, and I appreciate what they bring to my life every day. 

It would be a lie to say I hate having OSDD - I hate the PTSD that comes with it, but in no way do I hate being a part of a system. My alters have never been the problem, and have never caused an undo amount of stress that greatly exceeds typical interpersonal issues. They’ve always been there for me, and I can’t appreciate that enough. 

So in conclusion, while some people DO experience DID to be a horrible disorder all the time, fight with their system, and say it’s something they wouldn’t wish on anyone - it would be inaccurate to say that’s all it ever is, for everyone. Systems are varied, and at the end of the day, they form to protect you and make you guys function better as a whole. There’s systems out there who work wonderfully together, appreciate each other, have good communication, and don’t mind existing the way they are. 

And that’s ok - It’s ok to acknowledge that our community is varied, and isn’t always centered on constant, unending traumatizing disordered experience. Learning to love my system and enjoy existing the way I am with the rest of the system as my family was the best thing I could’ve ever done for my healing. 

So yeah. You’re valid. The DID/OSDD community is widely varied, and you’re not alone in what you experience. I enjoy being part of a system with my alters, and don’t mind being multiple. Yes, PTSD exists and sucks ass, but my alters? Switching? Sharing a life together? Watching Iris learn to express herself and make friends with other littles? Chatting with Lorianne over evening tea? You can tear the love of my family from my dying hands. 

[starlinfae]

Therapist: I think you have high functioning depression

Me: Bold of you to assume I’m functioning, Karen

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Can we all be a little more careful about how we talk about trauma and DID?

Too frequently I see people who have been pushed into believing that they can’t have DID/OSDD because someone told them that their trauma wasn’t bad enough or didn’t occur during the exact right time period. 

Today I saw a post by someone who had misunderstood the critical period for the formation of DID and thought that unless their trauma happened between the ages of 6 and 9 they couldn’t have DID. They thought that trauma that happened before age six was too early. 

So lets be really clear in the way we speak. DID is caused by childhood trauma between birth and when children typically finish developing a cohesive sense of self. For most children, this occurs around age six but for some children it happens as late as age nine. 

So DID is caused by trauma between birth and age 6 or 9. It is not caused by trauma between ages 6 to 9. 

And on a similar note, can be please stop saying that DID is caused only by the most extreme forms of child abuse? DID is caused by trauma. Trauma includes more than abuse. Some people with DID were never abused. Some people with DID do not consider what they went through “extreme” and hearing these things can be invalidating and send people into denial or keep people from considering DID as a possibility. 

[starlinfae]

No wait one of those memes but it’s “the difference 450 years can make” shared in a vampire community and it’s just almost the exact same photo twice

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the amount of social stigma abused kids have to struggle with is just unreal. I’ve been hearing it from day one that anyone who dares to be openly hurt is only looking for attention.

I’ve been seeing trauma victims stereotyped as oversensitive, needy, trouble and attention seeking, accused of imagining things, and they’re always portrayed as a burden on society and publicly shamed for whatever they’ve gone thru. Any kind of pain or discomfort in children no matter how high, apparently needs to be dealt with as a personal problem and should be kept well away from society who just doesn’t wanna deal with such nonsense.

I’ve seen children who tried to tell the society about abuse only to be shamed, punished and humiliated because “they should have known better” and “they should have taken it better” and “they should just get over themselves”. Even the notion that their life matters and their pain means something and that trauma is devastating their life is looked upon as them being “immature” and “self centered”.

Thanks to all this one big part of being abused and traumatized is the added guilt for needing attention, for needing comfort and reassurance. Survivors are forced to feel selfish and miserable for even considering that it should matter if they’re in pain, that their struggle is important enough to talk about it out loud. We’re told that we’re pathetic and stupid for even thinking we matter, not only by abusers, but by counselors, therapists, media, television, our peers and society at large. How are we supposed to fight it? How are we supposed to heal? How come there’s no path for us to walk on, and the world acts like it would be better if we didn’t exist? We never asked for this. And we don’t deserve it. 

All of this, all of the stigma, shaming, apathy and hatred should fall on abusers. Not. Victims.

[starlinfae]

[starlinfae]

Teh New Glasses